Fatherhood and clinical rotations: how did you do it?

[Sthpawslugger]

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My wife and I are expecting a baby girl later this fall and I'd like to know how to balance being successful on my 3rd and 4th yr rotations and giving my wife and newborn quality time, as well as any other advice you might be willing to share. I had a pretty crappy father and thus want to give my daughter a better life(being present more so than financially) growing up than what I had. Thank you.

 

[ForgotUserName]

Congratulations on your baby girl. My son was born during residency, so a little different scenario but the gist is pretty similar. I am not sure if you know what specialty you'll be applying to but perhaps having a child will change that for you. After my son was born, my outlook on medicine and career changed- it made me realize the importance of work-life balance. That being said, it sounds like you're motivated to spend time with your soon-to-be newborn and I would encourage you to do so. You will likely have some demanding rotations that will take you away from your family. You will feel like there isn't any time for them so all you can really do is make time. I personally sacrificed some sleep during residency in order to spend time with my son but to me it was worth it. Not sure if my babbling was of any help but I wish you all the best. Congrats again.

 

[deleted480308]

You won’t have as much time as you want. It is what it is.

Be nice to them when you are home. Don’t take the stress out on them. You can still be a good dad, you’ll just be less present

 

[FistLength]

Congratulations! It is the greatest gift being a dad. I had my first in third year, my second in intern year. With one kid, it is mostly manageable but as SB said you won't have as much time as you want. I don't have memories of my first kids infancy due to third year and fourth year rotations. You will probably feel inadequate but, that is normal. Do what you can when you are at home. A lot of your extra time that used to be geared towards yourself will now be directed to the little one. Don't search for the 'life balance' that you had prior to having a kid, it won't come back, but you will create a new one.

 

[Stellaartwa]

Congrats! For the first year or so, babies don't do much and what little they do, they usually rely on mom so don't be too hard on yourself. If you guys plan to do formula or if your wife is going to pump, volunteer to do bottle feedings at night when you're on less-demanding rotations. This will give you a quiet time to bond and allow your wife some much needed sleep. Also, whenever you do get home from work, if baby is still awake, take her and give your wife a break.

When we had our first, my husband had a super demanding job and I was staying home to finish my thesis so I ended up doing most of everything. We decided to set aside one task that was only for my husband to bond. He gave our baby 100% of the baths for at least the first year. That became their little nightly? weekly? routine and it was really sweet (and a nice break for me).

To help mom, fill her water bottle up whenever you see it, bring her little treats (bf is friggin' hard) and send her nice texts to remind her that you're thinking of her while you're super busy at the hospital.

 

[NontradICUdoc]

Welcome to fatherhood.

When I was in medical school, I already had 3 children. I had my 4th during the end of my 3rd year of medical school. What you have to remember is that life does not stop because you are in school. As a result, you need to MAKE the time to spend with your children. You need to figure out how things would work best for you. My wife wanted me to be home for dinner. So I treated medical school like a job. Come the end of classes, I would go home and we would have a family dinner. As soon as that was over, I went to the library to study. I wrote down all of the school activities in my calendar and made the time to go. Finally, I created "Daddy Daughter time". Once a week, I took one of my girls to starbucks or the diner and I would have a cup of coffee and she would have something. No books were brought. They drove the conversation. We talked about whatever they wanted and sometimes, they just wanted to draw and show me. And they looked forward to it.

During study breaks, I would open the camera on the computer and we would make videos. The point is, you need to be very proactive and make the time, it will not be made for you. Again, life does not stop so you need to be on top of it.

Same thing with your wife. As your child gets older, you have more options for babysitters (I had about 4 classmates that offered to babysit) and you can take your wife out (on a budget).

It's hard but doable. Good luck

 

[Matt In The Hat]

Echoing what many here have already said. First and foremost: Congratulations!

Second, come to terms with the fact that there are going to be some days that you're a better medical student than parent, and other days you'll be a better parent than medical student. It's OK. The reality is that you probably won't be your best at either job, but every sacrifice is worth it. Being a parent is the best ride in the world!