Funny stuff to relax from doing secondaries

Things You Do NOT Want to Hear in Surgery:

1.) "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

2.) "Somebody call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."

3.) "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!"

4.) "Sparky! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

5.) "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's THIS?"

6.) "Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ..... 'thingy'."

7.) "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex!"

8.) "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived a full hypo of THIS stuff
before?"

9.) "Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!"

10.) "Could you stop that thing from beating? -- It's throwing my
concentration off."

11.) "What's THIS doing here?"

12.) "I hate it when they're missing stuff in here."

13.) "That's cool! Now, can you make his leg twitch?"

14.) "I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses."

15.) "Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us."

16.) "Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?"

17.) "Anyone see where I left that scalpel?"

18.) "Next, we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of
the ape."

19.) "Now, take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of
nature."

20.) "This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?"

21.) "Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?"

22.) "Don't worry. I think this is sharp enough."

23.) "What do you mean, 'I want a divorce'?"

24.) "She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!"

25.) "FIRE! FIRE! Everybody get out!"

26.) "And next week, we'll be learning how to stitch up a patient...."

27.) "Well NOW is one helluva time to tell me that VISA has 'declined'
the charges for this!"

28.) "Gawd, I can't BELIEVE I've gone 3 hours now, without a cigarette,without my hands shaking like they usually do."

29.) "Folks, I gotta tell you that I'm not REALLY a surgeon, but I
*DID* stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

30.) "Not bad for a guy who finished at the BOTTOM of his graduating
class, right?"