Entirely Overwhelmed: Give Medical School "Dream" Up?

[unknownquestion]

Hi,

One, I am not a troll. I made a new completely anonymous account because this is deeply personal and 100% serious, unfortunately. 🙁

I'm contemplating "giving up my med school dream" because I am scared that I won't be able to "handle it" mental health wise with the stress and anxiety. I don't even know my "chances"... I ended my 1st year with a 3.9-something GPA. Everything was going fantastic in terms of "chances getting into med school". However, in the beginning of sophomore year, I was violently r*ped and have been dealing with PTSD since. I began going to therapy for it and going additionally brought to the surface other trauma issues on top of it.

Anyway, my next semester GPAs were (roughly from the top of my memory) 3.35, 3.56, 3.56, 3.46... which brought my overall GPA down to a low 3.6- not awful, but I'm SO nervous about the consistent downward trend over 2 years. The thing is-- Going through trauma therapy isn't a "quick and easy" process-- It's messy, extremely painful, and it's been excruciatingly hard...I don't know HOW even to explain this to adcoms who might question my LONG downward trend it OR even do my health advisor (Shoud I even bring the trauma stuff up to my prehealth advisor or would it raise a HUGE red flag??) I feel like with time, I can get through this all and have made movement for sure... but it's just not a quick fix- because I'm dealing with things that have been repeated traumas for years and years.

However, the constant memories/nightmares/flashbacks/body memories of the trauma have been horrific to deal with. Even though I was wasted 6 weeks ago, I swallowed a ton of prescription pills and had a VERY close to lethal suicide attempt. (I just honestly want to crawl under a rock even saying that... I KNOW it was a HUGE mistake... A big trigger was alcohol so I've stopped drinking alcohol entirely since and am coping well)

Reasons for wanting to do med school: It's always been my "dream" and I just nearly CAN'T let it go and I don't even see a better alternative career, I think I can get my GPA up, have research experience, have very unique life experiences and EC, very strong ECS including some very substantial leadership... I need to take MCATs but I know with a lot of effort I CAN do it, to the best of my ability.

Reasons why me (and my parents) are hesitant: med school would probably be really hard on me stress and anxiety wise, it's probably not the most condusive to a "healing" environment to establish health or balance at all!, worried if I would "crack" again w suicide under the intense stress plus if my trauma is unresolved...


Basically, I'm going between (1) taking a year or two after college to get a job in research.... REALLY focus on my health and healing and get on VERY strong footing and apply to med school or (2) finding another career path--- ie. clinical psychologist, physician assistant, nurse practitioner-- that aren't as appealing to me, but probably "safer" in terms of mental health..

Looking for ANY insight... thanks for anybody who took the time to read this.



edit: I'm in treatment with a therapist, psychiatrist, and family doctor and they all are mixed as to what path I should pursue. Not looking for medical advice! Just want some insights on how to look at things/ what to really consider and think about.... I'm definitely giving this all a LOT of consideration.

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[Lokhtar]

This is not a question to ask people on a message board. You need to discuss this with a professional. Find someone you can talk to, please. Do it as soon as possible. There are lots of anonymous and non-anonymous options available for you. Your health should be your number one priority.

 

[futureczar]

I was about to go to sleep but i felt incredibly compelled to answer you. I am so very very sorry for what you have gone though. I can only hope and pray that you are able to find the help to deal with your experiences and to realize that you have a life worth living. If your dream is to be a physician than please dont let some scum of the earth ruin that dream for you. If you want it than you can and will do it. I truly wish you all the best.

 

[TheShaker]

Wow, I'm not going to pretend to know what's going on but is taking time off possible? Just to give yourself some time to recover without hurting your grades (which aren't THAT bad btw). I don't think you should let this keep you from going to medical school though.

 

[lobo.solo]

This is not a question to ask people on a message board. You need to discuss this with a professional. Find someone you can talk to, please. Do it as soon as possible. There are lots of anonymous and non-anonymous options available for you. Your health should be your number one priority.

Nobody here could give you sound advise about your situation. See a professional and like the shaker said maybe take some time off. Best of luck to you and don't give up on your dreams.

 

[Samiamm]

You could also get a referral to a psychiatrist, who has actually been through med school?????

 

[Lollygag]

I agree that seeking advice from a professional would be the best for you as they would be more qualified to determine when you would be healthy enough to begin school. But I had to say this, IMO you should NOT give up on being a doctor unless you are NEVER able to recover from your PTSD (which I'm sure you will 🙂 ) I think you're best bet is to just take a couple years off, there is no shame in that at all, get yourself healthy and mentally prepared and then apply. It is definitely not out of reach for you and I think if you explained your situation to an ADCOM and they saw you took time off to get yourself back on track and focused I would see no reason why they would automatically reject you based on that fact alone. Especially since you managed to deal with all of this and still keep a competitive gpa, just my $0.02. I pray that everything works out for you, I'm sure you will be just fine and look on the bright side, this might make for a great personal statement topic 😉

 

[Eiot]

All I know is taking time off for yourself now and attempting to get your issues resolved so you can finish the rest of your school strong will look incredible to admissions and will allow you one hell of a personal statement. Best of luck.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

I agree that seeking advice from a professional would be the best for you as they would be more qualified to determine when you would be healthy enough to begin school. But I had to say this, IMO you should NOT give up on being a doctor unless you are NEVER able to recover from your PTSD (which I'm sure you will 🙂 ) I think you're best bet is to just take a couple years off, there is no shame in that at all, get yourself healthy and mentally prepared and then apply. It is definitely not out of reach for you and I think if you explained your situation to an ADCOM and they saw you took time off to get yourself back on track and focused I would see no reason why they would automatically reject you based on that fact alone. Especially since you managed to deal with all of this and still keep a competitive gpa, just my $0.02. I pray that everything works out for you, I'm sure you will be just fine and look on the bright side, this might make for a great personal statement topic 😉

I'm sure you didn't mean it but... to suggest for her (I assume it's a her) to glibly use such a traumatic event for the cause of self-advancement is a little crass.

 

[Lollygag]

I'm sure you didn't mean it but... to suggest for her (I assume it's a her) to glibly use such a traumatic event for the cause of self-advancement is a little crass.

You're right, I guess I was just trying to find a bright side but I'm definitely not suggesting that the OP's PTSD is a good thing if that's what you're getting at. Just something he can turn from being a negative aspect in their life to something they have learned from/overcome.

 

[Eiot]

I'm sure you didn't mean it but... to suggest for her (I assume it's a her) to glibly use such a traumatic event for the cause of self-advancement is a little crass.

It sure is. However, admissions will love it. I think the thought of being able to turn this negative into a positive is fantastic as long as the OP can manage it.

 

[iforget2]

Wow, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you. It's great that you have been seeking help from professionals. Despite a downward trend, your gpa is definitely competitive and you say you can get good EC's and you'd try for a good MCAT score which is awesome. You've overcome such a traumatic experience so far, so I know you can definitely achieve your lifelong dream of getting into medical school. Never give up! And best of luck to you in your future.

 

[unknownquestion]

Wow. I just really want to thank all of you who replied to my initial post. Im really taking EVERYTHING to heart.

However, I'm worried. R*pe is SUCH a stigmatized issue (unfortunately... I'm actually a bit surprised that nobody has written a mean comment about it yet)... I've read on other threads that it's best NOT to disclose it in an application. That will be a question for me to seriously consider down the road.

Does anybody think it would be beneficial for me to bring up this extremely sensitive issue with my prehealth advisor?

 

[punkedoutriffs]

It sure is. However, admissions will love it. I think the thought of being able to turn this negative into a positive is fantastic as long as the OP can manage it.

SOME admissions MIGHT love it. But I think that, more importantly than seeing this as an opportunity to grab a piece of application fodder, she should view this as an event that she must deal with and triumph over as a person. If she manages to recover and pull herself up by the bootstraps, THEN she can consider talking about this on her application. However, her first priority should be healing, empowerment, and catharsis. This trumps any other consideration at this point.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

Wow. I just really want to thank all of you who replied to my initial post. Im really taking EVERYTHING to heart.

However, I'm worried. R*pe is SUCH a stigmatized issue (unfortunately... I'm actually a bit surprised that nobody has written a mean comment about it yet)... I've read on other threads that it's best NOT to disclose it in an application. That will be a question for me to seriously consider down the road.

Does anybody think it would be beneficial for me to bring up this extremely sensitive issue with my prehealth advisor?

That depends on how comfortable you feel. Do you have sufficient rapport with your advisor? Is he/she someone you can confide in, will not judge you, and has your best interests at heart?

 

[Lollygag]

Wow. I just really want to thank all of you who replied to my initial post. Im really taking EVERYTHING to heart.

However, I'm worried. R*pe is SUCH a stigmatized issue (unfortunately... I'm actually a bit surprised that nobody has written a mean comment about it yet)... I've read on other threads that it's best NOT to disclose it in an application. That will be a question for me to seriously consider down the road.

Does anybody think it would be beneficial for me to bring up this extremely sensitive issue with my prehealth advisor?

Waitttt I didn't read the OP closely enough and for some reason I assumed it was PTSD from being in the military 🙄 In that case that might be too touchy for you to talk about in a PS not for ADCOM's sake but for yours. I take back what I said about that sorry!

 

[ShenanigansMD]

I'm not gonna pretend like I'm an expert in traumatic events, but I'd apply during a gap year and I think one year without school would be enough to get yourself healthy OP. Any longer than that and you'll think about it too much and your dream might never happen.

And for those discussing PS material, OP could discuss this in her app as long as she doesn't go into heavy detail, but I'd save it for a secondary essay since it sounds like medicine has been a lifelong dream for the OP. The PS should emphasize all the reasons for attending medical school, and not one isolated event.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

Waitttt I didn't read the OP closely enough and for some reason I assumed it was PTSD from being in the military 🙄 In that case that might be too touchy for you to talk about in a PS not for ADCOM's sake but for yours. I take back what I said about that sorry!

I think you're hitting upon something here, which is that I think a lot of the stigma surrounding the issue of r*pe might be removed from a self-generated change in perspective where she herself is at peace with it and no longer attaches any stigma to the event. That won't be easy to do, and will probably require time and professional assistance. If it were to be done however, I imagine anyone she communicates to about this event will no longer feel embarrassment or awkwardness, but a genuine and uplifting admiration.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

I hope you come out on top, OP.

 

[Eiot]

SOME admissions MIGHT love it. But I think that, more importantly than seeing this as an opportunity to grab a piece of application fodder, she should view this as an event that she must deal with and triumph over as a person. If she manages to recover and pull herself up by the bootstraps, THEN she can consider talking about this on her application. However, her first priority should be healing, empowerment, and catharsis. This trumps any other consideration at this point.

Exactly. You better summarized the message I was trying to convey.

 

[punkedoutriffs]

Exactly. You better summarized the message I was trying to convey.

Ah, kk.

 

[Imogen]

First of all, I'm really sorry that this happened to you and that you've had a rough couple of years. If you are asking whether or not you could still get into med school, I think (and I don't know I'm just an applicant) but I think you could. The question is, do you really want to? Rather than thinking about if you will or will not get in, just think for a minute about what is actually motivating you to be a doctor. Is that motivation strong enough to carry you through the stress of medical school? There's certainly no shame in deciding that it's not. Have you shadowed people in these other professions you are considering? Maybe you should give it a try to to see if you are more passionate about some other career than you think.

As far as what to say to the pre-health advisor, I think you should at least mention that you were the victim of a violent crime. You don't have to go into further detail if you don't want to, but that at least will allow schools, and your pre-med committee, to understand your academic history a bit better than if you didn't mention the event at all. Also, anyone who judges you this is a complete and utter jerk.And I don't think that mentioning it specifically in your application would hurt you because... really, what is an adcom going to say? You're a bad applicant because someone did something bad to you? I'd hope that whoever is reviewing your application has better logic than that.

That said, I understand not wanting to open up a can of controversy so I would recommend talking about this with your therapist and/or family doctor. They might have some better insights.

I hope you feel better soon. And I hope you know that you shouldn't feel ashamed about what you've been going through. Don't give up on yourself! Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

P.S. I dealt with a really messy medical problem during my undergrad and after and many people on SDN were really helpful. If you want to PM me about anything, feel free. I obviously went through something different but it was a trial all the same! If I can help you at all, I will try.

 

[angldrps]

After reading this, I wish I could give you a hug. If I was in your shoes, I don't think I would be able to have your courage. You are so incredibly strong to seek out professional help to move on with your life. Your passion for medicine truly comes through the way your word your post. Your GPA is still nothing that shall keep you from being competitive. Keep up with the ECs and get a good MCAT score and you should be fine. I hope you take as much time as possible to fully heal from this trauma because your health should be your number one priority. Best of luck! 😍

 

[wholeheartedly]

Sorry you went through this. The best thing anyone who's dealing with recent trauma, serious illness, or the like is to get themselves squared away first. There's not shame in taking a year or two off while you work through this. I took time off due to a medical condition and not being sure how that would work out. I haven't applied yet, but have no regrets about that choice. I've had time to live a bit, grow up a bit more, be more confident handling challenges, have my medical stuff very well managed, and added what I think are some great experiences. The only downside to taking a few years off has been that tuition keeps going up 😛

Please, keep working with your docs, don't rush things.

 

[jkl5702]

After reading this, I wish I could give you a hug. If I was in your shoes, I don't think I would be able to have your courage. You are so incredibly strong to seek out professional help to move on with your life. Your passion for medicine truly comes through the way your word your post. Your GPA is still nothing that shall keep you from being competitive. Keep up with the ECs and get a good MCAT score and you should be fine. I hope you take as much time as possible to fully heal from this trauma because your health should be your number one priority. Best of luck! 😍

I completely agree with this. It must have taken a great courage to get back on your heels and seek this kind of advice. I really wish I could be of more help.. I wish you the best of luck on your endeavors!

 

[smallone]

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.

I have been helping a friend through a very similar situation. I think the best thing you can do is take time for yourself, and take as much time as you need. Don't rush the healing process. Make sure you're surrounded by a loving network of family and friends.

I took time off after undergrad for some soul-searching - one of the best decisions I've ever made.

👍

 

[Moosepig]

I think taking some time off, as others have mentioned, would be a good idea.

You could take it 100% off, if you feel that would be most beneficial, or maybe just some light things like volunteering at a clinic and volunteering with kids or something. Give yourself all the time you need to get to a good place mentally, there is NO shame in that no matter how long it takes.

As for mentioning it in your PS, that's the least of your worries right now, but you could be vague about it and still account for the drop in GPA. Your GPA is decent anyway, More than adequate for DO and still acceptable for MD. You're obviously smart, so you could(will) demonstrate that in your MCAT.

Give yourself time. If you get things sorted out and still know medicine is your goal in life, nothing can stop you from attaining that.

My deepest condolences. This is something no one should go through.

 

[gyngyn]

Medical school is an amazing growth experience but it is not a warm or nurturing one. Take whatever time you need and proceed when you are strong.

 

[Smiles91]

I am sorry about what you went through. I think that you should get yourself and your health together and then apply. I think you would get into a program but the stress of it all may take a toll on you and your health. Get yourself together and go for your dream. In the end, this experience (as horrible as it is) will teach you a lot of things. Like compassion for your patients.Take a year off.

Best of luck to you.

 

[MD2017done]

Holy ****!!! Even after going through something horrible like that you still managed tp keep your gpa at a 3.6? Congrats on not letting this tramautic experience get to you too much. If something like that had happened to me my grades would have fallen even more. I applaud your determination. I think that if you continue recovering and doing well in your classes by the time you get into medical school you should be okay. Good luck, i wish you all the best