3) Call me a liar and do not apologize or retract this statement when they have calmed down. We simply do not have the trust to engage in a therapeutic relationship at that point.
I had a patient change his phone number, not tell my office and we couldn't get in contact via phone. He showed up to the office, angrily demanded to know why we weren't calling him, showed him the number we were calling, and he replied, "that's my old phone number!"
Now I've had patients where this happened and in all other cases the patient pretty much rolled their eyes, felt like an idiot, apologized, then said something to the effect of "sorry my fault. I should've given you my new number." Then we tell them no problem we just want to fix the issue and move on.
The above patient? No. He told me that because I'm an MD I should know how to find his phone number even if he doesn't give us his new cell phone number. I politely told him that his cell phone number is not in a public directory and this isn't the 1990s where everyone had a landline in the White Pages. Also cell phone companies go out of their way to not give out people's phone numbers.
The guy demanded I apologize and said he wanted more professionalism from me and wouldn't drop it. It was to the point where I explained to him 3x there wasn't a way I could get his number short of means such as hiring a private detective that were not reasonable expectations. Other patients in the waiting area were getting uncomfortable as this guy was escalating the issue and raising his voice.
I told him at that point and it had been about 10 minutes to get out of my office and he was terminated. I said it calmly, something to the effect of, "I already explained this to you. There's nothing else to talk about. We no longer have a treatment relationship or anything else to talk about. Please leave my office which is a private establishment and you are no longer welcome." He left but I was ready to have the police called if he kept it going. I sent the termination letter via certified mail.
After he left, well that's where I allowed myself to experience the anger. I said to the office staff, "he's going to have a hell of a time finding a doctor who has a private detective so when he doesn't call the office the office will still knows what's going on." Also I made a sarcastic remark, "I must've missed the class in medschool where they teach you how to find patient's phone numbers that are not publicly listed."
BTW my wife is a DBT therapist. If anything because of her my patience with dealing with inappropriate behaviors like the above became less after going over these behaviors with her. She told me in DBT therapy it's completely within a therapist's place to tell a patient they cannot engage in inappropriate behavior. This is an area I've seen lacking in several training programs. Several health providers confuse compassion with excusing inappropriate and inexcusable behavior.