having (breakup related) feelings, help

[pepes1lv1a]

My (former) SO just ended our 7-month relationship. He's an overseas student doing a program where he does 3rd/4th year in the US, just got back from a random mandatory 2-month stint over there, and is leaving for a 6-week away rotation tomorrow. I've been finishing my M1 year in the same city where all his rotations are. The time apart has taken a toll, and he's halfway through his 4th year wanting to do residency far far away so breaking up makes sense and is probably the adult thing to do, but I'm just devastated. Before I was dating this guy, being a doctor was all I wanted. Now I have these weird feelings about wanting a family life someday and it's all very disconcerting. Popping out babies was never part of the plan and now it kind of feels like this part of me I never knew existed got crushed.

I will be the first to admit I'm stupid about relationships and I know this isn't an unsurprising development. I also can't help but feel really angry at how all-consuming medical school is and hopeless about being meeting anyone over the next few years. I guess I just tend to be happier and more stable when I'm in a relationship, and I'm worried this is it for dating in med school (because it sure as hell isn't going to happen with anyone in my class...I love those sons of bitches but I really don't want to date any of em). Does anyone have any advice? Am I resigned to being a sad lonely med student until I finally become a sad lonely resident? How do you (as med students) find ways to be happy on your own?

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[ERK123]

Jameson

 

[pepes1lv1a]

I'm more of a bourbon drinker but especially after the last few fights we had, I'm beginning to think it was part of the problem

 

[zeppelinpage4]

You'll need time to recover, give yourself that. But, don't lose hope in meeting someone in the next few years (you never know when you'll meet the next person you date).

There are certainly opportunities to meet new people (outside of your class) in med school. You have vacations, breaks, weekends, all of which can be used to go out or do activities you enjoy in groups (local sports teams, clubs, interest groups). It takes a little extra effort to do. But without a significant other, you likely have some extra time to reach out more and do new things. In that process you meet new people, some of whom you might see potential for dating. Even if you don't meet someone, it could help you develop a support system and get your mind off of what happened.
There's also meeting new people through mutual friends. And most grad and med students I know use online dating sites now, so you could give that a try.
Basically, those are the things I'd suggest if you want to meet new people. It is harder to do in med school, but it's not impossible.
And who knows, you might find a connection with a classmate in the future, even if you aren't interested now.

And if you're going to be a single student/resident, do you want to be sad and lonely too? It's tough, I know the feeling. Some days just working away, it's isolating. But in the process of going out of your way to meet people, and doing the things you enjoy and reaching out to friends, you might find yourself feeling quite content and happy in a way you never expected (while being single). That way, meeting someone would be icing on the cake.

I say this as someone who also got dumped end of MS1 (my relationship was around 7 months too). So I feel your pain a little bit. Trust me when I say, it hit me hard. But my friends stepped in, I continued on with second year, and somehow I started to recover. I may still not be 100%, but a lot better than I was a year ago.

Hang in there and take it day by day for now. Wish you all the best!

P.s. To answer, things that make me happy, good support system and working out. Both can help a lot.

 

[petyr_baelish]

Step 1) Make yourself hot and be totally selfish. Focus on YOU.
Step 2) Make an online dating profile. It's convenient, expands your dating circle exponentially and is a great ego boost when you are in your jammies after an all-nighter.
Step 3) Meet the love of your life, get married, have a baby, and look back on this time 5 years from now and wonder why you didn't just enjoy being single, since it all worked out anyway and much faster than you ever thought it would.

 

[pepes1lv1a]

Thanks guys. Reading these helps.

 

[drmak89]

As someone mentioned above you absolutely need to be good to yourself. There is nothing stupid about feeling the way that you do. You ended a relationship. Take the time needed to heal and mourn that. Do little things that make you happy and get into any hobbies (which tend to fall to wayside if your in a relationship).

Especially with first year wrapping up, part of the healing process may be to get out and explore your city more. Go out and do the best you can to have fun.. Even if it isn't to find your next SO, it will remind you that there are options out there.

 

[Infinite grace]

My (former) SO just ended our 7-month relationship. He's an overseas student doing a program where he does 3rd/4th year in the US, just got back from a random mandatory 2-month stint over there, and is leaving for a 6-week away rotation tomorrow. I've been finishing my M1 year in the same city where all his rotations are. The time apart has taken a toll, and he's halfway through his 4th year wanting to do residency far far away so breaking up makes sense and is probably the adult thing to do, but I'm just devastated. Before I was dating this guy, being a doctor was all I wanted. Now I have these weird feelings about wanting a family life someday and it's all very disconcerting. Popping out babies was never part of the plan and now it kind of feels like this part of me I never knew existed got crushed.

I will be the first to admit I'm stupid about relationships and I know this isn't an unsurprising development. I also can't help but feel really angry at how all-consuming medical school is and hopeless about being meeting anyone over the next few years. I guess I just tend to be happier and more stable when I'm in a relationship, and I'm worried this is it for dating in med school (because it sure as hell isn't going to happen with anyone in my class...I love those sons of bitches but I really don't want to date any of em). Does anyone have any advice? Am I resigned to being a sad lonely med student until I finally become a sad lonely resident? How do you (as med students) find ways to be happy on your own?

 

[Infinite grace]

Some one who just broke up asked a great saint,What can be more worse than losing a boyfriend?
He replied,The most worst thing is losing your confidence that you will find another one.
Cheer up,Life is full of infinite possibilities,it is amazingly wonderful to live each day fresh ,like opening a new wrapped gift box everyday.
Past is a happening,it happened and it is done,present is what we have,future depends on our present.
If we keep brooding on the past in the present,future will be the same ,brooding on the past.
So ,Live life with a purpose ,joy and happiness.

 

[seminoma]

Fresh new batch of M1s coming in a few weeks. Sure you'll find at least one that you like.

 

[JM26]

Heartbreak sucks but you will find someone new. Even widows and widowers have found love again. Focus on your own health right now.

 

[red leader]

7 months...

Date someone outside medicine?

 

[TheShowGoesOn]

Listen to The Weeknd, preferably his older Mixtapes (Echoes of Silence, House of Balloons, Thursday), cry and get in your 'feels', realize there are people in much worse situations than you, keep your chin up, focus on things that matter- you only dated the guy for 7 months, people bounce back from much more time-invested relationships. Be happy things ended now and not later on in your career.

 

[mspeedwagon]

First, let me confess that I tend to be very blunt in most matters so here is my take. I will say that any break-up hurts and I am sorry that you are going through one. If you want to talk about specific, PM and reach out and I'll be happy to offer you support through the process, especially if this is one of your first.

But, 7-months is not a terribly long relationship. It sounds like part of that was actually spent apart. So, best to end things before they become more serious.

I actually feel that your former SO was looking for a way to end things. He didn't see the relationship working out. His reasoning is totally ridiculous. Him wanting to do residency far away, and him starting at residency far away are two different concepts. For all you know, he could end up in residency right in your back yard. Hoops like that are normally jumped when they are come to, not far in advance of it. Men are terrible at break-ups in general though. Sounds like he was attempting to preserve your feelings and come up with an excuse.

If you want to, you will one day pop out babies. It takes sperm fertilizing an egg in you. It can be a different guy in the future. Doesn't have to be your ex. I'm sure you knew that ;-).

And don't rule out your classmates. You definitely share similar interests (hence being med students) and 10 yrs later, some of the best relationships from my college are people that married within the college. I had your attitude in college... I love my classmates, but no. I wish I was older and wiser about it all.

 

[pepes1lv1a]

I actually feel that your former SO was looking for a way to end things. He didn't see the relationship working out. His reasoning is totally ridiculous. Him wanting to do residency far away, and him starting at residency far away are two different concepts. For all you know, he could end up in residency right in your back yard. Hoops like that are normally jumped when they are come to, not far in advance of it. Men are terrible at break-ups in general though. Sounds like he was attempting to preserve your feelings and come up with an excuse.

You might be right. I have been struggling this past week with not dwelling on what I could have done differently. It is an exhausting mental calculus to try and avoid the simplest explanation that he just wasn't into me anymore, which you probably just hit on.