funniest medical stories

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libo1369

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Okay time to lighten things up. Share your favorite true and funny medical story doesn't have to be a personal experience but feel free to share.

I remembered this story with someones screen name precordial thump.

A couple days earlier one of the Docs at a hospital sucessfully performed a precordial thump on a patient in V-tach all the others in the hospital got to talking and when a code went off one of the residents went running down the hall saw a the patient lying unconcious and struck him in the chest (precordial thump) he was ecstatic when the patient came through and sat up cursing but then his wife was yelling at the resident "what are you doing?" the resident was immediately mortified and bolted when he checked the leads and found that this guy wasn't in a code he was sleeping, the code was across the hall.

True Story second hand from one of the PA's I worked with I just think it would be so funny to witness this and then the resident explain that he was doing a "lifesaving procedure".

Ok whos next.
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Sorry, but whatever you wrote above was really hard to understand.
 
I'm not sure if that's funny or totally ******ed. I think I would kill myself if I was that resident.

I have never seen a precordial thump. We always have a defibrillator. Everyone has a defibrillator. In my hospital, you couldn't throw a rock without hitting a crash cart.
 
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DocInProgress said:
Sorry, but whatever you wrote above was really hard to understand.
Click to expand...
A resident saw some dude sleeping in his hospital bed and thought he was coding. So then he punched the ****er in the chest and woke him up.
 
TexasTriathlete said:
A resident saw some dude sleeping in his hospital bed and thought he was coding. So then he punched the ****er in the chest and woke him up.
Click to expand...

LOL! Owned. :laugh:

I think I would drink till I pass out that night if I was the resident.
 
I once saw this patient who was an inpatient due to a particularly bad case of diverticulitis. She was having a lot of pain and it was suspected that one of the diverticuli had ruptured. Shortly after she was admitted, she began having bowel movements through her vagina. Basically, the diverticuli ruptured into her vaginal canal! It was easily one of the most disgusting visuals ever (not that I saw it actually happening, but mentally it just doesn't sit well with me!). My question was "that's too bad for her, but what about her husband?!" :eek: After all, I don't think that will be something he forgets in the near future!!

True story.
 
I have one...

We had a first year resident down for her ED rotation. We were in with a patient who was withdrawling from alcohol. The patient was shaking like a leaf and complaining that she was about to have a seizure. I was already prepared and about to give the patient some Ativan, when she seized. I looked up at the intern and she had this freaked out, lost look on her face.

I a panicked voice she said, "should I go get the doctor?"
I calmly replied, "you are the doctor. What do you want to do?"

She still had this horrified look on her face and was completely unsure of what to do next (mind you I had a seizure stopping drug in my hand). I ended up quickly pushing the drug and stopping the patients seizure. I will never forget the look on her face and we laugh about it everytime we see eachother.
 
Sitting in the ER one night as a tech, the EMS radio goes off:

St. Mary's this is Medic 14.
Medic 14, this is St. Mary's go ahead.
Medic 14 inbound with 40ish male CI. Eta 4-5.
Copy medic 14, St. Mary's copy and clear, see you upon arrival.

*we get these all the time just because of where the hospital is located, so near the mission*

So they roll in and this guy looks just out of it. So one of my favorite male nurses to work with and I head back to the psych room with this guy in the lead via the EMS stretcher, get the story and ask him his name.

He responds:
*whatever his name was*. And they are after me. The phantoms.

*we exchange quick looks, and since we like to play along a little with the crazy people just because it makes life fun, we both look up at the ceiling quickly and kind of duck in case there is a phantom there..... ;)*

Us: Phantoms, eh? What did these phantoms look like? Tall, short, big, little...??
Pt: Uhm.... about six feet, and big and black.
Us: uh, huh..... And what did they do to you?
Pt: Well, first they threw me down, then they ripped my chest bar out.
Me: .....Your chest bar? Whats that...??
Pt: You know, its right here in the middle of your chest, everyone has one.
Us: Of course, sorry, how could we forget..... Did you tell the police about the phantoms?
Pt: ....No?
Us: Well, we'll get someone out looking for those guys as soon as we can, k? And the Doctor will be in to look at you shortly, ok?
Pt: Ok. Oh, hey, when is dinner?
Us: After the doctor sees you.



I dont know how many of these I saw in a year in the ER. It was quite comical actually, though sad for the people that actually had psychological problems. We still had fun with them though, because you have to in the ER or you will go crazy. Kinda miss it...
 
rose351 said:
Us: uh, huh..... And what did they do to you?
Pt: Well, first they threw me down, then they ripped my chest bar out.
Me: .....Your chest bar? Whats that...??
Pt: You know, its right here in the middle of your chest, everyone has one.
Us: Of course, sorry, how could we forget.....
Click to expand...

:laugh: That's a winner...hahaha
 
libo1369 said:
Okay time to lighten things up. Share your favorite true and funny medical story doesn't have to be a personal experience but feel free to share.

I remembered this story with someones screen name precordial thump.

A couple days earlier one of the Docs at a hospital sucessfully performed a precordial thump on a patient in V-tach all the others in the hospital got to talking and when a code went off one of the residents went running down the hall saw a the patient lying unconcious and struck him in the chest (precordial thump) he was ecstatic when the patient came through and sat up cursing but then his wife was yelling at the resident "what are you doing?" the resident was immediately mortified and bolted when he checked the leads and found that this guy wasn't in a code he was sleeping, the code was across the hall.

True Story second hand from one of the PA's I worked with I just think it would be so funny to witness this and then the resident explain that he was doing a "lifesaving procedure".

Ok whos next.
Click to expand...

I thought this only happened on Grey's Anatomy? :laugh:
 
JWE27 said:
I once saw this patient who was an inpatient due to a particularly bad case of diverticulitis. She was having a lot of pain and it was suspected that one of the diverticuli had ruptured. Shortly after she was admitted, she began having bowel movements through her vagina. Basically, the diverticuli ruptured into her vaginal canal! It was easily one of the most disgusting visuals ever (not that I saw it actually happening, but mentally it just doesn't sit well with me!). My question was "that's too bad for her, but what about her husband?!" :eek: After all, I don't think that will be something he forgets in the near future!!

True story.
Click to expand...

:barf: Thank you, I can now have tonights dinner tomorrow night.

rose351 said:
Sitting in the ER one night as a tech, the EMS radio goes off:

St. Mary's this is Medic 14.
Medic 14, this is St. Mary's go ahead.
Medic 14 inbound with 40ish male CI. Eta 4-5.
Copy medic 14, St. Mary's copy and clear, see you upon arrival.

*we get these all the time just because of where the hospital is located, so near the mission*

So they roll in and this guy looks just out of it. So one of my favorite male nurses to work with and I head back to the psych room with this guy in the lead via the EMS stretcher, get the story and ask him his name.

He responds:
*whatever his name was*. And they are after me. The phantoms.

*we exchange quick looks, and since we like to play along a little with the crazy people just because it makes life fun, we both look up at the ceiling quickly and kind of duck in case there is a phantom there..... ;)*

Us: Phantoms, eh? What did these phantoms look like? Tall, short, big, little...??
Pt: Uhm.... about six feet, and big and black.
Us: uh, huh..... And what did they do to you?
Pt: Well, first they threw me down, then they ripped my chest bar out.
Me: .....Your chest bar? Whats that...??
Pt: You know, its right here in the middle of your chest, everyone has one.
Us: Of course, sorry, how could we forget..... Did you tell the police about the phantoms?
Pt: ....No?
Us: Well, we'll get someone out looking for those guys as soon as we can, k? And the Doctor will be in to look at you shortly, ok?
Pt: Ok. Oh, hey, when is dinner?
Us: After the doctor sees you.



I dont know how many of these I saw in a year in the ER. It was quite comical actually, though sad for the people that actually had psychological problems. We still had fun with them though, because you have to in the ER or you will go crazy. Kinda miss it...
Click to expand...

:smuggrin: Mean...but funny.
 
When listening the lung sounds of an obviously hearing impaired elderly woman as an EMT:
Me: big breaths.
Her: Yes they used to be

or Female PT in active labor says when I ask to examine her:
"I ain't going to let you see my coochie, I gots stretch marks older than chu!"
 
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I did some volunteer work in the ER a few semesters ago and we had a guy come in who had a broom shoved up his rear. When the attending asked him what had happened, he said, "Ummm, my partner and I were trying something we saw in a porn. I guess it didn't work."

Another time, during the Superbowl, it was super quiet in the ER and as soon as the game was done, we got hit hard. One story was fairly memorable: two guys got into a fight because one of them had a made a bet against one team and had lost and had lost apparently a lot of money. Well the guy who lost was so pissed off that he told the guy he owed money to that he didn't have the money so they got into the fight. And the first guy, to avoid having to pay the other one, jumped out of a 3 story window. And the guy he owed money to followed him........out the same window. They both ended up in the same ER with fractures and breaks all over their bodies.
 
PistolPete said:
Emergency medicine is looking more and more entertaining by the day. I'll be looking forward to this rotation.
Click to expand...

I'm thinking the same thing. I was interested in EM anyway, but it is now sounding even more appealing.
 
People coming into the ER with foreign objects crammed up their asses is nothing new. We get that **** all the time. As long as there have been ER's, there have been people coming in with things stuck in their ***.
 
TexasTriathlete said:
People coming into the ER with foreign objects crammed up their asses is nothing new. We get that **** all the time. As long as there have been ER's, there have been people coming in with things stuck in their ***.
Click to expand...

ERs are new. As long as there have been asses, people have been sticking things in there.
 
Another true ER story (luckily I wasn't volunteering that day):

One of the patients started getting hostile. He chased one of the nurses around for a second, then pulled down his pants, defecated, and started yelling and tossing his **** around the ER like a mad monkey. Everyone just kind of got out of the way out of fear of being hit by his ****. Eventually, after about a minute, the security guard showed up and tackled him.
 
Maybe the phantoms were trying to rip out his chest bar? :smuggrin:
 
Concubine said:
Another true ER story (luckily I wasn't volunteering that day):

One of the patients started getting hostile. He chased one of the nurses around for a second, then pulled down his pants, defecated, and started yelling and tossing his **** around the ER like a mad monkey. Everyone just kind of got out of the way out of fear of being hit by his ****. Eventually, after about a minute, the security guard showed up and tackled him.
Click to expand...
Disgusting. I'm thinking of the ER where I volunteer and its multitude of beds in the hallway. The poor patients.
 
TexasTriathlete said:
People coming into the ER with foreign objects crammed up their asses is nothing new. We get that **** all the time. As long as there have been ER's, there have been people coming in with things stuck in their ***.
Click to expand...

Job security...:thumbup: Like I said, you can't fix stupid...
 
so here is one for ya, not very funny and kinda sad...

I was doing some research in the UCLA ER and we had an elderly pt come in late in the evening. When we arrived at her room we saw one of the residents quickly running out, white as a ghost. She managed to make it to the garbage can before she lost her dinner, and probably a few meals before that. One of the attendings asked us if we would take pictures (we didn't know what the problem was yet). So my friend and I being young bright eyed bushy-tailed research assistants did rock-paper-scissors for the 'opprotunity' to take case pictures. I won and when I entered her room I was confronted by probably the most disgusting smell this world has ever seen. Another resident had pulled off this ladies socks and there were hundreds of maggots feasting on her ankles and feet. I quickly snapped three pictures, asked the attendent if that was all, and bolted the hell out of there. Poor lady was in such bad shape she didn't even know that there was a damn colony of maggots on her feet. We notified the police and they had a little "chat" w/ the family about elderly abuse.
 
Sad but true. My second day as a resident. I middle aged strung out cachectic woman comes in screaming. She was tachycardic, crying in between screams, and just difficult to talk to. Soon after arriving, she began yelling that she had a crack-pipe in her vagina. She stated she had just been raped by three men she did not know - in an alley. She stated that after they finished, one of them put the pipe in her.

Well, someone needed to do a pelvic exam, but she was so excitable, so strung out, so crazy that when I attempted, she didn't tolerate it. Soooo, I decided to get an x-ray and give some anxiolytics in the mean time. By the way, tox screen was positive for cocaine, meth, cannaboids, benzos, barbs.

I wish I could post that x-ray on this board...it was the coolest thing I've ever seen. The pipe was sitting in the coronal axis so you could see it perfectly from left to right. It probably hurt like hell, but she was too high to know.

I did my pelvic and pulled the thing out. Sure enough, it was a crackpipe!
No hair or bodily fluids belonging to anyone else found on her person, by the way. We figured she probably put the pipe inside her just before getting busted in that alley.
 
paramediclizard said:
And keep people from seeing their primary care doctor.

Love that you use that rose!
Click to expand...
Hahaha, Emergency medicine. Our sole purpose is keeping America from seeing their primary care physician. And you better believe people see it as that instead of only coming when they have an actual emergency. The ones that have been having chest pain for a few months are stupid and should have seen their PC before it got to be a crushing pain and became an emergency. But then again, the ER would be a lonely and not very busy place if that happened....
 
This story was told to us by a professor. This happened to him when he was a med student (probably in the 60s or 70s judging from his age).

This psych patient who was being treated in the hospital was positive that he had a cat living in his stomach. The doctors did everything they could do to assure the patient that there was no cat in his stomach as this is impossible. One night the doctors decided to go along with it so they prepped the patient for a mock surgery, drew on an incision on his belly and then put a bandage over it. When the patient woke up the doctors had a cat in the room and said, "you were right, here is the cat that was living in your stomach." You'd think the patient would be ecstatic that they got the cat out but he replied "you forgot the kittens!!!"
 
TexasTriathlete said:
People coming into the ER with foreign objects crammed up their asses is nothing new. We get that **** all the time. As long as there have been ER's, there have been people coming in with things stuck in their ***.
Click to expand...

Ahhhh.......The Ole' "I slipped and fell on it"
 
This is an excerpt from nip/tuck. Dr. Christian Troy had just been raped by a serial rapist known as the carver. His partner, Dr. Sean McNamara, was giving him an anal exam to help Christian with his painful problem. Sean unable to find anything wrong says "I don't see anything. It must be some kind of phantom pain." Christian replies, "Who do I call for phantom pain? ...Ghostbusters?"
 
I'll throw in a few because I worked in an ER in Santa Monica for a few years and have a few good ones (I'll bullet point to keep it quick):

- Had to assist on inserting a cath into a woman (who I only assume was a prostitute) who was completely nude, screaming, spitting, bitting, and hadn't peed for days because of a horrid UTI.

- Countless homeless stories: Saw an officer taser one guy because he wouldn't give up a bottle of alcohol, Saw a guy who's foot was completely rotten away and his shoe was full of maggots,

-numerous guys drunk, peeing themselves, screaming attempting to take drugs while in the ER and physically fighting with nurses and security etc etc, a few intense stab wounds, a few out of control blood alcohol level tests etc etc .... some crazy stuff.
 
JaggerPlate said:
I'll throw in a few because I worked in an ER in Santa Monica for a few years and have a few good ones (I'll bullet point to keep it quick):

- Had to assist on inserting a cath into a woman (who I only assume was a prostitute) who was completely nude, screaming, spitting, bitting, and hadn't peed for days because of a horrid UTI.

- Countless homeless stories: Saw an officer taser one guy because he wouldn't give up a bottle of alcohol, Saw a guy who's foot was completely rotten away and his shoe was full of maggots,

-numerous guys drunk, peeing themselves, screaming attempting to take drugs while in the ER and physically fighting with nurses and security etc etc, a few intense stab wounds, a few out of control blood alcohol level tests etc etc .... some crazy stuff.
Click to expand...


I'm jealous, my ER was so boring. I found out later I should've gone to the other one in town if I wanted to see cool stuff.
 
A 93-year old woman in the nursing home I worked in was convinced that she was 9-months pregnant because she had a huge, swollen belly. She thought she was having twins, a boy and a girl. And thus she wouldn't let us disimpact her.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, her abdomen was distended because she was LITERALLY full of ****.

And I won't describe what it was like when we finally got doctor's orders and consent to fix the problem...
 
meggielou said:
A 93-year old woman in the nursing home I worked in was convinced that she was 9-months pregnant because she had a huge, swollen belly. She thought she was having twins, a boy and a girl. And thus she wouldn't let us disimpact her.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, her abdomen was distended because she was LITERALLY full of ****.

And I won't describe what it was like when we finally got doctor's orders and consent to fix the problem...
Click to expand...

ewwwwwwwww :barf:
 
I was seeing an inpatient, elderly, demented man for recurrent hyponatremia (I'm a dietitian). Apparently he had a peculiar habit of consuming very-large amounts of water to induce this nice, intoxicating low-blood sodium. Obviously, fluid was restricted when he was admitted and only ice chips were allowed on his trays. One day his CNA decided she had better things to do other than supervise his shower (which was an order in the chart) and left him for a few minutes alone. I was the next one in the room to see the patient. I remember coming in to the horribly off-key rendering of an idecipherable song while he was essentially doing "water angels" on the floor of his shower! Yep, he was quite drunk off water from the shower head!

Hence, referring to water as "poor-man's liquor" was coined in that hospital thereafter...
 
JWE27 said:
I was seeing an inpatient, elderly, demented man for recurrent hyponatremia (I'm a dietitian). Apparently he had a peculiar habit of consuming very-large amounts of water to induce this nice, intoxicating low-blood sodium. Obviously, fluid was restricted when he was admitted and only ice chips were allowed on his trays. One day his CNA decided she had better things to do other than supervise his shower (which was an order in the chart) and left him for a few minutes alone. I was the next one in the room to see the patient. I remember coming in to the horribly off-key rendering of an idecipherable song while he was essentially doing "water angels" on the floor of his shower! Yep, he was quite drunk off water from the shower head!

Hence, referring to water as "poor-man's liquor" was coined in that hospital thereafter...
Click to expand...

I think I might try that this weekend. How much water would you say is enough? :laugh:
 
I'm a bartender and I told this story at the bar I work at tonight... people decided to stick with beer/whiskey/rum/etc. :D
 
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