Etiquette on Staying with Grad Student

[TiptoeConqueror]

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So I have my first interview coming up soon and I will be staying with a student host for a couple nights. Is there anything I can do to make her feel less put out and show that I appreciate being able to stay with her? What are some general "house rules" that you'd suggest? I'm looking for input from people who have been hosts, people who have been hosted, and all others. Also, feel free to include positive and negative experiences you've had.

 

[Psychadelic2012]

I said this on another thread, but my advice is to stay in a hotel. I didn't sleep the whole night before one interview day (and flew out on a red eye the night after, too) because several of us applicants were sandwiched into one room and one applicant snored the whole night. It was a nightmare. If you do choose to stay with someone, just be cordial and flexible. Fake nice and interest in everything if you have to! Don't hog conversations, etc.

 

[IC2OC]

I had good experiences with all my hosts. As an applicant, I generally followed my host's lead. Some were incredibly friendly--we'd chat together really naturally and easily, watch a TV show, share a snack, etc. Others were busier, and I spent most of my time at their house reviewing notes or working on my laptop. I don't think the "house rules" were different than any other time you're someone's guest-- just be polite. If it seems like they want to hang out and get to know you, be friendly! Otherwise, be prepared to occupy yourself.

I left each of my hosts with a sincere thank you note (I brought blank thank you notes with me and filled them out there so that they were more personal). One host ended up keeping me an extra night (I was flying from one interview to the other, and it saved me a hotel), so I bought her dinner on the extra night that she had me (we went somewhere casual, it probably cost me $10).

A hotel could be a good idea if you're a picky sleeper (I mostly stayed on couches, futons, inflatable mattresses, etc.) or really anxious about having to make small talk, etc. the night before your interview. However, I felt like I got a lot of valuable info about life in the program from the grad students I stayed with.

Good luck with your interview(s)!

 

[weeblewobble]

I said this on another thread, but my advice is to stay in a hotel. I didn't sleep the whole night before one interview day (and flew out on a red eye the night after, too) because several of us applicants were sandwiched into one room and one applicant snored the whole night. It was a nightmare. If you do choose to stay with someone, just be cordial and flexible. Fake nice and interest in everything if you have to! Don't hog conversations, etc.

If you're comfortable with it, I'd really recommend staying with a grad student. The time you spend with hosts and other students plays pretty strongly into the application process. Last year we had several very strong applicants (my advisor recently said we could have taken nearly all if we'd had the funding/space because they were all so strong) but could only take one. The applicant chosen was picked primarily because of conversations between the applicant and the student who hosted them. It can matter, big time.

When I've hosted, students have brought little gifts (like scented body lotion type things- nice but not very expensive, fairly generic) that I appreciated but weren't necessary by any means. A thank you note or email is perfect. Try not to fly in or out at an insane hour.

We understand as a group that this is a important and unique time for you and the program sets aside time for that. Usually (usually!) grad students are welcoming and accommodating of applicants- remember, we've done this before and we know that you're stressed. Most of my experiences were very good, and I think my program as a whole does a very good job of making things go well for students. In return, just be respectful, as accommodating as you can, make sure to let your needs be known, please try not to break anything, and if we have a manuscript/exam/baby that needs attention, find something else to do for awhile.

 

[PhDMiss2014]

I've hosted on several occasions and also had the opportunity during my interview weekends to be hosted. I'd echo the above advise to just be polite and follow the lead of the host. Do be prepared to have an uncomfotable night's sleep. In my case I have an air mattress for guests which really does not deliver the best night's sleep. I actually enjoy hosting students because it does give me the opportunity to get to know the person and decide if I would want to work with them.

Last year the young lady that stayed with me appeared to be distracted and out of sorts and just not all "there" at the departmental meet and greet. That night she was staying with me and when she got back to my place she apologized and let me know she was out of sorts because her mother had just been in a serious car accident two days prior and was in the hospital. She proceeded to use most of the evening to catch up on her mother's condition through phone calls to other family members. Later when I relayed this information to others in my lab they understood why she was distracted during the social event.

I have had some students that just want to know all about the program, some that want to know about the social life or apartments etc. and some that just wanted to veg and catch up on their latest television show. Most importantly just remember to be polite and neat and considerate. I do remember one young lady left a small box of chocolates for me with a thank you note, otherwise I have received thank you emails and sometimes phone calls.

 

[PsychPhDone]

I recommend staying with students if you can. It'll save money, but more importantly, it'll show you what it's like to be in the program and might work in your favor when it's decision time. Hosts can often vouch that their guests were polite and friendly, which matters in a lot of programs! As others said, just follow their lead. Most of my hosts were chatty -- we usually did work together on laptops, watched TV, etc. If I was staying with someone one night, I brought them a small thank you gift, like a nice chocolate bar. If I stayed longer, I got them something in the range of $10. Either way, I sent thank you emails once I was at my next destination.

It's very rare that an applicant doesn't stay with a student host in our program.

 

[emily621]

Agreed, I highly recommend staying with a student if the program offers the opportunity. It's free, the students can be excellent sources of advice, and to be honest, I feel like it would come off as odd if you turned down the opportunity and stayed in a hotel. If you had some extenuating circumstance then maybe, but otherwise it just might make you seem either unfriendly or snobby.

I made cookies for all of my hosts and then sent a thank you email once I was back home.

 

[Pragma]

Agreed, I highly recommend staying with a student if the program offers the opportunity. It's free, the students can be excellent sources of advice, and to be honest, I feel like it would come off as odd if you turned down the opportunity and stayed in a hotel. If you had some extenuating circumstance then maybe, but otherwise it just might make you seem either unfriendly or snobby.

I made cookies for all of my hosts and then sent a thank you email once I was back home.

Completely disagree. I didn't stay with grad students during my interviews. I like my own personal space to snore, get naked, or do whatever else I need to do to prepare. There is nothing snobby about that. We all have our own reasons - perhaps I didn't want them to hear me snore or something.

When I was in graduate school, some of us were annoyed being asked to host students and I never did it. I personally was quite happy when they stayed in hotels.

Also, it is wonderful for people that feel comfortable with the process and everything to do this. But I also thought it would provide more opportunities to make some kind of a bad impression. Really, anything could be possible here - what if I suddenly became flatulent. 😛

All i am saying that for those of us that like our own space to gear up for and decompress from interviews, we are in no way snobs. Also, I don't think a) staying with a grad student or b) going to the "informal" gatherings are necessary. If you want to, go for it - but I didn't do that at all and know plenty of grad students who also didn't do that at all.

Oh and for the record - I hated getting thank you cards from applicants. Seemed so forced and never did anything for me. I am sure it doesn't hurt, but i didn't view it positively. However, cookies might have made an impression 🙂

 

[Psychadelic2012]

Completely disagree. I didn't stay with grad students during my interviews. I like my own personal space to snore, get naked, or do whatever else I need to do to prepare. There is nothing snobby about that. We all have our own reasons - perhaps I didn't want them to hear me snore or something.

When I was in graduate school, some of us were annoyed being asked to host students and I never did it. I personally was quite happy when they stayed in hotels.

Also, it is wonderful for people that feel comfortable with the process and everything to do this. But I also thought it would provide more opportunities to make some kind of a bad impression. Really, anything could be possible here - what if I suddenly became flatulent. 😛

All i am saying that for those of us that like our own space to gear up for and decompress from interviews, we are in no way snobs. Also, I don't think a) staying with a grad student or b) going to the "informal" gatherings are necessary. If you want to, go for it - but I didn't do that at all and know plenty of grad students who also didn't do that at all.

Oh and for the record - I hated getting thank you cards from applicants. Seemed so forced and never did anything for me. I am sure it doesn't hurt, but i didn't view it positively. However, cookies might have made an impression 🙂

It's interesting. Everything you said, to me, makes perfect sense. However, I am aware that there is a culture at some programs where grad students frequently have roommates, live on campus, etc., and therefore are mimicking their culture when they host interviewees. I think it says a lot about a program. That said, do you want to be in that type of environment (rhetorical question)? I felt much more at ease and comfortable at interviews where all of the applicants went their separate ways to their hotels after the social event and interview day, as well as knowing that each of the grad students lived off campus and on their own. I could not imagine being in a program where having a roommate was considered the norm--I'd be totally in the "out" crowd. To me, it all seems (like you said, Pragma) that there isn't a lot of space to be yourself outside of classes and such. In the same way, I wouldn't want my own personal feelings about gifts and cards to be out of sync with the program culture. I find cards insincere, personally, so I would feel refreshed by not feeling obligated to send them. There are many things that can be applied here, but it all factors into the "interview" process where you are also finding out what it is like to be in that program. I say this all because you have a choice. I personally didn't know that I had a choice when I stayed with a student, until the final dinner when someone said he never stayed with anyone, but I wish someone had told me that it was a valid choice!

 

[Pragma]

It's interesting. Everything you said, to me, makes perfect sense. However, I am aware that there is a culture at some programs where grad students frequently have roommates, live on campus, etc., and therefore are mimicking their culture when they host interviewees. I think it says a lot about a program. That said, do you want to be in that type of environment (rhetorical question)? I felt much more at ease and comfortable at interviews where all of the applicants went their separate ways to their hotels after the social event and interview day, as well as knowing that each of the grad students lived off campus and on their own. I could not imagine being in a program where having a roommate was considered the norm--I'd be totally in the "out" crowd. To me, it all seems (like you said, Pragma) that there isn't a lot of space to be yourself outside of classes and such. In the same way, I wouldn't want my own personal feelings about gifts and cards to be out of sync with the program culture. I find cards insincere, personally, so I would feel refreshed by not feeling obligated to send them. There are many things that can be applied here, but it all factors into the "interview" process where you are also finding out what it is like to be in that program. I say this all because you have a choice. I personally didn't know that I had a choice when I stayed with a student, until the final dinner when someone said he never stayed with anyone, but I wish someone had told me that it was a valid choice!

Yeah I would never apply somewhere where my wife and I couldn't have our own life off-campus. That seems very, very strange to me that places would expect you to live with classmates on campus.

Also, to echo this (since apparently some people didn't know that it was a choice), IT IS A CHOICE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY WITH STUDENTS! 😀

Get a hotel room, have a cocktail, and be yourself to your heart's content. Worked just fine for me 😀 and I honestly think that for a program that does care about that type of thing, you are also just as much at risk for not jiving with the host and making a bad impression. I would never hold staying in a hotel or elsewhere against somebody and have never heard anyone even discuss that when evaluating applicants.

 

[Marissa4usa]

I have been and will be attending several interviews in the couple of weeks. For all of them I will be staying with graduate students (except one school plans to let me stay in the university hotel). I am doing it primarily because I simply don't have the means to pay for a hotel in addition to airfare. Plus, if I decided to stay in a hotel, my guess is that I may have to pay for my transportation as well...and I simply cannot afford that.
So far, my stays with graduate students have been pleasant across the board. No major awkward moments and we always found something to talk about, and if there wasn't anything to talk about, they were usually okay just hanging out silently, each of us doing our own thing.
However, I think this whole staying with a graduate student and sending thank you notes thing is majorly overrated. If you're a complete ***** who doesn't know how to act appropriately that will show regardless on interview day during interactions with students and faculty. Maybe it's because I'm rather reserved with people I don't know well, but I find the idea that people try to evaluate your personality in a high-pressure situation rather odd (again, assuming you're not some sort of weirdo who has no clue how to act appropriately). As a matter of fact, I tend to be majorly turned off by people who act overly enthusiastic because it just feels like they're putting on a show. Of course, I'd want people to be engaged and curious, but if people keep dropping one one-liners after another or find everything just "awesome", there is no way, you're scoring with me.

Similarly, I think it's perfectly understandable if someone wants to stay in a hotel. Who truly likes to stay with someone they don't know, sleep on an uncomfortable pull-out couch or air mattress, feel uncomfortable using somebody's bathroom (especially for you-know-what) etc.? I'm fine putting up with because of money issues, but if I could pick, that surely wouldn't be my first choice.

The same applies to thank you notes. Sure, it's nice to show one's appreciation, but does it have an impact on whether one gets accepted or not? If you act grateful throughout the interview day/s and thank them when you leave, I highly doubt it'll make a difference.

Anyways, my $0.02.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

I agree that you should just do whatever you're comfortable with (and whatever you can afford). If that means staying with a grad student, then go for it; if not, then so be it, and I don't think anyone will view you negatively for it.

And I'd be pretty surprised if programs tried to encourage or pressure anyone into living with other students, or really in any other significant way tried to influence lives outside of school. Our program would send out apartment recommendations from current students to the incoming class so they'd have an idea of decent places to look into, but that was about it.

 

[Psychadelic2012]

Oh, I didn't mean that anyone would pressure a student to live with another or on campus, etc. It's just a program culture thing. Trends are common and if you decide to do something different you might feel, well, different. it's nice to feel like you can fit in to others' ways of living and doing is all.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

Oh, I didn't mean that anyone would pressure a student to live with another or on campus, etc. It's just a program culture thing. Trends are common and if you decide to do something different you might feel, well, different. it's nice to feel like you can fit in to others' ways of living and doing is all.

Completely understandable. Different programs (and even different cohorts within the same program) can have very different overall cultures. Finding somewhere that helps you to feel at ease is important. Although failing that, finding friends outside of the program can do wonders for maintaining sanity while in grad school, even if you actually get along with the prevailing program culture.

As for the OP, just treat it like you're staying over at a co-worker's house for the night, or something similar. Like others have mentioned, don't be afraid to talk about things other than grad school (I would actually encourage this). Beyond that, just be generally polite, and respect whatever guidelines, if any, the student might put out there. If you're grateful for having them let you stay, it'll naturally come across in your actions; a simple "thank you" when you're heading out should then suffice.

 

[WJPSYCH]

When I was applying, I stayed with grad students on three separate occasions. The nights were all fairly similar. I would arrive, get set up, talk a little bit, and then I was left on my own to get ready for bed or review interview materials. Some hosts would provide wifi passwords and tv, while others did not. I found all to be accommodating, but I wanted to be respectful (these are busy grad students)and tried to stay out of their way. For two such interviews, I stayed a second night. I generally felt more comfortable with my host and we talked more at length about the program, grad school, and personal interests.

I have also hosted students. I tried to keep the format similar. I talked with my applicant as long as he seemed interested, and then retired to give him some space and get some of my own work done. I actually kind of enjoy the interview process, because I want to help reassure applicants and answer their questions. For what it is worth, we accepted two (at least) students into our program who decided to stay in hotels instead of with students. Echoing what others have said: staying with students is an option to reduce your travel expenses. You have some slight risk of discomfort or a bad host, but the possible benefit of a nice night and learning more information.

 

[Yammie]

Does anyone have experience staying with their POI?

I have received an invitation to interview at a stellar school that would be hard to turn down if I receive an offer. The entire trip is paid for by either the lab or the department (all I know is it's not me!), and my POI has informed me that they will be hosting me. My current advisor says this is not common, but not unheard of, so I'm wondering if anyone has experience with this type of arrangement? Does anyone have advice that may differ from previous advice about staying with students? One one hand, I feel more nervous than I would if I were staying with a student because I am staying with the person who is evaluating me the most and, seriously, who can be "on" for over THREE whole days (I naturally suck at being "on" anyways, and small talk is not my specialty)? On the other hand, I feel like the three nights I am staying with my POI will give me more opportunities to demonstrate both my personal and professional merits, and thus be evaluated more positively.

 

[Psychadelic2012]

Does anyone have experience staying with their POI?

😱

Staying with your boss of the next 4-5+ years?? So interviewing is becoming one big pajama party?

Are you at least the same sex?!

 

[AcronymAllergy]

😱

Staying with your boss of the next 4-5+ years?? So interviewing is becoming one big pajama party?

Are you at least the same sex?!

I think one of my friends who interviewed for doctoral programs in an area outside of psychology ended up staying with POIs on some of his trips. As the poster mentioned, it's not the norm, but it does seem to happen.

I agree, though, that if the POI and interviewee are of different sexes it could become very awkward very quickly. Unless the POI has a full-on guest house or something similar.

 

[Yammie]

😱

Staying with your boss of the next 4-5+ years?? So interviewing is becoming one big pajama party?

Are you at least the same sex?!

Yes! We are the same sex, fortunately. As for a pajama party, I just can't envision us playing Girl Talk and painting each others toenails with sparkles. I'm too cool for that! 😎

 

[Doctor Eliza]

Yes! We are the same sex, fortunately. As for a pajama party, I just can't envision us playing Girl Talk and painting each others toenails with sparkles. I'm too cool for that! 😎

This seems super-weird and uncomfortable to me, but I also don't know that it would be easy to say, "Oh, I'm going to stay in a hotel instead. Thanks but no thanks". One alarm bell that this sets off for me is the "professor with bad boundaries" bell. Perhaps that's not what this is, but if I were in your shoes, I would be extra tuned in to any signs that this prof has boundary issues. For example, is she asking too many questions about your personal life? Telling you inappropriate things about other applicants, students, or profs? It is very important to have a prof with good boundaries or your grad school experience will be miserable. You sound like you are being wooed and that can be flattering, but don't be so flattered that you are not interviewing and evaluating the program too.

I speak from experience. The prof I went to my university work to with had terrible boundaries and turned out to be a raging borderline. She was trying hard to recruit me and as a wide-eyed and eager 22 year old, I was blinded by this and missed some warning signs that were evident during interviews.

Good luck and remember that they have to impress you too! 🙂

Dr. E

 

[Pragma]

I think staying with a POI is a little bit different story.

I would agree with Dr. E to keep an eye out for boundary issues, but I would not assume that is the case. If it is one of these programs where they pay for you to come out, I think the rules are maybe a little different.

Be careful, but enjoy the experience. It doesn't sound like you really have a choice in this instance, but just understand that the interview is ongoing (even in the PJs).

I think some POIs are just really cool and want to extend the opportunity to have you stay with them. Some POIs do have closer relationships with their mentees than others. This isn't unheard of - as long as the boundaries are appropriate.

Good luck!

 

[Ollie123]

Yeah - could be boundary issues, could just be a genuinely nice person.

I've occasionally heard of folks staying with faculty at interviews and I think has the potential to go in either direction. While perhaps a bit more awkward than staying with students, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with it. Maybe I'm just an optimist, but I know many situations where students and faculty had close relationships (not "icky" close) and something like this wouldn't be abnormal or weird. For example, I know several faculty who have shared rooms with students at conferences, had students house-sit/pet-sit for them, etc. I'm not that close to my mentor, but I don't think its bad (and can be good!) to have that sort of relationship. I'd greatly prefer that to a closed-off mentor so concerned about boundaries that you knew nothing about their personal life and they didn't know anything about yours - I've worked in environments like that before and it just makes the work environment so much less enjoyable. Admittedly an interview context makes it somewhat different, but I wouldn't assume the worst.

 

[weeblewobble]

Yeah, as Ollie said, I'd hope for the best (a genuinely nice POI with a good sense of boundaries) but keep an eye out for the worst (boundary problems and other weirdness).

My program seems to be somewhat closer than some of yours, so this is atypical to me but not too strange. For instance, one of our faculty housed a student for a few weeks due to an out of the ordinary set of circumstances, and students house/pet sit, some do spend some recreational time with faculty, etc. It seems to me that for the most part (there's one exception coming to mind) students can set their own boundaries and determine how much space they want from the program and the faculty, which allows for the personal and professional life that works best for each student. If I were you, I'd think about how much connection and time I want to spend with my mentor/lab/program, and what the expectations are during the visit, in case they're expecting things to be really close all the time. Probably not, but as somebody (Pragma, I think) said, there are many kinds of "fit" and you want to make sure the culture fits you in addition to research.

 

[gb01]

Although I only have experience (so far) with interviewing for master's programs, I hosted a grad student each year that I was in my MA program. Going into it, I tried to be a good host and offer wifi passwords, laptop use, TV, etc., and just generally tried to make them feel welcome, but also tried to give them space to do what they wanted (ask questions, relax, or be alone). That was pretty much my experience when interviewing, too.

The feedback I gave to the professors after hosting an applicant was just a general impression, similar to feedback after the social event or interviews. If I really liked the applicant, or thought they'd fit in well with our lab (if their POI was my mentor), I made sure to let professors know. I tried to be understanding about negative impressions, since we all say goofy things when we're nervous, but I would have mentioned real red flags like rudeness, a lot of social awkwardness (not just a foot-in-mouth situation), and excessive cursing or badmouthing professors or other applicants, etc. As long as they were relatively pleasant to be around, I didn't care whether the applicant wanted to watch TV, ask questions, or just decompress in their room-- I didn't assume they were a jerk if they just wanted to be alone and get a good night's sleep 🙂

I know that my experience hosting applicants for a master's program may not be very similar to applicants interviewing for PhD, but I hope this information is helpful!

 

[member612]

Yeah I would never apply somewhere where my wife and I couldn't have our own life off-campus. That seems very, very strange to me that places would expect you to live with classmates on campus.

Also, to echo this (since apparently some people didn't know that it was a choice), IT IS A CHOICE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY WITH STUDENTS! 😀

Get a hotel room, have a cocktail, and be yourself to your heart's content. Worked just fine for me 😀 and I honestly think that for a program that does care about that type of thing, you are also just as much at risk for not jiving with the host and making a bad impression. I would never hold staying in a hotel or elsewhere against somebody and have never heard anyone even discuss that when evaluating applicants.

Ditto! I went on 10 interviews and stayed at hotels at 9 of them (the last one wasn't by choice...I just couldn't stomach paying $150 for a hotel at the last interview ).

It really is based on personal preference. I personally LOVED staying in hotels because I didn't feel the need to be "on" for the whole interview weekend, and it gave me a lot of alone time to review all of my notes, breathe, etc. I personally can't study or concentrate when other people are around, so I knew I had to get a hotel. Also, it didn't hurt that I didn't have to endure what other applicants were complaining about the next day ("oh my god my back hurts so much! oh man I didn't sleep at all last night...").

That said, I made it a point to seek out social opportunities and go to every informal event there was each interview, so people could get to know me outside of the interview setting too (e.g. there are usually informal dinners, etc.). I definitely don't think staying at hotels put anyone off, and most schools are very good about leaving the housing decision completely up to you.

Though...the one time I stayed with the graduate student, I had a good time. I lucked out and stayed with someone that had a guest room (so I got my own bed!), but I really got to know them (and the program), and thoroughly enjoyed it. Only downside is...we talked so much the whole day before that by the time they drove me to the lab the next day, it was pretty quiet. 😛

 

[syzergy]

Bring presents. Lots of presents. I like presents.

But really, don't be weird and you'll be ok.

 

[weeblewobble]

Bring presents. Lots of presents. I like presents.

But really, don't be weird and you'll be ok.

And honestly, even if you are a little weird I'll cut you some slack because I know you're exhausted and stressed out and attempting to be 'on' even though you've definitely run out of interesting questions/anecdotes.

 

[bpsydme]

Although I only have experience (so far) with interviewing for master's programs, I hosted a grad student each year that I was in my MA program. Going into it, I tried to be a good host and offer wifi passwords, laptop use, TV, etc., and just generally tried to make them feel welcome, but also tried to give them space to do what they wanted (ask questions, relax, or be alone). That was pretty much my experience when interviewing, too.

The feedback I gave to the professors after hosting an applicant was just a general impression, similar to feedback after the social event or interviews. If I really liked the applicant, or thought they'd fit in well with our lab (if their POI was my mentor), I made sure to let professors know. I tried to be understanding about negative impressions, since we all say goofy things when we're nervous, but I would have mentioned real red flags like rudeness, a lot of social awkwardness (not just a foot-in-mouth situation), and excessive cursing or badmouthing professors or other applicants, etc. As long as they were relatively pleasant to be around, I didn't care whether the applicant wanted to watch TV, ask questions, or just decompress in their room-- I didn't assume they were a jerk if they just wanted to be alone and get a good night's sleep 🙂

I know that my experience hosting applicants for a master's program may not be very similar to applicants interviewing for PhD, but I hope this information is helpful!

I can't believe someone would do/say something like that!
I selected to stay with a host for one of my interviews, and she hasn't responded to me in over a week (I don't even know where she lives!). I wonder if this is a bad sign, or she can be really busy.

 

[wagwise]

i had such a wonderful experiencing staying with a student host that i have gone out of my way to volunteer to host since ive been at my program. no one ever seems to use the student host option at my skewl but if someone did come i would probably expect them to be friendly and chatty with me for a while and then to just watch tv and go to bed.

 

[paramour]

Although I only have experience (so far) with interviewing for master's programs, I hosted a grad student each year that I was in my MA program. Going into it, I tried to be a good host and offer wifi passwords, laptop use, TV, etc., and just generally tried to make them feel welcome, but also tried to give them space to do what they wanted (ask questions, relax, or be alone). That was pretty much my experience when interviewing, too.

The feedback I gave to the professors after hosting an applicant was just a general impression, similar to feedback after the social event or interviews. If I really liked the applicant, or thought they'd fit in well with our lab (if their POI was my mentor), I made sure to let professors know. I tried to be understanding about negative impressions, since we all say goofy things when we're nervous, but I would have mentioned real red flags like rudeness, a lot of social awkwardness (not just a foot-in-mouth situation), and excessive cursing or badmouthing professors or other applicants, etc. As long as they were relatively pleasant to be around, I didn't care whether the applicant wanted to watch TV, ask questions, or just decompress in their room-- I didn't assume they were a jerk if they just wanted to be alone and get a good night's sleep 🙂

I know that my experience hosting applicants for a master's program may not be very similar to applicants interviewing for PhD, but I hope this information is helpful!

I can't believe someone would do/say something like that!
I selected to stay with a host for one of my interviews, and she hasn't responded to me in over a week (I don't even know where she lives!). I wonder if this is a bad sign, or she can be really busy.

I've actually seen this happen unfortunately. Mostly directly toward applicants, but one year it happened with a particular applicant bashing both fellow applicants and some of the faculty interviewing. 👎

 

[weeblewobble]

I've actually seen this happen unfortunately. Mostly directly toward applicants, but one year it happened with a particular applicant bashing both fellow applicants and some of the faculty interviewing. 👎

The other thing that really turns me off is when applicants bash other programs (e.g., "I just came from X interview but Y part of the program is really awful and Z professor is such a jerk"). I guess the point is the align themselves with our program and make it clearer that they'll come here if accepted, but it always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 👎

 

[TiptoeConqueror]

After having been on three interviews so far and staying with grad hosts for each of them, let me say that I made a great choice. Not only have I saved several hundreds of dollars (i.e., foregoing hotels, rides to and from airports, some meals), but I got to meet some really awesome people who I could see myself hanging out with. It definitely is a preference on where you feel most comfortable, and I was sure that I would have preferred a hotel for a number of reasons. I value my privacy and I take FOREVER in the bathroom and would hate to inconvenience someone else. But let me tell you that I had so much fun being taken on tours of the city by my hosts (so not something that was planned as part of the interview weekend). And, since you will possibly have to interact with these people if you are accepted and decide to go to the program, it certainly doesn't hurt to start getting to know them on a personal level. I've had so much fun and all my hosts have given me great advice as to which professors will be easier/harder to interview with. I wouldn't trade these experiences for a FREE hotel room. But, I can fall asleep in any situation so if you can't handle the floor or an air mattress, maybe this isn't for you.

Also, I felt that the need to be "on" all the time was mostly in my head. Being around a student helped put me at ease so that when I was actually interviewing with professors, I felt confident, relaxed and natural. And I usually have pre- and post-interview anxiety.