I know this topic comes up occasionally, but I guess I'm just looking for some emotional support (help out a brother). I'm a relatively new MS1 (been here for a few months) and, yeah, I already feel mega isolated and lonely. Aside from the stress of classes (which feels really oppressive) I just feel like such an outsider in my medical school class. Do most med schools feel like high school 2.0? Cliques seem to have formed within the first 2-3 weeks of class and now I feel like I already missed my chance to really get to know people. I suppose part of the problem, also, is that tbh I don't really feel connected to the whole culture of medicine...as in all the hyper competitive attitudes, huge egos, one upping, projecting image of competence and confidence, etc. I feel like this manifests itself in both academic and social ways. There seems to be a significant portion of my class that is obsessed with being part of a "cool" clique and spreading gossip like wildfire. I guess it's just human nature, but I won't lie and say it doesn't annoy/disappoint me. There are definitely some really decent, humble folks in my class, but with all the time spent studying (or worrying about studying) it has been hard to find them. Anyway, I know I've gotta just put myself out there more, but I often feel disconnected from (sometimes turned off by) the general atmosphere of med school. Anyone ever feel this way?
Feeling isolated and friendless in med school...
- Thread starter bumpy
- Start date
D
deleted480308
You look down on them and don't "put yourself out there" and you will continue to be lonely
Relax on the judging and ask some of them if they are getting together for the weekend
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2014
- Messages
- 1,220
- Reaction score
- 1,133
Nothing really to add, but just letting you know you aren't alone.
I'm a new m1 as well and feel super isolated. Sometimes it's really hard to see myself getting through 4 years of this. I am non trad tho, a little bit older than most of my classmates so I think that might have something to do with it.
One thing that helped me was going to an interest group of a specialty I've had exposure to in the past and am still interested in. Being around physicians who I previously thought I clicked with personally wise definitely helped. Got me pumped about the future. It was short lived but it got me out of the funk for a little bit! Maybe give that a shot?
I disagree with the above. I don't think you're just being judgey. Unfortunately a lot of med students are super fuddy-duddy and competitive. I'm not even saying that's a bad thing, it's just a reality. However, not all of us fit that mold and it can lead to feelings of isolation.
Hang in there! I've been told that we'll eventually find our people lol
I'm a new m1 as well and feel super isolated. Sometimes it's really hard to see myself getting through 4 years of this. I am non trad tho, a little bit older than most of my classmates so I think that might have something to do with it.
One thing that helped me was going to an interest group of a specialty I've had exposure to in the past and am still interested in. Being around physicians who I previously thought I clicked with personally wise definitely helped. Got me pumped about the future. It was short lived but it got me out of the funk for a little bit! Maybe give that a shot?
I disagree with the above. I don't think you're just being judgey. Unfortunately a lot of med students are super fuddy-duddy and competitive. I'm not even saying that's a bad thing, it's just a reality. However, not all of us fit that mold and it can lead to feelings of isolation.
Hang in there! I've been told that we'll eventually find our people lol
- Joined
- May 21, 2013
- Messages
- 3,910
- Reaction score
- 6,255
We all feel that way on some level, next time people are going out for post exam drinks you should join in even if you don't drink , use it as a time to get to know people and connect. Join clubs/intermural sports nothing builds friendship like being on a team with someone and depending on their help to make you win especially when the hyper-competitive personality of med students gets thrown into the mix. There are people in your class who have hobbies they want to keep in medical school and are dying to share it with someone (rock climbing, art, theater etc.) You should have a Facebook group that people post stuff on or just try and talk to people and when they mentioned their hobbies ask if you can join them the next time they do it. Keep doing that and you should find a group of people who u like
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2011
- Messages
- 4,963
- Reaction score
- 2,957
Hey man just try and make friends with everyone and try and not worry about if you perceive them to have a ego etc etc. Everyone has their flaws but you will be surprised who can become a good friend if you look past them.
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2017
- Messages
- 546
- Reaction score
- 1,096
I'm with you. I'm a non-trad, I don't really drink, I can't handle bars, and I don't live in the same neighborhood as all my classmates. I feel like I don't really fit into the culture. I'm hoping in part that school forces a general move away from the 'drinking at 3 am on a weeknight' type socializing, but even so. I definitely feel like everyone's formed groups and I missed it.
I'm going to join some clubs and activities. Hopefully that will help me make friends. I'm pushing myself to just reach out to some people about hanging out and practicing walking into study rooms and asking to join in. On the other side, whenever I start feeling left out and uncool, I remind myself of why I am there and of the humility that I want to carry with me into my career. Med school is hard. If it helps, treat it like a job. No one faults you for leaving work and not just hanging with your coworkers 24/7.
In the meantime, take care of yourself so that feeling lonely doesn't evolve into burnout. Exercise and get outside, even if it's 10 minutes of walking around the block. Try to maintain a sleep schedule. Be careful with booze. Make sure you eat. Keep up with non-med school friends and family, because it seems like any relationship you can maintain through med school and residency will be worth its weight in gold. You'll find your people at med school eventually.
I'm going to join some clubs and activities. Hopefully that will help me make friends. I'm pushing myself to just reach out to some people about hanging out and practicing walking into study rooms and asking to join in. On the other side, whenever I start feeling left out and uncool, I remind myself of why I am there and of the humility that I want to carry with me into my career. Med school is hard. If it helps, treat it like a job. No one faults you for leaving work and not just hanging with your coworkers 24/7.
In the meantime, take care of yourself so that feeling lonely doesn't evolve into burnout. Exercise and get outside, even if it's 10 minutes of walking around the block. Try to maintain a sleep schedule. Be careful with booze. Make sure you eat. Keep up with non-med school friends and family, because it seems like any relationship you can maintain through med school and residency will be worth its weight in gold. You'll find your people at med school eventually.
- Joined
- May 28, 2017
- Messages
- 362
- Reaction score
- 214
Yes, this is normal for everyone. Keep an open mind and heart. Go out with students. It'll take time to make good friends.
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2016
- Messages
- 682
- Reaction score
- 1,419
Friends are low-yield.
Embrace the life of a gunner.
Embrace the life of a gunner.
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2014
- Messages
- 1,572
- Reaction score
- 2,242
Look at you giving advice! haha.
To above and OP:
Honestly, in the beginning everything is super exciting and everyone is putting on more of their personality than they actually are. You'll always have your partiers but there are also a good amount of people who tend to calm down overtime when the "honeymoon" period has worn off. It all tends to normalize as the year progresses and people become more comfortable truly being themselves. The folks who tend towards introversion will start to warm up to the rest. The ****-talkers and problem-starters will be revealed for who they are. In a smaller amount of cases, some people actually become more annoying but you learn to deal haha.
In terms of feeling as if you missed the boat with gaining friends, you never know how things will pan out. There are folks who I thought I was going to be really cool with and it turned out to be the opposite and vice versa. The thing about medschool is that you're often put into situations with people who you thought you'd never get along with and come to find out, they're actually really cool.
But you also have to be open. Joining organizations can help foster those connections. In the chance that you feel you really, really don't have anything in common with anyone, that's okay too. You're not obligated to be friends with anyone although personally, that seems like a very lonely road haha.
Finally, this phase really only lasts 1.5-2 years and the time flies. Once you hit clinicals, everyone is so busy that socializing is non-existent anyway...and then you graduate and move on lol. Embrace the transition and use it a period for growth socially and professionally. Also know that this topic comes up around this time every year so you're in very good company lol.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2013
- Messages
- 468
- Reaction score
- 635
I feel the same way man. People ended up being friends really quickly and I don't really feel like I ever had a chance. Kinda caught me off-guard as I had always made friends easily beforehand. I'm lucky, I am in-state and have tons of friends around so I haven't felt it that hard, but it does kinda suck having literally no friends in med school. And idt it's necessarily true that it is you. Ik I seemed to try much more to know others than they did to know me, but there is a point where it's too much and I'm not gonna constantly invite myself to tag along or follow people around. Wish I could offer you a solution. Just be patient and hang in there.
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2013
- Messages
- 3,257
- Reaction score
- 5,119
I remember this feeling from first year. It wasn't fun. A few things:
--Cliques form right away because nobody knows anybody so they kind of cling to the first people they meet, but they tend to change a bit as school goes on and you find people you legitimately have things in common with. If you're not in a clique/group now, don't freak out.
--You're not the only one who feels this way, even if it feels like you are. Chances are good your class has a lot of people who feel like outsiders, except you're not seeing each other because you're all running into the same issue.
--To find those other people, put yourself out there. Study in public places; even if you're not a group study person there's sometimes a nice comradery to studying-separately-together (plus you can watch each other's stuff while you make food and bathroom runs). Talk to your lab partners and people who sit around you; chances are somebody also wants to go running or drink coffee or whatever. Go to the party (at 10 PM, you don't have to stay until 3 if that's not your thing) and look for the other people who look like they feel like they don't fit in. Post on your class Facebook group that you're interested in going to __ and see if somebody wants to go with.
--Transition to first year is rough. Take deep breaths. You'll be okay.
Props to you for being able to do this alone, I guess, but the gunner life isn't for everyone. It's not for most of us, really. OP posted looking for help on finding friends and dealing with isolation; telling him/her to embrace it isn't exactly helpful.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2016
- Messages
- 2,831
- Reaction score
- 10,005
I think the "embrace the gunner life" person was joking. 🙂
But actually, it's not a bad life. I did it when I was in school... I didn't go out, and only hung out with like two people, both of whom I already knew from college. It was totally fine with me, since I was focused on schoolwork. But OP, I think if you aren't happy and want more friends, you should make an effort to penetrate those groups and go out with them, or study with them.
But actually, it's not a bad life. I did it when I was in school... I didn't go out, and only hung out with like two people, both of whom I already knew from college. It was totally fine with me, since I was focused on schoolwork. But OP, I think if you aren't happy and want more friends, you should make an effort to penetrate those groups and go out with them, or study with them.
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2014
- Messages
- 811
- Reaction score
- 941
I feel your pain bro. I moved OOS for med school to where I basically know no one. Things that help/helped me...
1) Keep in touch with family and friends back home. Stay in touch, it helps you feel connected and in a way needed.
2) Join clubs, organizations, sports related events. You'll find people you have stuff in common with whether you like it or not.
3) Participate. What I mean by this is don't simply remain silent all the time and participate in class, workshops, groups, events etc. I'm not a big party person myself. I don't drink, quit smoking and don't feel the need to go out and party/drink after a round of exams. That is a personal choice though. I probably miss out on some socializing but I try to make up for it while on campus.
4) Humor helps a lot. It's gotten me in some trouble too, but people tend to warm up to a funny person or who can lift spirits.
5) Understand that you're not the only one feeling this way. Chances are that 40% of your class feels a similar way and are VERY open to making new friends. Just be open to new possibilities (easier said than done, I know).
6) Time. Eventually you'll meet someone I'm sure. If not, stick to people back home.
1) Keep in touch with family and friends back home. Stay in touch, it helps you feel connected and in a way needed.
2) Join clubs, organizations, sports related events. You'll find people you have stuff in common with whether you like it or not.
3) Participate. What I mean by this is don't simply remain silent all the time and participate in class, workshops, groups, events etc. I'm not a big party person myself. I don't drink, quit smoking and don't feel the need to go out and party/drink after a round of exams. That is a personal choice though. I probably miss out on some socializing but I try to make up for it while on campus.
4) Humor helps a lot. It's gotten me in some trouble too, but people tend to warm up to a funny person or who can lift spirits.
5) Understand that you're not the only one feeling this way. Chances are that 40% of your class feels a similar way and are VERY open to making new friends. Just be open to new possibilities (easier said than done, I know).
6) Time. Eventually you'll meet someone I'm sure. If not, stick to people back home.
I also feel isolated, there are plenty of people I might talk to, but at the end they just work for their convenience and use. I have supported many 'friends' who, at the end have left me alone when I needed. I have felt like I have been left outside and I also haven't found people I can relate or reply on, it been quite hard and a lonely path for now
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2017
- Messages
- 64
- Reaction score
- 50
I am surprised how many have stated they feel lonely and yet cling to social media and online forums to
This is the new normal, sadly.
Face to face relationships are messy. Life is messy. Evolution is messy e.g. dog eat dog, survival of the fittest, only the strong survive, etc . You can make it less messy by forming deep, lasting personal messy relationships. By the way, OP, you are messy, I am messy, we are all messy, and that is OK!!! But there are people in your midst who feel just like you. So get involved in their mess and share your mess as well. It can be a beautiful mess and you will be emotionally filled.
Unlike what someone said about you being "judgemental" (talk about a messy statement), you are not being judgemental. You are just being honest which is refreshing. Medical doctors have the highest rates of suicide and addiction disorders amongst all professions for a reason.
Go meet some classmates, faculty, admin staff, locals at church, gym, etc.
Seeking emotional support in an online anonymous forum where people misrepresent, lie, exagerate and demean others to make their own messy self feel better in unhealthy. Plenty of studies have proven this.
heal thyself (cura te ipsum)
This is the new normal, sadly.
Face to face relationships are messy. Life is messy. Evolution is messy e.g. dog eat dog, survival of the fittest, only the strong survive, etc . You can make it less messy by forming deep, lasting personal messy relationships. By the way, OP, you are messy, I am messy, we are all messy, and that is OK!!! But there are people in your midst who feel just like you. So get involved in their mess and share your mess as well. It can be a beautiful mess and you will be emotionally filled.
Unlike what someone said about you being "judgemental" (talk about a messy statement), you are not being judgemental. You are just being honest which is refreshing. Medical doctors have the highest rates of suicide and addiction disorders amongst all professions for a reason.
Go meet some classmates, faculty, admin staff, locals at church, gym, etc.
Seeking emotional support in an online anonymous forum where people misrepresent, lie, exagerate and demean others to make their own messy self feel better in unhealthy. Plenty of studies have proven this.
heal thyself (cura te ipsum)
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2010
- Messages
- 5,049
- Reaction score
- 6,077
It's all human nature. This is how we work. We derive comfort from numbers and acceptance. If you don't gel well with those that you perceive as the gossip-squad, find what you perceive as the chill-squad and get comfortable with them...but then as you all get to know each other, watch as ya'll become the same exact thing you initially resented from other people.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2012
- Messages
- 2,780
- Reaction score
- 2,491
I'm a non-traditional student that found medical school to be extremely cliquish. It was probably worse than high school actually. Never attending non-mandatory lectures made it even worse from a social standpoint, but at the end of the day, it didn't really matter. I was usually too busy studying at home to care, and I was mostly friends with my original friends from before medical school. I met about 3-4 people in medical school that I really liked and saw outside of school. Otherwise, I would just say hi to random people here and there. Now I'm in residency. I only talk to my friends that were not in medical school and about two people from medical school. The others are history. I will not see them again nor do I care to. So don't feel alone. It can be a bizarre school yard just like elementary school with different social groups again, but it's grown adults this time around.
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2011
- Messages
- 4,963
- Reaction score
- 2,957
Hey man I felt the same way back when I was in second year... what helped me was going to school events even if I didn't want to, go to lecture every now and then just to talk to some people and you can try meetup.com and meet some people outside of medical school. It gets much better third year and I made a lot more friends through rotations than I had in class.
Hang in there!
Btw your avatar looks just like a dinosaur I bought in Guatemala
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2014
- Messages
- 2,127
- Reaction score
- 2,276
idk about you guys but med school is like High School Musical and I'm Zac Efron
