Funny things patients say!!!

Started by double elle
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double elle

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I've become excellent at keeping a straight face when patients butcher words. However, it's also irritating, because now...I find myself saying "prostRate"!

However, we were talking to a patient's daughter the other day about whether or not, if her renal failure became bad enough, the patient would want to consider dialysis. The daughter - who had this authoritative way about her - said loudly: "Well - I'm not sure about that, but I do know for a fact that she DOES NOT want to be incubated." :laugh: LOL....the attending I was with is from Palastine, with the language thing going on, I don't think he noticed...but I about peed my pants trying not to bust out laughing

I also had a patient tell me once he had a 'protein disorder'. I was doing an admit for something...can't remember. I said "protein disorder??" He said......................"yeah, I have amino acid reflex disease". (GERD) 😛
 
"I'm sorry ma'am, but you have bus coming out of ur arm."

One letter, a world of difference.
 
during an inner city ER rotation as a 3rd year medical student several years ago I had a lovely black gentleman procede to tell me that his **** was **** up 😀
 
I kind of like when people put the word "the" in front of their diseases.
"I've got the gout".
"My mother had the lupus"
Always puts a smile on my face.
 
McDoctor said:
I kind of like when people put the word "the" in front of their diseases.
"I've got the gout".
"My mother had the lupus"
Always puts a smile on my face.
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I find that those seem to be the same people who always call you "Doc"
 
I especially like "Sugar Diabetes," like those patients know of "Insipidous Diabetes."
 
It drives me nuts when a little old lady tells me when her last "mammiogram" was. It's also amusing to hear patients try to say "hydrochlorothiazide."
 
This may just be a Detroit phenomenon, but both the ER's I've been in for consults either had the same guy, or different guys with the same issue.

(yelling at top of lungs) "Nurse, nurse, nurse, nurse, nurse, nurse, muthafacka!!!" then in a laugh that sounds pathognomonic for insanity "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" repeat Q1min prn.
 
Trizi said:
It's also amusing to hear patients try to say "hydrochlorothiazide."
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I've yet to met one (excluding physicians/nurses as patients) who can pronounce it correctly. The patients laugh when they try to say it ... but they try to say it anyway ... maybe they enjoy trying to pronounce it? 😕

Anyway, when you (as a student) say it correctly, it makes the patient feel a whole lot better being under your care 🙂
 
My favorite, A husband asked if he could cut his baby's "Biblical Cord"
 
On reviewing the family history of a pregnant patient who had a cousin with Down syndrome: "They said it was a generic disease"
 
"Partial hysterectomy"
"Prostrate cancer/enlarged prostrate"
"Limp nodes/link nodes/lump nodes"
"AV graph/AV draft"
 
"Sir, I have to ask you some personal questions, is that okay?"

"Sure, ma'am."

"The reason I ask these things is because I stuck myself with a needle that I used to stitch your skin back together."

"Oh, I understand, I understand."

"Sir, have you had any unprotected sex or sex with multiple partners?"

*raises eyebrows* "No ma'am."

"Sir have you used IV drugs or shared any needles--"

"Oh sure!"

"Wait, what?"

"Oh yeah, I use several a day! Here and here and here." (Points to several areas on his body.)

I close my eyes and breathe a little, "Sir, exactly what do you use the needles for?"

"My insulin."

"Sir, do you know CPR? Because you came close to putting your skills to work."
 
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