Family Is Adamantly Against Me Going Into Medicine

[JohnConstantine511]

I know that most parents would love for their children to become Doctors. My mother, who is an RN, is adamantly against me going to Medical School or into any health profession.

When I graduated college I considered doing a post-bacc. My mother flipped out at this saying Medicine is not for you. After a long verbal argument, I finally gave up and said I won't do a Post-Bacc. Then a year later I was considering shadowing a Doctor, she flips out again saying, "HIPAA won't allow people to shadow doctors."

Then a couple of months later, I tried a different approach--I said I was thinking about doing Dentistry. A dentist I know well wanted me to shadow him. She got angry and said "to stop wasting people's time". She then goes on to tell me how bad being a Dentist or Physician is.

For as long as I could remember she has treated my aspirations in Medicine as an absurd idea. Kind of in the same light that most people would treat the idea of dropping out of school and going to clown college.

She has said I am not a good fit for medicine but has never given me a reason why so. Other people have said I would make an excellent Physician. This includes some of my friends in healthcare.

Has anyone had someone that was against you going to medical school? How should I handle my parents if I do decide to go to medical school?

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[banthapug]

I don't know anything about you or your mom, but if I were you I would find out if medicine is the right fit for you yourself. Shadow a doc without telling her. Volunteer without telling her. Don't let her dictate her life.

I don't know what your relationship is like with your mom, but I wonder if your mom somehow feels threatened by you going into medicine, because she feels like it is "her thing." Perhaps she doesn't want you to be a doc because that would mean you "achieved more" in your career than she ever did (I put that in quotation marks because it is ridiculous to think RNs achieve less than MDs). Especially if she can't give you a reason why you wouldn't be a good fit for medicine. If she is is getting angry, that means the idea of you getting into medicine is pushing her buttons. If my suspicions are correct, confronting her about this idea of "threat" won't do much, because she is likely to dismiss it and say you are being crazy.

So in short, find out if medicine is for you, yourself. Don't tell her about your plans, because she has proven she will just try to discourage you instead of providing proper emotional support. It is your life and your journey, not your mom's.

Edit: I suggest you check out reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists - I won't assume anything but you might find some support there. If you end up not relating to the community, no big deal. Just an idea 🙂

 

[deleted407021]

My dad was opposed when I originally brought up the notion back in high school. He was under that false impression that "doctors go to school for 12 years" (the number of years he cited varied from one protestation to another). He encouraged me to go into nursing. That was the only problem, and now I have their full support since my parents have been educated on the matter.

I was persistent and listened to those who knew what they were talking about. Your mom is NOT one of those people. You do you, mate. Focus on yourself and do your best and you'll be a doctor one day. Don't let her or other ignorant people get you off track.

 

[Doctor Dream]

First, do what you want to do. If you want to be a doc, pursue it. If you want to be a dentist, pursue it. If you want to be a bus driver, pursue it. It's your life, not your mom's.

Second, your mom (hopefully) is just looking out for your best interests and has reasons why she thinks healthcare is a bad choice. She's had some exposure to healthcare, maybe just sit down and talk with her about why she believes that. Make sure to get specific and factual answers though, and avoid emotional opinions.

 

[BluMist]

Concur with @banthapug.
We have no idea the exact nature of your relationship; so you'd have to figure it out for yourself, especially since you've already graduated from college...

 

[Lannister]

My mom was very skeptical about me going into medicine (even when I called her to say that I had been accepted, she said, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"), so I kind of understand. Honestly, just start shadowing and volunteering. Over time, she'll see that you're committed to this and that you know what it entails, and if she's a good mother, she'll start to trust that you're doing what you think is right for you.

 

[NotWayneBrady]

Make sure to get specific and factual answers though, and avoid emotional opinions.

Man, your parents must be awesome if this works for you :/

Edit: Woops. Misread it as "give specific and factual answers"

 

[banthapug]

Man, your parents must be awesome if this works for you :/

I know right? Must be nice to have parents who actually "looks out for your best interest..." 😛

 

[NotWayneBrady]

I know right? Must be nice to have parents who actually "looks out for your best interest..." 😛

Mine look out for my best interest... but my father is incapable of separating emotion from rational discussion. He's also a huge fan of the mindset that he's the parent figure, therefore he is right. Period.

 

[BluMist]

While we are all here to bash our parents, I feel my mom is being "supportive" with an ulterior motive.

I'm only at the beginning of this journey, no MCAT, still finishing up DIY post-bacc, but now all her friends know that I'm "going to be a doctor".
It gave her something to constantly brag about and announce it to the world.
I'm here like WTF...

I know right? Must be nice to have parents who actually "looks out for your best interest..." 😛

 

[Lost in Translation]

Mine look out for my best interest... but my father is incapable of separating emotion from rational discussion. He's also a huge fan of the mindset that he's the parent figure, therefore he is right. Period.

Sounds like your dad and my dad should get together and go bowling.

 

[Lannister]

While we are all here to bash our parents, I feel my mom is being "supportive" with an ulterior motive.

I'm only at the beginning of this journey, no MCAT, still finishing up DIY post-bacc, but now all her friends know that I'm "going to be a doctor".
It gave her something to constantly brag about and announce it to the world.
I'm here like WTF...

Aww 🙂 After telling my mom I got in and reassuring her that I was sure about this decision, she texted me asking, "Can I tell people? " and since my mom never brags about anything I do (as far as I know), that made me kind of emotional, like she finally confirmed that she was proud of me.

 

[IsWhat]

You can let other people dictate your life and ultimately live with regrets, or you can pursue your passions and live without regrets.

The choice is yours.

 

[BluMist]

sorry, first thing to pop into my head...

Sounds like your dad and my dad should get together and go bowling.

 

[Silmaril]

I am an RN at a large, academic medical center.

Agree with @banthapug, for the most part. RNs and MDs have a tenuous relationship these days. Your mother may be secretly threatened by your decision to become a physician. However, it would take a good sit down talk with her to illuminate why she is against all healthcare careers. I can understand why she would be against medicine or nursing, but against everything? That is strange. Is she bitter about the healthcare system? The way she has been treated? Does she feel that healthcare providers are bitter? I hate to say it, but even though I have only been an RN for two years, I have seen a stark difference between the hopeful personalities of med students and the burnt-out demeanor of the interns and residents (they loosen up a bit once they become fellows). She may be honestly afraid that you are going to change for the worse as a person. I don't think she is afraid of you achieving more than her: that's a parent's dream for their children, most of the time.

IMHO, pursue your dreams voraciously, but try to get your mom on your side. The journey will be a lot easier. Hope all goes well.

 

[piii]

What's your living situation? Are you financially stable? Do you have your own place?

If not, you need to get there in order to be in a less emotional unsupportive environment. You are an adult. You can do what you want. At some point you need to take a hard look at your life and ask yourself if your going to let you mother have her hand in controlling your passions.

 

[NotWayneBrady]

You can let other people dictate your life and ultimately live with regrets, or you can pursue your passions and live without regrets.

The choice is yours.

 

[bopper]

Another scenario is that your mom sees that all the schooling/work that goes into being a doctor and doesn't want that kind of life for you.

HOWEVER...this is YOUR life. Like others say, start volunteering and see if YOU like medicine.

Stop telling your parents your plans at this point. I assume you have graduated...are you working? Can you get a job in a hospital (e.g., ER Scribe ) to further expose yourself to the health profession?

And read this forum to see if anything sounds familiar
Dealing with PD (Personality Disordered) Parents
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=4.0

 

[whatever5]

It's your life dude, you can do what you want.

However, I find it surprising that your mom is trying to squash your dreams without reason. Did you graduate from college with a 2.0 gpa or have a history of constantly changing your mind about what you want to do? Because then perhaps her arguments that medicine is not for you are more reality based than you are letting on.

 

[trini818]

My mom, who is a retired RN, was (is) against me going to medical school. This was a major reason for me getting my PhD instead. I love science and research, but there has always been something missing. I am now trying to do what I always wanted. I should have done this 10 years ago based on the increasing competitiveness of medical school admissions. Not sure how much my mom still does not want me to be a doctor. I think she might have gotten over it now that I am 31. Moral of the story is do what YOU want to do.

 

[RogueUnicorn]

I know that most parents would love for their children to become Doctors. My mother, who is an RN, is adamantly against me going to Medical School or into any health profession.

When I graduated college I considered doing a post-bacc. My mother flipped out at this saying Medicine is not for you. After a long verbal argument, I finally gave up and said I won't do a Post-Bacc. Then a year later I was considering shadowing a Doctor, she flips out again saying, "HIPAA won't allow people to shadow doctors."

Then a couple of months later, I tried a different approach--I said I was thinking about doing Dentistry. A dentist I know well wanted me to shadow him. She got angry and said "to stop wasting people's time". She then goes on to tell me how bad being a Dentist or Physician is.

For as long as I could remember she has treated my aspirations in Medicine as an absurd idea. Kind of in the same light that most people would treat the idea of dropping out of school and going to clown college.

She has said I am not a good fit for medicine but has never given me a reason why so. Other people have said I would make an excellent Physician. This includes some of my friends in healthcare.

Has anyone had someone that was against you going to medical school? How should I handle my parents if I do decide to go to medical school?

Typical nurse. Adamant. Wrong.

Do whatever you want OP. Time to be a big boy/girl.

 

[JohnConstantine511]

First thank you for everyone who has commented so far.

I don't think it is because she is a Nurse. My dad has a PhD in Engineering, and I have always been more like my dad.

When she feels that I am not suited for a job she becomes adamantly against it. She didn't feel I had the personality to be a doctor.

She has done this before. She flipped out when I was going to take an ROTC scholarship in college, saying, "I wasn't military material". Ultimately, I pursued Accounting because that's what my mom pressured me to go into. Hated it. Now I am in a different field, really like it and make good money. But still there is a part of me that wants to go to medical school.

I will talk to my mom, but I am going to shadow a Physician regardless. Even if medicine isn't for me, at least I shadowed someone and found out for myself.

 

[musicalfeet]

Dude, I'm assuming you're in college/almost graduated. You need to take control of your own life despite possibly not having the approval of your parents. I broke my parents' hearts when they realized I didn't want to do what they wanted me to do. My mom was against me going into medicine too, as she couldn't possibly understand why I would want to work so hard for other people (lolwut?! I swear this is what she said). She thought my desire to help improve the lives and health of other people was dumb, because after all, you need to take care of yourself first (she has a way of turning things that are kinda true, and then twist it to make it mean something different).

But you can do and make this happen on your own. Your parents may or may not come around. Don't make the mistake of doing something else because everyone else is telling you to pick a different career, and then years later turn around and realized you made a mistake. It's a sucky feeling, and I'm really glad I realized it at 24 rather than at 34.

Plus, why do you need to tell your parents exactly what you're doing anyway? I did the shadowing and applying for post-bac all on my own. I didn't tell them anything until AFTER I had gotten accepted into a postbac

 

[DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines]

@JohnConstantine511

You said you're out of college. I'm going to venture a guess and say you're around 25. At some point you're going to have to start living your life on your terms, not hers. She gave you 9 months of incubation time and maybe 18-22 years of food, clothing, shelter, and tuition, but you're an adult now and it sounds like your life has suffered prior to this because you have trusted her making your life decisions. Are you going to let her pick out your dating partners and future wife too?

Shadow a physician. Go to med school. Live your life with no regrets.

I've read somewhere that people can never truly become adults until their parents are dead (some philosopher I forgot) and I suppose to a certain extent I'm extremely lucky that my overbearing parents are no longer with us. However, my grandfather is the most negative person alive, and as a nontrad, he seems to think I am going to be 50 by the time I'm a doctor. That's when he's not being mean and nasty about my decision to begin with - as in basically telling me it's a crazy notion that I'll get over, and other lovely tidbits of well-intentioned advice.

The best way I handle it? With optimism, lots of grinning and nodding, then doing exactly what the hell I want to do with MY life. I just turned 32. It's my life, it's now or never. Best of luck to you 🙂

 

[JohnConstantine511]

I don't know anything about you or your mom, but if I were you I would find out if medicine is the right fit for you yourself. Shadow a doc without telling her. Volunteer without telling her. Don't let her dictate her life.

I don't know what your relationship is like with your mom, but I wonder if your mom somehow feels threatened by you going into medicine, because she feels like it is "her thing." Perhaps she doesn't want you to be a doc because that would mean you "achieved more" in your career than she ever did (I put that in quotation marks because it is ridiculous to think RNs achieve less than MDs). Especially if she can't give you a reason why you wouldn't be a good fit for medicine. If she is is getting angry, that means the idea of you getting into medicine is pushing her buttons. If my suspicions are correct, confronting her about this idea of "threat" won't do much, because she is likely to dismiss it and say you are being crazy.

So in short, find out if medicine is for you, yourself. Don't tell her about your plans, because she has proven she will just try to discourage you instead of providing proper emotional support. It is your life and your journey, not your mom's.

Edit: I suggest you check out reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists - I won't assume anything but you might find some support there. If you end up not relating to the community, no big deal. Just an idea 🙂

Thanks, I will check that link out. Sometimes sounds like my parents. I lived in a household where "Mother knows best.". Except she took it to the extreme. lol

What's your living situation? Are you financially stable? Do you have your own place?

If not, you need to get there in order to be in a less emotional unsupportive environment. You are an adult. You can do what you want. At some point you need to take a hard look at your life and ask yourself if your going to let you mother have her hand in controlling your passions.

Yes, I am pretty financially stable. I am definately going to shadow a doc.

My mom, who is a retired RN, was (is) against me going to medical school. This was a major reason for me getting my PhD instead. I love science and research, but there has always been something missing. I am now trying to do what I always wanted. I should have done this 10 years ago based on the increasing competitiveness of medical school admissions. Not sure how much my mom still does not want me to be a doctor. I think she might have gotten over it now that I am 31. Moral of the story is do what YOU want to do.

🙂. I understand that. I loved the sciences myself. I was studying Physics in college. I either wanted to be a Physician or go to grad school for Engineering at the time (since my school didn't have an Engineering school.) She made me change majors to Accounting because she didn't think Physics was marketable. lol. I feel like I should have gone to medical school when I got out instead of waiting until now. Good luck with the application process, btw.

 

[Psai]

Your mom is telling you what to do? lmao
Find some courage because it's time to put on a pair of big boy pants

 

[Glazedonutlove]

I know that most parents would love for their children to become Doctors. My mother, who is an RN, is adamantly against me going to Medical School or into any health profession.

When I graduated college I considered doing a post-bacc. My mother flipped out at this saying Medicine is not for you. After a long verbal argument, I finally gave up and said I won't do a Post-Bacc. Then a year later I was considering shadowing a Doctor, she flips out again saying, "HIPAA won't allow people to shadow doctors."

Then a couple of months later, I tried a different approach--I said I was thinking about doing Dentistry. A dentist I know well wanted me to shadow him. She got angry and said "to stop wasting people's time". She then goes on to tell me how bad being a Dentist or Physician is.

For as long as I could remember she has treated my aspirations in Medicine as an absurd idea. Kind of in the same light that most people would treat the idea of dropping out of school and going to clown college.

She has said I am not a good fit for medicine but has never given me a reason why so. Other people have said I would make an excellent Physician. This includes some of my friends in healthcare.

Has anyone had someone that was against you going to medical school? How should I handle my parents if I do decide to go to medical school?

It helps to understand where people are coming from. You don't need to share it with us, but do you know why she is against you going into medicine?
Shadow doctors/volunteer at hospitals and figure out if this is what you want. If it is, then address your mom's specific concerns about you going into medicine, and get on with your career aspirations.

 

[Terrainport]

you cant do it for your family - you have to do it for yourself or else its going to be a really tough road ahead of you

 

[trini818]

It helps to understand where people are coming from. You don't need to share it with us, but do you know why she is against you going into medicine?
Shadow doctors/volunteer at hospitals and figure out if this is what you want. If it is, then address your mom's specific concerns about you going into medicine, and get on with your career aspirations.

I know this was not meant for me, but in the case of my mom, she did not want me to go through what she saw doctors at her hospital go through. She has known doctors who have committed suicide because of the stresses of the job. She was and is just trying to be a mom and protect me.

 

[LizzyM]

I know this was not meant for me, but in the case of my mom, she did not want me to go through what she saw doctors at her hospital go through. She has known doctors who have committed suicide because of the stresses of the job. She was and is just trying to be a mom and protect me.

This is what I was thinking, too. Long hours, no home life, broken marriages, crushing debt, infidelity.... That's the worst case scenario but sometimes, like the worst outcomes for patients, those are the ones you remember.

 

[Glazedonutlove]

I know this was not meant for me, but in the case of my mom, she did not want me to go through what she saw doctors at her hospital go through. She has known doctors who have committed suicide because of the stresses of the job. She was and is just trying to be a mom and protect me.

Thanks for sharing. Those concerns are very real-- It's up to op to decide whether it's worth it for him/convince his family of that

 

[Mad Jack]

sorry, first thing to pop into my head...

I'd remove the pic, dude, profanity'll get you a warning outside of the Lounge.

 

[JohnConstantine511]

It helps to understand where people are coming from. You don't need to share it with us, but do you know why she is against you going into medicine?
Shadow doctors/volunteer at hospitals and figure out if this is what you want. If it is, then address your mom's specific concerns about you going into medicine, and get on with your career aspirations.

I have expressed my interest about being a Physician on and off since the 8th grade. I remember my mom saying (at some point), "I have worked around Doctors long enough to know the personality it takes to be a Physician. And you simply don't have that kind of personality. If you did, I would encourage you." I also should mention I have ADD and at one time, I was very disorganized. Now I have grown up.

Back when I graduated, I was living at home. So, it made the situation much worse. Now, I am on my own. I just needed to get all that off my chest.

 

[rilte4]

Sometimes, compartmentalizing helps. Your pursuit of medicine is one part of your life, and your relationship with your mom is another. You can actively work on making progress in both, but separately. If, one day, she can have a calm discussion with you about her concerns, fantastic. But if all you're getting at the moment is stuff along the lines of "you don't have the right personality" and "you're not suited for XYZ", time to develop some long-term coping mechanisms.

 

[Dr.Smexy]

This is what I was thinking, too. Long hours, no home life, broken marriages, crushing debt, infidelity.... That's the worst case scenario but sometimes, like the worst outcomes for patients, those are the ones you remember.

Medicine at its best...such wonderful things that medicine offers! Wonder why I didn't incorporate this in my personal statement or my answer to the infamous "why medicine"

 

[DrHart]

I feel like most parents will try to dissuade you from a certain career path if they themselves have had a bad experience or regret choosing that career. There are pros and cons to most all careers. The bottom line is that you should do whatever makes you happy. Not your parents or any other family... but you.

 

[Mad Jack]

Keep in mind many long-term nurses really have it out for doctors because they've made their lives miserable for years. Just become a doctor and be better than the ones she's worked with. Follow your dreams little dude.

 

[deleted729091]

Bloop

 

[BluMist]

I have no idea what you are talking about 🙄 you can remove your quote now

I'd remove the pic, dude, profanity'll get you a warning outside of the Lounge.

 

[Goro]

My gut reaction to your post John, is to say that some parents are either threatened by their children's success or actually get their jollies by constantly demanding their choices.

So here is what you're facing: you on your own in this journey. You must be completely independent of your parents in terms of EVERYTHING. Still live at home? move out. Share an apt with friends. Get a job

You want $ for apps? Work and save.

How badly do you want to be a doctor? Are you willing to literally work for it? Because that's the only solution I see. This process is a marathon, not a sprint. And med schools aren't going anywhere. In fact, by the time you're ready to apply, there will be more of them!

Good luck! And let us know how things turn out.

I know that most parents would love for their children to become Doctors. My mother, who is an RN, is adamantly against me going to Medical School or into any health profession.

When I graduated college I considered doing a post-bacc. My mother flipped out at this saying Medicine is not for you. After a long verbal argument, I finally gave up and said I won't do a Post-Bacc. Then a year later I was considering shadowing a Doctor, she flips out again saying, "HIPAA won't allow people to shadow doctors."

Then a couple of months later, I tried a different approach--I said I was thinking about doing Dentistry. A dentist I know well wanted me to shadow him. She got angry and said "to stop wasting people's time". She then goes on to tell me how bad being a Dentist or Physician is.

For as long as I could remember she has treated my aspirations in Medicine as an absurd idea. Kind of in the same light that most people would treat the idea of dropping out of school and going to clown college.

She has said I am not a good fit for medicine but has never given me a reason why so. Other people have said I would make an excellent Physician. This includes some of my friends in healthcare.

Has anyone had someone that was against you going to medical school? How should I handle my parents if I do decide to go to medical school?

 

[zero0]

2/10