Freaking out a little. And by a little, I mean like a lot.

[Yung Dr. Allie]

Kind of similar to something I've posted before but here goes whatever.. LW need to vent so excuse me if this is slightly all over the place. Just hoping someone can help me out here

I'm in the spring semester of my junior year now and with med school apps creeping up slowly, I've started to feel quite overwhelmed. I just feel like I'm not doing enough and am feeling totally lost on what to do next because I feel like such a late bloomer. I graduate in 2017, but I don’t think I’ll be applying this cycle because I feel as if there’s so much more I need to/can do to make my med school app stronger.

But here's a summary of what I have done so far though:
- shadowed a pediatrician the summer after my freshman year of college
- took various GEs during summer school
- president of the biological honors society in my university
- did research on coral bleaching for about 2 years
- attended a national conference for undergrad research
- AP Biology mentor for an internship
- minors in psych & chem
- GPA of about 3.73

Aside from all this fun stuff, I have a fair share of leadership experience. I am formerly a core member of a youth group. At the university, I am a singing coordinator for a cultural club. Our club puts on the biggest student-lead production throughout the campus every spring, and starting in the summer prior to the show, we begin planning. This requires me to work with a team of script writers and choreographers, just to name a few.

I know that clinical experience is very important and I just started volunteering at a local hospital this semester. I have also been very blessed to be accepted into an internship with Kaiser Permanente, where I get to shadow a physician and observe various rotations such as neurology, general surgery, OB/GYN, dermatology, etc. I'm super excited because I know I will learn a lot, but I am nervous because I have the fear that through this internship, I might find out that the medical field is not for me, and from that point, I really wouldn't know what I want to do with my life. This has caused me to not sign up for the MCAT yet.

And for this, I am starting to worry about my future. I feel as if I am still lacking, and that I am not doing enough. In the first couple years at the university, I had some decent relationships with some of my professors, but over time, those have kind of diminished. I know that this is kind of a problem because letters of rec are crucial to the application process so how do I go back and strengthen these relationships again? I feel ashamed and shy… I may now be volunteering, and soon shadowing, but I look at some of my friends and they have been on medical missions in underserved countries in South America and Asia. A few more of my friends are doing some medical work in Louisiana and Africa. When I look at what they’re doing, I can’t help but feel like a lame potato. I know I shouldn’t compare because everyone has different experiences and/or takes things at different paces but I feel like I have nothing good to offer.

I’ve always had pretty good grades. I’ve always been fascinated by science. And I’ve always been one to care and help people out. People have told me that they think I would be a good doctor and I always thought that I would become one, but right now I’ve sort of reached this low point where I don’t know if I want to do it anymore. I’m at the point where I’m questioning if I this is even what I really wanted in the first place. Did I say that I wanted to become a doctor to please my parents? To earn money? Did I somehow just manipulate my brain into thinking this is what I truly want and that’s how I made it this far?

I don’t know what triggered this, but I am at a loss. I have been trying to be positive and happy and healthy but at the same time, I just feel as if something is off or something is missing. I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid or what. I look at the people that I have been a role model to and those who believe in me, and I tell myself, “I can’t disappoint them now.” I don’t know who to go to. I feel like I can’t really talk to anyone about how I feel. There are a few people I can think of that I miss dearly and want to reach out to, but we have kind of drifted and they seem like they’re doing great in their live so I really don’t want to bother them with my problems because I don’t want to bring anyone down. I borderline think I should be seeking some kind of professional help for this but again, I really don’t know where to turn anymore, which is why I have turned to the internet like a lame-o. Is it a pride issue? Self-esteem issue? No idea. I just feel as if there’s a whole bunch of things wrong with me at the moment.

Apologies for turning this into a kind of depressing rant, but I had to get it all off my chest.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[radian313]

Kind of similar to something I've posted before but here goes whatever.. LW need to vent so excuse me if this is slightly all over the place. Just hoping someone can help me out here

I'm in the spring semester of my junior year now and with med school apps creeping up slowly, I've started to feel quite overwhelmed. I just feel like I'm not doing enough and am feeling totally lost on what to do next because I feel like such a late bloomer. I graduate in 2017, but I don’t think I’ll be applying this cycle because I feel as if there’s so much more I need to/can do to make my med school app stronger.

But here's a summary of what I have done so far though:
- shadowed a pediatrician the summer after my freshman year of college
- took various GEs during summer school
- president of the biological honors society in my university
- did research on coral bleaching for about 2 years
- attended a national conference for undergrad research
- AP Biology mentor for an internship
- minors in psych & chem
- GPA of about 3.73

Aside from all this fun stuff, I have a fair share of leadership experience. I am formerly a core member of a youth group. At the university, I am a singing coordinator for a cultural club. Our club puts on the biggest student-lead production throughout the campus every spring, and starting in the summer prior to the show, we begin planning. This requires me to work with a team of script writers and choreographers, just to name a few.

I know that clinical experience is very important and I just started volunteering at a local hospital this semester. I have also been very blessed to be accepted into an internship with Kaiser Permanente, where I get to shadow a physician and observe various rotations such as neurology, general surgery, OB/GYN, dermatology, etc. I'm super excited because I know I will learn a lot, but I am nervous because I have the fear that through this internship, I might find out that the medical field is not for me, and from that point, I really wouldn't know what I want to do with my life. This has caused me to not sign up for the MCAT yet.

And for this, I am starting to worry about my future. I feel as if I am still lacking, and that I am not doing enough. In the first couple years at the university, I had some decent relationships with some of my professors, but over time, those have kind of diminished. I know that this is kind of a problem because letters of rec are crucial to the application process so how do I go back and strengthen these relationships again? I feel ashamed and shy… I may now be volunteering, and soon shadowing, but I look at some of my friends and they have been on medical missions in underserved countries in South America and Asia. A few more of my friends are doing some medical work in Louisiana and Africa. When I look at what they’re doing, I can’t help but feel like a lame potato. I know I shouldn’t compare because everyone has different experiences and/or takes things at different paces but I feel like I have nothing good to offer.

I’ve always had pretty good grades. I’ve always been fascinated by science. And I’ve always been one to care and help people out. People have told me that they think I would be a good doctor and I always thought that I would become one, but right now I’ve sort of reached this low point where I don’t know if I want to do it anymore. I’m at the point where I’m questioning if I this is even what I really wanted in the first place. Did I say that I wanted to become a doctor to please my parents? To earn money? Did I somehow just manipulate my brain into thinking this is what I truly want and that’s how I made it this far?

I don’t know what triggered this, but I am at a loss. I have been trying to be positive and happy and healthy but at the same time, I just feel as if something is off or something is missing. I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid or what. I look at the people that I have been a role model to and those who believe in me, and I tell myself, “I can’t disappoint them now.” I don’t know who to go to. I feel like I can’t really talk to anyone about how I feel. There are a few people I can think of that I miss dearly and want to reach out to, but we have kind of drifted and they seem like they’re doing great in their live so I really don’t want to bother them with my problems because I don’t want to bring anyone down. I borderline think I should be seeking some kind of professional help for this but again, I really don’t know where to turn anymore, which is why I have turned to the internet like a lame-o. Is it a pride issue? Self-esteem issue? No idea. I just feel as if there’s a whole bunch of things wrong with me at the moment.

Apologies for turning this into a kind of depressing rant, but I had to get it all off my chest.

Calm down.

1. Go to your schools pysch/social services. They will help you organize your thoughts.

2. Your gpa is fine but that doesnt mean anything if you cant place your reasoning for why you want to do this

3. Biggest red flag? You have no direct patient contAct. Shadowing is okay but it does not allow you to develop certain clinical skills that med schools are now more and more interested in.

4. Most importantly, you answered your own question. Figure out if medicine is right for you. If you are doing this other than for yourself then trust me you will have a long and suffering life and say "what the heck was I thinking". I cant answer why you chose this but you need to see why you are doing this because maybe not me or anyone else but Ad Coms sure as heck will look through you and find little substance in your reasoning as you stand now.

6. You are right starting an app without having an idea if this is right for you makes me question your thought process so dont do this until you are sure. Its not that your friends did medical mission trips, I didnt, its the lack of true definitive reasoning and rigor for your resolve into choosing this profession.

Good luck and PM if you need to talk more.

 

[kelminak]

@radian313 gave some great advice. You first and foremost need to get some counseling to get yourself in the best possible mental condition. Mental health is serious and you don't want to blow all the hard work you've done because you didn't give it enough attention.

Your GPA is fantastic, great work.

Agreed that it doesn't seem like you have "demonstrated altruism". Do you have any free time to volunteer at a hospital 4-5 hours a week? You have great research ECs, but being a research robot alone isn't going to be enough. A good year of volunteering and you'd have plenty of hours under your belt in combination with that research.

I may now be volunteering, and soon shadowing, but I look at some of my friends and they have been on medical missions in underserved countries in South America and Asia. A few more of my friends are doing some medical work in Louisiana and Africa. When I look at what they’re doing, I can’t help but feel like a lame potato. I know I shouldn’t compare because everyone has different experiences and/or takes things at different paces but I feel like I have nothing good to offer.

You're right to not compare yourself to these experiences. A lot of adcoms don't even look at overseas medical trips as that special as they'd rather see what you'd do for your community at home. It's not to say they're not viable options to get medical exposure, but you certainly don't need to make a trip to Africa to get into medical school.

Just to be clear, you are on a great path to becoming a physician. There are some things you'll need to tweak, and most importantly you need to schedule yourself adequate time to study for the MCAT. Otherwise, I'm fairly confident you are going to become a physician if you decide you want to. You need to make that decision yourself and you need to take care of yourself personally to make a sound decision. Repeat: Mental health is serious. Lots of people need some assistance during college and there's no shame in it at all. Do what you need to do to be the best person you're capable of being.

 

[j4pac]

In your current state, you would do poorly in med school. Get some help...after that I'm sure you will be well on your way.

 

[cliquesh]

I hate being a doctor. Make sure you really want to do it before applying.

 

[sylvanthus]

I hate being a doctor. Make sure you really want to do it before applying.

Sucks pretty bad doesnt it?

 

[cliquesh]

Sucks pretty bad doesnt it?

Never been so unhappy in my life. My wife loves it, though. Medicine is not for everyone. You like it?

 

[mathnerd88]

Never been so unhappy in my life. My wife loves it, though. Medicine is not for everyone.

Haha, which field are you in?

 

[sylvanthus]

Anesthesia right?

 

[cliquesh]

Anesthesia right?

Yea. You like it?

 

[sylvanthus]

Nawww residenct is terrible, especially in new york. 3 years to go

 

[mathnerd88]

Trust me. You'll hate residency, but after you're done, you'll start liking it. My sister went through the same thing in anesthesiology.

 

[Yung Dr. Allie]

Agreed that it doesn't seem like you have "demonstrated altruism". Do you have any free time to volunteer at a hospital 4-5 hours a week? You have great research ECs, but being a research robot alone isn't going to be enough. A good year of volunteering and you'd have plenty of hours under your belt in combination with that research.

I thought I mentioned it above but I do volunteer. I'm in the Emergency Department at a hospital for about 4 hours every Friday. However most of what they have me do is just restocking carts and bedsides or running things back and forth to the lab.. I'm still trying to get into the swing of things, but a classmate of mine told me about another hospital that is more of kind of like a rehab center, so I was thinking about checking that out and possibly picking that up, since my course curriculum next year won't be as heavily loaded as it is now.

 

[MADD!!!]

Like others said, first thing's first you REALLY need to find out if you like medicine or not and WHY you do. If after your exploring, you do come to the realization that medicine is right for you (and it's so competitive to get in these days that you really have to see yourself doing this and nothing else), then I promise you the rest will start falling into place.

I used to be just like you, so here's my advice. Calm Down(obviously). Next, do things step-by-step and in the proper order so you make progresss:

1) Is medicine right for me? If Yes...
2) Continue shadowing, study and rock the MCAT, do anything else necessary to strengthen your app by doing medically-related experiences you're interested in.
3) STOP comparing yourself to other people, this will be your greatest downfall if you continue to do so.
4) Have a strong base of family/friends to help keep your mood up when things feel like they're going south.
5) Probably more stuff but this is just an example.

If you skip steps, you may not be happy with your results....
There are people (I assume just about every year) who literally graduate from medical school and actually don't want to become doctors. Why? Because they didn't take the time to see if it was right for them and/or did it due to parental pressure, $, or other reasons that should not be deciding factors in becoming a Physician. So it's good to take the time now to really answer this question for yourself, and don't be afraid if the answer is "No." Better to know now that it's not for you then going through med school, burning $200K+, losing 7+ years of your life, all to do something you're going to hate doing or quit.
Take a look at this if you don't believe me: https://www.dropoutclub.org/

Last thing-- What you're experiencing is completely normal. Almost everyone in their early 20's feels like this because you're still lost and confused about where you're heading. Once you really know which direction you're going and get into grad school, things will fall back into place. Good Luck!

 

[spiffysteve]

I thought I mentioned it above but I do volunteer. I'm in the Emergency Department at a hospital for about 4 hours every Friday. However most of what they have me do is just restocking carts and bedsides or running things back and forth to the lab.. I'm still trying to get into the swing of things, but a classmate of mine told me about another hospital that is more of kind of like a rehab center, so I was thinking about checking that out and possibly picking that up, since my course curriculum next year won't be as heavily loaded as it is now.

This is normal for most clinical volunteering. They can't really have you do many involved things, as the hospital would be responsible for any mistakes you make. I volunteered in a rehab unit, a burn/trauma ICU, and outpatient surgery, and that is basically all I was able to do (and I had several years of EMS experience prior). I wouldn't recommend switching to a rehab center from the ER; there isn't much turnover due to the nature of the unit, so volunteers don't get to do much at all. If there are any friendly nurses, techs, or CNAs in your ER, ask if you can follow them around and give them a hand. I've seen a volunteer at my current job do this, and she stays busy the entire shift.

 

[Yung Dr. Allie]

If there are any friendly nurses, techs, or CNAs in your ER, ask if you can follow them around and give them a hand. I've seen a volunteer at my current job do this, and she stays busy the entire shift.

Yeah! After doing my normal restocking of supplies, I'll usually ask the charge nurse or the techs if they need any help with anything. I started off by being able to restock more carts but one time, one of the techs offered to let me bag a body. Unfortunately my shift ended before the body was cleared so I wasn't able to do it. But one of the techs is really cool and hands me off to some of the people in the ED to learn new stuff, asking nurses if I can do anything involving patient care. He always tells me that he'll fetch me if anything remotely interesting like a STEMI happens. So it's always nice when we work at the same time. It gives me a little more hope in what I'm doing.

 

[kelminak]

I don’t know what triggered this, but I am at a loss. I have been trying to be positive and happy and healthy but at the same time, I just feel as if something is off or something is missing. I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid or what. I look at the people that I have been a role model to and those who believe in me, and I tell myself, “I can’t disappoint them now.” I don’t know who to go to. I feel like I can’t really talk to anyone about how I feel. There are a few people I can think of that I miss dearly and want to reach out to, but we have kind of drifted and they seem like they’re doing great in their live so I really don’t want to bother them with my problems because I don’t want to bring anyone down. I borderline think I should be seeking some kind of professional help for this but again, I really don’t know where to turn anymore, which is why I have turned to the internet like a lame-o. Is it a pride issue? Self-esteem issue? No idea. I just feel as if there’s a whole bunch of things wrong with me at the moment.

Apologies for turning this into a kind of depressing rant, but I had to get it all off my chest.

I want you to read what you wrote. This sounds like a mild case of depression and it's not unusual when you're under a lot of pressure. Turn to your family doctor and tell them you haven't been feeling like yourself lately and you're feeling down a lot more than you're feeling up. If they're a good doctor, they'll take you seriously and provide you with the resources you need to get yourself on track. You are absolutely capable of being a physician, but you deserve to be happy while you're at it.

EDIT: Apparently it literally deleted everything I wrote before that quote. I mentioned you should absolutely stick to the volunteer gig you have now. I don't know how I missed that originally, but that kind of exposure is a luxury in volunteering and 4 hours a week is plenty to build up a good chunk of hours before you apply.

 

[Yung Dr. Allie]

bump.

 

[kelminak]

bump.

bump what? Everyone already told you what they thought.

 

[mathnerd88]

bump.

bump what? Everyone already told you what they thought.

@Yung Dr. Allie

It looks like you are having difficulty making your own decisions. You need to figure out what you want to do. Don't rely on other people's opinions (which is what seems to be happening here.) It will be a vicious cycle if you end up doing something because someone else is telling you what to do.

However, please go seek help if you can't figure out things on your own. I sense some form of depression here.

 

[DrMikeP]

bump.

Perhaps a better question to you is:

What do you hope (or need) people here will tell you?

 

[Yung Dr. Allie]

Thank you all for your replies. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I guess I just wanted to see if anyone had anything else to say.

It only makes sense that from here it's really just figuring out what I want to do. I have reached out to my school's counseling service but haven't gotten anything really.. Which sucks butts.. Oh well. Guess I just have to try elsewhere..

I can't say that I grew up in a bad household. My parents have at times been overbearing when I was younger, but I see all the love and hard work they put in. So I'm kind of sitting here wondering..even being "showered with TLC," is it still possible for me to develop depression? Id so, how and why? (guess this is part of what I have to figure out too)

 

[mathnerd88]

Thank you all for your replies. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I guess I just wanted to see if anyone had anything else to say.

It only makes sense that from here it's really just figuring out what I want to do. I have reached out to my school's counseling service but haven't gotten anything really.. Which sucks butts.. Oh well. Guess I just have to try elsewhere..

I can't say that I grew up in a bad household. My parents have at times been overbearing when I was younger, but I see all the love and hard work they put in. So I'm kind of sitting here wondering..even being "showered with TLC," is it still possible for me to develop depression? Id so, how and why? (guess this is part of what I have to figure out too)

Depression comes in all forms and sizes, and varies by individual. Environmental factors may exacerbate it, but there are also genetic factors. Sometimes it is triggered by a traumatic event. Other times it just happens without any rational reason. Sometimes it doesn't matter what kind of household you grew up in.

You may have relatives who've had depression. Don't worry about the why and how, your main priority is to take care of yourself!

 

[D.O. OMM boob]

Hey man, you are doing great! I know 100% what you are going through and have been in your exact same shoes, except for my mid-college crisis/self realization about who I am and who I want to be severely impacted my GPA. Sorry about the long post, but here is my 2 cents $$

First and foremost, I would say make sure you still do well in your classes because your GPA is huge and you don't want this point in your life to effect your schooling. Even if you don't want to become a doctor, but realize through soul searching about yourself and what you want to do in life (not just what your parents make you think you want to do by telling you to become a physician so much that you get brainwashed into believing you want to become a physician without actually coming to that conclusion on your own), grades are going to matter no matter what degree u want to eventually pursue.

Second, don't do career/life altering actions anytime soon or during your struggle in finding yourself. All it takes is one rough night of drinking and doing something like getting behind the wheel to change the rest of your life. Still continue to participate in your EC's, but most importantly I would do some serious soul searching as to what you really want to do. My guess is that despite everyone around you telling you that you should be a doctor, you really do want to be a doctor. However you must realize that and prove to yourself that this is what you really want to do.

I know exactly where you are coming from, for I am about to graduate and apply to Med Schools this cycle, and had this exact same self-realization crisis (accompanied by severe depression for a couple years) like yourself my sophomore/junior year of college, but it absolutely crushed my GPA and social life. I went from wanting to be a doctor, to an engineer, to a pharmacist, to a high school AP bio teacher (for a really long time), and finally after taking 4 months abroad to escape everything and the sense of being overwhelmed, I realized I want to do medicine and I have been working my butt off trying to make up for lost time and lost GPA ever since.

My friends and family are amazing, as so are yours, but they made me believe I wanted to be a doctor before I believed it myself, and that caused the problem. I am from an asian-american family and my parents hold some pretty high standards on me. I realized that I was just trying to appease them by pursuing medicine, and thats why It took me a while to convince myself. They were very supportive even when I decided against medicine for a couple years, and I realized that they just wanted the best for me, not for them, and were happy in whatever path i took as long as I showed thats the path i wanted to take.

All in all, you are doing amazing in school, shown by your great GPA. Keep up the EC's, Keep up the GPA, and start asking yourself questions like why?, what do i like?, why medicine?, is it for the money?, or is it because you want to help people?, possibly prestige?, social influence?, whatever it may be you need to realize what factors initially drove you to wanting to pursue medicine, re-evaluate, and come to the terms on your own.

Best of luck!

 

[DrMikeP]

Thank you all for your replies. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I guess I just wanted to see if anyone had anything else to say.

It only makes sense that from here it's really just figuring out what I want to do. I have reached out to my school's counseling service but haven't gotten anything really.. Which sucks butts.. Oh well. Guess I just have to try elsewhere..

I can't say that I grew up in a bad household. My parents have at times been overbearing when I was younger, but I see all the love and hard work they put in. So I'm kind of sitting here wondering..even being "showered with TLC," is it still possible for me to develop depression? Id so, how and why? (guess this is part of what I have to figure out too)

Anyone can develop depression and many many people do at varying points in life. Some develop it to a clinical level and some don't. A majority of premeds meet criteria for burnout, and anxiety and depression are common in that group.

Find a good Psychologist who can help you figure it out and what u want out of life. Counseling centers are mixed in quality, some are awesome and some aren't. Even if you aren't depressed a good Psychologist can help you lay out a plan for med school success. You should also get a good work up from a primary care doc just to rule out medical issues.

All the best

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

 

[yayayaok]

......

 

[randomguy123456]

Kind of similar to something I've posted before but here goes whatever.. LW need to vent so excuse me if this is slightly all over the place. Just hoping someone can help me out here

I'm in the spring semester of my junior year now and with med school apps creeping up slowly, I've started to feel quite overwhelmed. I just feel like I'm not doing enough and am feeling totally lost on what to do next because I feel like such a late bloomer. I graduate in 2017, but I don’t think I’ll be applying this cycle because I feel as if there’s so much more I need to/can do to make my med school app stronger.

But here's a summary of what I have done so far though:
- shadowed a pediatrician the summer after my freshman year of college
- took various GEs during summer school
- president of the biological honors society in my university
- did research on coral bleaching for about 2 years
- attended a national conference for undergrad research
- AP Biology mentor for an internship
- minors in psych & chem
- GPA of about 3.73

Aside from all this fun stuff, I have a fair share of leadership experience. I am formerly a core member of a youth group. At the university, I am a singing coordinator for a cultural club. Our club puts on the biggest student-lead production throughout the campus every spring, and starting in the summer prior to the show, we begin planning. This requires me to work with a team of script writers and choreographers, just to name a few.

I know that clinical experience is very important and I just started volunteering at a local hospital this semester. I have also been very blessed to be accepted into an internship with Kaiser Permanente, where I get to shadow a physician and observe various rotations such as neurology, general surgery, OB/GYN, dermatology, etc. I'm super excited because I know I will learn a lot, but I am nervous because I have the fear that through this internship, I might find out that the medical field is not for me, and from that point, I really wouldn't know what I want to do with my life. This has caused me to not sign up for the MCAT yet.

And for this, I am starting to worry about my future. I feel as if I am still lacking, and that I am not doing enough. In the first couple years at the university, I had some decent relationships with some of my professors, but over time, those have kind of diminished. I know that this is kind of a problem because letters of rec are crucial to the application process so how do I go back and strengthen these relationships again? I feel ashamed and shy… I may now be volunteering, and soon shadowing, but I look at some of my friends and they have been on medical missions in underserved countries in South America and Asia. A few more of my friends are doing some medical work in Louisiana and Africa. When I look at what they’re doing, I can’t help but feel like a lame potato. I know I shouldn’t compare because everyone has different experiences and/or takes things at different paces but I feel like I have nothing good to offer.

I’ve always had pretty good grades. I’ve always been fascinated by science. And I’ve always been one to care and help people out. People have told me that they think I would be a good doctor and I always thought that I would become one, but right now I’ve sort of reached this low point where I don’t know if I want to do it anymore. I’m at the point where I’m questioning if I this is even what I really wanted in the first place. Did I say that I wanted to become a doctor to please my parents? To earn money? Did I somehow just manipulate my brain into thinking this is what I truly want and that’s how I made it this far?

I don’t know what triggered this, but I am at a loss. I have been trying to be positive and happy and healthy but at the same time, I just feel as if something is off or something is missing. I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid or what. I look at the people that I have been a role model to and those who believe in me, and I tell myself, “I can’t disappoint them now.” I don’t know who to go to. I feel like I can’t really talk to anyone about how I feel. There are a few people I can think of that I miss dearly and want to reach out to, but we have kind of drifted and they seem like they’re doing great in their live so I really don’t want to bother them with my problems because I don’t want to bring anyone down. I borderline think I should be seeking some kind of professional help for this but again, I really don’t know where to turn anymore, which is why I have turned to the internet like a lame-o. Is it a pride issue? Self-esteem issue? No idea. I just feel as if there’s a whole bunch of things wrong with me at the moment.

Apologies for turning this into a kind of depressing rant, but I had to get it all off my chest.

Dude. have a tldr....