Family and Med School

[futureMWDoc]

I posted this question to the students on the allopathic thread but realized it was likely missing out on much of the input of partners.

I’m a married MS-1 and my wife and I have been considering having children in the near future. However, we need a better understanding of how people have made that work so that we can formulate a plan and decide if it's a good decision for our potential kids and for us. For those of you who have done this or are raising a family now while your partner is in med school:

1. What have you done?
Worked? Schooled? Stayed at home? Something else?

2. How have you made this work?
a. Financially?
b. Childcare arrangements (stay at home Vs. support network assistance Vs. daycare, etc.)?
c. Homework?--how does the student balance course work and time at school with being a good parent?

3. Any other details that you've found important in your experience that I'm not thinking of yet.

Thanks for your time and we look forward to your advice.

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[Wifty]

Well, happily hubby just finished med school and is a new intern. I can give you our perspective and maybe it will help....maybe not.

We had our daughter during his MSII year. It was perfect because the coursework is not as intense as the first year and he was able to take alot of time away from class as needed/wanted.

I am a stay-at-home, so financially we needed to make ends meet by taking some state assistance. We figured that we had paid into it and will pay into it again and that it there to get us through our tight squeezes while we are in the process of finishing.

I know people that are starting their intern year with a new baby, and they seem much more stressed then hubby did. During school, even during rotations, you have more freedom to take time off, show up late, etc, then you do during residency.....so take that into consideration.

Also, hubby decided that being top of his class was not as important to him as spending time with me and daughter. Only you know what is most important to you and know how much child time you are willing to sacrifice or how much school work you will sacrifice. We found a good balance and I expect we got more time with hubby doing it the way we did, then if he was in another profession or if we had had our daughter during this intern year.

Priorities and balance are everything. MSI can sort of skew things towards the studying and school side, but I think it can shift back to where your relationships get enough attention to thrive and grow.

I hope I have helped in some small way. Please ask more questions if you have any!!!

With smiles,
Wifty aka Rebecca

 

[Do.the.DO]

My husband is an MSIII and we have three kids. When we relocated for his school, we decided that I'd go from working full-time to being home full-time. Made sense for us since we didn't have anyone in the new city that we felt comfortable with watching our kids.

It works. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but it could certainly be worse. We've also done the state assistance thing, too. And we figured, much like Wifty and her family, that we'd paid into it our entire working lives and will be again fairly soon. Med school is the best reason I can think of to be dirt po'. Hell, we're so poor, we can't even afford the other "o" and the "r"!

Time can definitely be an issue, if you allow it to be. My husband studied at least 10-12 hours per day, (during non-exam weeks...exam weeks were 16-20 hour days), so we had to become creative on how we spent our time during his first two years. We'd have lots of BBQ's and picnics at the school with other families enduring the same process. (His school is very family friendly.) We'd pick up the stuff and leave, and the medical student spouses would go back to studying. They'd get to hang out with their families, but not take too much time out of their studying schedule. Even though they're not still studying like mad, we still get together at the school with the other families for BBQ's and such. It's nice for the students since they don't see each other as much now that they're all out doing rotations.

Like Wifty posted, ask as many questions as you'd like! We did the same thing with other students and their families who came before us.

 

[mommy2three]

1. What have you done?
Worked? Schooled? Stayed at home? Something else?

2. How have you made this work?
a. Financially?
b. Childcare arrangements (stay at home Vs. support network assistance Vs. daycare, etc.)?
c. Homework?--how does the student balance course work and time at school with being a good parent?

3. Any other details that you've found important in your experience that I'm not thinking of yet.

i can answer from the other end of the field based on my experience last yr in a smp as well as having children ever since i went back to school.
1. i stopped working the week before we had our oldest dd. it was a challenge at first to make ends meet. thankfully my dh now works in a very well paying job and things are much more comfortable.

2.
a. when things were tighter it was coupons coupons and more coupons. i would make things in batches so we could get more than one meal out of a dinner. we would rarely go out to eat and when we did we would go to family style places that had lower prices, we only went out to chains on special ocasions. you learn very quickly when money is tight how to budget and make ends meet.
b. we have done the full gamut of things. when i was in undergrad the children were at a daycare that was located directly on campus which was nice because you paid by the hour and it was more reasonable than centers in town. last year my ds was at a preschool near our house that is very reasonable cost wise and my dd was in the before/after school program run by the park district at her school which is also very reasonable cost wise. now that we have added our newest dd she is in a private home which i found to be much more reasonable cost wise than a center for a newborn. we also live under a mile from my parents who have picked up the older two from daycare last year if i was running late or had an exam and would not be back in time to pick them up etc. they have also dropped my oldest dd off at school before if i needed to be in early for a class etc. so for us it has been a combination of various things that hav worked.
c. this i think is the trickiest thing i have ever done. especially with my oldest dd wanting to be involved in things and having practices, games etc etc etc. i would (and still do this yr) take my books with to practices or if it is a longer time period (her one dance class is well over and hour) i drop her off and come back home (we live 5 minutes from the dance studio) and i can study at home. i do not make stuyding my sole focus as i would go insane but i do study quite a bit here and there. i also make sure that the kids are in daycare for longer than i am in class so i have some time to myself after class taht i can get things done. i find i am most productive after dinner when the kids are happily watching tv/doing homework/etc and i can get things done then (but i am more of a night person...always have been). when it is test time for either of us (since we are both in school) the other one takes the burden of handling the children a majority of the time. you will have to find what works for you and your family.
3. newborns are exhausting...they really are. if you were going to ad to your family i would reccomend trying to have a summer baby so that you are not in classes and can focus on your new baby and adjusting to life together as a family.
best wishes

 

[student07]

We decided that the best decision for our potential kids and for us was to wait until we could actually afford to have children before we had them. I’m not going to raise my children off of other people's money. My wife firmly agrees. She wants to stay at home with any children we have, but we can’t do that until I’m gainfully employed. So right now, she works and her salary pays the bills and her benefits provide us with excellent health, life and disability insurance.

The taxes you pay aren’t a personal savings account that you can dip into because you’ve “paid into the system.” Welfare is not there to get you through tight squeezes. It’s your responsibility to get yourself through tight squeezes, not the government’s. Start saving now.

I could see using the welfare system if you truly have an unexpected emergency. But to plan to start a family with the idea that the government will pay for it is selfish. Not only is it a situation that can be avoided on your part, but it takes away from those who truly need the welfare system to help them during an unexpected crisis.

One other point, if you move to a new state for medical school and receive state assistance from the new state, I don’t quite see how you paid into the state assistance if you’ve never worked and paid taxes to the new state.

 

[RossFamily]

good for you, student07 for you and your wife. being able to pay for yourselves and have great healthcare...and not rely on anyone or a system for help. i hope you know, when you start residency 99.999% of all your patients are going to be on welfare.




IMO there is never a bad time to have kids. if you wait until the time is right, you may never have them. my husband and i started this journey with a 2.5 month old, and finished med school with three under 3. i was/am a stay at home mom and yes, it is tough. the school insurance sucked so *gasp* we had..... cover your ears...medicaid for our kids.

dh and i did not have coverage but it was necessary for our children. being cheap with outings, driving older cars, not going out, using coupons, having family members help (is that bad too???? ) taking out extra loans...all of this helped.

my dh usually had plenty of family time with the kids. he took time off for the births and still managed to do great. you just need to have good study habits and realize that this journey can be just as difficult on your wife and potential children. it can be lonely at times...not to mention moving away from family and support networks.

i wish you and your wife the best. i hope your med school journey is great and that you dont wait until the "perfect" time to have kids. good luck!

 

[buddindoc]

I dont see a problem with having medicaid.My babies still have it (2&5Y)
Hell,medicaid paid for my care during the 9 long months,delivery,my IUD, and even now for my for my other meds.
Oh yes not to forget I was also on the WIC Programme..and tht paid for the similac formula and also for Alimentum because my second one had reflux which is like $50 a tin.I never went for the food stamps and such..but medicaid and wic for formula yes.
There is a student world out there other then this Medical school pool and ppl do have babies and such and not every one has trust funds or school insurance .Trust me the goverment knows about this .A students reason on getting MEDICAID is very acceptable and i have had it in 3 states in the US
MEDICAID IS FOR DESTITUTES=I CONSIDER MY SELF TO BE ONE!!!!
for ppl who need more info on this PM me .

 

[Do.the.DO]

We decided that the best decision for our potential kids and for us was to wait until we could actually afford to have children before we had them. I’m not going to raise my children off of other people's money. My wife firmly agrees. She wants to stay at home with any children we have, but we can’t do that until I’m gainfully employed. So right now, she works and her salary pays the bills and her benefits provide us with excellent health, life and disability insurance.

The taxes you pay aren’t a personal savings account that you can dip into because you’ve “paid into the system.” Welfare is not there to get you through tight squeezes. It’s your responsibility to get yourself through tight squeezes, not the government’s. Start saving now.

I could see using the welfare system if you truly have an unexpected emergency. But to plan to start a family with the idea that the government will pay for it is selfish. Not only is it a situation that can be avoided on your part, but it takes away from those who truly need the welfare system to help them during an unexpected crisis.

One other point, if you move to a new state for medical school and receive state assistance from the new state, I don’t quite see how you paid into the state assistance if you’ve never worked and paid taxes to the new state.

Then why are you even posting in a thread like this if you're not the spouse of a med student and have a perfect life? Puh-lease. Save your sanctimonious rantings for a group of people who might care. It's seriously out of place here in a spouses section where we're trying to help each other out.

Some of us had kids, (and a life), before our spouses were accepted to medical school. Does that mean they should simply say "No thanks!" to their dream of being a doc? Uh, no. You do what you have to do to get where you need to be. If that means swallowing my pride and accepting limited state aid until we're in a position where we no longer need it to provide for our family, so be it. I'm willing to do that so my husband can achieve his dream of being a physician and to care for my family.

You need to get over yourself and quit being so freakin' judgemental of other peoples' choices. Just becaue it isn't a choice you'd make doesn't make it any less valid.

Oh, and this is just a side note, but welfare is funded at the federal, not state level. So if you've paid federal taxes, you've paid into the system.

 

[icecreamdays]

As a spouse who has never posted, I applaud Student07 and his wife for their decision to wait and I respect him for posting the apparently not frequently considered option of waiting until you can afford to have kids to actually have them. My husband and I made the same decision. I don’t think that being a spouse makes my post any more or less valid than Student07 who is a medical student who has a spouse…particularly since the original poster is a medical student who has a spouse and not the spouse of a medical student.

The OP asked how people made it work. Some of us are making it work by scrimping and saving now so we can afford children in the future. Like others who posted, we use coupons, drive old cars, rarely go out, etc. And we save and invest the money we save so we will be financially secure and be able to provide financially for the children we will one day have.

I don’t know why someone can’t even suggest that a family who can’t afford to raise a child should wait. Student07’s viewpoint should certainly be considered when thinking about starting a family. I don’t think anyone should have a child with the expectation that the government will provide financial assistance to raise the child. There could be welfare reform tomorrow that could cut you out of the line. What would you do then? What would your children do then? (The "you" isn't directed at anyone in particular...just a general question to consider before having kids.)

I agree you do what you have to do to get where you need to be. For me, that means waiting to start a family until my husband is finished medical school. In the meantime, I do what I have to do by going to work to support us and allow us to become more financially secure so that we will get where we need to be.

And, as a side note, welfare is funded at both the federal and state levels. It would seem to me Student07 was addressing the comment of, “We've also done the state assistance thing, too.”

 

[GIGATT]

We both went back to school full time 5 years ago. Hubby is currently in a masters program for tox and I stay home. During the time we went to school we had nooooooo money... we took our student loans and they paid for school and left barely enough to cover rent, buy rice, some cheese and milk... Anywho, my husband was dead set against any kind of state assistance- including reduced fee lunches for the our son who was in school. Our daughter was home with me or hubby (we had alternating school schedules). It was tight. I do encourage you to take help *if* you need it. No child should have to forgo a dr visit for a soar throat or a hacky cough just because of pride. My kids never got to go to the dr and they are damn lucky (as am i...it would have been called neglect if something serious developed because of a minor issue that could have been taken care of with some antibiotics)...they never got to do fun kid things ect...but they did learn to love caseroles!

I think the problem comes into play when we see people *depend* on the system. They use it for years on end as though they are entitled to it.... for those that take it out of necessity (say, you already have children when you go back) then it's there to keep you alfoat...it's a dory- not a yaht.

 

[Do.the.DO]

And, as a side note, welfare is funded at both the federal and state levels.

Yep, you're right on that. It is funded on both levels...not JUST the state level. (Vast majority is funded at the federal level, though.) So everyone has paid into it regardless of whether you've lived in your particular state for a few years or not.

But really...who cares how someone else elects to support their family, so long as it's legal? If you don't agree with their choices, fine. But it certainly isn't your place to disparage their existence because you don't agree with their choices or make different ones.

In our case, we already had three kids by the time my husband decided to apply for medical school. And we did just dandy supporting them before relocating 1,200 miles away from friends, family, work, and everything/one we knew. I worked 60+ hours per week at one job and my husband worked at least that much between three jobs, (granted, two of his jobs were mainly for looking good on his school aps, but still...that's a LOT of work), during our undergrad years. Neither of us were slacking off or taking things easy, by any means.

Once he was actually accepted to a couple of schools, there was NO WAY I'd make him refuse those acceptances simply because we had kids. I had fully planned on working when we relocated but found that childcare costs for our three kids could MORE than outweigh what I'd make in our new area. (Wages in our new area are not even close to what I was making before our relocation.) We elected to live off of his financial aid package for his first year and didn't make it without having to borrow from family. And we lived VERY frugally.

It wasn't until his second year that we found out that many of the other families at his school were actually on state aid. (It hadn't even occurred to us to go this route or that we'd even qualify.) We discussed it...a LOT, before deciding to apply and see what type of help we could get. At that point, anything would improve our situation. We ended up qualifying for medical insurance for our kids and some food benefits. Trust me, we're certainly not living it up on that. But it's enough to make his financial aid stretch sufficiently for our survival until he reaches residency.

Is it ideal? Of course not. But it's survival. And that's what you do when you have a family. You do what you must to survive. If I'd known ten years ago when my eldest was born that my husband would be in medical school, we might have lived our lives a little differently. But that wasn't on our radar, at that time.

My point in all of this long-windedness...don't judge someone else's decisions just because they're not ones you think you'd ever make. You might surprise yourself if/when your circumstances change beyond what you'd imagine.

 

[dpmd]

The difference is that you tried to make it work on your own and found you needed extra help later. Also, you didn't say that you then had a few more kids while on assistance. Lots of ways of supporting your family are legal, but not desirable. I think it just rubs some people the wrong way when someone plans on using state/federal assistance and feels they are entitled to it without realizing that the money doesn't just come from whatever they might have paid into the system already. It comes from other people, some of whom may not appreciate the taxes they pay to fund other people having kids whenever they want. Yes, some people really need it. Yes, it is government mandated. No, I don't have to like it. Its one thing to find yourself in a situation where you need help. It's another to put yourself in that position by the choices you make and then have to gall to be offended because someone tells you they don't like it.

 

[dippitydot]

I think it just rubs some people the wrong way when someone plans on using state/federal assistance and feels they are entitled to it without realizing that the money doesn't just come from whatever they might have paid into the system already.

Um, this is just my $.02, but I doubt most med students or their families actually plan on going on welfare until faced with not being able to make it. It's nice to know from those that have gone before us that it's an available option if we need a safety-net.

Welfare isn't a choice for you. We get it. But don't get pissed off when someone else does chose it. You don't know their life or their circumstances. Get over yourself. Not everyone on welfare is a baby-making-machine who's just sitting back sucking off the government teat. Yeah, there are a LOT like that. But do you really think most medical students are that lazy? If they were, they sure as hell wouldn't be in med school.

I just hope you're not this judgemental when you have poor patients.

 

[Mom2five]

If you are in Med. School you ARE trying to better yourself so that you are never in the situation to need aid. Some of the negative posters should go down to their local welfare office and apply just to go thru the experience...it is humiliating...I actually cried. Life is not a "plan". I would applaud anyone that was going to school to provide their family with a better life. To me that would be the ideal candidate for aid. I grew up very very very poor, my husband grew up in an upper middle class home. The negative comments in some posts above are classic snobbery. Life is hard and as a Doctor you'd better have a good sense of compassion and a non-judgmental attitude. Compassion comes from seeing the world and experiencing as many things as possible that are "different" from you or what you think. I realize that one day soon a huge chunk of my husband's paycheck will go toward taxes...taxes that will hopefully help out the unfortunate and also help out some like ourselves.

As a side note if you are young and are able to "plan" a family in the best way financially then wonderful for you. It just helps to understand that what is best for you is not always best for someone else and doesn't mean that they are wrong. If you are older though when are you going to have kids? 4 yrs. of med school, 3-6 yr. long Residency until you can "afford" kids. And then let me tell you, you will just have more expensive taste and then want to build up retirement, etc. You can never "afford" to have kids but more often that not you can't "afford" not to. Those who are parents understand.

Tone is hard to convey in messages like this...I just feel deeply that we should all give people a break...you will be a happier person for it...

 

[dpmd]

Um, this is just my $.02, but I doubt most med students or their families actually plan on going on welfare until faced with not being able to make it.

The OP is planning for a child and other posters are telling him to PLAN on using state/federal assistance to make it. I just wanted to give the opposite viewpoint.

As for his particular situation, here is an option:
-take as much in loans as you are are eligible and put as much as possible in a savings account
-have your wife work for a few years (you said you wanted a child in the future right?)
-live frugally and put away as much money as you can
This way you can accumulate a nice amount of money to pay for your family's needs. Also, once you have the child, check with your financial aid office. They can add in certain expenses (such as childcare and rent exceeding the allotted amount) to your budget which will increase the amount of funding you are eligible for.

To those who got angry about my last post: I admit I was feeling a little bitter about some people I know on assistance who talk about watching their Direct TV and the latest movies they saw in the theater, or show off their designer purses and new clothes.

It is not snobbery, I just wish more people made mature money decisions that would help them during rough times (as some people have shown by saying they use coupons, eat out less, etc). I recommend that all people think about their future (whatever their goals might be) when deciding what they spend their money on. Even a dollar here and there can make a difference in the long run. Then if you run into trouble, I will be the first one to try to help.

 

[Mom2five]

I think it's just hard to know the whole story. That's where I'm coming from with the snobbery bit. For instance, my sister sent me $150 to spend on MYSELF for my birthday. Now someone could see me out on my little shopping spree and think ill of me not knowing the whole situation. My parents have sent $$ for sports activities for the kids. Our family is very generous with gifts and such...our kids have way more than they need...but family just doesn't seem to send money and say "here's for bills, food etc." We don't have cable TV (just an antennae that gets the 3 networks...even then I watch too much) but we have plenty other things that we don't "need"...internet, kids playing sports, movies, toys etc. We had only one vehicle for a very long time which was super hard (stuck at home with 5 kids). A wreck actually made the second car purchase necessary (cause wrecked car was in the shop for over a month) and even then we got a car in great condition for under $2000.

I agree that the OP is asking for advice for his "planning". I wasn't advocating doing anything any certain way. For us, my husband could not have attended medical school without some extra help. Even taking out the max loans didn't cover everything and I think we live pretty modest. Also, his school does NOT figure in extra for dependents...they said it is illegial to do so. My husband is one of those people that figured out a little later in life what he wanted to do as a career. The sacrifice, stress, amount of loan debt, etc. that we have...I don't know, I'm just over feeling bad about getting some government help. I think the service that he will soon provide to the medical community is worth the "investment" on the governments part. I do not feel any sense of entitlement or anything like that I just don't see any other way that we could've done it.

I don't have a degree and I checked into child care costs and seriously I could barely make enough $ to cover the daycare expenses (working to send my kids to daycare...silly). Lots of firsts really during this med. school ride...first time we've carried credit card balances (that's how we survived for the first couple years of school). Our early years of marriage we pretty much lived pay-check to pay-check, probably would've qualified for some type of assistance but never tried.

Life is hard for everyone. I think I am very blessed and seriously wish the absolute best for all.

 

[radspouse]

If you wait until you think you can afford children you'll never have children.

It's about priortizing and moving your finances around to fit your priorities.

We have five children now - one in undergrad, two (twins) in med school, one during intern year, and the fifth towards the end of residency. It wasn't easy. But, we made our family the priority financially and we managed to get through intact both physically and psychologically.

It's stunning to hear sometimes what people without children *think* children cost. The reality is that you don't need a gas-guzzling SUV for children, you can find nice, non-designer children's clothes, you don't have to spend a lot of money on food, etc.

How did we do it? We budgeted, we went without luxuries (read that again: we went without luxuries), we had kind family members help us on occasion (for which we are eternally indebted and have tried very hard to do the same for them ever since). I was briefly on Medicaid with my children when our COBRA coverage ran out and prior to finding other coverage. Do I feel guilty? No. My husband makes enough now that his withheld earnings easily support three other families. No joke. In just the first year out of residency we will have paid back anything Medicaid paid in medical expenses for my children and myself.

One important thing to keep in mind: Many things in our society are considered necessities when they are, in fact, just luxuries. Eating out, buying overpriced "organic" produce, having new cars, buying children's shoes from StrideRite, having new furniture, etc. - luxuries pure and simple. We learned to pare our lives down and, in many ways, it was quite liberating. We "lived Zen" as my husband likes to call it.

And, no I did not work outside the home. My full-time job was and still is being a mother. That was one thing we felt was a major necessity for our children and our family life. Oddly enough, many in our society believe full-time motherhood is a luxury rather than a necessity. Funny how society can turn things topsy-turvy.

Bottom line: It's delayed gratification through medical training. You will be "poor" regardless. Being "poor" will not harm you or your potential children. It will make you creative and appreciative of your life once medical training ends.

 

[radspouse]

Ic. Homework?--how does the student balance course work and time at school with being a good parent?

Now, of all concerns THAT is the most important - and was far more difficult than any financial difficulties.

And, the answer is that you have to be organized about both your studying and your family life. You have to have a spouse who will take up all of your slack (and, there will be lots of slack, believe me). You have to come up with a balance in your family life. It's not easy. I think it was fourth year of medical school before my husband found that balance. Residency was better. And, now that training is over he's even better at the balancing act.

The fact is that a good chunk of medical specialties are going to require a significant amount of your time post-training - time that will require you to be away from your family. You can either learn how to arrange your professional life around your family life earlier or later - it's up to you. But, similarly to what I said about being financially "ready" for children: If you wait to have children until you think you'll have enough free time, life "settles down", or things aren't stressful you're never going to have children. Like your finances, you make your priorities and work everything around those priorities as best you can. Good luck.

 

[Do.the.DO]

If you wait until you think you can afford children you'll never have children.

It's about priortizing and moving your finances around to fit your priorities.

We have five children now - one in undergrad, two (twins) in med school, one during intern year, and the fifth towards the end of residency. It wasn't easy. But, we made our family the priority financially and we managed to get through intact both physically and psychologically.

It's stunning to hear sometimes what people without children *think* children cost. The reality is that you don't need a gas-guzzling SUV for children, you can find nice, non-designer children's clothes, you don't have to spend a lot of money on food, etc.

How did we do it? We budgeted, we went without luxuries (read that again: we went without luxuries), we had kind family members help us on occasion (for which we are eternally indebted and have tried very hard to do the same for them ever since). I was briefly on Medicaid with my children when our COBRA coverage ran out and prior to finding other coverage. Do I feel guilty? No. My husband makes enough now that his withheld earnings easily support three other families. No joke. In just the first year out of residency we will have paid back anything Medicaid paid in medical expenses for my children and myself.

One important thing to keep in mind: Many things in our society are considered necessities when they are, in fact, just luxuries. Eating out, buying overpriced "organic" produce, having new cars, buying children's shoes from StrideRite, having new furniture, etc. - luxuries pure and simple. We learned to pare our lives down and, in many ways, it was quite liberating. We "lived Zen" as my husband likes to call it.

And, no I did not work outside the home. My full-time job was and still is being a mother. That was one thing we felt was a major necessity for our children and our family life. Oddly enough, many in our society believe full-time motherhood is a luxury rather than a necessity. Funny how society can turn things topsy-turvy.

Bottom line: It's delayed gratification through medical training. You will be "poor" regardless. Being "poor" will not harm you or your potential children. It will make you creative and appreciative of your life once medical training ends.

Very well put, radspouse! I couldn't agree more!

 

[lilnoelle]

To those who are anti-medicaid for med students.... my husband is the same way. And so you know what that means? My one year old and three year old don't have medical insurance. My son is probably not going to get his vaccinations for quite a while. We just can't afford insurance. There is really no way. I guess I figure that once I complete residency and will be working in an underserved, rural area, that I will be giving enough back to society to outweigh the amount I might take from society by accepting government help, but that opinion isn't necessarily shared and so.... my kids aren't insured. We're basically living on the hope that we won't need it, but really, financially, either I pay for day care of medical insurance, and I can't be in med school without day care, so thats just the way its going to be.

 

[RICEgrl]

To those who are anti-medicaid for med students.... my husband is the same way. And so you know what that means? My one year old and three year old don't have medical insurance. My son is probably not going to get his vaccinations for quite a while. We just can't afford insurance. There is really no way. I guess I figure that once I complete residency and will be working in an underserved, rural area, that I will be giving enough back to society to outweigh the amount I might take from society by accepting government help, but that opinion isn't necessarily shared and so.... my kids aren't insured. We're basically living on the hope that we won't need it, but really, financially, either I pay for day care of medical insurance, and I can't be in med school without day care, so thats just the way its going to be.

I was just browsing this thread and want to let you know that I see signs in our doctor's office stating that no child will be refused vaccinations because of inability to pay. PLEASE get the shots . Not getting vaccinations out of pride is pure absurdity! Even if you need to get assistance temporarily and use it only for vaccinations, it will well outweigh the risks of your children contracting a terrible disease. As a future doctor, I hope you understand that an ounce of prevention is worth much more than a pound of cure.

 

[DrSwede]

I would appreciate any feedback you can give.

I'm starting medical school this year and my wife and I are in our early 30's. We're looking to start a family, but we're not sure when the best time to start is. I want to fulfill my share of the responsibilities of course and be able to do well in school at the same time.

She has a very good job, salary and flexibility-wise, but she might end up working from home (with the same company) when we move so that I can attend med school. I don't want the house to become an environment of stress for her, even though after 9 1/2 years of marriage we both understand sacrifices must be made.

So far, some doctors told us to start having a family right now. Some medical students have told us to wait until after I'm done with year 2.

Please give me your thoughts on this

Thanks

 

[MJB]

I would appreciate any feedback you can give.

I'm starting medical school this year and my wife and I are in our early 30's. We're looking to start a family, but we're not sure when the best time to start is. I want to fulfill my share of the responsibilities of course and be able to do well in school at the same time.

She has a very good job, salary and flexibility-wise, but she might end up working from home (with the same company) when we move so that I can attend med school. I don't want the house to become an environment of stress for her, even though after 9 1/2 years of marriage we both understand sacrifices must be made.

So far, some doctors told us to start having a family right now. Some medical students have told us to wait until after I'm done with year 2.

Please give me your thoughts on this

Thanks

Count me in on wanting the same type of info/guidance.

We're 30 and 31...and I start in August. She is a nurse.

 

[MJB]

I was just browsing this thread and want to let you know that I see signs in our doctor's office stating that no child will be refused vaccinations because of inability to pay. PLEASE get the shots . Not getting vaccinations out of pride is pure absurdity! Even if you need to get assistance temporarily and use it only for vaccinations, it will well outweigh the risks of your children contracting a terrible disease. As a future doctor, I hope you understand that an ounce of prevention is worth much more than a pound of cure.

noelle, I gotta agree..

Hell, I'll pay for them if need be since I'm still working.

Let me know.

 

[Sweenracer]

My wife is a 2nd year Resident, we have 2 kids, here's what we did:

1. What have you done?
Worked? Schooled? Stayed at home? Something else?

I work. I'm an engineer, although when we started out I was barely making enough to get by.

2. How have you made this work?
a. Financially?

Well, we had my income which was not very good at the time ($45k a year). Bought a cheap rowhouse in Northeast Philadelphia with an FHA mortgage for first-time buyers. ($70k in 2002) My employer provided healthcare but at a (huge) extra cost to me. We put my daughter in a Catholic school which was cheaper than private school (did not want to send her to Philadelphia public school...). We tried to time our 2nd child for the end of her 4th year in Med School... but we failed... it took us a few months, and my son was born during what was supposed to be her first week at her internship. The hospital was very nice to let her take her first month on leave and then make-up time by working over the 2 week holiday and sacrificing her 2 week vacation. Anyhow, we had the 2nd income from the internship ($40k a year) to help pay for daycare. This year we ended up selling our house after 4 years (for $140k- twice what we paid), and bought a house in the suburbs closer to where I work. We took our profits and used them to pay off car loans. Now we have a huge mortgage and are totally house-poor even though I am making more and we get 100% healthcare coverage from the hospital. (a huge perk!)

b. Childcare arrangements (stay at home Vs. support network assistance Vs. daycare, etc.)?

Daycare. And it is expensive. $200 a week! $10k a year! Get a big tax break though.

c. Homework?--how does the student balance course work and time at school with being a good parent?

My wife got by... She spent more time with the kids during Med School than she does now in Residency. She did a lot of studying at home, even when the kids were running amuck... but she did not want to leave them so she dealt with it.

3. Any other details that you've found important in your experience that I'm not thinking of yet

STRESS! Money is an issue, but stress has been the number one thing that has made it difficult. Screaming baby, studying, anxiety over matching, spouse's stresses at work, finances, time management, multi-tasking... Wanted to call a shrink more than once!!!

Buy a house if you can. Don't rent. It is a waste of money. The only reason we have what we have today is because I was smart and bought a house in a neighborhood (none of our peers wanted to live in) but it was on the rise. All our friends rented fancy apartments in trendy areas... I bought a rowhouse on a so-so street. Four years later, I had something to show for it, they had nothing. Now we live in a $300k suburban split-level with a nice backyard for the kids. There are programs to help... especially doctors... don't rent!

 

[Sweenracer]

We found end of the 4th year was going to be our best. My wife was 31 at the time. She switched around rotations to put the easy ones at the end of the 4th year. She also worked her elective over holiday break and scheduled her research month at the end so she could have a month off. She timed it so she would not look pregnant during her interviews. We were late with our timing though. She had the baby during what was supposed to be her first week at her new internship and ended up taking the entire first month off. She had to make up a lot of time to meet her AMA credits. She ended up working through the holidays the next year and giving up vacations to do it. But we got by. AND she was getting paid... (because it was "paid vacation") even though she never set foot in the door.