Ethics

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OPTNOVA

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I guess I've always had flexible morality. I feel that I can decide which rules should be followed and which can be ignored. My parents recently found out that I had lied to them about my grades at college. I told this self serving lie (printed up fake grades and the whole deal), to get them off my back a little. My grades were ok with a few Cs and I turned them into straight As. My overall GPA is still fine. I felt that they're constant interference with my academic life was putting undue stress on me and hurting my grades. Conversations more than a few times a week about how are your grades is excessive. While I tried to reason with them they still feel like they should have a copy of my test schedule and live and die with every grade that I make.

OK. My question is that they have now been pushing me and getting they're friends to call me and convince me not to be an optometrist. They feel that the foundation to being a good healthcare provider is trust. Without that trust they claim that I will be a horrible doctor. I still have a strong desire to be an optometrist and this has not changed my opinion, but I think it raised an interesting question. Can someone be a successful and good optometrist with flexible morality? I will reserve my opinion until a few responses are up.

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I guess I've always had flexible morality. I feel that I can decide which rules should be followed and which can be ignored. My parents recently found out that I had lied to them about my grades at college. I told this self serving lie (printed up fake grades and the whole deal), to get them off my back a little. My grades were ok with a few Cs and I turned them into straight As. My overall GPA is still fine. I felt that they're constant interference with my academic life was putting undue stress on me and hurting my grades. Conversations more than a few times a week about how are your grades is excessive. While I tried to reason with them they still feel like they should have a copy of my test schedule and live and die with every grade that I make.

OK. My question is that they have now been pushing me and getting they're friends to call me and convince me not to be an optometrist. They feel that the foundation to being a good healthcare provider is trust. Without that trust they claim that I will be a horrible doctor. I still have a strong desire to be an optometrist and this has not changed my opinion, but I think it raised an interesting question. Can someone be a successful and good optometrist with flexible morality? I will reserve my opinion until a few responses are up.

What do you mean by "trust?" Do your parents find it hard to trust you or do they feel like you can't trust them?

I guess another question is how much do you think that flexible morality will translate into your daily practice.
 
I guess I've always had flexible morality. I feel that I can decide which rules should be followed and which can be ignored. My parents recently found out that I had lied to them about my grades at college. I told this self serving lie (printed up fake grades and the whole deal), to get them off my back a little. My grades were ok with a few Cs and I turned them into straight As. My overall GPA is still fine. I felt that they're constant interference with my academic life was putting undue stress on me and hurting my grades. Conversations more than a few times a week about how are your grades is excessive. While I tried to reason with them they still feel like they should have a copy of my test schedule and live and die with every grade that I make.

OK. My question is that they have now been pushing me and getting they're friends to call me and convince me not to be an optometrist. They feel that the foundation to being a good healthcare provider is trust. Without that trust they claim that I will be a horrible doctor. I still have a strong desire to be an optometrist and this has not changed my opinion, but I think it raised an interesting question. Can someone be a successful and good optometrist with flexible morality? I will reserve my opinion until a few responses are up.

Most of us have "flexible morality" to some extent. Even the most moral and ethical among us bends the truth now and again, so I don't really see anything in your posting that would preclude you from being a "good" doctor, at least with respect to "ethical" issues. I mean seriously, I always had a great relationship with my parents but if I had a nickle for every lie I told them, I would be retired on my beach front property in Maui.

I think a much bigger concern however is your own growth and independence. Your parents don't seem to have a healthy respect for boundaries and you don't seem to be doing a good job of setting them up. For your parents to demand a weekly test schedule strikes me as being a bit "4th grade." Unfortunately, your response of generating a fake report card is also pretty "4th grade." Establish some independence NOW because I can guarantee you that if you don't do it now, you likely never well and it will have future implications for you far beyond your professional life.
 
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i agree. while making up fake grades is kinda questionable, but at the same time the fact that you felt you have to is really really sad. if you are adult enough to be in college and be deciding on your career than you should be adult enough to own up to the grades you actually did get as well as adult enough to choose your own career. i think that an honest conversation with your parents is really what is in order here... something along the lines of 'i have allowed you guys a lot of control over my life which has come back to bite me in the ass. i am no longer going to be providing you with a copy of my grades or really discussing it with you. i have chosen a career path and that is what i am going to follow because in the end i am going to have to be the one that is doing this for the rest of my career.
 
I think a much bigger concern however is your own growth and independence.

i agree too.

the grades thing - you're upfront about it - i don't sense any decreased morality, not from that anyways. my parents used to ask me about things about my life all the time - i later learned to be very non-upfront about it, just cause i used to be very straightforward about it, but frequently got burned. as such, justifiably witholding personal information - i do not in any way view as demonstrating poor morals. if anything, they shouldn't have been so invasive/judgmental in my life - sometimes it can actually be the parents who are wrong.

for them to start organizing a group of people telling u that u are not ethically fit to be an optometrist because u didn't reveal ur undergrad marks to them, is over the line.
 
I think the bigger issue is having your parents respect your choices and decisions. Making way toward your goals should be motivation to do do well in school, not the avoidance of confrontation. I know too many people who end up living for their parents and not for their own aspirations.


When I first started college, I found my way to academic probation and back. The changes in my motivation, attitude, and career goals were entirely attributed to my own deliberation. They never found out about that episode in my college life but it wouldn't have changed much if they did. I grew to realize that I was the only person who could motivate me or convince me to work towards my future. Although I'm sure that they would be disappointed if I really told them my grades rather than "doing ok," but in the end, I'm sure they'd be happier with the growth I've made as an individual since then.
 
I think the bigger issue is having your parents respect your choices and decisions. Making way toward your goals should be motivation to do do well in school, not the avoidance of confrontation. I know too many people who end up living for their parents and not for their own aspirations.


When I first started college, I found my way to academic probation and back. The changes in my motivation, attitude, and career goals were entirely attributed to my own deliberation. They never found out about that episode in my college life but it wouldn't have changed much if they did. I grew to realize that I was the only person who could motivate me or convince me to work towards my future. Although I'm sure that they would be disappointed if I really told them my grades rather than "doing ok," but in the end, I'm sure they'd be happier with the growth I've made as an individual since then.

If parents are paying for someone to go to college, then I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to expect to be given accurate progress reports on how a student is doing and I think it's also reasonable for parents to be able to see a transcript. After all, you want to know what you're getting for all of your thousands of dollars.

However, to demand a weekly test schedule and to demand live action updates on every single quiz, test or assignment is a bit much. Part of letting go as a parent is allowing kids to make mistakes, but part of being a big boy or big girl is realizing that you have to get it in gear. Even if you make poor scores, there's nothing wrong with that as long as you put in a good solid effort. Forging a report card to hide disappointing scores is just downright silly.
 
no offense to you, but i think this is a very silly topic. it's important to be trustworthy and ethical in ANY profession, not just the jobs in the health field. your definition of "flexible morality" places everyone in the world in the same category, since everyone, or at least the majority, have their own thoughts and may disagree and not follow certain rules that they should abide by. duh. that dosen't make us all immoral or have "flexible morality" (what in the world does that really mean anyway, can you just change your morality like turning a light switch on and off? :confused:). Lawyers take an oath of ethics, and all doctors do the same, but are most lawyers and doctors you personally know trustworthy and moral individuals who never lie to their patients/parents/peers in one way or another? Unless you have a serious psychological problem (ie. bipolar), or that you're a sadist, you shouldn't let your parents' disappointment over that lying incident get in the way of your career choice which you seem to be so dedicated to. In short, stop being a mama/daddy's boy/girl and step up to what you think is right, and if you're unable to do so, I don't think you're mature enough to become an optometrist. ;)
 
If parents are paying for someone to go to college, then I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to expect to be given accurate progress reports on how a student is doing and I think it's also reasonable for parents to be able to see a transcript. After all, you want to know what you're getting for all of your thousands of dollars.

However, to demand a weekly test schedule and to demand live action updates on every single quiz, test or assignment is a bit much. Part of letting go as a parent is allowing kids to make mistakes, but part of being a big boy or big girl is realizing that you have to get it in gear. Even if you make poor scores, there's nothing wrong with that as long as you put in a good solid effort. Forging a report card to hide disappointing scores is just downright silly.

I agree, if your rents are paying for your tuition then yes, I believe they do have the right to see your grades.
 
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