Extremely homesick, only an M1and already worried about matching back

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softball2344

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Expand your hobbies. Explore the new city. Avoid triggers of homesickness (which you're starting to instinctively do).
 
I have lived my whole life in Southern California and was lucky enough to do all my school and training there. Was in Midwest for fellowship and I know exactly how you feel.

Location doesn't really matter as much as you think it does for residency. Plenty of my fellow residents were from out of state medical schools and came back home. Step 1 is king, then your letters. Do a bunch of away rotations close to home, and you'll be ok. 4 years is a long time. Good luck.
 
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You get used to it. The lEast coast is definitely different in terms of culture/people, but if you squint real hard you can find some decent humans.

Everyone in the world wants to live in Southern California, so if you're applying to something competitive, you have to realize that its going to be hard to match anywhere, let alone in the one of the most beautiful places in the world.

Medical school is the point where you start to figure out how badly you want to be a Plastic Surgeon, or how badly you NEED to make $400k per year to be happy or if you really do care about prestige. All of the aforementioned have been enough for generations of physicians to hop between cities for medical school, residency, fellowship, and then jobs. None of us are special, you need to sit down and figure out what your priorities are.
 
softball2344 said:
I just want to get a job that will allow me to pay back my loans and live there relatively comfortably.. kind of makes me feel like **** since I came in with such ambition and what I thought were reasons good enough to warrant the sacrifices..
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Have you thought about seeing if your school has a councilor that you can just talk to? It seems like this is really hitting you harder than the average person.

The good news is that as long as you make it to residency, complete it, get hired doing anything, and then budget - you'll be fine. I promise. You might have to buy the store brand products for a while and maybe some couponing as well, but again, it will all work out.
 
softball2344 said:
I just want to get a job that will allow me to pay back my loans and live there relatively comfortably.. kind of makes me feel like **** since I came in with such ambition and what I thought were reasons good enough to warrant the sacrifices..
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Its tough. In college I think we all got used to scoring near the top of the bell curve with relatively minimal effort. Now it's all amped up and we're far away from home getting our rectums compacted on a daily basis. Only you can live your life and write your story. Choose wisely. My only recommendation is to just put your head down and work for the first two years. Give yourself options later so you don't come to regret your temporary moments of weakness, for they are temporary.
 
softball2344 said:
I just want to get a job that will allow me to pay back my loans and live there relatively comfortably.. kind of makes me feel like **** since I came in with such ambition and what I thought were reasons good enough to warrant the sacrifices..
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Try not to get down on yourself so much. Realizing that you value family and friends more than the prestige and ambition is nothing to be ashamed of. People grow up, values and perspectives change, goals change, and we all have to "settle" in one way or another. It's important to be able to reflect on that and understand what will realistically make you happy.

I also think it's important to step outside your comfort zone and look for the positives as well. I've lived in 7 different cities/locations and been able to find plenty of things in each that made me happy, even in the places I would hate having to live permanently. I understand that being in a completely different and new environment can be very stressful, especially when you throw medical school in, but if you're only focused on the things you're missing in your old life, you won't be able to find new things you enjoy where you're at. If it's something you feel is more than "just a phase" or that it's really starting to impact your ability to learn, talk to your school counselor. The last thing you want is to have those struggles snowball into something that becomes unmanageable.
 
Osteoth said:
You get used to it. The lEast coast is definitely different in terms of culture/people, but if you squint real hard you can find some decent humans.

Everyone in the world wants to live in Southern California, so if you're applying to something competitive, you have to realize that its going to be hard to match anywhere, let alone in the one of the most beautiful places in the world.

Medical school is the point where you start to figure out how badly you want to be a Plastic Surgeon, or how badly you NEED to make $400k per year to be happy or if you really do care about prestige. All of the aforementioned have been enough for generations of physicians to hop between cities for medical school, residency, fellowship, and then jobs. None of us are special, you need to sit down and figure out what your priorities are.
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Well that’s just not true. N=1 for me but that makes your statement completely false.
 
OP, same. When you're a CA kid, life just isn't the same anywhere else.

I've started to use my friends' socials as inspiration to study hard, crush boards and get back home.

Rooting for ya,
Fellow homesick af m1
 
I'm from the PNW and currently out in the SE for med school. M1 was hard: none of my longtime friends, no mountains, oppressive heat. I went home to do research during M1-M2 summer, which helped tremendously. However, I want something uber competitive and it is hard to accept not being able to go home necessarily. Outside of your family and close friends, identify what it is that you really need to be happy and you will find that in places other than So Cal. Point being, make lemonade because you have an opportunity most people only dream of. Also, you will identify whether you want to just get back home and do any specialty, or whether you want to be an academic plastic surgeon and need to chase that dream.
 
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I think it’s all about perception. You see being away from home as a negative, it makes you sad, you miss friends, you miss family. But you need to see it as a time to expand your horizons, make new friends, force yourself to go explore even if it’s alone. Being uncomfortable is a good thing, it’s how we grow. Just advice from a kid who left home at 18 years old, I know it can be rough, but it’s all in your head
 
kb1900 said:
As someone who knows nothing about socal...why?
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Here are a few reasons not to live in Southern California: Oppressive air pollution, an outrageous cost of living, mind numbing congestion and commute times, obscene tax rates imposed on the upper middle class and terrible crime.
Whenever I see these posts from Californians about home sickness in medical school I ask why the State of California can't put some skin in the medical education game. California by most measures is one of the world's ten largest economies. It accounts for 12% of the U.S. population but has only 6% of the country's medical school seats.

According to one study California has spent over $4 billion on the death penalty.
COSTS: New Study Reveals California Has Spent $4 Billion on the Death Penalty | Death Penalty Information Center
Governor Moonbeam is only too happy to spend an indeterminate amount of money on this stupid passenger train to nowhere. That thing is his pyramid. It might never be built because of the San Gabriel mountains.

California's cigarette tax is only 87 cents per pack. If California raised that tax to $2 a pack, it could build two medical schools per year. In ten years every UC campus, and 50% of the Cal State campuses could have its own medical school. Instead of complaining about living outside of California, start complaining to your representatives about California's miserly approach to medical education.
 
OP I was in your shoes one year ago...especially missing out on the surf.

If you know what you want to do you can try to do research at your home program this summer. That's what I did and getting my face in there *hopefully* will help me get back some day.

Also you should consider getting a board and a 5/4 wetsuit, gloves, booties, hood. You won't find a Trestles over here, but it might help scratch the itch...even if you have to drive a couple hours make it a habit to go after tests and stuff.
 
At least you're not trying to return to the PNW...

Agree with finding new hobbies that you didn't know that you liked. I grew up skiing and ski racing competitively and there's exactly zero of that within 2 hours of where I live now. I picked up hockey which has abundant opportunities and a good social circle where I'm at which gives me something new to look forward to when it gets cold.
 
TheIllusionist said:
New York City > everywhere else. You'll learn to love it 😉
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Yup. I barely considered medical schools outside of NYC. East Coast Best Coast.

CharlieBillings said:
SNOW/WINTER
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That's what makes it great! Seasons! Seasons are amazing.


To the OP - Sorry to hear about your struggles. I can definitely understand what homesickness can feel like, to an extent. At the end of the day it's where you are now, and you'll be there for the next four years. Thinking about the future is most likely just going to give you more anxious and depressed thoughts about it, all the "what-ifs." Take this moment, live in it, and find the best in where you are.

Good luck!
 
No advice to give on matching, but definitely some advice for homesickness- I moved a couple thousand miles from home for college, and definitely was culture shocked for a while. I've learned to do what I term "nesting" 😛 to help with homesickness.
- make your living space warm/pretty/enjoyable to be in; hang up pictures all over one wall, put up string lights, whatever- give yourself a nice place to come home to after a long day
- find good local places that you enjoy going to; a coffee shop, a chinese restaurant, and a diner are my big three
- join some sort of team/club/group; bonus if you like doing a sport, it automatically gives you group interaction and exercise endorphins

And the final reminder: Hang in there, it will get better! That feeling in the pit of your stomach will ease up over time and one day you'll notice it's not there anymore, and you've probably picked up an accent for words like "car" and "coffee" 😉
 
kb1900 said:
As someone who knows nothing about socal...why?
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Obnoxious Dad hit a few points, but there are a lot more. My main priorities are to be able to practice how I want (ie, have my pick of jobs), make a decent wage for my field, live somewhere the COL is reasonable, be (somewhat) nearby my family and my wife's family (Midwest), and live somewhere with actual seasons other than summer and slightly cooler summer. Not to mention the possibility of CA becoming the first state to move to a single-payer system for healthcare (proposed by a group of nurses).

Honestly, the biggest thing for me is the cost. It's the same reason I'd never want to live in NYC or Seattle. Less pay for higher COL isn't appealing to me, especially given I can be happy in most places. So when I say you'd have to pay me 7 figures to work in Cali, it's because that's how much I'd realistically have to make to have the same quality of life I could get making half that (or less!) in other areas of the country.

CharlieBillings said:
States open schools to create a population of doctors that will serve their community. CA does not need to do this because so many Californians will return after attending med school elsewhere, AND tons of people are willing to move to CA already. Although I hear the rural areas of CA are not well attended to by physicians.
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This actually demonstrates a reason I wouldn't want to be in CA, the amount of physician saturation there in the more desirable areas is insane. Also the Cal med schools are more competitive, meaning their pre-med students are more likely to go out of state and pay higher tuition for med school, then return to a state that pays them less than other areas of the country(saturation again) and demands a far higher COL. Financially it's just not a great place for physicians, especially those who leave then want to return after they've racked up a bunch of debt.
 
Stagg737 said:
Obnoxious Dad hit a few points, but there are a lot more. My main priorities are to be able to practice how I want (ie, have my pick of jobs), make a decent wage for my field, live somewhere the COL is reasonable, be (somewhat) nearby my family and my wife's family (Midwest), and live somewhere with actual seasons other than summer and slightly cooler summer. Not to mention the possibility of CA becoming the first state to move to a single-payer system for healthcare (proposed by a group of nurses).

Honestly, the biggest thing for me is the cost. It's the same reason I'd never want to live in NYC or Seattle. Less pay for higher COL isn't appealing to me, especially given I can be happy in most places. So when I say you'd have to pay me 7 figures to work in Cali, it's because that's how much I'd realistically have to make to have the same quality of life I could get making half that (or less!) in other areas of the country.



This actually demonstrates a reason I wouldn't want to be in CA, the amount of physician saturation there in the more desirable areas is insane. Also the Cal med schools are more competitive, meaning their pre-med students are more likely to go out of state and pay higher tuition for med school, then return to a state that pays them less than other areas of the country(saturation again) and demands a far higher COL. Financially it's just not a great place for physicians, especially those who leave then want to return after they've racked up a bunch of debt.
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Literally everyone's reasoning makes sense lol. But home is home. And there's no reasoning with that.

I would say though, you've outlined all the reasons someone who isn't from CA shouldn't want to practice in CA (and even to some extent: do residency in CA). I do wonder how people without ties to California justify the financial drawbacks.
 
sammiesings said:
Literally everyone's reasoning makes sense lol. But home is home. And there's no reasoning with that.

I would say though, you've outlined all the reasons someone who isn't from CA shouldn't want to practice in CA (and even to some extent: do residency in CA). I do wonder how people without ties to California justify the financial drawbacks.
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Absolutely, home is home and everyone will have ties to the places they remember growing up. My original point on CA was just agreeing with another poster that the statement "Everyone in the world wants to live in SoCal" is quite the exaggeration.
 
Stagg737 said:
Absolutely, home is home and everyone will have ties to the places they remember growing up. My original point on CA was just agreeing with another poster that the statement "Everyone in the world wants to live in SoCal" is quite the exaggeration.
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Yeah. I mean. I'm a NorCal baby, so agreed on all points hahah.

But for real, I think it would be real difficult to justify/want to sacrifice so much financially without some real ties to the state. Same reason I'm not that interested in NYC even if it's alluring af.

But hey to the above poster, let's get the saying straight: it's west coast, best coast. Come on, bud yours doesnt even rhyme 😉
 
Midwest is the best. No coastal cliques that you're pressured into, quality of education is the same, there's less crowding & pollution, and cost of living is cheap.
 
softball2344 said:
Hi everyone, I am from SoCal and just started school this year at a mid-tier MD school on the east coast. I am already EXTREMELY homesick for my friends and family and the beach/surfing, to the point where I can barely look at snapchats, FB etc from my home friends without feeling depressed. I am already terrified of not being able to match back home. I keep reading how hard it is to match at a decent program (like Irvine?) from OOS, and also how difficult it is to get a job from OOS if I don't come from a top program - any advice for how to conquer to homesickness and tips for dealing with the fact that this may be a long-term deal? It's starting to interfere with my schoolwork
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If you have ties to california, then it's a compelling reason for california residencies when you apply to them. The kind of specialty you choose also factors into how hard it is to match there. Do a few away rotations to reinforce your interest in them. You should be ok as long as you have no red flags during med school.

As far as being homesick, I understand but think more along the lines of "I'm only here for a few years so why not explore it and experience it as much as I can before I get the hell out of here." Try to make an effort to make a few really good friends. It makes your med school experience way more bearable.
 
If it makes you feel better you should be doing minimal beach and surfing for at least the first two years while in med school. I think a portion of your "sickness" is not being able to do anything fun (which you shouldn't be doing). You might have hated yourself if you were in cali and seeing those posts and couldn't do it even though it was nearby. I think that's just part of it though. I get homesick a lot so I don't like moving away and prioritized location over ambition.
 
JP2740 said:
I think a portion of your "sickness" is not being able to do anything fun (which you shouldn't be doing).
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I remember telling a mentor that I felt sick because I wasn't working out as much. His response: "You shouldn't be working out".
 
softball2344 said:
Hi everyone, I am from SoCal and just started school this year at a mid-tier MD school on the east coast. I am already EXTREMELY homesick for my friends and family and the beach/surfing, to the point where I can barely look at snapchats, FB etc from my home friends without feeling depressed. I am already terrified of not being able to match back home. I keep reading how hard it is to match at a decent program (like Irvine?) from OOS, and also how difficult it is to get a job from OOS if I don't come from a top program - any advice for how to conquer to homesickness and tips for dealing with the fact that this may be a long-term deal? It's starting to interfere with my schoolwork
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Current MS3 here who was in your shoes not long ago.

I was waitlisted at a UC med school near the surf but ended up at an east coast medical school during the El Nino year. I had to block Surfline cuz it was tearing me up so much. Will have to wait 20+ years for another season like that I think. Of course no one was that sympathetic since this is really a trivial problem in the grand scheme of things but I feel your pain.

Follow intubesteaks advice below. That's the truth right there.

You gotta move forward in life and being a doctor is an awesome thing to do. Put your energy into studying because Step 1 is truly the only thing between you and a return to the Golden State. And to echo other things people have said above... just adjust your career goals to make California a priority. I was thinking about some super competitive residencies but then I realized I'd totally give up chance of going to CA. So I just said F that and I'm going for something less competitive and I think it will be great. Again, being a doctor is such a better life than most people get a chance of...

intubesteak said:
OP I was in your shoes one year ago...especially missing out on the surf.

If you know what you want to do you can try to do research at your home program this summer. That's what I did and getting my face in there *hopefully* will help me get back some day.

Also you should consider getting a board and a 5/4 wetsuit, gloves, booties, hood. You won't find a Trestles over here, but it might help scratch the itch...even if you have to drive a couple hours make it a habit to go after tests and stuff.
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softball2344 said:
Was also waitlisted at a UC right next to the surf in my home city, it sucks. I hope you get to do few away rotations in CA next year and end up matching where you want!
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Do amazing in med school and you’ll be very happy in four years. Just think of this as a way to make you focus and do better
 
Osteoth said:
Its tough. In college I think we all got used to scoring near the top of the bell curve with relatively minimal effort. Now it's all amped up and we're far away from home getting our rectums compacted on a daily basis. Only you can live your life and write your story. Choose wisely. My only recommendation is to just put your head down and work for the first two years. Give yourself options later so you don't come to regret your temporary moments of weakness, for they are temporary.
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If you have enough time to feel homesick you're not studying enough!
I'm joking, but only partially.

Like the other posters said, get some new hobbies, go workout, explore the city and meet new people. Otherwise, lots and lots of library time=good score and good options for the future.
 
JonQ said:
If you have enough time to feel homesick you're not studying enough!
I'm joking, but only partially.
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That's excellent insight, especially for someone with four posts.

OP, consider talking to a counselor at your school. Chances are they can name some faculty member from SOCAL. I met someone from Arizona when I was an M1. For the next couple of years we had brief and meaningless conversations about silly things like highway art from colored rock, stucco grocery stores, going outside to see the rain, and of course our beloved saguaro. We had absolutely nothing else in common but these little conversations were gems. It was not depressing the way looking at pictures was.
 
While there are many reasons to hate SoCal, the place is great to make new friends and expand your social circle. If you don't click with people in school/residency, it's relatively easy to meet people interested in some weird stuff that you are into. Similar things can be said about many bigger cities around the US, but not all.
 
Hard for me to relate about the homesickness part, but I guess I didn't grow up in a place as nice as SoCal. For me, being far away from home has been an amazing experience - once I became my entire support structure, I grew up more in 2 years than I did in the previous 7-8. Look at it as a positive. You're getting to experience life on both coasts. You're there for a limited period of time and get to experience a vastly different culture. Most people wish they could travel more and try different locations.

I had plenty of classmates from Cali who were able to go back for residency in a variety of fields. Kill your Step 1 and you'll control your fate. Even if you do just solid, if you apply to the right programs in the right field, you have a good chance of getting closer to home.
 
cowboy up and embrace the change for a season, even if you don't match back home you can embrace that change for 3-5 years.....any attending can move back into town in one way or another

this too shall pass
 
It'll get better. By the end of med school you will probably feel at home in your current city. Best thing you can do is embrace your new situation and try to enjoy it. This is simply all about mindset. Its like the kid who goes to summer camp for the first time, college for the first time, etc. Its a new situation so you are pining for what you know. You are an adult now though, learn to deal and embrace new experiences. There will be many more shocks like this in your future so it will be helpful to learn how to deal with them.

All this BS about you don't have time to be homesick, don't have time to do fun things, etc is just that. Complete BS. This is your life too. Med school should not be miserable and not simply a race to the finish line (ESPECIALLY the first two years)...Have fun, make new friends, learn your new city, make it your home because it will be for 4 years.
 
tymont12 said:
I'm from the PNW and currently out in the SE for med school. M1 was hard: none of my longtime friends, no mountains, oppressive heat. I went home to do research during M1-M2 summer, which helped tremendously. However, I want something uber competitive and it is hard to accept not being able to go home necessarily. Outside of your family and close friends, identify what it is that you really need to be happy and you will find that in places other than So Cal. Point being, make lemonade because you have an opportunity most people only dream of. Also, you will identify whether you want to just get back home and do any specialty, or whether you want to be an academic plastic surgeon and need to chase that dream.
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I hear you. I'm from the PNW and am now in the NE for M1... It's okay, but it's not home, and there are literally two residency programs in the PNW for the specialty I'm most interested in... *sigh*
 
softball2344 said:
Man what field is that? 🙁
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Neurosurg. There's UW and OHSU, and that's it. And there are definitely aspects to those residencies that aren't exactly in line with what I was hoping for, toward the type of career I would like. But it's a huge draw to be near family and where I'd want to end up practicing... We'll see what happens in a few years, I guess. I certainly have time to figure it out, at least. : )
 
neuroguy91 said:
I hear you. I'm from the PNW and am now in the NE for M1... It's okay, but it's not home, and there are literally two residency programs in the PNW for the specialty I'm most interested in... *sigh*
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Too bad we don't like FM...there's a ton of residencies in cool rural places in the West.
 
I’m kind of the opposite with homesickness (wanted to GTFO after high school, love being in a new place, etc). However I kinda hated the city where I went to med school. My advice would be to find something you like about where you live. What I like to do when I move somewhere new or get bored with where I am is play tourist for a day. It depends on what you are interested in but for me, I will google museums or parks near me and go to one when I have some time off. Or I set a random goal for myself. When I did a rural rotation in med school my goal was to eat in as many local restaurants as possible to really get a feel for the community. One summer when I was in med school the natural parks/historical sites association had this scavenger hunt for kids where you could earn a prize, so I had a week off and did the scavenger hunt lol. For me, doing stuff like that is a) exciting and different and more like a mini-vacation b) a distraction from my boredness/whatever other thing I have going on and c) helps me find new favourites to revisit so then I eventually feel more at home in the area. By doing this in my current city I’ve found “my” local cafe, favourite park, favourite local restaurants, and some new traditions to do with my sister since I’m near my family again.
 
OP-I too grew up in California and my first experiene living outside of the state was horrible. I hated it, I constantly wanted to go back home, I was jealous of everyone who still lived in California, and truly felt like it was the ONLY place I could be happy. But here is the reality—California is not some magical state and while it may be your home and where you family is at, and while it may even be perfectly reasonable to return there one day to be closer to loved ones, your hobbies, etc... you can be happy somewhere else (at least in the short-term) if you want to be.

It’s been a number of years since my first experience away from home and since then I’ve lived in many different cities/states/countries and I’ve found that the vast majority of places have something cool going for them if you are willing to take the time to explore and give them a chance. You can easily spend the next 4 years constantly comparing your new city to your hometown, wishing you were in California, constantly thinking about returning to California, and I can virtually guarantee that you will be as miserable as you are now for the next 4 years. You will NEVER like your new city/state if you have already made up your mind that it is awful. So I encourage you to look for “your people” in your new city, find out what cool stuff is around you, resume your hobbies/interests or take on a new hobby if your old ones aren’t possible due to location, weather, etc...and try to find things to love about the place you are in. If it’s simply being away from family that is most difficult for you, I recommend making some scheduled time to talk/face-time with them, but then outside of that challenge yourself to get out there and do things and make new friends to create your own little mini-family in your new town. It won’t happen overnight, but if you NEVER put yourself out there to try to find your people, you will continue to be lonely. I don’t say this to be a jerk or some annoying “mind over matter” positivity peddler, but rather as someone who also was miserable my first time away from home, but eventually came to realize that a lot of that misery had more to do with me and my mindset about being away from CA than any actual short-comings of the new city I was in.

And at the end of 4 years you still may be very happy to return to California, but at least you’ll have spent 4 years exploring and having fun in a new city rather than 4 years being unhappy and feeling sorry for yourself.
 
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