GLBT Question: How are you finding roommates for next year?

[hw430]

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For GLBT students attending med school this fall - how are you going about finding roommates for August (or whenever)? I've never had to move in with strangers before and I don't know how to deal with the GLBT aspect of it. If you find roommates on SDN, is it better to be upfront about it, or is it none of their business (lol)?

Also let me say I'm not a troll, I am a regular user here and my usual screen name has more than 300 legit posts. I just made this one for paranoia reasons.

 

[engineeredout]

As long as you're not planning on having massive gay sex orgies in the kitchen theres probably no reason you need to mention it either way.

 

[Flopotomist]

As long as you're not planning on having massive gay sex orgies in the kitchen theres probably no reason you need to mention it either way.

I have to disagree here. In a perfect world, maybe this is true, however there are people out there who really really are uncomfortable around gay people and it would not be a good living situation if you ended up roommates with somebody like that.

Try craigslist - that is where I got my place for first year, and then second year, I just moved in with friends I made first year.

Good luck!

 

[Luxian]

For GLBT students attending med school this fall - how are you going about finding roommates for August (or whenever)? I've never had to move in with strangers before and I don't know how to deal with the GLBT aspect of it. If you find roommates on SDN, is it better to be upfront about it, or is it none of their business (lol)?

Also let me say I'm not a troll, I am a regular user here and my usual screen name has more than 300 legit posts. I just made this one for paranoia reasons.

Personally, I think it's better to be upfront about it. You don't need to go into great detail, but you can just say you are seeking "queer-friendly" or just "GLBT-friendly" roommates. Whatever embarassment you face being out to complete strangers is WAY better than ending up with a bigoted roommate who throws a fit if you bring a boy/girl home. Most people will get it and not care, but you'll weed out the awful ones.

 

[darkelven29]

My future roommate let me know the sexual orientation in the second email. We first talked through one of those Class of 2012 group thing. I was fine with it and appreciated the honesty. We are going to be roommates!

Some people may be uncomfortable. You don't need to post "Looking for roommates, I am outgoing, gay, and have a dog" But in your subsequent emails/phone calls you should let potential roommates you like know.

 

[pianola]

I guess it really depends on how much your sexuality is a part of your life.

It's kind of odd how L-G-B-and-T are all grouped together because even though we do have some of the same issues, that's not true ALL the time.

For example, I'm bi. Both women and men have been a part of my romantic and relationship experiences. I don't think about it all the time and most of the time I'm unattached. My habits all say "straight girl."

I have never mentioned it to a roommate until I've been EXTREMELY close with her. It's worked out fine. I'm also single most of the time, though...so it literally never comes up.

.

 

[engineeredout]

In theory, I could see it posing a problem if someone is looking for a male roommate, but if said person ends up being a transsexual, he ends up with a female roommate?

Too confusing

 

[BTC]

What city will you be looking for roommates in? Makes a big difference.

 

[hw430]

Thanks for all the responses.

To clarify, I'm a gay male and no, it's not really a big part of my life.

 

[BluePhoenix]

In general, it's probably good to disclose this before you decide to be roomies. Moving in and finding out that your new roommate is an extremely conservative hyper-religious person is NOT going to make living together cool, especially if you plan to do any sort of dating. Probably not so big of a deal if you go to a school in a really liberal area...but if you're in a smaller city, particularly in the south or midwest, better to know in advance. Most people I've dealt with have been pretty cool and/or really just didn't care. But save yourself any possible frustration by letting them know in advance.

 

[pianola]

In general, it's probably good to disclose this before you decide to be roomies. Moving in and finding out that your new roommate is an extremely conservative hyper-religious person is NOT going to make living together cool, especially if you plan to do any sort of dating. Probably not so big of a deal if you go to a school in a really liberal area...but if you're in a smaller city, particularly in the south or midwest, better to know in advance. Most people I've dealt with have been pretty cool and/or really just didn't care. But save yourself any possible frustration by letting them know in advance.

There are ways to "feel out" a roommate's attitude without actually specifying that you, yourself are not straight. Often I'll do that -- try to find out her attitude about *someone else* before I go into a discussion of my own sexuality.

Good luck again.

 

[EBI831]

I like to think of med school as the beginning of the rest of your life. Would you wanna spend that holding back any part of yourself? I wouldn't. Also, the longer you keep things away from a roommate the bigger an issue it ends up seeming even if it isn't. however, i definitely wouldnt wait to move in before i told the roommate. we don't live in a perfect world and some people may be uncomfortable. also, i wouldn't wait til you had a roommate lined up and then decide to tell them in the few month wait til school starts. because, if they back out (for whatever reasons) you judge them and if they don't back out it could just be because they feel pressured to not appear homophobic. homophobic people are not evil etc and i think they just need time/ education to get used to some ideas sometimes. that said, you said your sexuality isn't a big part in your life? if you advertise your room as a homosexual or inform a roommate of your sexuality before moving in, as they know little else about you, then that's exactly all you'll be: your sexuality. i say as floptometrist (sp?) suggested, you do the solo living thing the first year, make friends who like you for you ie personality, sexuality etc and then move in with one the following year if it works out.

 

[45408]

Does your school have a roommate match system? My school had people fill out questionaires that other people could look over when they were looking for roommates. You could maybe suggest to your school that they include something that might indicate if a potential roommate is what you would consider LGBT friendly.


Or I came in here to suggest Craigslist, which Flopotomist beat me to.

 

[bcat85]

As long as you're not planning on having massive gay sex orgies in the kitchen theres probably no reason you need to mention it either way.

 

[BluePhoenix]

There are ways to "feel out" a roommate's attitude without actually specifying that you, yourself are not straight. Often I'll do that -- try to find out her attitude about *someone else* before I go into a discussion of my own sexuality.

Good luck again.

The problem with this, is there are people that are "cool with gay people" in more of a long distance sense. As in, it's fine that they exist but I don't want to share an apartment with them. It's not so big of a deal if you're just friends but if you're living together in a small apartment, you don't want to spend a year playing the pronoun game or watching what you talk about. I'm not saying come out with the pride flags flying wearing hot pants and a skintight sequined shirt, just...casually mention it while you're going over various details and deciding if you're roommate compatible.