Have I lost my mind?

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elbee

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Hi all,
I can't believe I am here. I am hoping to get some advice and guidance from some like minded individuals. Here is my story. I am a 35 (soon to be 36) year old female. I went to a highly regarded undergrad school and graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I was an English major but took all the premed requirements (had dreams of going to Med school). I ended up not persuing a medical career and ended up getting into the technology field.

For the past few years I have had a strong urge to become a dentist. My father was a dentist (now retired). He never seemed to love what he did which is why I think I never even considered it as a career. But, in time I have come to realize that there are just aspects of his personality that are not well suited for a career like dentistry. Conversely, there are so many aspects of my persosnality that are perfectly suited for such a career.

I have no problem going back to school at this point in my life. My problem is that I am pushing 36 (and 40 is only 4 years away) and my husband and I would like to start a family. I don't know if I can handle dental school and a newborn. My husband wouldn't be able to help out much because he works full time, but I do have my mother who could help out a lot. I just don't know if I could miss out on the first years. Do you think I should put dental school on hold until we have our family. Maybe start school once the kids get old enough (pre-school age). Do you think it would be too late to start dental school at the point. Another thing I should mention is that I wouldn't even be able to start school until Fall 2008 because I believe the application deadline for '07 has already passed.

Is it too late for me?

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I started medical school at age 39. One of my classmates was 38; another was 41. So I don't think it's too late for you. However, as you alluded to, you'll have to make some compromises. Personally, I'd do it now, instead of waiting until you have children. The older they get, the more attention they'll need. Check out MomMD.com. I think they have a mentor program for mothers (or moms-to-be).
 
Is it too late for me?
No, of course it's not too late. I had dreamed of medical school for 10 years and finally decided to go for it when I was over 40 and I started medical school at age 44 - and I am not the oldest member of my class.

Of course, you may be crazy rolling the dice at your age - but so are the rest of us non-trads, and I think we're fascinating, talented people!! :laugh:

Starting a family? I'm single so I wouldn't presume to give you advice on that. Also, I don't know all that much about the demands of dental school - you can probably learn more about that in the pre-dental forum (although MomMD is indeed an excellent resource that even some non-trad guys use!).
If your dream was medical school, I would just point-out how little time you would have for a family. I know several mothers in my medical school class - they're just amazing people who seem to find time for their kids no matter what - but most already had children when they made the medical school decision. It's usually not an ideal situation in medical school - but, again, I don't know that much about dental school. Good luck!

I would say this - we have some English majors in my medical school class. You guys are so good at reading and understanding complex material - you make *excellent* medical students, so don't let anybody tell you that your undergraduate major was inappropriate for the health professions!!
 
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If you're really serious about raising a family, and your life will not be complete if you don't, then get going. In my world view, each year over 35 matters more in raising young children than it does in becoming a health care provider. Even if you adopt. I don't know what dental school is like, but in med school and residency, there are only a couple of years where you don't sleep. In child rearing, I'd say it's more like 4 years of bad sleep, per child. Not necessarily consecutive.

But I'm just an aunt, editorializing on what my sisters have endured. Colic and stuff.

With respect to following a dream and changing careers AND having babies, only you can say if it's the right thing to do. For me, it wouldn't be. If I tried to do both I'd feel like I sucked at both and there would be this black hole where happiness is supposed to go. I know women who thrive on the challenges of young children. I know one who doesn't need much sleep, and is completing a novel and starting a business with 2 toddlers and a semi-supportive husband. I know about 20 women who wish they hadn't been so hellbent to have a kid (even though they love the kid, of course).

And maybe most important, neither of these things is really under your control. You'll have to hope you'll get pregnant, and you'll have to hope you'll get accepted to dental school. Make sure you really want the first one, and I don't see anything wrong with trying to do both.
 
Oh, I should also point out that your classmates and teachers can't be counted on to be supportive of your parental duties. Sure, you might get some folks who will be there for you and make room for your individuality. But be prepared for hostility, when you have life needs that your classmates don't, particularly when your classmates and/or teachers have to do the work that would otherwise be done by you.

I think there's a lot of luck involved. If you have to take your kid to the ER at 3 am and still make it to an exam at 7 am, it's another situation you can't control.
 
But, in time I have come to realize that there are just aspects of his personality that are not well suited for a career like dentistry. Conversely, there are so many aspects of my persosnality that are perfectly suited for such a career.
?

For example what?
 
I can relate somewhat here. My mom was 28 when she went back for her B.S. and 32 when she started med school, and I was 7 when she went back for her B.S. and 14 when she finished med school (17 when she finished her residency). My brother is 3 years younger than me, so he was 4 when she started it all and 11 when the schooling ended.

It wasn't so bad when she was doing her B.S. - it was like a regular job since the university was only 45 minutes away. She'd drop us off at school and pick us up from the babysitter around 5pm. Typical mom stuff. Med school was a LOT different. The first year was at the same campus as undergrad, so again it was typical mom-stuff, just more busy in the evenings with her studying.

The last 3 years though were the tough ones. M2-4s were in school 2.5 hours from where we lived, and we saw her typically every other weekend, sometimes more if there were no tests coming up.

Looking back, sure there were things I missed with her not there all the time, but I learned how to be independent, and I think learning that from a young age helped in my success today. I guarantee it would have been easier if all four years of med school were on the campus close to home, but it just didn't happen that way.

If you were able to get into a school close to home, or you and your husband were willing to move to be close to school, having a family during med school would probably be feasible, depending on your work ethic.

If you were in a situation like my mother was in, you could make it work if your marriage is strong and your husband willing to give up a lot for those 4 years.

That's just my perspective of being the child of a mother who went back as a non-trad, and through my own path am doing the same. I will be almost 32 when I start (if all goes to plan) and my clock's ticking too - I hear it about once a week!
 
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