- Joined
- Jan 12, 2016
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Hey peoples,
I'm having a really hard time and it would be great if someone could give their advice. I've never done this kind of explain your situation on the web thing before, so hopefully people aren't totally insensitive in their responses. Here's the situation, sorry if it comes across as super melodramatic:
Ouch, this is pretty long. Thank you in advance for your feedback.
I'm having a really hard time and it would be great if someone could give their advice. I've never done this kind of explain your situation on the web thing before, so hopefully people aren't totally insensitive in their responses. Here's the situation, sorry if it comes across as super melodramatic:
It's my first year at vet school and I feel so lost and depressed. I was depressed before I came halfway across the country from home to go to vet school and being in vet school, so far away from my family and pets, has intensified it. I went home for the first time this winter for break, started crying tears of joy at being home before the plane landed, and now I'm dreading going back. What I can't tell is whether I'm having such a hard time because I'm homesick or because I don't know whether it's worth it to become a vet.
This first semester was so difficult; I'm terrible at anatomy and having integrated classes hasn't helped. Every day I come home from gruelingly long hours of classes, I feel exhausted (also from chronic sleep deprivation) and then am supposed to study the rest of the night. I saw a counselor the whole semester which did help a little, but she's not coming back next semester. I'm involved in some clubs, and I generally like my classmates, but I feel so alone and sad. Most of them are in-state or live close enough to drive back home, or have significant others here. My state has no vet school, so out-of-state was the only option. When I'm there, I feel so unmotivated, so stupid compared to my peers, and feel so overwhelmed I avoid studying until everything crumbles around me. Every day is a struggle. I'm just barely hanging on academically (70 is failing and I have a 73) and I just don't know what to do. I worked so hard to get here, gave up a social life for a good GPA in undergrad, logged over 1,000 hours of vet/animal experience, and have a **** ton of loans that aren't just going to disappear if I stop now. I even tried to go the military route for the HPSP so that I didn't have to worry about finances, but was disqualified due to a physical health condition. If I quit now, I'm not sure what I would do with my life and I know my mom would be so disappointed with me. Never mind her, I know I would feel like a failure and that I'd wasted so many years of my life.
I wanted to become a vet in the first place because I wanted to make a difference in the world and do something altruistic. I wanted to help animals, especially those in shelters/on the streets who didn't have anyone looking out for them, and I loved how challenging and different every day at work would be. But after seeing all the posts/data about how much burnout goes on, clients often not being able to pay so the patient suffers, and overflow of new grads making it harder to find a private practice job, awful income to debt ratio, it's disheartening. Vets have told me vet debt is like dragging around 2 mortgages and to become a pediatrician instead and make 10x salary. But when I look at the patients at the teaching hospitals, all I want to do is to be able to help them recover and am fascinated by the wisdom that comes out of the vet's mouths. I think second year will be easier based on the subject matter being more microbiology related, but who knows. I can't tell whether I just need to quit before I get too deep in debt, transfer to somewhere closer to home although I feel that's impossible given my crappy GPA, or just stick with it and feel awful now, but trust everything's going to be okay in the long run.
This first semester was so difficult; I'm terrible at anatomy and having integrated classes hasn't helped. Every day I come home from gruelingly long hours of classes, I feel exhausted (also from chronic sleep deprivation) and then am supposed to study the rest of the night. I saw a counselor the whole semester which did help a little, but she's not coming back next semester. I'm involved in some clubs, and I generally like my classmates, but I feel so alone and sad. Most of them are in-state or live close enough to drive back home, or have significant others here. My state has no vet school, so out-of-state was the only option. When I'm there, I feel so unmotivated, so stupid compared to my peers, and feel so overwhelmed I avoid studying until everything crumbles around me. Every day is a struggle. I'm just barely hanging on academically (70 is failing and I have a 73) and I just don't know what to do. I worked so hard to get here, gave up a social life for a good GPA in undergrad, logged over 1,000 hours of vet/animal experience, and have a **** ton of loans that aren't just going to disappear if I stop now. I even tried to go the military route for the HPSP so that I didn't have to worry about finances, but was disqualified due to a physical health condition. If I quit now, I'm not sure what I would do with my life and I know my mom would be so disappointed with me. Never mind her, I know I would feel like a failure and that I'd wasted so many years of my life.
I wanted to become a vet in the first place because I wanted to make a difference in the world and do something altruistic. I wanted to help animals, especially those in shelters/on the streets who didn't have anyone looking out for them, and I loved how challenging and different every day at work would be. But after seeing all the posts/data about how much burnout goes on, clients often not being able to pay so the patient suffers, and overflow of new grads making it harder to find a private practice job, awful income to debt ratio, it's disheartening. Vets have told me vet debt is like dragging around 2 mortgages and to become a pediatrician instead and make 10x salary. But when I look at the patients at the teaching hospitals, all I want to do is to be able to help them recover and am fascinated by the wisdom that comes out of the vet's mouths. I think second year will be easier based on the subject matter being more microbiology related, but who knows. I can't tell whether I just need to quit before I get too deep in debt, transfer to somewhere closer to home although I feel that's impossible given my crappy GPA, or just stick with it and feel awful now, but trust everything's going to be okay in the long run.
Ouch, this is pretty long. Thank you in advance for your feedback.