Feeling a bit overwhelmed, could use some advice/motivation

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FCMike11

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Non traditional here, RN. Studying SN2 method for mcat. I have a 10 month old and I feel like all of my free time goes to studying. Is this a good feel of what my future will be like? Its making me feel extremely down and miserable that I dont get to spend the amount of time id like to with him.

I am currently getting slaughtered on the TBR chapter of equilibrium/solubility and feel like an idiot/not absorbing concepts. Despite the fact I did pretty decent in gen chem (albeit its been 2 years almost since gen chem 1).

There is no doubt in my mind that being a physician is the profession for me. Ive considered and shadowed extensively with CRNA's/NP's/PA's and MD's as well as listened to advice from numerous healthcare workers.

But is the sacrifice too great? My wife is an RN as well and I have her utmost support. I just feel so much pressure to perform on the MCAT (I feel like im not doing well studywise) while simultaneously missing out with my son and it all feels like a waste.

Sorry I know this is really scattered. But I would appreciate any thoughts.
 
When you feel down about missing out on spending time with your son, why is that? Do you feel like he deserves more of your time, or do you just greatly enjoy your time with him?

I'm assuming you work full time in addition to your studies? That can be very demanding and time consuming for anyone, especially so with a family. Hopefully once you start med school/residency, you will be able to devote more time to family activities.

Keep the big picture foremost in your mind. The struggle is great but the reward is even greater, both for you personally and for your family.
 
When you feel down about missing out on spending time with your son, why is that? Do you feel like he deserves more of your time, or do you just greatly enjoy your time with him?

I'm assuming you work full time in addition to your studies? That can be very demanding and time consuming for anyone, especially so with a family. Hopefully once you start med school/residency, you will be able to devote more time to family activities.

Keep the big picture foremost in your mind. The struggle is great but the reward is even greater, both for you personally and for your family.

Im trying really hard to think big picture. My wife says the same thing and that that is part of the sacrifice for our long term plans.

Its a mixture of both. I want to be his best friend. When I am with him I make it the best quality time possible. But looking back on this past week I was working 12 hour shifts Thursday-Sunday nights. Id come home and spend 1.5 hrs with him, an hour before work and im off again. Back to weekdays im spending the majority of my day studying for the mcat. I look back and our stinking babysitters(family) spend more time with in a week than I do. Its just such an intense love i have for my family, andI know I am overly critical on myself as a parent, but I cant help it.
 
Im trying really hard to think big picture. My wife says the same thing and that that is part of the sacrifice for our long term plans.

Its a mixture of both. I want to be his best friend. When I am with him I make it the best quality time possible. But looking back on this past week I was working 12 hour shifts Thursday-Sunday nights. Id come home and spend 1.5 hrs with him, an hour before work and im off again. Back to weekdays im spending the majority of my day studying for the mcat. I look back and our stinking babysitters(family) spend more time with in a week than I do. Its just such an intense love i have for my family, andI know I am overly critical on myself as a parent, but I cant help it.

I'm not a parent, but I can see how you would feel conflicted about fullfilling your role as a father against your role as a hopeful medical student. Just remember though, as young as your son is he won't remember these years when he's older. He will, however, know that you sacrificed a lot to get your family where it will be at that point in time.
 
The quality of time is more important than the quantity. The average parent probably doesn't spend more than a couple hours a day in direct contact with their kids, myself included--the little tykes are too busy running in circles and trying to eat dirt, and they should be. I think the important thing here is that you have the opportunity for your son to grow up watching you achieve a long term goal that matters to you, and that's one heck of an example.
 
You are doing something very tough right now. I have a five month old and I can sort of relate to your concerns about time with your family. It's like you don't want to miss him growing up?

All I can say is if you're doing SN2 it's just a couple more months. That is such a tiny amount of time in you and your son's lives. However, if you don't do well and have to re-take it'll remove even more time from your family. So spend the time now. Make it count and it'll feel SO SO good!
 
1. TBR is the most difficult MCAT review. After using those books, you should be able to knock out the MCAT.
2. When your son's older he should understand, and potentially be grateful to have more parent money when need arises.
3. He'll probably be glad that you are doing what you wanted to do.
 
The MCAT is nothing in comparison to the USMLE or COMPLEX. Nobody said that it's going to be easy.

I'm going through the same things right now with my 1 year old and 4 year old kids.

You're not alone. Hang in there.
 
You're in good company friend. We've all been there and this too shall pass. My little one was 1-4 months while I studied for my first and second MCAT. I cried a lot about the time I felt I was "wasting" by being away from her, especially when I wasn't improving on my practice tests. But it IS worth it in the end. The decision to become a doctor is a big deal, and our spousal support is critical. In trying to spend more time with my daughter, I became much more efficient regarding everything else in my day.

During the last two semesters, and now as I'm about to start med school, our routine involves dropping the munchkin off at daycare first thing in the morning - like 630, then heading to school where I became hyperfocused on research/classes/studying, until about 3pm. Then, having felt legitimately productive, I pick up my tiny terror and we spend a high quality 4 hours together before bedtime. We just play and cuddle. I'm not thinking about classes or anything related to medicine. The weekends are all about family. This will probably get adjusted once med school heats up, but until then I do some serious compartmentalizing, in order to balance the family I love with the career I want.

As another poster said, your young one won't remember these years, but he will eventually be old enough to know his daddy is a doctor, and that is pretty awesome. I take solace in knowing that by the time my daughter actually needs me, I'll be out of residency and hopefully have a little more time...
 
Yes, at least until you finish with Boards.

feel like all of my free time goes to studying. Is this a good feel of what my future will be like?



Only you can tell us that. Medicine is a calling, like being a priest or a fireman. If you want it, you're going to have to work for it, just like my students did ( and we have lots of non-trads in our Classes).

But is the sacrifice too great? My wife is an RN as well and I have her utmost support. I just feel so much pressure to perform on the MCAT (I feel like im not doing well studywise) while simultaneously missing out with my son and it all feels like a waste.
 
One of the worst lies we tell young women is that they can have it all: they can be super career women, super wives, and super moms. Surprise, no, they can't be. And neither can guys be super career men, super husbands, and super dads all at the same time. If you are going to do all three, you are going to have to make some compromises. Spending more time on your career means less time with your wife and child. Spending more time with your family means spending less time on your career.

People obviously make different decisions on how to allocate their time, from an extreme of focusing solely on career and not even having kids on one end, to being stay-at-home parents and forgoing a career entirely on the other. In your case, you clearly want to be somewhere between those two extremes, but there's a lot of room for variation depending on your and your family's needs.

There will also be certain times when you have to devote more effort in one area and let something else slide a bit more. So, maybe you're going to be satisfied with a 30 on the MCAT instead of a 35 so that you can spend more time with your family. Or maybe you're going to ask your family to sacrifice spending time together for a few months while you prep because getting that 35 is majorly important to you. That's up to you and them. Just realize that everyone else has to make these kinds of tradeoffs the same way you do. And if you're feeling like you're allocating too much time to your career right now, then maybe you are. Fortunately, that's something you can easily fix. 🙂

Hopefully once you start med school/residency, you will be able to devote more time to family activities.
Med school for the first two years....maybe. Residency??? 🤣
 
Only you can tell us that. Medicine is a calling, like being a priest or a fireman.
Not sure I'd call being a fireman a calling. You do get a paycheck.
 
Not sure I'd call being a fireman a calling. You do get a paycheck.
So do priests, teachers, policemen, and physicians. But only a fool would think that working in any of these professions is adequately compensated by the paycheck alone. They're all careers that people enter in significant part for intangible reasons as well. Which is Goro's point.
 
I don't think your study time is a waste. What I believe is what I feel a good portion of the time while studying my pre-meds: I'm already an RN (I'm in the ER). I have my BSN. I make pretty good $$$. I work three very, very long nights (15 hours between commuting and work). Although my children are older, embarking on something such as this is a risk. It sucks. NP would be the fastest, easiest for us, no doubt and a very, very tempting route to do; in 24 months, we'd be done and on with our lives.

What you need to do is play with your baby. Read to them your MCAT study stuff in a silly voice. Then, go study. Then go read to your baby. Then, go study.

Wish you all the best!!
 
So do priests, teachers, policemen, and physicians. But only a fool would think that working in any of these professions is adequately compensated by the paycheck alone. They're all careers that people enter in significant part for intangible reasons as well. Which is Goro's point.

Having worked in one of these professions, I think you severely underestimate the financial considerations that people have for staying. They may start for intangible reasons, but generally stay for the dependable career. Many even start for the tangible benefits, as can be seen by rising medical school admissions standards in our flagging economy.

Also, you may want to watch your ad hominems, Doctor. It's poor form.
 
Having worked in one of these professions, I think you severely underestimate the financial considerations that people have for staying. They may start for intangible reasons, but generally stay for the dependable career. Many even start for the tangible benefits, as can be seen by rising medical school admissions standards in our flagging economy.
I agree with you if you're arguing that it's not an either-or thing and that most people have both selfish and selfless reasons for choosing their careers. However, my point (and Goro's point) again is that if you only go into it for the financial considerations, you are being seriously underpaid. I've worked in one of these professions also (physician), and without a doubt the paycheck is not worth it if you don't also have a streak of altruism in you.

Also, you may want to watch your ad hominems, Doctor. It's poor form.
Had I made an ad hominem attack, I would agree with you. But your interpretation of my general statement as being an insult directed specifically at you says much more about you than it does about me. 😉
 
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