Going crazy. Please help.

[blahblacksheep]

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I guess I'll just dive right in.

I have perpetual doubts as to whether medicine is right for me, and whether I can do these courses, and I'm pretty depressed. I want some honest input.

I've been at it for a few semesters now, and my grades have been horrible. I got the first F of my life, and a couple of C's to boot. This path has been so much harder than I've imagined. After moving back in with my parents to start this whole pre-med thing (I graduated in 2010), our relationship has gone downhill, they've withdrawn their support, kicked me out, I'm lonely, have no friends here (different from where I went to school), and I'm financially on my own and accruing more loans as we speak.

I have no idea if I should keep going, or take a break, or what. I feel so different from all the other pre-med kids, who seem to care so much about their grades to the point of being anal. I go to the school library just so I can be around other people. I don't have much of a support system here, and that's really hard for me. I AM seeing a therapist though, and she's helping a lot.

I decided to go pre-med because I wasn't sure what else to do, although I had an aimless time after college doing random things and not liking any of them. The one thing I know is that I want to help people, but I guess you can do that in a lot of fields. I feel too stupid to do science, even though I have a good GPA in something most people consider "hard" (computer science) from a good CA school. I don't know what's wrong with me. Is there any hope in me even trying to keep going, if I decided I wanted to?

I'm seriously contemplating taking a semester "off" and getting a job somewhere, medically related or just a coffee shop gig, and thinking about things and getting my head together. I know things can't go on the way they are. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

 

[2008orbust]

I think you are right to consider taking off a semester (or two) and think about what will make you happy.

 

[rguil15]

I'm seriously contemplating taking a semester "off" and getting a job somewhere,

This. Until you know what you want, why you want it, have run it by your friends, family, mentors, spiritual advisor, whatever, you should probably do something else.

Go wwoof.org go learn organic farming and/or another language or something.

 

[Chip N Sawbones]

I decided to go pre-med because I wasn't sure what else to do, although I had an aimless time after college doing random things and not liking any of them.

Premed isn't a good choice if you aren't sure what to do. If you're going to be putting yourself through four years of college, four years of medical school, and 3-6 years of residency, you'd better know from the beginning that that's what you want. You can help plenty of people with a computer science degree, or practically anything else you're interested in. Every nonprofit in the world needs someone to help keep their computers running and their website updated. I had a career helping people by doing carpentry, welding and car repair, and I'd still be doing it if I hadn't gotten interested in medicine. There's no point in continuing on with premed classes if you're only digging yourself into a hole by getting bad grades. Take a semester off, get a job to start paying off loans, and go back to college if you decide that medicine is what you want and you can get nothing but A's in your classes.

 

[WaterPog]

Or if you want to be in the medical field look into health informatics, lots of work there for anybody with a pulse and an ability to work a keyboard right now. Might be a good way for you to explore medicine a bit while taking your time off from school.

 

[Solus]

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right." - Henry Ford.

Attitude is everything dude. It sounds like you've got a lot going on. I can tell you from experience that if you're depressed, your academic potential is pretty much cut in half, and that makes your hard science courses EXTREMELY difficult.

The only nonprofessional advice I can give you is find the root cause to your troubles, deal with it, then decide what to do. Climbing a mountain is a lot easier when you aren't carrying a ton of baggage.

I'm assuming that if you decide to continue on the med school course you are going to have to explain those blots on your transcript, so keep that in mind.

Good luck.

 

[devinvo]

I guess I'll just dive right in.

I have perpetual doubts as to whether medicine is right for me, and whether I can do these courses, and I'm pretty depressed. I want some honest input.

I've been at it for a few semesters now, and my grades have been horrible. I got the first F of my life, and a couple of C's to boot. This path has been so much harder than I've imagined. After moving back in with my parents to start this whole pre-med thing (I graduated in 2010), our relationship has gone downhill, they've withdrawn their support, kicked me out, I'm lonely, have no friends here (different from where I went to school), and I'm financially on my own and accruing more loans as we speak.

I have no idea if I should keep going, or take a break, or what. I feel so different from all the other pre-med kids, who seem to care so much about their grades to the point of being anal. I go to the school library just so I can be around other people. I don't have much of a support system here, and that's really hard for me. I AM seeing a therapist though, and she's helping a lot.

I decided to go pre-med because I wasn't sure what else to do, although I had an aimless time after college doing random things and not liking any of them. The one thing I know is that I want to help people, but I guess you can do that in a lot of fields. I feel too stupid to do science, even though I have a good GPA in something most people consider "hard" (computer science) from a good CA school. I don't know what's wrong with me. Is there any hope in me even trying to keep going, if I decided I wanted to?

I'm seriously contemplating taking a semester "off" and getting a job somewhere, medically related or just a coffee shop gig, and thinking about things and getting my head together. I know things can't go on the way they are. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

There is always hope if decide to. However, you have to find the root cause of your problems. It seems that you are lost and chose medicine because it seemed like an means to an end. Most, of us, see medicine as our only choice. The only choice that will make us happy or feel accomplished. This is what drives the pre-med students to being "anal" about their grades. This is the rest of our lives we are working for.

Taking a few semesters off would probably be very beneficial to you. Figure out what drives you. If you really want to do medicine. If you decide to the next 5-8 years of your life may seem pretty lonely. You will be unable to know what med-school you will be going to, what residency you will match. etc. If you don't have a support system, you will need to be your own. You will need to be very strong.

My support system was extremely weak, when i started my journey. My wife left me because I did not make the money that I used to. I had to move back into my parents home. They thought i was nuts because of my choice. Honestly, the only thing that turned it around was my hard work and dedication. I had a lot of nay-sayers. I ignored them and pushed. I made med-school my only goal. I was very lonely. Many times i wanted to give up. The only thing that saved me was my own self-confidence. It seems that you are lacking this. Take a few semesters off, find out who you are, what drives you, what do you wish to accomplish?
When you are at a steady state of mind, take a look at medicine again. Medicine will still be there. You may find that this is what you were born to do, it may be not worth it, or you have found another calling. Just don't keep persisting and digging yourself a deeper whole. You are not giving up my taking a semester off. You are reanalyzing your circumstances to move forward. good luck!

 

[dexorbit]

I guess I'll just dive right in.

I have perpetual doubts as to whether medicine is right for me, and whether I can do these courses, and I'm pretty depressed. I want some honest input.

I've been at it for a few semesters now, and my grades have been horrible. I got the first F of my life, and a couple of C's to boot. This path has been so much harder than I've imagined. After moving back in with my parents to start this whole pre-med thing (I graduated in 2010), our relationship has gone downhill, they've withdrawn their support, kicked me out, I'm lonely, have no friends here (different from where I went to school), and I'm financially on my own and accruing more loans as we speak.

I have no idea if I should keep going, or take a break, or what. I feel so different from all the other pre-med kids, who seem to care so much about their grades to the point of being anal. I go to the school library just so I can be around other people. I don't have much of a support system here, and that's really hard for me. I AM seeing a therapist though, and she's helping a lot.

I decided to go pre-med because I wasn't sure what else to do, although I had an aimless time after college doing random things and not liking any of them. The one thing I know is that I want to help people, but I guess you can do that in a lot of fields. I feel too stupid to do science, even though I have a good GPA in something most people consider "hard" (computer science) from a good CA school. I don't know what's wrong with me. Is there any hope in me even trying to keep going, if I decided I wanted to?

I'm seriously contemplating taking a semester "off" and getting a job somewhere, medically related or just a coffee shop gig, and thinking about things and getting my head together. I know things can't go on the way they are. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

It really is hard to be in school and keep your focus with the hard science subjects and other pre-requisites when you are emotionally depressed and have other things going on with your life and family.

I do agree with the above advices. It is definitely better to take a semester (or two) off and deal with the things that are needed to be dealt with. The road to becoming a physician do needs dedication, hard work and focus and it seems that you are not in that state right now. You have to be motivated and you have to be sure that medicine is the right career for you before you go back to school as a pre-med.

So, my advice is: take a break from school (a few semesters off) and find a job, hopefully something that is related to the health field. And if you really want to know more about being a physician, then during your free time, shadow a doctor and volunteer at hospitals. That way, you'll gain an insight of what its like to be a health care professional and how its like to be working in a healthcare institution.

And lastly, deal with your current problems (family and emotional) and find the root cause of your depression so that you can overcome them hopefully.

I wish you Good luck! You can do it! 🙂

 

[docelh]

Premed is just a really tough experience when you got all your ducks lined up logistically. Getting into deeper debt and kicked out of your parents' home... yeah that stuff makes a difficult situation even less possible to attain.

Are you getting bad grades due to these personal distractions? Or is it a combination of that plus maybe your lack of ability? Only you can truly answer this.

Sort out your personal situation. Then have an honest evaluation of whether you can do this. It's one thing to want to do it. It's another thing to be able to do it.

Best.

 

[murfettie]

everyone already said everything, but i was just curious.
why do you not want to do cs?
i don't really understand why do you need a coffee shop gig when you can code?
there are people who can barely code, and still make okay money coding.
coding for a part time job seem much better than barista.. just my 2 cents.

I guess I'll just dive right in.

I have perpetual doubts as to whether medicine is right for me, and whether I can do these courses, and I'm pretty depressed. I want some honest input.

I've been at it for a few semesters now, and my grades have been horrible. I got the first F of my life, and a couple of C's to boot. This path has been so much harder than I've imagined. After moving back in with my parents to start this whole pre-med thing (I graduated in 2010), our relationship has gone downhill, they've withdrawn their support, kicked me out, I'm lonely, have no friends here (different from where I went to school), and I'm financially on my own and accruing more loans as we speak.

I have no idea if I should keep going, or take a break, or what. I feel so different from all the other pre-med kids, who seem to care so much about their grades to the point of being anal. I go to the school library just so I can be around other people. I don't have much of a support system here, and that's really hard for me. I AM seeing a therapist though, and she's helping a lot.

I decided to go pre-med because I wasn't sure what else to do, although I had an aimless time after college doing random things and not liking any of them. The one thing I know is that I want to help people, but I guess you can do that in a lot of fields. I feel too stupid to do science, even though I have a good GPA in something most people consider "hard" (computer science) from a good CA school. I don't know what's wrong with me. Is there any hope in me even trying to keep going, if I decided I wanted to?

I'm seriously contemplating taking a semester "off" and getting a job somewhere, medically related or just a coffee shop gig, and thinking about things and getting my head together. I know things can't go on the way they are. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

 

[murfettie]

i also want to add: genetics counselor is a cool job.

First: It's great that you're seeing a therapist. It's hard to focus (and to make good life decisions) when you're depressed.

Second: People are good at different things. You're obviously smart if you did well in computer science; that's not in question.

I think it's really common (and forgivable) to have the following thought process: 1. I don't know what I want to do. 2. I guess I... want to help people. 3. I'm a smart person. 4. What's the main profession that comes to mind that involves smart people helping people? Medicine! 5. Hm, you have to take classes, take a large, semi-evil standardized test, and volunteer. I could totally do those things! Let's give it a try!

The thing is, there are so, so many really cool health professions. (And other professions.) But we don't hear about those constantly growing up and while going through school, so most of us don't really have in mind the iconic figure of the speech pathologist (or whatever) like we do for a doctor. Then we don't have as many associations or the emotional connections with the other professions, but we do for medicine... and then we conclude, "Ah, yes! Medicine makes me feel warmer and fuzzier than the other professions! It must be right!" But it's okay if it's not right. Really.

If this were the right thing, it seems like you would feel better about it. It might be a good time to pursue some other ideas. If you do that, you don't have to think of it as abandoning medicine; you've been fortunate to find your way to a general field that you're interested in - healthcare - and now you just need to find your niche.

If you want to stay connected to CS, medical informatics is pretty cool, lets you have plenty of interaction with medical-ish-things, and would be very easy to transition into with your background. Similarly, if you also like math/statistics/computational modeling, public health would love to have you as a biostatistician/epidemiologist.

If you're set on direct patient interaction/care but miserable in pre-med classes: Physical therapy. Audiology. Optometry. Nursing, especially advanced practice nursing. Many healthcare professions have doctorate-level degrees, if that's important to you. (And it's okay to admit it if so! Not to an adcom, ha ha, but to yourself.)

If you're willing/able to slog through the pre-med classes but find yourself looking more for sort of a medicine analog rather than straight up capital-M medicine: Podiatry. Dentistry. Pharmacy.

If you want to help people but don't feel the need to fix people's bodies: Speech pathology. Psychology/counseling. Social work. Occupational therapy.

If you're just ready to be a total bad-ass: Orthotics/prosthetics. Triple bonus if you use your CS background to build sweet artificial limbs involving sophisticated computing. Or some kind of brain-computing interface.


The point of all of that is, you have so much time and potential. You don't need to squish yourself into the medicine box if it's not the right thing for you. Becoming a Real Live Medical Doctor isn't a pre-requisite to having an interesting, respectable, and rewarding career, and life. It seems like you should take some time away from classes, see what makes you happy and excited, and find a direction that will let you thrive.


Tl;dr You could keep going the pre-med route, sure. But it's probably a better use of your time at the moment to take a break, keep an open mind, and look at some other options that would let you use your strengths instead of beating your head against a library bookcase while joyful pre-meds frolic around you.

 

[apt22]

I took 2 years off from school to get my life situated and figure out what I wanted to do.