Fathering a baby while in PT school

[Buzz1012]

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Hey, just wanted to know if anyone has experience or knows others with experience fathering a child while in PT school. Granted I haven't been accepted to any schools yet (this is the second year I am applying), but pending my admission, my fiancée and I will have to move for school. We'll be moving anywhere from 20 minutes to 20 hours (!) from where we now live but I'm very determined to pursue this career. In case you're wondering, we have been engaged for 1.5 years and are already 5 months pregnant (he will be around 6-7 months old if I start a program next year) and very excited. I know school will be tough with a baby around, but not nearly as tough as it will be for her while we both try to juggle the baby and me handling my coursework. I want to be as supportive as possible, obviously. I have a thousand thoughts running through my head right now so I just want a little preview of what to expect. I know anything is possible, but I just want to hear what anyone else has to say. Thanks!

 

[davidtheusername]

I'm a dad. Most schools have some parents in them I expect. I know of multiple women who actually had a baby while in school and did fine. It's hard. But it's something that plenty of people do. Don't expect anything much in your life besides family and studying and manage your time well and you'll be fine.

 

[Azimuthal]

It's totally doable.

 

[engmedpt]

Hey, just wanted to know if anyone has experience or knows others with experience fathering a child while in PT school. Granted I haven't been accepted to any schools yet (this is the second year I am applying), but pending my admission, my fiancée and I will have to move for school. We'll be moving anywhere from 20 minutes to 20 hours (!) from where we now live but I'm very determined to pursue this career. In case you're wondering, we have been engaged for 1.5 years and are already 5 months pregnant (he will be around 6-7 months old if I start a program next year) and very excited. I know school will be tough with a baby around, but not nearly as tough as it will be for her while we both try to juggle the baby and me handling my coursework. I want to be as supportive as possible, obviously. I have a thousand thoughts running through my head right now so I just want a little preview of what to expect. I know anything is possible, but I just want to hear what anyone else has to say. Thanks!

Approximately half of my class is nontraditional and significantly older than the fresh out of college crowd.....there are a ton of parents.

It's totally doable.

^He's kind of a baller. I'd listen to him.

 

[Azimuthal]

^He's kind of a baller. I'd listen to him.

LOL not really

 

[callmecrazy]

I think some of the biggest factors will be... Is your fiancée going to be working, in school, or at home? Can you afford to support 3 people while in school? Will you have a support system around? Will you have child care? Will you also be trying to plan a wedding while in school? How does your fiancée feel about all of the above? It's going to be a challenge any way you slice it, but not impossible, as long as you and your partner are on the same page.

That said, I had a much different experience than above posters. When my class of 50+ started, no one had children. By graduation, just two of the guys were fathers. That's it. It will vary from school to school and class to class, but I wouldn't count on having a bunch of other parents around. I'm sure the support system and relatable peers would be nice, but it may or may not be there.

 

[starrsgirl]

I have 2 kids myself. The support system is crucial. Basically, everything needs to be able to "work" without you. If you have a late night, or if you need to go to lab on the weekend or if you have a final, do you have care for your kid? Do you have enough money for the family? I promise you that if those things aren't in place first, it will KILL you in PT school. If your family life is in order, then you can focus on your studies.

 

[DesertPT]

Tons of people in my class have kids...but they don't go out drinking with the rest of the class when they're not studying, they go and spend time with their families. So just be psyched for the family man lifestyle! And be psyched to improve your time management skills. And like was said before, your spouse/SO's schedule and whether or not they are working will make a huge different (both in you lifestyle and in your finances!). Good luck! Tons of people have kids in PT school. One guy in my class just barely had a baby like 3 days before our finals. 🙂

 

[Azimuthal]

Tons of people in my class have kids...but they don't go out drinking with the rest of the class when they're not studying, they go and spend time with their families. So just be psyched for the family man lifestyle! And be psyched to improve your time management skills. And like was said before, your spouse/SO's schedule and whether or not they are working will make a huge different (both in you lifestyle and in your finances!). Good luck! Tons of people have kids in PT school. One guy in my class just barely had a baby like 3 days before our finals. 🙂

There is a lot of truth in what you say. Reasons why fathers do not go out with the class as often:

1) wife said no

2) we have to be more considerate of the money we spend, especially when we are not contributing

3) then the family thing

 

[Buzz1012]

Wow, thank you all for your input. Just for a little more reference, my fiancée and I are currently looking at having the wedding before I start school. I have a brother-in-law who finished PA school recently and, whether or not scheduling is similar between these two program types (I assume it is), he told us that you don't get much of a break anywhere while you go through the program. The only other major concern we have is not being around family. We live near our families now and if we move out of the region, we will be without the physical support of having another body around to fall back on for child care. My fiancée works in childcare and is actually a teacher at a daycare. As far as we've discussed, she plans on continuing that line of work. At the place she works right now, she is close with the owner and has permission to bring our son to work with her free of charge. That would be huge if I got into school in the area. If I don't though, I'm sure wherever she found a job in childcare, we would at least get a discounted rate for her being part of the staff.

We have very strong support from both our families, other than them not being willing to move WITH us for my schooling, which I would never ask of them anyway. As far as time management and priorities, I'm extremely excited to be a father and a husband and taking appropriate steps to support my family. I'm not much of a drinker as I have other priorities already, so going out wouldn't be much of a conflict, if at all. I will have no problem spending the little free time I have with my son once he is here.

 

[pegasuscvc]

My daughter was 18 months old when I started PT school. I'll be graduating in May. There is one person in my class besides me who has kids. He has three, and his wife is a stay-at-home Mom. These are the things you have to watch out for:

1. Our families are in Washington state, Colorado, and Montana. I'm doing PT school in North Carolina, approximately two days drive from our nearest family member. Our daughter has spent time with her grandparents maybe 4 times, and to be honest that really sucks. She's young enough that she doesn't remember them between meetings, so they remain strangers. They have to start over every time they see her.

2. Hopefully this won't be a problem for you since your fiance works in daycare, but we're lucky my wife's work has been understanding. When you are in this program, it is a job, and it takes priority over every other engagement in your life. My school will expel someone for missing class too often or even being late too often, just like a job would. If they spring something on you, and you or your fiance have another obligation, that's just too bad. For a person without kids, this isn't as big a deal, but for people with them who have no one to watch the kids last minute, it means cancelling what you had planned. There have been multiple occasions that I got an email on Thursday saying a professor had decided to do a makeup class on Friday because we were behind. That means that if my wife was scheduled to work, she had to call in or try to get her shift moved, because we have no babysitter or other child care. She has been written up at work due to too many absences, absences that were directly related to the fact that she had to stay home to watch our little girl when a last minute school engagement was sprung on me. The same thing would happen in the case of something fun that either of us had planned. Be prepared for that.

3. You need to have a serious conversation with your fiance about what's going to happen when this little one comes along. PT school is no picnic. In my school, if you get more than two Cs, you're kicked out. You'll have to spend hours upon hours studying to make these grades if your program is worth anything. When both parents are home, people are used to thinking of child care as being a 50/50 deal from Mom/Dad, but when you're in PT school, that will NOT be feasible. You'll be able to help, but not as much as the typical father. Is she prepared to take on most child-rearing responsibility even when you're at home without keeping score or resenting that you don't have as much time as you wish you did to help her?

I guess the bottom line is your external support system isn't nearly as crucial as your internal one. The attitude and flexibility of a PT student's husband/wife is what really makes or breaks whether or not parenthood is joyful or miserable for them during PT school.

 

[Buzz1012]

My daughter was 18 months old when I started PT school. I'll be graduating in May. There is one person in my class besides me who has kids. He has three, and his wife is a stay-at-home Mom. These are the things you have to watch out for:

1. Our families are in Washington state, Colorado, and Montana. I'm doing PT school in North Carolina, approximately two days drive from our nearest family member. Our daughter has spent time with her grandparents maybe 4 times, and to be honest that really sucks. She's young enough that she doesn't remember them between meetings, so they remain strangers. They have to start over every time they see her.

2. Hopefully this won't be a problem for you since your fiance works in daycare, but we're lucky my wife's work has been understanding. When you are in this program, it is a job, and it takes priority over every other engagement in your life. My school will expel someone for missing class too often or even being late too often, just like a job would. If they spring something on you, and you or your fiance have another obligation, that's just too bad. For a person without kids, this isn't as big a deal, but for people with them who have no one to watch the kids last minute, it means cancelling what you had planned. There have been multiple occasions that I got an email on Thursday saying a professor had decided to do a makeup class on Friday because we were behind. That means that if my wife was scheduled to work, she had to call in or try to get her shift moved, because we have no babysitter or other child care. She has been written up at work due to too many absences, absences that were directly related to the fact that she had to stay home to watch our little girl when a last minute school engagement was sprung on me. The same thing would happen in the case of something fun that either of us had planned. Be prepared for that.

3. You need to have a serious conversation with your fiance about what's going to happen when this little one comes along. PT school is no picnic. In my school, if you get more than two Cs, you're kicked out. You'll have to spend hours upon hours studying to make these grades if your program is worth anything. When both parents are home, people are used to thinking of child care as being a 50/50 deal from Mom/Dad, but when you're in PT school, that will NOT be feasible. You'll be able to help, but not as much as the typical father. Is she prepared to take on most child-rearing responsibility even when you're at home without keeping score or resenting that you don't have as much time as you wish you did to help her?

I guess the bottom line is your external support system isn't nearly as crucial as your internal one. The attitude and flexibility of a PT student's husband/wife is what really makes or breaks whether or not parenthood is joyful or miserable for them during PT school.

Thank you for such straight-forward and personal advice. This sounds very much like what I expect, and I should talk to my fiancée to make sure she knows all this too. I'm sure she does, but always a good conversation to have one more time before I submit my applications. Again, thank you.

P.S. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, pegasuscvc?

 

[pegasuscvc]

I'm 31. My wife is 28.