I'm coming out of a great fellowship; I loved my residency program. I've sent off 50 jobs applications into the aether for three phone calls and two interviews, the results of which I'm endlessly waiting on. My loans are piling on to me, I really need to get out into the work force. 8% interest is no joke. I'm wavering between cautious optimism and utter hopelessness. Today was an utter hopelessness day. Everyone wants more experience; no one is hiring. Half of them, even in the boonies, won't even respond. Every day, I feel a little more sick and a little more stressed. I could care less about Christmas, even though it's the first time I've seen my family in years. I begin to regret everything I've done. I love pathology, but as I watch my colleagues from medical school now in their second year of practice while I *beg* an attending for more time to work on a project so I can get an abstract submitted, I feel as close to jealousy as I ever have. Maybe the job application number 51 will net me the dream job. As much as I love it, I wouldn't put others through it. No one wants you. *No* one. I read this board; I see the updates; I feel like there's no hope, and wonder, if that job number 51 or 75 or 101 doesn't come through, what then? I would never encourage others to follow this path. I should have listened.