- Joined
- Feb 15, 2010
- Messages
- 8
- Reaction score
- 0
thanks for the responses.
Last edited:
gap year to stay with girlfriend?
- Thread starter curveball617
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2007
- Messages
- 1,863
- Reaction score
- 31
Why not just apply on your own and continue the LDR? There's no guarantee you'll end up at the same school or the same city if you apply together.
K
kpcrew
end the relationship?
simply because your application year doesn't sync up?
simply because your application year doesn't sync up?
This.
Why can't you continue the relationship? If you get into a school, your gf could try and get into the same school (or a nearby school if you end up in a place with lots of schools like NY, DC, Philly, etc).
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2009
- Messages
- 947
- Reaction score
- 25
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2011
- Messages
- 1,071
- Reaction score
- 94
And I wonder why the divorce rate in this country is so high...
Seriously. If you've been with her for four years already, and I'm assuming you had your trials and challenges, what makes you think you can't work this out? I mean, if you've been long-distance all this time, then why not continue the LDR? Are you going to let her go just because she's doing what is best for her career and taking one year off????? If you don't want to take a gap year, apply, and perhaps consider applying to a school close(r) to her, if you'd like. You two can have some control over where you go for med school and can do your best to end up in cities that are at least within easy driving/bus/train distance.,,,,
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2011
- Messages
- 478
- Reaction score
- 0
Love the posts here. OP, I absolutely agree with the other posters. Continue the LDR whether you take the gap year or not. If your gf is truly the one for you, which it does seem like since you guys been dating 4 years (and probably had your share of trial/errors 🙂) you will regret so much thinking that 1 year of your life changed things forever
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2011
- Messages
- 393
- Reaction score
- 3
Just pop the question already, jeez.
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2008
- Messages
- 1,623
- Reaction score
- 30
I don't even see a reason to continue the LDR. I mean if you get in, and she wants a gap year, then she can move with you to wherever you get into school. Then when she applies the next year, she'll have a slightly better chance of getting into the same school (particularly if she gets residency there). If she gets in elsewhere, then the LDR is then only 3 years (you can hopefully move to be with her for her last year of school after you graduate by applying for residency matches near her) instead of 4 as it would be if you apply at the same time and don't get in together. If you are considering breaking up just because she wants to take a gap year...maybe there is something else going on and you are not actually as committed to the relationship as you think. Seems like excuse-finding to me, Just saying...
That being said, applying together at the same time is NO guarantee and it is SO stressful, so I give you my well wishes and sympathy. I just went through one application round trying to get in with my bf. He made one waitlist and I didn't get in anywhere (though technically one school is still pending for us both, but this late in the game I don't see it happening). We both had good applications. Unfortunately, we applied late in the cycle and to a small number of schools and that kind of screwed us over in a way. Anyways, even applying again, there is no guarantee. It is SO hard, and SO incredibly stressful. It sucks. But if you love the person, then it is so very worth it. Same for a long distance relationship. You've made it this far, what's a few more years?
That being said, applying together at the same time is NO guarantee and it is SO stressful, so I give you my well wishes and sympathy. I just went through one application round trying to get in with my bf. He made one waitlist and I didn't get in anywhere (though technically one school is still pending for us both, but this late in the game I don't see it happening). We both had good applications. Unfortunately, we applied late in the cycle and to a small number of schools and that kind of screwed us over in a way. Anyways, even applying again, there is no guarantee. It is SO hard, and SO incredibly stressful. It sucks. But if you love the person, then it is so very worth it. Same for a long distance relationship. You've made it this far, what's a few more years?
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2008
- Messages
- 1,623
- Reaction score
- 30
Being married will increase your chances of getting in together as schools often take that into account. (this was the general consensus of SDNers when I asked about mentioning trying to get in with someone in interviews)
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2012
- Messages
- 29
- Reaction score
- 3
HurricaneKatt, really? Would it also increase your chances of getting in if your spouse lived/went to grad school nearby but wasn't also applying to med school?
and, to OP--I've been in an LDR for a semester and a half and I'm pretty sure if we could last until junior year there'd be no question as to whether or not we'd continue it. I know long distance is really hard (~3000 miles & three hours apart...), though, and you could take this transition period as an opportunity to see other people if you're not sure she's the person you want to end up with. Either way, I hope you both make the right decision.
and, to OP--I've been in an LDR for a semester and a half and I'm pretty sure if we could last until junior year there'd be no question as to whether or not we'd continue it. I know long distance is really hard (~3000 miles & three hours apart...), though, and you could take this transition period as an opportunity to see other people if you're not sure she's the person you want to end up with. Either way, I hope you both make the right decision.
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2004
- Messages
- 30,872
- Reaction score
- 10,062
Are you planning on trying to end up in the same city, and are you guys both willing to focus only on cities with numerous med schools in close proximity (ie Chicago, NY, Philly)? If not it doesn't really matter if one gets "ahead", as you probably will end up doing the LDR a few more years, but will still have opportunities to synch up your lives toward the other end of med school with a research year when it's time to apply for residency, so you can couples match.
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2004
- Messages
- 30,872
- Reaction score
- 10,062
it helps insofar as needing to show a nexus with the region. Meaning a med school in eg Ohio is going to need to know why you, Someone who doesn't have anything Ohio related on your CV, is contemplating moving there before they take you seriously as an applicant. But having someone at the med school itself is stronger because then it's not just a nexus issue, it's a legacy issue. Only matters if it's a spouse though -- having a gf/bf there won't cut it.
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2011
- Messages
- 1,374
- Reaction score
- 15
I say apply, you have no idea how long your relationship with her last.
- Joined
- May 22, 2008
- Messages
- 17,394
- Reaction score
- 9,146
I was in a very similar situation a year ago (girlfriend was a year younger, so unless we somehow got back "on schedule" at some point we would seemingly never be living in the same city) and decided to end our ~4 year relationship. There were other factors involved, of course, but ignoring the fact that you might be apart for at least another four years (and maybe 3+ more depending on how residency works out) is naive - unless, of course, you're fine with having a long-distance relationship for that long.
I absolutely wouldn't take a gap year unless you find something that you know you want to do. That sounds like a perfect way to be miserable for a year. I would apply and hope that your girlfriend gets into (and decides to attend) either the school you're going to or a nearby school.
I absolutely wouldn't take a gap year unless you find something that you know you want to do. That sounds like a perfect way to be miserable for a year. I would apply and hope that your girlfriend gets into (and decides to attend) either the school you're going to or a nearby school.
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2010
- Messages
- 3,751
- Reaction score
- 19
I'm going to echo what everyone says, and to not take a gap year. I was also in a similar situation, with my boyfriend of three years going to med school 1000 miles from where I was. He was two years older than me, and we tried out the long-distance for his M1 year. In my experience, it was awful. We saw each other only a few times due to the expensive flights, and lost the little things that had made the relationship great in the first place. We decided to end it this past summer, but are open to the option of picking it up in the future. 5+ years of distance (at least) just wasn't feasible. He lives in a state that isn't very open to OOS students, and I had considering taking a few gap years to increase my chances of getting into a school there. However, it really isn't worth delaying your career (if you're ready). Things will work out if they're meant to.
OP, I would say don't take a gap year. See if your gf can get a job or go to school where you ultimately attend medical school so you don't really have to deal with the distance.
OP, I would say don't take a gap year. See if your gf can get a job or go to school where you ultimately attend medical school so you don't really have to deal with the distance.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2009
- Messages
- 9,233
- Reaction score
- 3,808
Here's my suggestion. It pretty much mirrors everyone else's. Don't take a gap year. To reiterate, there is no guarantee that you'll both gain admission during that second cycle. If you're going to take a year off, take it while you're already in medical school to do research there; you'll likely gain more from that than if you were to take an unguided and unwanted gap year.
2
235788
grow a pair. She'll follow you if its meant to be.
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2008
- Messages
- 876
- Reaction score
- 136
If you get in, she does have the option of spending her gap year with you...... if you're that interested in her and if she's that interested in you that is...
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2009
- Messages
- 9,233
- Reaction score
- 3,808
Same advice about men.
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2012
- Messages
- 263
- Reaction score
- 2
I'm with everyone on this. Do NOT take the gap year. If applying bc it's right for you and ends the relationship, then it wasn't meant to be. She can still do a gap year where you are. You'll appreciate yourself more and despise her less.
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2011
- Messages
- 213
- Reaction score
- 80
Agreed. You're not becoming a doctor for her, you're becoming a doctor for yourself. Three years in an LDR is a serious deal, if this ends it (or if she's put this ultimatum on you), then there's a bigger problem. No one who cares about you should hold you back, and you shouldn't put someone else before your career. My s/o is going to school in NY next year, I'm applying next summer, and hopefully I'll get into a school in the general vicinity. Distance shouldn't dictate whether you stay together if it's meant to last.
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2011
- Messages
- 151
- Reaction score
- 12
It's going to be impossible for any of us to decide this for you because what the best decision for you will depend largely on how serious you feel about her. I might think that after 4 years with someone, you have a feel for whether or not you intend to be with that person forever. Just be honest with yourself and decide if attending medical school one year earlier with worth potentially ending the relationship.
It will be far easier to end up on the same school/city/state if you both apply in the same year (otherwise, one of the two variables, your location, is fixed). If you feel serious about her, take the year off; your application can only get stronger with an additional year of experiences, etc so long as you at least partially fill your time with meaningful activities. Are there really any downsides to taking a year off (other than the BS about one less year of physician pay..)??
It will be far easier to end up on the same school/city/state if you both apply in the same year (otherwise, one of the two variables, your location, is fixed). If you feel serious about her, take the year off; your application can only get stronger with an additional year of experiences, etc so long as you at least partially fill your time with meaningful activities. Are there really any downsides to taking a year off (other than the BS about one less year of physician pay..)??
- Joined
- May 24, 2011
- Messages
- 133
- Reaction score
- 11
OP - is this serious? You realize you are asking neurotic premeds about dating advice? Do yourself a favor and do what you want and stop looking to SDN for life advice, isn't there enough bad advice on here already??
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2009
- Messages
- 908
- Reaction score
- 9
This is actually good advice right here if you end up applying before your girlfriend. Even if you guys apply to med school together, you two might not even end up at the school or even in the same city. The couples match for residency has a very high rate of success. I think I read somewhere that the couples match rate is like 98%.
If you feel strongly about applying this year, go ahead and apply. Do what is best for you because you don't want to take the gap year, be unhappy, and resent your girlfriend later. I was also in a similar situation, and I chose to apply before my boyfriend. I then moved even farther from him (we were already in a LDR anyways). If you're both serious about each other, you'll find ways to make the relationship work. It won't be easy. Only you know if it's worth the effort. Good luck!
Last edited:
