Grad student host gender?

[luckyoceania]

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Just wondering how common it is to be offered to be hosted by a couple or an opposite-sex grad student.

My boyfriend is a bit leery that both my hosts for my interview invites so far are a male-female couple. In truth, I was surprised too, as simply assumed it would be a female host, as I'm female and there's no shortage in our field! I feel confident that the host couples will likely not behave questionably, but my boyfriend is less sure... is this the norm?

 

[Marissa4usa]

I hope I am not insulting you but I am honestly more surprised by your boyfriend's response than the fact that you will stay with a couple. I mean, a lot of grad students are in relationships so what are they supposed to do? And I also think that anyone who makes it into a PhD program has the brains to know that any "questionable" behavior when hosting a potential colleague would be highly inappropriate.

 

[psykate09]

Just wondering how common it is to be offered to be hosted by a couple or an opposite-sex grad student.

My boyfriend is a bit leery that both my hosts for my interview invites so far are a male-female couple. In truth, I was surprised too, as simply assumed it would be a female host, as I'm female and there's no shortage in our field! I feel confident that the host couples will likely not behave questionably, but my boyfriend is less sure... is this the norm?

I wouldn't be worried about staying with a couple, especially if it was 2 girls! 🙂 Both schools I interviewed at asked before hand what gender I'd like to room with and I said female. No offense, but I am a very tiny girl.

 

[lucyguard]

I stayed with a couple for one of my interviews but I only actually saw the boyfriend once. You're so bsy with interviews and other activities that we literally just went back to their house to sleep.

 

[psykate09]

Just wondering how common it is to be offered to be hosted by a couple or an opposite-sex grad student.

My boyfriend is a bit leery that both my hosts for my interview invites so far are a male-female couple. In truth, I was surprised too, as simply assumed it would be a female host, as I'm female and there's no shortage in our field! I feel confident that the host couples will likely not behave questionably, but my boyfriend is less sure... is this the norm?

Also, at one school I interviewed at, almost all the people in my POI's lab were married. Which seemed strange, but I guess grad school age coincides with the average age to get married.

 

[CatoftheCanals]

I've been hosted by married couples twice now, and it's never been uncomfortable or an issue. Both couples were very nice and accommodating. Would your boyfriend rather you be hosted by just the guy alone?

 

[Ollie123]

meh. I'll try to refrain from offering my opinions of your boyfriend and stick to my experiences but its going to be hard.

I had a female host at one interview (I'm male). I didn't find it uncomfortable at all. I realize its a bit different as a guy, but I really think some people oversexualize these sorts of situations. Maybe its because I've always had female friends, but the idea that it might be "weird" never even occurred to me. I've stayed with female friends, and even shared a bed with them on multiple occasions without doing anything naughty - my girlfriend was fine with it. Crashing on the couch of a couple would not even occur to me to think of as weird.

While there might be lots of female students in psych, remember that generally means lots of female applicants as well, so it doesn't seem odd to me at all that they can't always match people to single folks of the same gender. Though I'm not sure most people would care.

 

[psykate09]

meh. I'll try to refrain from offering my opinions of your boyfriend and stick to my experiences but its going to be hard.

I had a female host at one interview (I'm male). I didn't find it uncomfortable at all. I realize its a bit different as a guy, but I really think some people oversexualize these sorts of situations. Maybe its because I've always had female friends, but the idea that it might be "weird" never even occurred to me. I've stayed with female friends, and even shared a bed with them on multiple occasions without doing anything naughty - my girlfriend was fine with it. Crashing on the couch of a couple would not even occur to me to think of as weird.

While there might be lots of female students in psych, remember that generally means lots of female applicants as well, so it doesn't seem odd to me at all that they can't always match people to single folks of the same gender. Though I'm not sure most people would care.

This is hard for me to say, being an ardent feminist, but I definitely think that schools should try as hard as they can to at least match up female applicants with female hosts. I also would feel uncomfortable hosting a male applicant. While I have stayed with male friends and relatives before, it is different with strangers.

Maybe it is because I am a very short small person, but I am always wary of people (usually men) that are bigger than me, especially when walking somewhere in the dark. If I had to stay over with a single male host, I would be very uncomfortable and it would probably add to the stress of my interview. I would feel ok staying with a male-female couple.

Just my 2 cents

 

[Ollie123]

I think most schools will try to honor requests (every place did give people the option of requesting things like this), but I think its up to the applicants to make their wishes known if that is the case (or current students to specify what their limitations are on hosting).

There's nothing wrong with feeling that way and as a male, I'm not offended by it by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just not sure the default assumption should be that people are uncomfortable with it - I know many folks who'd prioritize someone with similar research interests or a lab member over gender. Personally, I'd be upset if a school had put me with another male student when I don't mind staying with a girl and she doesn't mind hosting a male because they made some assumptions about how we felt. I got to get the advance scoop on the lab and my POI, it was great😉

 

[luckyoceania]

Thanks everyone for your feedback, it's helpful to know that this is indeed the norm.

I agree with you all that his suspicions are almost guaranteed to be unfounded, and it may potentially be of some comfort for him to know this is quite common (and I'll suggest he think about looking forward to our hosting applicants in the future and not weirding THEM out 🙂 )

However, I wanted to add a warning: Just because someone is a grad student (or professor, psychologist, doctor, judge, etc) please do NOT blindly assume that they will necessarily abide to even the most rudimentary of legal and social obligations. Horrific experiences of some of my colleagues attest otherwise. The vast majority of people are good people - and this is what I base my confidence in my hosts on. Not that they're grad students.

 

[smeevil]

Lol it's a couple. What are they going to do, try to have a 3some with you?

 

[Wrinkles]

Lol it's a couple. What are they going to do, try to have a 3some with you?

Thank goodness someone said it.

 

[deleted176373]

I wouldn't be worried about staying with a couple, especially if it was 2 girls! 🙂 Both schools I interviewed at asked before hand what gender I'd like to room with and I said female. No offense, but I am a very tiny girl.

These are graduate students with a lot on the line, not prison gang members, what do you think they are going to do? Tie you up? While someone above alluded to the potential of graduate students to misbehave despite being graduate students, I would think that this would be quite rare.

Personally, I think your BF is overly concerned or perhaps does not trust you, I'll hope that it's the former and not the latter. Second, what is the risk of getting assaulted physically by a couple, especially graduate students, at a program you are applying to?

Realistically, what do you think the chances of being harmed are while staying with graduate students, male or female? Do you take extraordinary precautions in your day to day life or do you carry a gun, pepper spray, stun gun?

I understand you having a concern for your personal safety, I just question if this is the situation to be concerned in.

Mark

PS - I am pro-second amendment, and believe that everyone has the right to competent self-defense.

 

[deleted176373]

This is hard for me to say, being an ardent feminist, but I definitely think that schools should try as hard as they can to at least match up female applicants with female hosts. I also would feel uncomfortable hosting a male applicant. While I have stayed with male friends and relatives before, it is different with strangers.

Maybe it is because I am a very short small person, but I am always wary of people (usually men) that are bigger than me, especially when walking somewhere in the dark. If I had to stay over with a single male host, I would be very uncomfortable and it would probably add to the stress of my interview. I would feel ok staying with a male-female couple.

Just my 2 cents

LOL, so how should I have felt when I was assigned to stay with a homosexual male graduate student? Should I feel threatened?

How would you feel staying with a lesbian, or lesbian couple? Let's make them very butch too.

I suggest that maybe you might want to invest sometime in learning how to defend yourself and not continually living in fear of those bigger than you. I love how dark places make people more fearful, as if crime never happens in well lighted places.

I might add, that these people who you refer to as strangers are well respected members of their programs and likely will be upperclassmen that you will learn to rely on.

Something about this topic strikes me as a bit offensive. While I can agree that the world can be a dangerous place at times, one has to be able to realistically determine what situations are genuinely hazardous and which have a low risk associated with them. A little reality testing would go far in this case.

Mark

 

[psykate09]

I suggest that maybe you might want to invest sometime in learning how to defend yourself and not continually living in fear of those bigger than you. I love how dark places make people more fearful, as if crime never happens in well lighted places.

I might add, that these people who you refer to as strangers are well respected members of their programs and likely will be upperclassmen that you will learn to rely on.

Yes because it is so easy for a 5'1 115 lb woman to defend herself against a grown man. I'm not going to argue this anymore, but I am assuming that since you are a man you have not had to worry about things like walking across campus alone in the dark after a night class or walking to your car after work at midnight. I worry every single time I am in those situations.

Also, being overly distrustful vs. being hurt is worth it to me.

 

[suerte]

Just wondering how common it is to be offered to be hosted by a couple or an opposite-sex grad student.

My boyfriend is a bit leery that both my hosts for my interview invites so far are a male-female couple. In truth, I was surprised too, as simply assumed it would be a female host, as I'm female and there's no shortage in our field! I feel confident that the host couples will likely not behave questionably, but my boyfriend is less sure... is this the norm?

tell your boyfriend that you'll be able to get the lowdown on the challenges of managing a relationship while in grad school!

I think I'd actually prefer staying with a couple, because I am really interested in hearing how people balance their personal life and grad school commitments...if you were staying with just a female host who's possibly single, it might be uncomfortable to ask about that. Tell him to think of it that way-- a learning experience which will potentially strengthen your relationship!

 

[lucyguard]

I have to agree with Markp (only partially tho because I too worry when walking alone at night). You are staying with greaduate students AT THEIR HOUSE. Meaning, you know their FULL NAME, ADRESS and school they go to. If anything were to happen to you, not only would the school immediatly notice it (where's that applicant who's staying with Joe? Where Joe?) but also your family would have specific information about who you were with. As far as the couple behaving "questionalbly" I'm not really sure what they could do. Maybe you will hear some "intense" activity late at night but hey... it's only natural...LOL

This is one of the least likely situations for anything harmful to happen to you. The school wants you alive otherwise how are you going to join the program. LOL ... The studens also want to make sure you feel comfortable and enjoy your stay...if not you may want to think twice about going to a place like that...

 

[psybee]

Yes because it is so easy for a 5'1 115 lb woman to defend herself against a grown man. I'm not going to argue this anymore, but I am assuming that since you are a man you have not had to worry about things like walking across campus alone in the dark after a night class or walking to your car after work at midnight. I worry every single time I am in those situations.

Also, being overly distrustful vs. being hurt is worth it to me.

I'm your size too (and a gal) and while I also worry in those situations, and sometimes feel resentful than many men don't even see these everyday events as stressful, but what are you going to do? yes work to make the world safer for women, but on top of the slow process of advocacy and community activism, it just sucks that women are so totally awesome and yet smaller and less with the upper body strength. but in the OPs situation, it is incredibly unlikely that either or both members of the male/fem graduate couple are going to attack this woman. really not a carpark at night kind of situation. her BF really should not worry. also, in my class 1/3rd of us are married, 1/3rd in committed relationships--it's likely an applicant would be with a couple!

also as part of training one will likely be in creepy situations. 7pm apt with male client (or aggressive female) when you're one of the last people at the clinic, inpatient work with large SPMI clients who are agitated and not responding to thier meds, community clinic in bad nabe. you do what you can to make these situations as safe as possible--make sure security knows your #, the room you're in, and that you're with a client alone, get training and supervision on how to deal with these clinical situations, see if you can carpool or splurge on cabs to a safer subway stop, whateves, but in the bigger picture, at least during our training, if our fears prevent us from working with a population that is a real problem and possibly an ethical concern.

 

[cara susanna]

I could maybe understand being a little, teensy bit concerned if you were staying with a single guy, but a couple? I don't get that reasoning at all.

 

[psychcavy]

I have just been assuming that I'll be staying with someone of the same gender, but I had never thought of the fact that it might be a couple. (not that I know who my host is yet). I can see where you are coming from in this. My BF gets very worried about that kind of thing. I'm also 5'1'' and 115 lbs (I'm starting to wonder how many of us fit that demographic 😛) and eventhough I'm a 2nd degree black belt, I'm still statistically more vulnerable than most- so I can understand why he's protective. I'd imagine that he'd be okay if it were a couple though.

The point about being able to see what it's like in a relationship in grad school is a really good one. All in all, when considering the safety info mentioned earlier (ID and all that) I think its safe to say that the benefits outweigh the risks.

Although, if it were just a male- I would not feel comfortable staying there no matter how much background info I had. That is no offense to the character of men in general, it is simply because I know that if something were to happen, I might not be able to overpower him. I've seen too much and trained in self-defense too long to ignore the life saving rule that you should never sacrifice your gut instinct and skepticism for politeness (as hard as that is for me to do). Not to mention the fact that it would just feel wrong to sleep in the house of a single male without my BF with me.

 

[JockNerd]

I suggest that maybe you might want to invest sometime in learning how to defend yourself and not continually living in fear of those bigger than you. I love how dark places make people more fearful, as if crime never happens in well lighted places.

I might add, that these people who you refer to as strangers are well respected members of their programs and likely will be upperclassmen that you will learn to rely on.

Something about this topic strikes me as a bit offensive. While I can agree that the world can be a dangerous place at times, one has to be able to realistically determine what situations are genuinely hazardous and which have a low risk associated with them. A little reality testing would go far in this case.

Someone needs to take a psych of women course.

As far as the OP's post goes, I agree with others that while I totally get not wanting to stay alone with a man you've never met before, I'm not getting the not wanting to stay with a couple thing. I'm pretty sure they're not offering to host on the hopes of getting a swingers party going.

 

[Olivia101884]

These are graduate students with a lot on the line, not prison gang members, what do you think they are going to do? Tie you up? While someone above alluded to the potential of graduate students to misbehave despite being graduate students, I would think that this would be quite rare.


First of all, you can never assume anything about anyone. In fact, there are many people in this field who are socially awkward and have little social skills, graduate students included. Moreover, just because someone has a professional role does not mean he or she would not abuse it. As an attractive, petite female, I have had several supervisors (all with Ph.Ds) who were extremely inappropriate and sexually suggestive to me. Since we're talking about interviews, I remember an interview I had at a prestigious (Ivy League) school as an 18-year-old prospective freshman. My interviewer was a college senior who literally asked me out on a date during our interview. He also spoke about going out drinking and kept asking how much longer I would be in town, even though he had seen my mother in the waiting room. My point: you're not female, so therefore while you may be able to empathize, you've never had to experience what it feels like to be blatantly stared at it, harassed, or felt like you were in some sort of physical danger. Also, just because someone is intelligent or has some sort of degree does not him immune to being a predator.

From a practical standpoint, I can understand psykate's qualms about rooming with a male. In terms of dressing/undressing, it would be better to room with a female and not have to search for a bathroom to do so.

I agree with everyone else in that rooming with a couple seems very reasonable and safe.

Best of luck!

 

[deleted176373]

Yes because it is so easy for a 5'1 115 lb woman to defend herself against a grown man. I'm not going to argue this anymore, but I am assuming that since you are a man you have not had to worry about things like walking across campus alone in the dark after a night class or walking to your car after work at midnight. I worry every single time I am in those situations.

Also, being overly distrustful vs. being hurt is worth it to me.

I really feel sorry for you. I have no idea what it is like to live in such constant fear. I will say this, I've known women who are quite capable of defending themselves from grown men and who are your size. I also know that a gun doesn't care what size you are. You might consider carrying one after learning how to use one.

No one should have to live in fear of being preyed upon.

Mark

 

[deleted176373]

Someone needs to take a psych of women course.

As far as the OP's post goes, I agree with others that while I totally get not wanting to stay alone with a man you've never met before, I'm not getting the not wanting to stay with a couple thing. I'm pretty sure they're not offering to host on the hopes of getting a swingers party going.

Ya, you're right. I don't understand women, shouldn't I get it that they feel threatened by men who are bigger and more powerful than they are?

Ummm, maybe you've met all the wrong women in your life. I have been fortunate to be around women who don't fear larger men or dark parking lots. Not because they are foolish, but because they understand that it is possible for a woman to win a fight with a man, and that there is no crime in taking responsible steps to defend yourself. So to me, the difference is socialization, women are taught and socialized to be fearful of men. If that's your idea of female psychology, you can stick with that.

Mark

PS - If you are a 2nd degree black belt and you can't beat the crap out of the average guy on the street, you need to get a refund! The last 2nd degree female black belt I used to hang out with was a terror, and she never had a problem whipping most guys. (She was 5'2 and 114#)

 

[cardamom]

I definitely understand the need to protect oneself as a woman, and I completely respect asking to stay with someone of your own gender (though personally I expressed and have no preference in that regard). It's crucial that people be able to feel safe.

But, as a feminist, I actually feel that while it's important to be smart about what I do, at the same time I need to limit the extent to which those sorts of fears affect my life and attitudes, especially when the information available doesn't in fact suggest reasons to be particularly afraid. There's a lot of fear-mongering about this issue out there, and the fact that it keeps women afraid and makes men feel they need to be overprotective ultimately helps oppress us as much or more than it keeps us safe. Most of the feminists I know would strongly agree.

Anyway, my one stay with a grad student so far was with a female student and her husband, and they were great hosts. The husband even had some insights on the people in the program, since he's attended enough of the functions to know the faculty by now, so it was great to hear an outsider's take on the dept, and that he likes my POI. I really think staying with a couple will be fine, and like others have said, possibly more informative.

 

[deleted176373]

First of all, you can never assume anything about anyone. In fact, there are many people in this field who are socially awkward and have little social skills, graduate students included. Moreover, just because someone has a professional role does not mean he or she would not abuse it. As an attractive, petite female, I have had several supervisors (all with Ph.Ds) who were extremely inappropriate and sexually suggestive to me. Since we're talking about interviews, I remember an interview I had at a prestigious (Ivy League) school as an 18-year-old prospective freshman. My interviewer was a college senior who literally asked me out on a date during our interview. He also spoke about going out drinking and kept asking how much longer I would be in town, even though he had seen my mother in the waiting room. My point: you're not female, so therefore while you may be able to empathize, you've never had to experience what it feels like to be blatantly stared at it, harassed, or felt like you were in some sort of physical danger. Also, just because someone is intelligent or has some sort of degree does not him immune to being a predator.

Best of luck!

First of all, I am sorry to hear that people have been extremely inappropriate with you, and that it has happened repeatedly. You do make some assumptions that are not quite true... I have been stared at, harassed, and in physical danger. While the context was different (I'm not pretty like you) I assure you that being the only white guy in a predominantly black NYC housing project makes you stand out, the threat real and credible, the stares palpable, and the harassment very much in my face. This is where I went to study martial arts because I could not afford to take classes in a nice safe neighborhood. So before you tell me not to make assumptions about other people and tell me that I am incapable of truly understanding, you might want to take your own advice.

I still think that this is all over the top. You are assuming a negative set and allowing your own fears to override the likely and probable outcome. By all means, if you are not comfortable, get a hotel room.

Mark

 

[cara susanna]

I'm also 5'1'' and 115 lbs (I'm starting to wonder how many of us fit that demographic 😛)

I'm 5'3" and 115 lbs. Not sure if that counts or not 😉

 

[deleted176373]

I'm 5'3" and 115 lbs. Not sure if that counts or not 😉

You have to be attractive too... otherwise it's not dangerous. The ugly don't get assaulted. 😉

Mark

 

[cardamom]

You have to be attractive too... otherwise it's not dangerous. The ugly don't get assaulted. 😉

Mark

What an obnoxious and misinformed thing to say, even as a joke. I can't help but wonder about the appropriateness of clinical psychology as a field for someone who would say something like that (and I guess proving the point that being in this field certainly doesn't require any particular sensitivity or understanding on the subject). Your comments on this thread have already come off as kind of sexist to me, but that crosses a line into the inappropriate.

Sexual assault is about power, not about sex, for what it's worth, so no, someone doesn't need to be sexually attracted to a person to assault or rape them.

 

[Tude85]

cue snarky response from markp...

 

[FranklinR]

What an obnoxious and misinformed thing to say, even as a joke. I can't help but wonder about the appropriateness of clinical psychology as a field for someone who would say something like that (and I guess proving the point that being in this field certainly doesn't require any particular sensitivity or understanding on the subject). Your comments on this thread have already come off as kind of sexist to me, but that crosses a line into the inappropriate.

Sexual assault is about power, not about sex, for what it's worth, so no, someone doesn't need to be sexually attracted to a person to assault or rape them.

Speaking as a 6'2" guy, can I request to not be housed with MarkP?

 

[DannySplat]

What an obnoxious and misinformed thing to say, even as a joke. I can't help but wonder about the appropriateness of clinical psychology as a field for someone who would say something like that (and I guess proving the point that being in this field certainly doesn't require any particular sensitivity or understanding on the subject). Your comments on this thread have already come off as kind of sexist to me, but that crosses a line into the inappropriate.

Sexual assault is about power, not about sex, for what it's worth, so no, someone doesn't need to be sexually attracted to a person to assault or rape them.

1.) I can't believe this topic has spiralled into this. How HILARIOUS.
2.) I sensed Markp's sarcasm. Ha. I laughed.
3.) If people are this worked up about comments that people are making ONLINE, then boy do I wish you all luck in this field when you encounter difficult colleagues/clients/faculty members.

Online entertainment redefined!

Peace.😎

 

[cardamom]

1.) I can't believe this topic has spiralled into this. How HILARIOUS.
2.) I sensed Markp's sarcasm. Ha. I laughed.
3.) If people are this worked up about comments that people are making ONLINE, then boy do I wish you all luck in this field when you encounter difficult colleagues/clients/faculty members.

Online entertainment redefined!

Peace.😎

Yeah, I sensed the sarcasm too. The point is, rape is not appropriate matter for jokes. Sure, people make them, but it's inappropriate, and I'd expect more of anyone training to become a clinical psychologist.

 

[MorganLilith]

First: Mark, it doesn't matter the degree to which one can protect themselves. For me, living in Boston where across the street there are people constantly being mugged (male and female), I think it's a VERY valid concern to walk in the dark. Saying otherwise is just being ignorant. On numerous occasions I have had strange men follow me down unlit streets and call at me from a distance while trying to catch up. Although maybe it doesn't ACTUALLY happen as often as we seem to think it does, as a psychology student you should be able to understand that women are conditioned to be afraid of these situations. We are so afraid because it helps prevent these issues.
Also, Cardamom, although I can see your point, Mark was clearly just making a joke. Maybe you didn't agree with it, but to infer that he shouldn't be a psychologist is pretty bold. Perhaps he just talks like a chauvinist while in practice he is quite pleasant. But really, that was kind of below the belt. IMO

What an obnoxious and misinformed thing to say, even as a joke. I can't help but wonder about the appropriateness of clinical psychology as a field for someone who would say something like that (and I guess proving the point that being in this field certainly doesn't require any particular sensitivity or understanding on the subject). Your comments on this thread have already come off as kind of sexist to me, but that crosses a line into the inappropriate.

Sexual assault is about power, not about sex, for what it's worth, so no, someone doesn't need to be sexually attracted to a person to assault or rape them.

 

[psybee]

I was grossed out by Mark's comment too, but boy has this discussion gone of track!

from "Should my BF be wierded out that I'm staying with a hetero couple for interviews" to "Mark may not be qualified for the field"! fascinating.

 

[cardamom]

Also, Cardamom, although I can see your point, Mark was clearly just making a joke. Maybe you didn't agree with it, but to infer that he shouldn't be a psychologist is pretty bold. Perhaps he just talks like a chauvinist while in practice he is quite pleasant. But really, that was kind of below the belt. IMO

Fine, maybe that was (although all I said is it made me question his suitability for the field, which it honestly does, not flat out that he shouldn't be a psychologist), but in my mind, making a rape joke is what is extremely below the belt, no matter how obviously joking it was. I am baffled that more people here of all places don't seem to care and are unwilling to call it out as something that's just plain wrong.

 

[psychcavy]

I was grossed out by Mark's comment too, but boy has this discussion gone of track!

from "Should my BF be wierded out that I'm staying with a hetero couple for interviews" to "Mark may not be qualified for the field"! fascinating.

I second that!

Do understand MarkP, that I know it was a joke, but I feel that if or when you do work with assault victims like I have, you will come to realize that this very thought is a Huge issue for many survivors. Was it my fault? If I hadn't worn that shirt, if I hadn't worn makeup, if I hadn't said "hi"... Its all an issue of blame. Thinking you were assaulted because of how you look takes the blame from the perp and places it on the victim. The mentality of "if I hadn't ... they wouldn't have" as if the perp didn't have control over themselves. I have known victims to purposely make themselves unattractive (via ED or SI) for this very reason. Not to mention the fact that someone already mentioned: its about power. You may not have seen it this way, I'm sure you didn't, I just want you to understand why people might find it upsetting.

PS: I have taken many large guys in sparring matches, but asleep- at night- if a 200lbs person is on my back- there's a good chance I'll fight my way out of it, but maybe not. I don't know. I do know that I do not want to find out. I would rather not put myself in a situation in which it could happen- whether or not that makes me a poor martial artist I don't care.

 

[lucyguard]

Yes, the topic is completely off track. How realistic is it that your host is going to attack you? Maybe ask you out on a date if he's really inappropriate, but attack? Unlikely. I am very careful when walking alone, I often worry about being attacked - it is one of my greatest fears (although a very very small percentage of all rapes are attacks, check the stats). However, I do agree that you can never be too careful.

But again I will say that the school wants you safe and sound, for many reasons. Last year I interviewed at a school shortly after a girl was raped and murdered. The attacker had raped or attempted to rape 3 other girls on campus. The school made sure we new that all safety precautions had been taken and like the other thousands of students, we always made sure to be in large groups.

Although inappropriate interviews may occur with college seniors (as mentioned above), I have never heard of anything inappropriate during clinical psych PhD interviews. Yes, a PhD does not attest to one's likelihood to rape someone, but that degree of worrying is borderline excessive. It should never keep you from doing what you need/should do. Careful yes, fearful, sometimes. But flat out avoidant of social situations may indicate other issues that should raise a red flag among us, aspiring clinical psychologists.

Edit: let me add a little more stats for the sake of not undermining the seriouness of rape - Last I heard 1 in every 3 college women will be raped at some point in the course of their lives. Scary!!!!

 

[Psych1212]

So, just to be clear, we should all make sure to bring condoms to our interviews, right? 🙂


Man, I thought it was stressful enough....never considered the possibility of threesomes and sexual assault...


(In truth, I know of a doc student that hooked up with a prospective during the interview process....The prospective didn't get in.)

 

[Ollie123]

Wow.

I think its perfectly reasonable to not want to place yourself in a situation you aren't comfortable in. There is no objective measure of when one "should" be comfortable or uncomfortable. I personally think being uncomfortable staying with a couple (or even a single person of the opposite gender) is excessive , but that doesn't make it "wrong". Far be it for me to dictate what other people can feel in a situation. I get crazy excited about electrical signals in the human body, I'm not exactly an authority on what is "excessive" 😉 Besides, the first thing you learn in any halfway decent self defense class is that you SHOULD be nervous walking down dark streets and avoid it whenever possible.

I think I was pretty clear before and I'm hoping no one was reading more into it than I intended. For clarity, since I want to make sure I don't get lumped in with the later discussion, I just think the onus is on the applicants to specify if they have requirements for hosting, be it being uncomfortable with staying with a certain gender, a pet allergy, or whatever else. Whatever people's reasons for feeling that way are, they are largely irrelevant to the point that people should be able to feel comfortable with where they are staying. I just don't think the default position should be for schools to make assumptions about what people are comfortable with, since that can have negatively affect those of us who aren't bothered by it. It was my understanding that psykate was saying gender matching should always happen, requested or not, and that was the only point I took issue with. Then again maybe that wasn't what she meant.

 

[Psych1212]

I always opt for hotel stays anyhow...Priceline can usually set me up somewhere decent for $30-$40 if you bid on the hotels...

For me, I find that it is less stressful getting ready in the morning if I have a room to myself and can go about my business as I please. Also makes it easier to review materials.

 

[moonflwr]

I can understand being uncomfortable if it was a studio apartment with one bed, but, obviously, that's not going to be the arrangement.

This actually happened to someone in my cohort. She stayed with a male host in his studio apartment. Plus he had friends over that night and they kept her up til 2am.

I'd take the couple over that anytime 😉

 

[lucyguard]

This actually happened to someone in my cohort. She stayed with a male host in his studio apartment. Plus he had friends over that night and they kept her up til 2am.

I'd take the couple over that anytime 😉

WOW! Now that's what I call inappropriate! LOL

 

[alexsupertramp]

wow...i would have never thought of this as an issue. maybe it is because i am very well traveled and stay in hostels or squats with any number of males/females. I have stayed with families before or up to 10 other people in one room.

also, i thought it was quiet interesting that you must be female to feel harassed, stared at, or feel threatened....

 

[Psych1212]

wow...i would have never thought of this as an issue. maybe it is because i am very well traveled and stay in hostels or squats with any number of males/females. I have stayed with families before or up to 10 other people in one room.

also, i thought it was quiet interesting that you must be female to feel harassed, stared at, or feel threatened....

Maybe it isn't as much of a concern if you are a "supertramp?" j/k ?

 

[alexsupertramp]

lol. 😉

fyi-the name is from the guy who traveled to alaska...not about being promiscuous.

 

[Psych1212]

lol. 😉

fyi-the name is from the guy who traveled to alaska...not about being promiscuous.

Sure it is....Sure it is 🙂

 

[deleted190534]

The venom flying around here..........Good lord. Welcome to the wonderful world of psychology.

 

[Wrinkles]

The venom flying around here..........Good lord. Welcome to the wonderful world of psychology.

Well, if you put it in perspective it isn't so bad. As far as forums go, this one is extremely polite. No one has threatened murder yet-- at least that's something.

 

[twilson]

I think people took his comment wrong, it was obviosuly a joke
Btw I am a small female and yes I do feel like I am in danger sometimes (my school's main campus is in the downtown and I often have to walk alone to my car in dark alleys) but I am kind of sick of females coming off as if they cant protect themselves AT all, like they are constantly in some terrible horror movie (cue trip, fall, break ankle) where of course they will NEVER be able to do anything to protect themselves, where is a big strong man when you need one?🙄
As for being comfortable with just a male grad student, if you aren't youu arent, but not being comfortable with a couple I feel is a bit much ..
but whatever floats your boat