My husband and I are trying to figure out if it is feasible to have a child during residency. Would other residents mind sharing their opinions or experience?
Having a baby in rad onc residency
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Hi. Having a baby in residency is feasibe, but it's very difficult for a female resident, esp. if you're just starting your RadOnc training. I had my baby as a PGY3, and it's like working two full-time jobs. The emotional part of it is most challenging for me, as I'm away from my child for 11-12 hrs per day, and then we only have barely a couple of hours together before bedtime. Thankfully, he seems like a well-adjusted toddler, but I really hope he doesn't hate me when he grows up. My weekends are totally his, so I hope that'll make up for it in some way. You will probably need childcare from 6:30 am to 6:30 pm. If you're in a busy program and can't squeeze reading time during the workday, you have to study at home, which is very challenging with a little one. So, you have to either caffeinate a lot or wake up at, like, 4:45 am to study. As with anything, having a supportive partner is essential, but if you're both physicians, you're going to have to be extra patient, strong, creative and cherish every opportunity with no pagers around you have together as a family.
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There's never a convenient time to have a baby. It's probably just as difficult when you are an attending, especially early on in your career. Your program should have a maternity leave policy, I believe the ACGME requires this.
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While I agree that having a child is never convenient, from a female resident's perspective, having one early in your residency is extra challenging. We're a fairly fertile program and two female residents have had a baby during residency, while another one is expecting. I think having a baby as a PGY5 works out best, but sometimes, you can't plan these things. In any case, like with most things in life, things turn out just fine and you are so glad you did it that way. Maternity leave is 6-8 weeks, which is barely enough to get back on your feet ... esp. if you had a Caesarean. First three months of your baby's life are essentially the 4th trimester -- it's very hard on both you and the bambino. But, things get better from then on. Invest in great childcare. If you have family who can stay with you for an extended period, all the better.
Hil.Arious.
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All excellent points on this thread, let me throw out a few more.
1. Be familiar with the laws of your state and institution BEFORE you become pregnant. Maternity leave is highly dependent based on location. Don't assume that your program director & program coordinator know the score, you should educate yourself.
2. Be honest with your co-residents. I had a baby during residency, but being a guy (let's be honest) it was a lot easier for me than my female co-residents who had children. In Rad Onc, I think most residents are fairly laid-back and easy going. So explain the situation to your co-residents and try to hammer out clinical coverage while you are out.
3. Try to schedule "elective" or "research" time to make your life easier during maternity leave. This is highly program dependent. Some program directors will give you the old "nod, nod, wink, wink, have fun in lab" while others are much more "if you are nursing your kid, you obviously won't be in lab, so forget it."
4. Arrange child support ahead of time for when you have to go back to training after maternity leave. At UCSF, child-care slots through the university were booked 1.5 years in advance so even if you got on the waiting list when your pee turned the strip pink you still might not have been early enough! If you have family to help, that is usually optimal, but that comes with its own set of problems.
1. Be familiar with the laws of your state and institution BEFORE you become pregnant. Maternity leave is highly dependent based on location. Don't assume that your program director & program coordinator know the score, you should educate yourself.
2. Be honest with your co-residents. I had a baby during residency, but being a guy (let's be honest) it was a lot easier for me than my female co-residents who had children. In Rad Onc, I think most residents are fairly laid-back and easy going. So explain the situation to your co-residents and try to hammer out clinical coverage while you are out.
3. Try to schedule "elective" or "research" time to make your life easier during maternity leave. This is highly program dependent. Some program directors will give you the old "nod, nod, wink, wink, have fun in lab" while others are much more "if you are nursing your kid, you obviously won't be in lab, so forget it."
4. Arrange child support ahead of time for when you have to go back to training after maternity leave. At UCSF, child-care slots through the university were booked 1.5 years in advance so even if you got on the waiting list when your pee turned the strip pink you still might not have been early enough! If you have family to help, that is usually optimal, but that comes with its own set of problems.
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Is it a red-flag if you ask about child-care during an interview? Sometimes this information is tough to find online.
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If you want to know about maternity leave or child care, consider calling or e-mailing an institution's GME office directly. There is likely an institutional policy on both of those. You should be able to find their phone or e-mail contact info on their website.
I think having ababy during residency is VERY challenging. You have to compromise one of the two jobs. And you if you are kind of a person not able to compromise your baby, your mum duty you may end up in some trouble as I did.
I am doing fine now, but I had more than a year leave and when I got back I had some challenge and I had extension of residency... I am fine now and I am happy that I put as much time as I could for my baby as that time will never come back but it's impossible to fulfill the residency duty...
Hope you do well anyway...
Thank you very much for sharing your experience. I am trying to balance the desire to have a family with that of my education/profession. I am starting to realize that you only live once, and family will undoubtedly come first. If I have to take a year off, so be it.
What I found impossible was leave my daughter ( and imagine still I was with her until age of 16m ) early morning and come back late afternoon and send her to bed 1-2 hours after. I couldn't handle that! So what I did was asking the sitter to send her to bed for a second nap a bit late in afternoon ( ~4ish) so when I was back from hospital, she was fresh and ready to play with me! I however got quite exhausted as I didn't send her to bed earlier than 9:30pm! Just because I really wanted to be with her and see her growth...
You can imagine this is not compatible with waking up early in the morning and studing and other duties... If I hadn't had her during my residency I would have finished 2 years earlier... I am not unhappy at all, but my point is I could do it differently too...
I think when you are staff it should be easier as at leats you don't need to do call or study as much...
All the best.
That is at least 5 years away for me. I am definitely not willing to wait that long. Is there a time in residency when it would be better? i.e. second year, etc.
hmm hard to say... I did it in the worst time I guess... In the middle and being away for a long time + some baby brain, I forgot almost everything I had learned from Rad Onc and I had to re-do it!
It all also depends on what kind of support do you have? Your parents? Who is going to take care of baby? How long you plan tp stay away with your baby?
If you really don't want to wait, maybe sooner rather than later. As your child grow up and gradually ( after 3-4 ) it starts to become easier... At least for your exam you have some smoother time...
If you can wait maybe last year being pregnant and have the baby after?!
All the best. It is the best thing being a mother... I know you can't wait
hmm hard to say... I did it in the worst time I guess... In the middle and being away for a long time + some baby brain, I forgot almost everything I had learned from Rad Onc and I had to re-do it!
It all also depends on what kind of support do you have? Your parents? Who is going to take care of baby? How long you plan tp stay away with your baby?
If you really don't want to wait, maybe sooner rather than later. As your child grow up and gradually ( after 3-4 ) it starts to become easier... At least for your exam you have some smoother time...
If you can wait maybe last year being pregnant and have the baby after?!
All the best. It is the best thing being a mother... I know you can't wait
Thanks again! Very helpful.
