Guilt

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A Nony Mouse

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I have the wait-list blues, but it wasn't me that was wait-listed. My boyfriend had 12 interviews and has only been accepted to 2 schools that weren't near the top of his list. I don't know what to say to help him... I had the opposite experience and aced 4/5 interviews including my top choice. Today his own top choice put him on the wait-list, and I just feel terrible since he was always the better student academically. Throughout this whole application process, we assumed I'd be the one struggling and he would be going to a high-tier. I'm thanking my lucky stars to have my own opportunity, but I just wish I could help him get the school he deserved. I helped him write 3 update letters, but that made no difference evidently. Is there anything else I can do? He is the most brilliant man I know.
 
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1. Academics aren't all that matter. Did he have solid LOR's, Personal Statement, and interpersonal skills to do well in an interview?

2. Was his application in early enough in the season?

3. Why didn't he write his own update letters to convey his message to AdCom's best?
 
Uhhhh...not sure if srs, but I'll bite.

You both got accepted to medical school. MULTIPLE medical schools. That's more than what half of applicants can achieve each year.

Medical school admissions is a "crapshoot" in a sense, and a lot more goes into it than MCAT/GPA. Even though he's "better" academically, you might have "better" ECs or you might be "better" at interviewing. And if you didn't apply to the same schools, then you're just comparing apples and oranges, because each school has their own mission statement and their own class profile they're trying to create.

I know it sucks not getting into your top choice, but he should celebrate the fact that he has a CHOICE of where to go to medical school (and also that he wasn't flat out rejected from his top choice...the cycle is far from over and acceptances can happen over the summer as well).

YOU should not feel guilty in the slightest. You should be proud of what you accomplished and I hope he is proud of you as well.
 
CrimsonKing said:
1. Academics aren't all that matter. Did he have solid LOR's, Personal Statement, and interpersonal skills to do well in an interview?

2. Was his application in early enough in the season?

3. Why didn't he write his own update letters to convey his message to AdCom's best?
Click to expand...

1- He REALLY wants academic medicine...
His LORs should have been pretty decent.
His personal statement was complemented by a few interviewers, and it was really good.
Interpersonal skills... he is very humble and direct with his answers. He isn't shy... he just isn't chatty.

2-AMCAS was complete before the 4th of July

3- He did write his own update letters, but I peer reviewed them and helped edit.
 
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Ismet said:
Uhhhh...not sure if srs, but I'll bite.

You both got accepted to medical school. MULTIPLE medical schools. That's more than what half of applicants can achieve each year.

Medical school admissions is a "crapshoot" in a sense, and a lot more goes into it than MCAT/GPA. Even though he's "better" academically, you might have "better" ECs or you might be "better" at interviewing. And if you didn't apply to the same schools, then you're just comparing apples and oranges, because each school has their own mission statement and their own class profile they're trying to create.

I know it sucks not getting into your top choice, but he should celebrate the fact that he has a CHOICE of where to go to medical school (and also that he wasn't flat out rejected from his top choice...the cycle is far from over and acceptances can happen over the summer as well).

YOU should not feel guilty in the slightest. You should be proud of what you accomplished and I hope he is proud of you as well.
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I realize we're both really lucky, but seeing it from his perspective it's really not fair. I have better ECs and interviewing skills, but his are still really good. Tests that I found excruciating were always so simple for him....... when we took the same classes I was usually struggling for the A- while he got OVER 100%. Last week he was literally complaining to me about a 96%... It just seems impossible to fathom that the schools we are likely to go to (unless he gets off a wait-list) are ranked the same.
 
A Nony Mouse said:
I realize we're both really lucky, but seeing it from his perspective it's really not fair. I have better ECs and interviewing skills, but his are still really good. Tests that I found excruciating were always so simple for him....... when we took the same classes I was usually struggling for the A- while he got OVER 100%. Last week he was literally complaining to me about a 96%... It just seems impossible to fathom that the schools we are likely to go to (unless he gets off a wait-list) are ranked the same.
Click to expand...

I think we found the reason!

Good work!
 
Boohoo...🙁

You both have been accepted to medical school. How can life possibly be any worse?
 
A Nony Mouse said:
I realize we're both really lucky, but seeing it from his perspective it's really not fair. I have better ECs and interviewing skills, but his are still really good. Tests that I found excruciating were always so simple for him....... when we took the same classes I was usually struggling for the A- while he got OVER 100%. Last week he was literally complaining to me about a 96%... It just seems impossible to fathom that the schools we are likely to go to (unless he gets off a wait-list) are ranked the same.
Click to expand...

A Nony Mouse said:
He didn't care about the percentage-- he cared that he got a question wrong. He just strives to be the best he can.
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That is not the mentality you want in medical school. It will eat you alive and you will burn out by October. If he answered any questions in the interview with a competitive mentality like that, it's a pretty big red flag.
 
Med school's look for things beyond academic giftedness, in particular at the top-tiers. Because there are a ton of applicants with similar scores and GPA's, your EC's and your ability to interview are what help you stand out from the sea of 'brilliant' people.

I also agree with everything everyone else has said, in particular to the competitive mentality.
 
Ismet said:
That is not the mentality you want in medical school. It will eat you alive and you will burn out by October. If he answered any questions in the interview with a competitive mentality like that, it's a pretty big red flag.
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He's not a gunner trying to be competitive. It's more of an expectation of himself. If he can do better he will, which is why I see him being an amazing doctor someday. He won't settle if he doesn't have to.
 
A Nony Mouse said:
He's not a gunner trying to be competitive. It's more of an expectation of himself. If he can do better he will, which is why I see him being an amazing doctor someday. He won't settle if he doesn't have to.
Click to expand...

Self-competition is still competition. Med school will definitely eat you alive, and you will cause yourself undue misery if you don't readjust your own expectations of what is accomplishable. It's fine to be ambitious and strive to do well, as long as you are comfortable with your limits.
 
Do not feel guilty.

So Here I am Mr. Bourdain the future doctor in my relationship. Come to find out my artsy non academic significant other did considerably better on the SATs than I did and their college GPA is higher than mine.

It didn't faze me or make in the least bit insecure. My significant other doesn't feel guilty at all. Relationships aren't contests.

Don't compare yourself to your significant other. I realize as competitive people it is hard to do especially since you two are technically on the same playing field.

This why I would never date a pre-med. When I told my signification other my MCAT score, they nodded and said "let's get drunk" even though they had no idea if the score was good or not. <------Non-Premed Significant Other = Priceless
 
A Nony Mouse said:
He's not a gunner trying to be competitive. It's more of an expectation of himself. If he can do better he will, which is why I see him being an amazing doctor someday. He won't settle if he doesn't have to.
Click to expand...

It doesn't matter if he's a "gunner" or not. He could very easily give off that vibe in an interview. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to do your best, but being an amazing doctor has nothing to do with getting a 96% or a 100%, especially since residencies could care less about the grades you get in first and second year. Like I said, if he maintains that mentality, he will most definitely burn out very early in first year.
 
I'm not going to sugar coat my response and try to make you feel better. He sounds like a entitled tool and it's probably a good thing this happened to him now rather than med school. Maybe instead of feeling so bad for him you tell him to nut up and try even harder in med school to get his dream academic job instead of whining like a baby.
 
A Nony Mouse said:
He didn't care about the percentage-- he cared that he got a question wrong. He just strives to be the best he can.
Click to expand...

That's the problem. He's expecting way too much and I figure his interviewers found out about this behavior
 
Amazingmuzmo said:
I'm not going to sugar coat my response and try to make you feel better. He sounds like a entitled tool and it's probably a good thing this happened to him now rather than med school. Maybe instead of feeling so bad for him you tell him to nut up and try even harder in med school to get his dream academic job instead of whining like a baby.
Click to expand...

Well you'll be popular with patients.
 
A Nony Mouse said:
I have the wait-list blues, but it wasn't me that was wait-listed. My boyfriend had 12 interviews (including 2 early) and has only been accepted to 2 schools that weren't near the top of his list. I don't know what to say to help him... I had the opposite experience and aced 4/5 interviews including my top choice. Today his own top choice put him on the wait-list, and I just feel terrible since he was always the better student academically. Throughout this whole application process, we assumed I'd be the one struggling and he would be going to a high-tier with his 35 MCAT and 4.0 GPA. I'm thanking my lucky stars to have my own opportunity, but I just wish I could help him get the school he deserved. I helped him write 3 update letters while he was deferred, but that made no difference evidently. Is there anything else I can do? He is the most brilliant man I know.
Click to expand...

#FirstWorldProblems
 
I think all you can do is to keep a positive attitude toward his situation. Be like, "You got into 2 great schools. Many people would be super jealous of your situation. I know it's disappointing not to be accepted right away at your top choices, but hey you never know. They may call you in a couple weeks saying, 'Congrats, you're accepted!" Be happy about your own situation and celebrate each one of your victories. Don't get weird about it like not telling him when you're accepted to yet another school or are having trouble deciding on just one of your awesome choices. Sounds like he might have needed to have a humbling experience anyway.
 
You should break up with him. Don't let his lack luster interview performance hold you down.
 
35855775.jpg
 
A Nony Mouse said:
I realize we're both really lucky, but seeing it from his perspective it's really not fair. I have better ECs and interviewing skills, but his are still really good. Tests that I found excruciating were always so simple for him....... when we took the same classes I was usually struggling for the A- while he got OVER 100%. Last week he was literally complaining to me about a 96%... It just seems impossible to fathom that the schools we are likely to go to (unless he gets off a wait-list) are ranked the same.
Click to expand...

This is not just about test scores, overall considering everything, you probably have him beat. I'm guessing he was only great at certain things instead of doing really well across the board, interviewing skills, EC's, et cetera.

I'm also curious as to if you are considered a minority?

Unless you were in the room during the interviews, you really do not know how it went down no matter what he tells you.
 
there are so many people who are hard working and smart and would do anything to get into just ONE medical school. I have way too many friends who haven't gotten in this cycle who truly deserve to get in somewhere but haven't due to the nature of this very competitive process.. so it makes me a little uncomfortable to hear someone say they've "only been accepted to 2 schools".
your boyfriend has excellent stats, way above average, even so, 14% of people with the same stats as your boyfriend didn't get into ANY medical school (aamc data, table 24). he is very lucky to have gotten into 2 schools, even though he hasn't gotten into his top choice (yet), he is still going to be an MD
 
Awwww, and here I am sobbing in my own pool of tears wondering why I haven't been accepted yet. 👎
 
People need to lay off a little on this guy. If you have multiple acceptances, you have earned those acceptances and you are allowed to mull over the choices and be disappointed that you haven't been accepted to your top choice. All this envy-bashing is a little uncalled for.

That being said, with stats like your boyfriend, I'm sure he has been accepted to a top-notch program regardless. Once you get up in the school ranks, a 35/4.0 doesn't make you stand out. This is where the insane ECs, publications, and great personalities come out to play. Numbers-wise, yeah, he's competitive, but if he's lacking in these other areas, he doesn't "deserve" an acceptance at any of the tippy top programs.

He's your boyfriend, but don't let that cloud common sense and your know-how about the application process.

EDIT: The best thing you can do is keep supporting him within realistic limits. Not getting into your top choice is not the end of the world and is not a measure of what kind of doctor you're going to be.
 
Well, there are thousands of well qualified students who don't even get one acceptance. Tell your boyfriend to take a chill-pill, and just enjoy life and relax before he matriculates.
 
either way he is going to be a doctor. Tell him to if he carries his strong work ethic forward into med school and beyond he will accomplish great things.
 
clearly with 12 interviews and 2 acceptances, medical schools are seeing something you dont. From everything I've heard about this kid, it sounds like he should be getting his phd, in chemistry, something where perfection is possible. There is one kind of kid you will meet in med school, and it is the kid who has always been good at science and school, and thus sees medical school as the next logical extension of that. These kids end up being miserable, esp come 3rd year (so ive heard). Sounds like your bf's interviewers picked up that he is this kind of kid, good for them
 
I can understand the dissapointment that can come from not getting your top choice. It is one thing to be rejected pre-interview, but post-interview rejection/waitlist gets your hopes up for an acceptance and it can be a let down.

BUT, and I truly mean this, having any MD acceptances is a blessing. I have hardworking friends, with good stats, ECs, everything and they are still waiting for an MD acceptance. This process is a crapshoot, and many people who worked and truly deserve to get in unfortunately do not.
To put things into perspective, think of it this way. Most medical schools are essentially the same the first two years. Also if you do well enough, you can go into just about any field from any medical school. Sure clinical opportunities, location, and prestige can vary, but for the most part, the medical school you go to shouldn't hold you back if you work hard and do well there.

So, what does this mean? You did not get into your top choice. But, you will be becoming a doctor, starting an amazing career, and you'll have the opportunity to help people. If your boyfriend wants to do academic medicine, he can probably find a way to make it work out from the schools he is already accepted to. Granted, his top choices might better prepare him for academic medicine, but I don't think any doors are getting shut. You both have your careers to look forward to, and years from now this might even seem trivial. So celebrate what you both have. 🙂

I am waitlisted and put on hold at both of my top choices, but I still loved the schools that have accepted me, and I know that these schools will allow me to do what I want despite not being my top choices. I hope he does get off the waiting list for his top choice, but if he does not, hopefully some perspecive will allow him to feel better. Any MD acceptance is a good thing. 😀
 
Nony Mouse - if you start to feel guilty whenever you outperform someone you care about or whenever your 'wonderful boyfriend' doesn't do as well as you -- well, that's going to be detrimental to both your emotional health and your career. Don't let yourself be that girl.

Quite simply, you need to do the best that you can for yourself (and you are - congratulations!) and you need to be in a relationship with someone who strives for himself and genuinely cheers your successes rather than bemoaning his own less-stellar-by-comparison results. The right boyfriend wouldn't be pulling a "life's not fair" whine, but rather saying how glad he was that YOUR interviewers recognized what a wonderful doctor you are going to be. Date that guy.
 
touchpause13 said:
#FirstWorldProblems
Click to expand...

ROFL Yes... truly.

Amazingmuzmo said:
I'm not going to sugar coat my response and try to make you feel better. He sounds like a entitled tool and it's probably a good thing this happened to him now rather than med school. Maybe instead of feeling so bad for him you tell him to nut up and try even harder in med school to get his dream academic job instead of whining like a baby.
Click to expand...

I'll be honest. This is basically what my SO told me when I was straight 3itching about receiving my *only* post-interview rejection... The rejection from my top choice. I stared at that letter for so long thinking 'GTFO, what happened?' I have never felt that level of disappointment from anything academic or professionally related. I was upset because I thought that program was a great fit. Clearly not everyone on the admissions committee thought I was a good fit there... That's okay though! Bump them and congrats to all those that got in to that program!

At the end of the day... I'll matriculate somewhere in the U.S. and so will your boyfriend. 55% of other people will be either reapplying or throwing in the towel this cycle. Strive for excellence, but understand that good enough... is just that - good enough.
 
Tell him to withdraw his acceptances and reapply next cycle. No? Well be very happy you have anything because there are thousands who were denied ANY acceptance.

Humble? Sounds incredibly entitled, especially with that 96% story. I wouldn't doubt that he came off that way in his interview and that's why he was rejected/WL/whatever.
 
Doctor Strange said:
People need to lay off a little on this guy. If you have multiple acceptances, you have earned those acceptances and you are allowed to mull over the choices and be disappointed that you haven't been accepted to your top choice. All this envy-bashing is a little uncalled for.

That being said, with stats like your boyfriend, I'm sure he has been accepted to a top-notch program regardless. Once you get up in the school ranks, a 35/4.0 doesn't make you stand out. This is where the insane ECs, publications, and great personalities come out to play. Numbers-wise, yeah, he's competitive, but if he's lacking in these other areas, he doesn't "deserve" an acceptance at any of the tippy top programs.

He's your boyfriend, but don't let that cloud common sense and your know-how about the application process.

EDIT: The best thing you can do is keep supporting him within realistic limits. Not getting into your top choice is not the end of the world and is not a measure of what kind of doctor you're going to be.
Click to expand...

I'm inclined to agree. It's alright for him to be a bit disappointed. What's important is that he doesn't dwell, gets excited about this opportunity, and moves forward.
 
Try not to worry so much, he can always reapply next year it's not the end of the world. Especially since he has good grades its possible he just got unlucky this time around.
 
Like everyone has already said, there are plenty of smart people who get a 100% on everything that do not get into medical school. Although it sucks he didn't get into his top choice, he is still going to medical school. Just because your boyfriend is smart doesn't mean he is entitled to an acceptance at a top school. It has gotten way too competitive for that. I am sure there are people that are much smarter than your boyfriend that were not so lucky this cycle. You both should be happy that you are going to medical school, not whining that you didn't get into the top schools you wanted. Because frankly, you need to join the club like everyone else.

Also, your boyfriend does not DESERVE to get into any school. He must earn an acceptance. Nobody deserves anything in this process.
 
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OP hasn't returned. I'm thinking this thread didn't go like she thought it would. Oh well. You are both going to be doctors. What more can you ask? Life is full of disappointments.
 
Waitlisted isn't a rejection...


Learn to be humble
 
Waitlisted isn't a rejection...


Learn to be humble
 
A Nony Mouse said:
I have the wait-list blues, but it wasn't me that was wait-listed. My boyfriend had 12 interviews and has only been accepted to 2 schools that weren't near the top of his list. I don't know what to say to help him... I had the opposite experience and aced 4/5 interviews including my top choice. Today his own top choice put him on the wait-list, and I just feel terrible since he was always the better student academically. Throughout this whole application process, we assumed I'd be the one struggling and he would be going to a high-tier. I'm thanking my lucky stars to have my own opportunity, but I just wish I could help him get the school he deserved. I helped him write 3 update letters, but that made no difference evidently. Is there anything else I can do? He is the most brilliant man I know.
Click to expand...

My sympathy factor is in the red zone.




:luck::luck::luck:
 
Just go to the school that he got into to..that way he won't resent you.
 
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