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greenie53

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Hello everyone,

So I have a lot of things going on in my life right now and it's driving me a bit crazy, so I'd greatly appreciate everyone's advice on what I should do:

I currently live in Chicago with my boyfriend who is a 1st year medical student here. We have discussed getting married for about a year now and he actually just bought a ring today so I assume the proposal will come anytime now! This semester I started taking a few public health classes and applied/was accepted to the school of public health here in Chicago (I didn't know if I'd get into vet school this year). Well, I was accepted to several vet schools and have accepted a spot at CSU. Medical students can transfer after their 2nd year, but the only med school is Univ. of Denver which is extremely good, thus there is a very slim chance that my soon to be fiance/husband will not get in, and then we will be in a 3 year long distance relationship (chicago to ~denver).

I love my SO very much and I have no regrets at all marrying him, but now that marriage is a certainty, I am getting scared about leaving just as we get engaged. I know it will be extremely difficult and hard on the relationship to undergo this long distance for at least 1 if not 3 more years. The other option is to finish off a degree in public health to "buy" us a year, but more importantly so that next year when I would apply, he could be applying for a transfer at the same time so that we could decide where to go based on where we both get into school. This way, there would be no uncertainty, and we could essentially avoid any long distance.

I did pretty well in the application process, so I am fairly confident that I would be able to get into a few schools next year, but I do not want to make a careless decision. Both the relationship and vet school are very important to me, I am just having difficulty deciding which to give priority to right now. It could even be that I wait a year, apply again, and he doesn't get into any med school near the vet schools I do. I think sacrifices are important in relationships, but I also know that you cannot sacrifice too much because then you will have regrets (esp if it is a temporary situation). I just really want to give this relationship/marriage the best chance possible, while not messing up my life plans and goals. If I go to CSU, we could fly to see each other every month (alternating), and he could do some clerkships at hospitals for a couple of months 3rd and 4th year at least in Denver for sure. And then there is always the chance he could get into Denver and it'd only be 1 year long distance (I know there would be 1 hr commuting too b/w Denver and Ft Collins, but I'm not worried about that).

Ok now that I'm starting to repeat myself, please help me! I'm desperate for some good SDNer advice! :( (PS sorry for this being I'm sure unnecessarily long winded..)
 

twelvetigers

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If I were you, I would NOT give up a spot at CSU. You earned that spot and you deserve it. That said, long distance relationships are hard... but not impossible. If you have a strong relationship, you can do it! At least that's my honest belief. Married, engaged, or just dating - it can be done if the love and devotion is there. I think the once-a-month deal sounds good, and hopefully he can get a spot in Denver like you said. So as far as sacrifices go, I thik that giving up CSU would be a bit steep, considering that... you have the rest of your life to be together, and you will make it through this if you both want it badly.

Sorry that's so one-sided, but it's my opinion is all. And, I *am* married, so I hav that perspective and might be faced with a similar choice in the future.

Good luck, and hopefully others will give their opinions too, so it's maybe not as one-sided. :)
 

athenaparthenos

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While I did end up picking the school that would be closest to my boyfriend of 3 years (due to multiple reasons, not just him), if I had only gotten into one school and it was far away from him, that's where I would've gone. We've been doing long distance for at least half of our relationship anyway, and while it SUCKS in so many ways, lol, the alternative -- not being with him in ANY way -- is far more painful. So we knew, no matter where I went, we'd keep on keeping on. He knew how important being a vet was to me, and he fully supported me each time I went on an interview, no matter the location. For us it was more important for our schooling/careers to get a move-on, because we've both got a lot of school ahead of us still and the sooner we get it done, the sooner we for sure get to live in the same city and get married and all that jazz. Sure, it would've been disappointing to have to go far away from him... but, I'd be able to start vet school. I think I'm getting tired, lol, and my words are going around in circles, but... CSU is a really great school. They rejected me without a second glance, lol, and I got in to two other schools and waitlisted at a third, so I'm not exactly a horrible applicant -- I wouldn't give that up. Like twelvetigers said, you have the rest of your lives to be together, but vet school is only 4 years and the sooner you start, the sooner you can get out there, be a vet, and be in the same city as your loved one. And if you're both determined to make it work, then you'll get through it.
 
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DVMorBust

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Hmm...I'm not sure I'd be much help on the 'making a decision' front - but I would just like to say that long distance relationships aren't as difficult as they even were a few years ago. Yeah, it sucks to be away from the person you love - but at the same time, with things like video chatting being a technological norm, it's easier to get 'face time' even if you're not there.

Also, a thought - maybe it's not a bad idea to be in separate places if you're both working on very stressful and time-consuming programs. You obviously wouldn't see each other as much as you would living together, but the time you DO get tends to be more quality, and less of the daily 'taking for granted' stressy interactions. That's definitely something to keep in mind - although it very much depends on the individuals involved in the situation.

Just my (unhelpful) .02
 

greenie53

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Thanks for your responses so far. I definitely think we'd make it the 3 years long distance, it's a matter of deciding how much stress and the kinds of stresses are worth it. Either way I go, there will be stress, re-applying, going to interviews, cramming in an MPH into 1 year that would preferably be 1.5 years...but being able to live with my SO. Just to give a bit more background, I did get into Illinois and Purdue (both of which are a 2hr drive), but decided that I'd rather go to CSU given the options. I really want to move back west eventually (I grew up in Phoenix), Fort Collins is significantly larger than Urbana IL and West Lafayette IN, and I just got a good feeling from the CSU people. I know that I'd be very happy at CSU and it wouldn't even be a tough decision if I wasn't attached. But things are unfortunately not that simple, and I almost feel bad not giving this relationship/marriage a good chance from the start, even though I know this is "temporary" (3 years still sounds really not temporary at this stage in my life). I see both sides, I'm just having issues with decisions..
 

twelvetigers

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Err... so you are thinking of turning down CSU and then reapplying? I'm not sure what the schools that you were accepted to and then denied would think of that. If this was such a big deal for you, then you should have gone to Illinois or Purdue! Those are both great schools. Why did you choose CSU if distance was going to be such an issue?

Regardless, I think turning down these places and then applying again might hurt you in the long run, though I'm not sure because... uhh... most people don't do that, so I haven't heard of the pitfalls involved in doing such.

*scratches her head*

I guess I just don't understand your thought process. I'm not trying to be overly critical or mean, and we all have those "crap, what did I just do?" moments, but... yeah, I'm still lost.
 

nyanko

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You could try to ask if CSU will do a deferment for you. I know UPenn will, UC Davis will not, so it obviously varies by school.
 

winkle1983

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When me and my bf first started dating we were long distance for 2 years of undergrad. Me in Pennsylvania and he in South Carolina. Yeah, it sucked...but on a positive note I didn't have that distraction...I studied like a fiend!! And we did the video chat thing, we both had webcams. I was able to see him (in person) about once every 3-4 months or so. You have to have major trust in someone. But I think that's true of any relationship...maybe more so long distance. The webcams made it much easier..I could see him before I went to bed, see him when i had a bad day...it's definitely not ideal, but it worked out for us. We're living together now, been together for 5 years in May :love:

It can work...my advice is what is meant to be, will be. If you got into CSU, go!! If your relationship is strong enough for this, it'll be strong enough for much much more. Spots in vet school are sketchy at best...there's no guarantee you'll get in next year, and I bet your bf/fiancee/husband doesn't want to feel like the reason you didn't get in the next time. And you may resent him for it in the end.

Sorry this was so long...this was stuff I dealt with after undergrad and before vet school...just my 2 cents. Good luck and congrats (on school and fiancee)!!
 

Hobiecat1642

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Don't give up your spot for any reason. It's not something that you should have to do for a relationship.
 

lcarter103

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I moved away to start vet school 5 days after my husband and I came back from our honeymoon. We live about 7 hours apart now (driving), and see each other about once a month. It's not that bad. We're both very busy (he's working full-time and doing a masters program), and we still talk every day. We know that in the long run, this short time apart (in the grand scheme of things) will be worth it, for us both to achieve our goals. Also, since the vet school year is only 8 months, I really don't think of it as being "4 years apart". We see each other once a month, for the entire Christmas/Spring breaks, and then I move back home for the summer so we spend those 4 months together. Would you be able to move back to Chicago for the summers? Ultimately, the decision is a very personal one, but I just wanted to give you the perspective of someone who's been there, and let you know it's not that bad.
 

Spartanvet4cows

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If you end up denying acceptance to a school and applying again, you will have to write that on next year's VMCAS and explain. Unfortunately, I don't think very many Adcoms will be sympathetic to this (heck, I know people who had to leave for a semester because their mom died and they weren't allowed to come back). My husband and I are also a year apart in our grad school, he'll probably be getting his PhD as I finish my 3rd year. We may end up living away from each other for that year, depending on what he does.
I would take the spot. I know it's hard, but it seems like you already know you belong at CSU, and this opportunity may not come along again. You said you would apply again and see if you could go somewhere near a school your bf can transfer...but you already rejected the idea if Purdue and Illinois. I know there are things going on we don't know about here, but if you rejected the schools that would have made things a lot easier this year, why wait a year just to go to a school you might not like? Believe me....taking a year off is not fun. I tried a Master's thing in a year. It didn't work out for me (not to say it wouldn't work out for you, especially since it's an MPH, not an MS with an insane person advising you).
Just my opinion of course, but I don't want to see someone pass up a spot that may be hard to come by again.
 

Habibti

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From what I've heard, transferring medical schools, even between second and third year is extremely difficult, but can be done.
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=504011
So if you accept CSU, assume there is no guarantee that you will be able to be together. As for other issues, that would guarantee you two years together only (one of which he'll be excessively busy during), because then it's match time... and you have absolutely no idea where he'll end up. Even wanting to stay in the area doesn't mean he'll be able to. Just a few more things to take into account.
 

greenie53

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Thanks again everyone. I gave up Illinois and Purdue because I knew I wouldn't be as happy at those schools and would always be driving the 2 hours to come see him in Chicago, which could be pretty distracting. I didn't want the only reason for me going to a school, that I wasn't as fond of, to be because of him. I think it would have led me to be bitter about that decision (I've lived in big cities all my life and don't think I could handle a tiny tiny town- ft. collins is at least 120,000+ people). But- if he were there with me in this tiny town I don't think I'd have any problem going to one of those schools at all. For me, there's a huge difference between being able to live with someone and having a 2hr commute to be with them (esp with gas prices this high :eek:). This is the reason I chose CSU, long distance is long distance and not living together no matter which way you look at it, so I chose the place I think I'd be happiest because that's what matters in the end. I am pretty confident we could make the CSU thing work.

I think I did pretty well this application cycle, and I think that an MPH could only strengthen my application. It's not like I'm rejecting schools by saying that I want to stay with my SO for another year. In fact, I already contacted CSU about deferring to get my MPH back in January, but they said that they do not allow deferrals. But the point is- the explaination on VMCAS would be that I wasn't sure of how I'd fair in the application cycle that I decided to pursue an MPH because I honestly have become very interested in Public Health in the last year. How could any vet school take that against you? I know that vet school can be a crap shoot, but I think it'd be crazy if I didn't get in next year somewhere considering how consistent my results were (only got 1 rejection out of 6). There are lots of schools I didn't fully apply to this round that I would have liked to go too. Actually out of all the schools I applied to, I had one of the better chances at getting into CSU because I'm WICHE and they have a lot of spots for us there.

I agree with everyone on their points, it can be done, webcams are great things. I just feel like I have to be a bit of the devils advocate because no one has taken the other side yet! Or maybe that's an indication of what the decision should be, I'm just trying to help everyone understand the situation/options as best as I can.
 
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loo

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Thanks for your responses so far. I definitely think we'd make it the 3 years long distance, it's a matter of deciding how much stress and the kinds of stresses are worth it. Either way I go, there will be stress, re-applying, going to interviews, cramming in an MPH into 1 year that would preferably be 1.5 years...but being able to live with my SO. Just to give a bit more background, I did get into Illinois and Purdue (both of which are a 2hr drive), but decided that I'd rather go to CSU given the options. I really want to move back west eventually (I grew up in Phoenix), Fort Collins is significantly larger than Urbana IL and West Lafayette IN, and I just got a good feeling from the CSU people. I know that I'd be very happy at CSU and it wouldn't even be a tough decision if I wasn't attached. But things are unfortunately not that simple, and I almost feel bad not giving this relationship/marriage a good chance from the start, even though I know this is "temporary" (3 years still sounds really not temporary at this stage in my life). I see both sides, I'm just having issues with decisions..

If you deny your dream, it could affect your marriage short and long term. In the grand scheme of things, vet school/medical school is temporary. Unhappiness is longer lasting and a killer of the soul. Good luck to you.
 

greenie53

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From what I've heard, transferring medical schools, even between second and third year is extremely difficult, but can be done.
http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=504011
So if you accept CSU, assume there is no guarantee that you will be able to be together. As for other issues, that would guarantee you two years together only (one of which he'll be excessively busy during), because then it's match time... and you have absolutely no idea where he'll end up. Even wanting to stay in the area doesn't mean he'll be able to. Just a few more things to take into account.

Yes I know transferring med schools is extremely difficult and for him to actually make it into Denver, one could say is almost unlikely. :( This is why I am considering my options. After talking to a few med schools, we know that transfers can only be done after year 2 and can only be discussed the February before you would start (ex. next year, he would call in February to find out if a transfer would be allowed for that coming fall/summer). The transfer mostly depends on if there are spaces in the class (created by people dropping out or "decompressing"- making the first year stretch to two years) and his board scores. And they won't tell you if there are spots until that February before. That is why I think we'd have a much better (by no means 100%) chance of being able to stay close to one another, because we could hopefully pick and choose schools based on where both of us could get in and be near each other.

(It's not the same as Match, thats 4th year for determining residency location, for which it is a longer process to find out where you're going. Transfers seem like a fairly short process, either the grades are high and spots are open, or they're not. Btw- transfers are basically only even considered for married students, but we will be covered there!)
 

VAgirl

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greenie, it basically sounds like you know what you want to do. So that's what you should do. You just need to be aware, as everyone's comments on here indicate, that there could be consequences of turning down an offer. I would also keep in mind that we've had people on these boards who were granted an interview or alternate/waitlist status one year, and the next year didn't get an interview or were rejected not waitlisted. So the applicant pool shifts each year, and with it each person's relative position shifts somewhat.

That being said, if you want to decline CSU (it really sounds like you do) then you should do that. No one but you can tell whether or not you will regret that. But the same goes for whether or not you would regret not declining and being far away from your boyfriend.

If you do decline, I would also be prepared to answer questions next year about what changed for you from October to April, since you obviously thought you were ready to move to these places in October. I think it's important to have a well-reasoned answer that adcoms can appreciate. Then you just hope they will be understanding.

It also might not hurt to call around to different schools and see if you can get a feel for how they will view your situation come next year's application cycle.
 

critterfixer

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I think you'd be making a huge mistake, if vet school is what you really want. If I were on an Ad Com, I would question your commitment to veterinary medicine. I would think you are not really sure about what you want, and I am not sure I would offer you another chance.You had several acceptances, and turning them down to do an MPH doesn't make sense, since you can do your MPH concurrently at most schools.

I think you should revisit how committed you really are to becoming a veterinarian at this point. Maybe you've changed your mind or are questioning your goals. If that's the case, there is nothing wrong with that. But I think you should be honest with yourself and decide if that is what's going on. Because your other reasoning doesn't make a lot of sense.

Even if you take the year off, you have NO guarantee he will be able to go to school near you, nor do you have any guarantee you'll even have much time for one another while you both finish intensely greuling programs.

As someone who has been married for 20 years, I know that a good relationship can withstand separation, if need be. It will be but a blip on the radar in the long term if you two are truly meant to be together.

You will likely NOT get this opportunity again, so think long and hard about what you really want. If you decide to turn down CSU, be sure that you are ok with the idea that you may NEVER become a veterinarian.
 

dartfrog

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I think you'd be making a huge mistake, if vet school is what you really want. If I were on an Ad Com, I would question your commitment to veterinary medicine. I would think you are not really sure about what you want, and I am not sure I would offer you another chance.You had several acceptances, and turning them down to do an MPH doesn't make sense, since you can do your MPH concurrently at most schools.

I think you should revisit how committed you really are to becoming a veterinarian at this point. Maybe you've changed your mind or are questioning your goals. If that's the case, there is nothing wrong with that. But I think you should be honest with yourself and decide if that is what's going on. Because your other reasoning doesn't make a lot of sense.

Even if you take the year off, you have NO guarantee he will be able to go to school near you, nor do you have any guarantee you'll even have much time for one another while you both finish intensely greuling programs.

As someone who has been married for 20 years, I know that a good relationship can withstand separation, if need be. It will be but a blip on the radar in the long term if you two are truly meant to be together.

You will likely NOT get this opportunity again, so think long and hard about what you really want. If you decide to turn down CSU, be sure that you are ok with the idea that you may NEVER become a veterinarian.

Very well said! I completely agree.
 

hoodle

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I think people are being a bit dire about this - it sounds like your opinions were good, and will continue to be good no matter what you do, which is a huge luxury. Sometimes SDN can inspire a kind of panic; please don't buy into it too much. People often make pronouncements (if you do this, this terrible thing WILL happen, or something else will never happen)... it's never that black and white, and not for us as online entities to say.

The most important thing is that you do well in your endeavors, both your marriage and your schooling. In neither case if you make huge sacrifices will you "do well". That's what's hard. If you sacrifice being a vet for the sake of your relationship, you'll might become so bitter that your relationship will falter. If you sacrifice your relationship for the sake of "following your vet dream", you might be miserable in school because of your personal choice, and end up doing badly and being sad.

I think, as VAgirl said, that you should do what you want to do, and that to support those decisions you should contact schools directly and talk to them honestly about what you're thinking.

Did you guys plan this all out last year, during application season? Had you made some kind of plan that you can fall back on? When my partner and I did this, it was actually super reassuring to be able to say "9 months ago, when we weren't in the middle of all this stress, we made decision X... we can rely on that as being rational and reasonable, even if now we're second-guessing it."

No-one has said the first thing on my mind when reading your post, though - what does your soon-to-be fiance think? He's part of this relationship too... he must have an opinion. Most likely it's "I want you to be happy", but if you dig deeper, what does he really think about the various options?
 

lazyjayn

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How about some positives for CSU and distance?

DEN to CHI is a direct flight route. You can fly out friday night and back in sunday night, and you have at least three hours on the plane each way guaranteed study time- Plus all the time between getting thru security and getting on the plane! It's also a popular route for volunteer bumps, so you could prolly snag a free ticket every third or fourth trip or so.

Kayak lists $191 for 3 weeks out, taking off at 9.40pm fri from denver and again at about the same time sunday night coming back. And you could always swap. Heck, at that price (or even lower for booking farther out) you could see each other *twice* a month- and build up FF miles while you did it.

Did I mention that there's public transit for about 12$ each way from waaaay north in / around denver, usually from a free or cheap park and ride lot- so even when you fly, you can snag an extra hour or so quiet study/ review/ nap time?

Plus, although you'll be apart, you can set a "phone date"- totally together phone time. You can schedule your study time around it. While it's not cooking and cleaning and laundry and nekkid time together, being scheduled means you don't miss it around study time with "well, we were both in the living room for 2 hours wednesday" type time together. Heck, you could even share the same meal halfway across the country- pizza and beer, or chinese take out, or even just easy lazy pasta and sauce... and eat and talk. If you both have skype or use the same cell network, it won't even cost you long distance.

-j.
 

VAgirl

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No-one has said the first thing on my mind when reading your post, though - what does your soon-to-be fiance think? He's part of this relationship too... he must have an opinion. Most likely it's "I want you to be happy", but if you dig deeper, what does he really think about the various options?

Oh oh!! I meant to say that, too, but forgot when crafting my post. :p
 

Steelmagghia

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From what I've been reading from your other posts, you have a really strong personality. I'm assuming from this post that you also have a really strong relationship as well.
The thing is, I think you and your soon-to-be fiancee could survive the distance. I also think that if he is anywhere near as awesome as you are that he is likely to make it into the Denver school on transfer.
So I don't think that going to CSU will be as difficult to work out as you are stressing about.

HOWEVER, if you really feel like it won't work out or that you will regret going to CSU, then don't go. Do the public health thing and apply next year. Just don't do that because you feel like it is your only option. I really think you will be okay going to vet school and that you will work things out with your boy.
Also, it is possible that he could transfer to a school closer to Colorado but not necessarily in Colorado. I mean, there are med schools in practically every state, so he is somewhat more mobile.

My aunt did a lot of transferring in med school (she's a D.O....graduated from UCLA, though). Talk to your boyfriend/fiancee about it. See if he is as worried as you are or if he really has a preference.

I really beleive you will be fine, though.

And this is coming from the girl who BROKE OFF a three year engagement, so if I have confidence in you keeping everything together, that is a really good sign. :)

I don't know if I can help or anything, but I can give you a perspective on the whole medical school business, too, if you need it or ask my aunt some questions. PM me if you want.

Good luck!
 

DVMorBust

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I don't know how long you can hang onto your acceptance (within the realm of indecision) but I had another thought - you say that you just bought the ring the other day, and then you made this post on SDN.

I don't know you, and I don't know your situation or how long you've been thinking about not going to vet school this year - but I did get married less than a year ago, and remember the engagement well. No matter how solid your relationship is (and it sounds like it's solid), it can be a roller coaster of emotions at times. Which is why I bring up my next point.

If it's at all possible, I would wait and not stress out about making this decision right this minute - enjoy the fact that you're getting engaged for a few weeks without stressing about what that means for the future. Emotions will even out, and you'll be able to approach the situation with all the facts.

Again, this might not apply to you guys, and it might not even be a possibility to wait a couple weeks...but, seriously - getting engaged is a big deal! And you'll be better equipped to make a decision that will be good for both you and your partner if you guys don't try to make two big life-changing decisions concurrently.

Go pop a bottle of champagne and don't think about this for the rest of today!
 
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I'm a little lurker...ha,ha...but with that being said, "Good for you Greenie!" As a non traditional who is starting vet school this fall, I think your decision is mature and it makes me smile to think of how hard all of us have worked to get to this goal and sometimes forget that our lives are going on.... I think you have the right idea by putting your SO first, and I say this coming from someone who put my significant other second for a few years while doing graduate work. Thank goodness I have a fabulous hubbie, but I can say that I have learned a lot through making mistakes along the way. Vet school is by far all of our dreams, but I think in order to be mentally and emotionally successful as well, that there must be a healthy balance. You seem to know what your "balance" is and I applaude you for making such a hard decision, whatever it may be. You've got to live your life, and remember that you don't get days back, so love the one your with! ha,ha,ha...Good Luck...You've got a great start to a bright future and happy marriage. Congrats on your impending engagment. I'm hitting 5 years of marriage and I wouldn't trade him for any degree. :love:
Thanks again everyone. I gave up Illinois and Purdue because I knew I wouldn't be as happy at those schools and would always be driving the 2 hours to come see him in Chicago, which could be pretty distracting. I didn't want the only reason for me going to a school, that I wasn't as fond of, to be because of him. I think it would have led me to be bitter about that decision (I've lived in big cities all my life and don't think I could handle a tiny tiny town- ft. collins is at least 120,000+ people). But- if he were there with me in this tiny town I don't think I'd have any problem going to one of those schools at all. For me, there's a huge difference between being able to live with someone and having a 2hr commute to be with them (esp with gas prices this high :eek:). This is the reason I chose CSU, long distance is long distance and not living together no matter which way you look at it, so I chose the place I think I'd be happiest because that's what matters in the end. I am pretty confident we could make the CSU thing work.

I think I did pretty well this application cycle, and I think that an MPH could only strengthen my application. It's not like I'm rejecting schools by saying that I want to stay with my SO for another year. In fact, I already contacted CSU about deferring to get my MPH back in January, but they said that they do not allow deferrals. But the point is- the explaination on VMCAS would be that I wasn't sure of how I'd fair in the application cycle that I decided to pursue an MPH because I honestly have become very interested in Public Health in the last year. How could any vet school take that against you? I know that vet school can be a crap shoot, but I think it'd be crazy if I didn't get in next year somewhere considering how consistent my results were (only got 1 rejection out of 6). There are lots of schools I didn't fully apply to this round that I would have liked to go too. Actually out of all the schools I applied to, I had one of the better chances at getting into CSU because I'm WICHE and they have a lot of spots for us there.

I agree with everyone on their points, it can be done, webcams are great things. I just feel like I have to be a bit of the devils advocate because no one has taken the other side yet! Or maybe that's an indication of what the decision should be, I'm just trying to help everyone understand the situation/options as best as I can.
 

greenie53

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what does your soon-to-be fiance think?

So, this is the soon-to-be fiance speaking:

To begin with, let me just say that I fully support Greenie going to CSU this year. Her decision to go to veterinary school over the last year has been fraught with uncertainty. She's been around me, a med student, and being around that much medicine for her, whether animal or human, has a tendency to make her antsy to get on with her own education. Although I was tempted to ask her to stay in Illinois or Purdue, I could tell the moment she came back from Colorado that the place was right for her. She loves the west, and CSU was second only to UC Davis for her. She enjoyed the town, and her description has made me love it as well. Perhaps if they accept me at Denver, she can make the next sacrifice and live closer to my school :) (they're an hour apart). The scariest part, of course, is the possibility that we will be apart for 3 years. However, I truly believe that she and I were made for each other, and that being apart for one year, and possibly three, will be bearable (if only just).

In regards to her waiting a year, I feel that a previous poster touched on an important topic in saying that AD committees may look unfavorably upon her taking a year off for any reason once accepted. While I feel that reality might not be so black and white as he/she put it, it is certainly a concern. In fact, it is probably my primary reason for not asking her to wait another year on top of the one she has already waited since graduating from undergrad. Additionally, she could go to U of I or Purdue, but the medical school in Urbana is actually very small, and not well suited for clinical rotations. As for Purdue, I wouldn't want to transfer due to the massive expense (compared to just driving back and forth).

Basically, the only way in which I would ever really encourage her to wait a year is:
A. if she really, really wants to do public health
B. doesn't mind the extra year
C. if she can get a few assurances from some vet schools that they will not hold it against her for waiting/reapplying once accepted.

Honestly, I don't feel that any of these three points are the case. As such, I am fully behind her going to CSU, and our trying to make the best of it. Thanks for all your responses, she loves this groupthink stuff.

-The boyfriend/fiance
 

Rebeki

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Greenie, You should listen to your BF/Fiance - He sounds like a very smart and supportive guy:)

I know that I've had moments of fear and doubt about having a long distance marriage for vet school. To me it sounds like you could be having one of those moments. It's a scary decision no matter how strong your relationship is, but I'm sure I made the right decision and that you will too. Try not to let the moments of doubt/fear get to you, focus on the long-term and four years will be over in the blink of an eye. Best of luck to you in whatever decision you make:luck:
 

hoodle

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Hello, boyfriend/fiance! You sound really great. congrats to the two of you! just keep talking about everything. you'll figure out what will work for you both, and it sounds like your priorities are aligned and in sync.
 

Habibti

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To clarify, I was saying that, even if he were allowed to transfer, that would only guarantee you two years together (his third and fourth years). His third year will be extremely busy, so even living together doesn't guarantee any quality time together (or a huge amount of time together period). After that, the match could take him anywhere and you could again be looking at long-distance.
 

VAgirl

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I agree...BF/Fiance sounds like a keeper! :thumbup: (And welcome to our forums, Mr. Greenie :p)
 

carrbear21

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Things happen how they are supposed to. No reason for either of you to give up pursuing your dreams AND stay together. You can do it! It may not be easy but nothing worthwhile is ever easy:p
 

FlyOnTheWall

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How about some positives for CSU and distance?

DEN to CHI is a direct flight route. You can fly out friday night and back in sunday night, and you have at least three hours on the plane each way guaranteed study time- Plus all the time between getting thru security and getting on the plane! It's also a popular route for volunteer bumps, so you could prolly snag a free ticket every third or fourth trip or so.

Some great posts on this one! As a CSU AdCom all I can say for sure is that we want someone with your maturity in this upcoming class! Two professionals will always have issues juggling jobs and two careers so get used to it.. but you two sound really strong. The Den-Chicago commute is a piece of cake. I'll bet quality time together will be as good as if the SO was at University Hospital in Denver.

Good luck!
 
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veggirl

Sounds like Mr. Greenie has the right idea about things! Obviously he understands about the importance of accomplishing your career goals and the possible regrets if you turn away from such a wonderful opportunity. It also sounds like he supports you wonderfully....especially if he is willing to transfer for you! So you have nothing to worry about! Being apart from someone can be a great thing for a relationship too! The next several years may be hard at times, but they can also be exciting and fun! Think about how you will feel when you finish a long hard semester and get to spend several weeks with him at the end of it all. Not only do you get to concentrate on school the whole time you are there because you won't have to juggle vet school and a relationship at home, but you it will be that much better when you do get to see each other! You just have to focus on the future and the way it will be when you have the job AND the man of your dreams everyday!

Like others have said though, if you are indeed having second thoughts on your career choice...and wish to pursue the public health thing...then that is another story. I don't know what your heart desires, but just know that not all relationships are doomed when you add distance to the mix....it is just another test like everything else in life. :p
 

twelvetigers

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I would talk with someone at CSU about it if you still want to go there (and plan on reapplying there)... I wasn't sure if this was what you had in mind since you liked it so much there... but as long as you've thought it through, good luck with whatever you choose. The mister sounds quite nice. :)
 
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mbv

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Will waiting another year and living in Chicago affect your Arizona residency at all? It would be really upsetting if you couldn't get re-certified for WICHE after giving up a for-sure spot at CSU.

Just something to think about.
I know it's possible to live someplace and be a resident elsewhere (I'm doing it! Washington resident living/working in Massachusetts), but it can be a pain and I don't know the Arizona laws or your dependency situation.
In Arizona, do you have to go back and practice in AZ after graduation to get WICHE funding? I know you do for New Mexico so I'm just curious.
 

greenie53

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Thank you again to everyone for posting a variety of opinions. I cannot express how much it helps! Well it seems as though the decision has been made, which is to stick it out and go for CSU this year. I have decided this is the most logical path, although it will be a difficult one. All of the marriage talk recently just freaked me out in the sense that I had chosen to go to a vet school far away and I wouldn't be giving the relationship "my all." As you all can tell, he is an amazing and caring guy. It just saddens me to be separated from him. :( But, we will make the best of the situation and visit frequently (I have actually found some plane tickets as cheap as $130) because we are determined to make this work. "Mr Greenie" thanks you all as well for the kind comments and helpful advice! :) Thank you again, you all are so wonderful and I wouldn't know what to do without my SDN friends :love:
 

greenie53

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In Arizona, do you have to go back and practice in AZ after graduation to get WICHE funding?

As long as I still have my AZ license, AZ voter registration, etc, I will still be an Arizona resident. Yes, if I do get funding (they do not even guarantee that), then I either have to go back and practice in AZ or pay them back $$$.
 

pupsforseeing

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It sounds like you've already made up your mind, but I wanted to add my 2 cents for people who may be in similar situations. For completely different reasons, I have declined admission to vet school this year and will be re-applying next cycle. I filed a petition for deferrment at UC Davis and it was denied (they only allow it for medical circumstances beyond your control). However, I was told that they understood my reasons for declining, would note my past acceptance on future applications, and would not hold my declining against me. It was a really tough decision, but I've decided to go through with declining acceptance. We'll see how it works out next time around :) But, either way, I am really happy with my decision and know that this is the best decision for me at this point in my life.

Some may say I am making a huge mistake, that these doors don't always open twice, etc, etc. But, I know that I am not ready to start vet school, and will not have another chance in the foreseeable future to pursue the things I will be doing this coming year. And, if I started vet school this upcoming year, I would always ask "What if...?"
 

greenie53

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"What if...?"

Yeah, those two words are killers lol. "What if" has both gotten me in a lot of trouble and led to some wonderful things in the past. Who knows how things would have worked out if I had tried my original idea. I personally do not think the results would have been as bad as some claim, but there is of course no way of knowing. People should always remember though that there are other things in life that are very important, and hopefully people will not become so overwhelmed and single-minded towards any professional degree but remember to cherish the little things in life. =)
 

CalpardNY

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For completely different reasons, I have declined admission to vet school this year and will be re-applying next cycle.

Not to change the topic totally (sorry Greenie) but Pups - didn't you defer Penn? What happened with that?
 
V

veggirl

Greenie - wonderful choice! I'm glad you have made up your mind and seem to be happy with it! If I get into UGA, I will be moving away from my hubby too (he is in dental school and has 2 more years to go). We can make a support group or something :D Good luck to you and your fiance! Although it sounds like you both will be fine!

Pupsforseeing - I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out for you this year. I can't imagine having to make such a difficult choice as turning down vet school! It takes a lot of discipline to do what you are doing! I certainly wish you good luck this year and I hope you find what you are looking for! Here's to the class of 2013! :luck:
 

pupsforseeing

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Not to change the topic totally (sorry Greenie) but Pups - didn't you defer Penn? What happened with that?

I did defer Penn, but declined UC Davis (my first choice). I will be re-applying to Davis for the upcoming cycle.
 
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