Having serious doubts about being in med school

[portlandcity]

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NOW.


great discussion on this thread [for casual reflection] + anecdotals, all of which should be disregarded.

go talk with a professional on an issue this complicated.
signs of genuine depression.

 

[Marley09]

Quick question:

What's the deal with licensing and these "mental diagnoses"? Can they go through your medical record or are they restricted by confidentiality?

 

[Ana82]

Med school SUCKS I hate it!!!! blah blah blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!

I'm going to go home and cry now.

 

[Frogmed]

I went through alot of what the original poster is going through. I have a child. I was getting up at 2a.m. to study so I could spend 1hr w/ her before school, after school and dinner. I was worn out and stressed out. After failing my first test block, I went straight to the psych dept. They helped alot by reassuring me that I was smart enough and gave me antianxiety meds. The meds helped alot. I was so stressed I really couldn't study affectively. The next month, I felt like a completely different person and used the antianxiety early in the morning b/4 the test block.

Although I got over the anxiety, I was still completely worn out by the end of 2nd year. As I studied for step 1, I strongly considered quitting. Now, I am very glad I didn't. You mentioned a 3rd yr doing 18hrs on a rotation...hum that is very strange. At my school, the only time you do long hours like that is when you are on call. Call is usually 2 or 3 rotations and once a week to once a month. If your school is requiring 18hrs on most or all rotations, I strongly suggest doing 3rd yr rotations away! That is crazy. I got a little depressed 3rd yr b/c I was sick of cynical residents. I got so tired of hearing them gripe about patients. It really made me feel like I didn't belong in medicine b/c I truely care about patients. I started to fear I would turn into those cranky residents who found patients a huge burden.

4th year is much better and has been a breath of fresh air. I want to do EM and all the EM residents seem to be very laid back. I'm looking forward to residency b/c I know I'll learn so much. The thought of long hours in residency does'nt worry me. I know why I'm doing all of this and truely feel like I have a purpose.

 

[The Angriest Bird]

Hi, I would love to help but I want you to answer me a question with honesty:

Are you doing all of these to 1) just passing the classes or to 2) make very impressive grades?

If 1) Quitting medicine may not be a bad idea (not being sarcastice of course)

If 2), you need to hear the rest of the story before making any serious decisions

 

[Ana82]

I've had it way worse than you. 50 times worse than you. PM me if you want, you won't believe what I've gone through, trust me LOL.

Hang in there

Hi everyone - not sure if this will turn out to be a "request for advice" or "just listen to me vent" post, but in either case, thanks in advance for reading.

I'm in my first year, and am really starting to question if this is for me.
All my life, this is what I thought I wanted, and the thought of helping people is still what is so appealing to me. But I'm starting to realize that these dreams were formed when I was very young and impressionable - and before I had a clue what med school and the medical profession is actually about.

I do not get much of a thrill out of the material I'm learning. I am INCREDIBLY stressed out most of the time. When I came back after winter break, I literally could not study or get out of bed for almost 2 weeks. As a result I failed my first class and probably have to take that again over the summer, which will wreak havoc with my summer plans to travel and work in a lab.

A friend is a 3rd year, and I see the 18 (or more) hour days she puts in in her rotations, and I'm just absolutely dreading it. Then I've got residency to look forward to! And it's not like my actual career with it's hours, time on call, bureaucracy, insurance, etc. will be a picnic.

My friends all know (or knew) me as an upbeat, friendly person, and I have heard from least 4 people about how "different" I am now. I'm miserable, boring, and depressed. The only thing I EVER do is study. I've just canceled my weekend plans for this weekend, and had to do the same for the previous 4 (not that I had plans for 5 weekends in a row - all I want to do is have a friend visit for ONE weekend but I have to keep canceling on her).

My parents want me to drop out, or at least take time off. This is partly due to them watching a similar thing happen to my older sister a couple years ago when she was in med school - she became clinically depressed and possibly suicidal. She's still "on a break". Understandably, my parents fear for my safety.

One part of me says that "quitting is not an option, this is what I've always wanted." But the other part yearns for a normal life. A friend who is a lawyer (and works at a DA's office, so no long hours) told me "law school sucks, but it's only a couple years" - you are making a commitment that is going to last 8-12 years, and possibly your whole life. If I take another long vacation in my life, I'll consider myself lucky.

Med school has already destroyed my relationship with the man I thought I would marry. Now I know that getting into another relationship is just not an option. I am pretty certain I'll never get married.

I really just want a normal life. I really don't even talk to many of my friends anymore because when I do, I get so incredibly jealous and depressed that they are doing the things I used to do - go out, eat at nice restaurants, travel, date.

Why does med school have to be like this? Isn't it just so obvious that it's unhealthy for the students?

One other thing is that other than my time, I have no investment in this. I'm lucky enough that my parents are well-off enough to absorb the cost thus far. They have always made it clear that they would not support me once I moved out and I'd have to get a job, but now they are so worried about me that they are begging me to pay for the expenses I've incurred so far.


So, for the first time in about 12 years, I'm having serious doubts about this. The main problem is I have no idea what I would do otherwise. Pharmacy doesn't really appeal to me - what does is the one on one relationship that I can have with a patient, and the care I can give. I do have other (completely different) interests, like fashion and film, but it's just impossible to imagine going from something as important and serious as medicine to something as superficial as fashion. Know what I mean?

Anyway, I'm just asking for any support, advice, or encouragement. I know the common response is "suck it up", and "yeah, it sucks but you'll get through it", but at some point, for some people, it's just not for them - right?


Thanks so much for reading - this is much longer than I intended it to be, but virtually any comment you might have will be greatly appreciated. When is dropping out really a legitimate option?

 

[248934]

I remember being told that a large portion (over half) of medical students feel bummed out at some point during their training, whether it requires counseling or not. It's also a natural response to a high-stress environment.

Most of the people I knew who hated medical school were the younger ones, likely straight out of college. Not to generalize, but I assume that none of them had actually held long-term jobs. Medical school may seem crappy, but if you like science and can even consider yourself able to take care of other people's health, it's certainly better than being out of a job. And it's what you make of it.

If you really hate medical school, seriously consider what else you think you could actually be doing instead and consider a possibility to do a career change. It may be ugly initially, but you may be happier.

I've seen too many people who hated medicine who went ahead to finish, and even go into residency, griping all the way through. The sad part is that they are all qualified to be a doctors, but I don't think it's right for them to take up such a prestigious training spot while complaining about how horrible their lives are. There are a couple thousand other people who'd want to be in your spot.

 

[d1ony5u5]

jv1983,

I am in no position to offer you any other advice but this (since I'm merely an aspiring pre-med):

Think about what your day would be if you had a regular 9-5 job that wasn't in the medical field. Would it be filled with friends wanting to discuss their lives with you; so many dinner parties that you would have to turn most of them down; figuring out ways to evade potential wooers?

I really don't mean this in a condescending way, I'm just trying to get a point across: I am on the opposite situation you are in, I'm outside the medical field trying to get in. I have a significant other, I have a good job that pays relatively well, leisure time to watch movies, go to restaurants, enjoy life. And yet, I find myself occupying most of that free time looking up medical stuff, researching schools, etc. I am not incredibly happy with my life as it is. It feels incomplete. It feels that even though by most standards I should be very happy, I am not. After a lot of soul searching, I know that feeling stems from not being able to do exactly what I want, which is to use knowledge to help people (I know, sounds cheesy).

I tell you this because I think we have at least one thing in common: an interest in medicine. Think about why you went into medicine in the first place (not about the things that suck once you are in). Think long and hard, because the decision you ultimately make could be your biggest regret or your biggest joy. Figure out what the specific reason for you to be where you are is, and decide if that is worth making sacrifices for...

It would be sad for you to end up in my present situation after quitting. To have all the things you want now, but to feel incomplete... This may not even be the case for you, but make your decision carefully.

Good luck. I think you'll make the best decision for yourself.

 

[maceo]

jv1983,

I am in no position to offer you any other advice but this (since I'm merely an aspiring pre-med):

Think about what your day would be if you had a regular 9-5 job that wasn't in the medical field. Would it be filled with friends wanting to discuss their lives with you; so many dinner parties that you would have to turn most of them down; figuring out ways to evade potential wooers?

I really don't mean this in a condescending way, I'm just trying to get a point across: I am on the opposite situation you are in, I'm outside the medical field trying to get in. I have a significant other, I have a good job that pays relatively well, leisure time to watch movies, go to restaurants, enjoy life. And yet, I find myself occupying most of that free time looking up medical stuff, researching schools, etc. I am not incredibly happy with my life as it is. It feels incomplete. It feels that even though by most standards I should be very happy, I am not. After a lot of soul searching, I know that feeling stems from not being able to do exactly what I want, which is to use knowledge to help people (I know, sounds cheesy).

I tell you this because I think we have at least one thing in common: an interest in medicine. Think about why you went into medicine in the first place (not about the things that suck once you are in). Think long and hard, because the decision you ultimately make could be your biggest regret or your biggest joy. Figure out what the specific reason for you to be where you are is, and decide if that is worth making sacrifices for...

It would be sad for you to end up in my present situation after quitting. To have all the things you want now, but to feel incomplete... This may not even be the case for you, but make your decision carefully.

Good luck. I think you'll make the best decision for yourself.

hey man

you think your life sucks?

wait until you get into medical school and residency.

You aint seen nothing yet. ha ha ha

look back at this post after you get in or maybe third year..

 

[CuriousKat]

I went through alot of what the original poster is going through. I have a child. I was getting up at 2a.m. to study so I could spend 1hr w/ her before school, after school and dinner. I was worn out and stressed out. After failing my first test block, I went straight to the psych dept. They helped alot by reassuring me that I was smart enough and gave me antianxiety meds. The meds helped alot. I was so stressed I really couldn't study affectively. The next month, I felt like a completely different person and used the antianxiety early in the morning b/4 the test block.

Although I got over the anxiety, I was still completely worn out by the end of 2nd year. As I studied for step 1, I strongly considered quitting. Now, I am very glad I didn't. You mentioned a 3rd yr doing 18hrs on a rotation...hum that is very strange. At my school, the only time you do long hours like that is when you are on call. Call is usually 2 or 3 rotations and once a week to once a month. If your school is requiring 18hrs on most or all rotations, I strongly suggest doing 3rd yr rotations away! That is crazy. I got a little depressed 3rd yr b/c I was sick of synical residents. I got so tired of hearing them gripe about patients. It really made me feel like I didn't belong in medicine b/c I truely care about patients. I started to fear I would turn into those cranky residents who found patients a huge burden.

4th year is much better and has been a breath of fresh air. I want to do EM and all the EM residents seem to be very laid back. I'm looking forward to residency b/c I know I'll learn so much. The thought of long hours in residency does'nt worry me. I know why I'm doing all of this and truely feel like I have a purpose.

FYI- All of those cynical residents also claimed they "truley care(d) about patients" when they were at your stage of training.😉

You might want to revisit this thread in 12-18 months, your perspective may change somewhat (or completely).

 

[sirius08]

You might want to revisit this thread in 12-18 months, your perspective may change somewhat (or completely).

CuriousKat, what happened for you in that period of time that changed your perspective on patient care?

 

[HPSPpayissues]

hey man

you think your life sucks?

wait until you get into medical school and residency.

You aint seen nothing yet. ha ha ha

look back at this post after you get in or maybe third year..

Actually, being stuck in Iraq or Afghanistan for 15months cleaning craps would be somewhat worst 😉

 

[CuriousKat]

I'm pretty sure that he/she is referring to those kind of patients that are truly rude, the ones that don't want to comply with doctors orders and take care of themselves i.e. the obese patient that doesn't want to do anything to stop their bad habits that is leading to problems like diabetes consuming their life, the smoker who gets lung cancer and doesn't want to stop their habit of smoking, the patients that just are simply rude even and ungreatful on every level to you for even when you are doing your level best, the patients who cancel last minute but forget to call you, etc.

I could go on. But if you read anything about the residents on here and their blogs that some of them keep or otherwise look at the general residency forum, it is easy to get an idea of what this poster is talking about. Almost all of them say they wouldn't do it over because of issues like the above or because of the perceptions of people who automatically assume that doctors must be all rich and just taking advantage of them or the system or other similar situations. I won't go on here with all that I've heard residents and attendings say about medicine but there are a wide range of things that the poster was probably referring to and what I touched upon was probably not even the tip of the iceberg based on that has been posted on these forums in the past.

You are correct, you have just touched on the "tip of the iceberg." And the issues you mention are not just minor, rare circumstances; rather they represent issues that plague the practice of physicians on a daily basis throughout the day. Are you really just a pre-med? You have pretty good insight into several issues that make medicine...challenging.😉

At least you have some idea what you are getting yourself into.

 

[DrJosephKim]

There will always be pros/cons to clinical practice. You'll always meet rude or difficult patients. Hopefully that will be balanced by kind and gracious ones.

Medical school and residency training are settings where you will be pushed, stretched, and challenged physically, mentally, and emotionally. Make use of the personal and professional resources around you.

 

[maceo]

the problem is the default expectation is perfection and when that doesnt happen.. which is quite often... nobody is happy

 

[sirius08]

Read thoughts of attendings, residents, and medical students everywhere on here as much as you can so you understand the reality of medicine and what you are getting yourself into. Then if you can still say you want this, then it is worth going into. But don't go into a field as crazy as this one without knowing what you are locking yourself into because once you are in it is very hard to get out with more then 160k dollars of debt to pay off.

Thanks. I would be a nontraditional student, changing careers to go into medicine - so I've been trying to gather as much information as possible. I agree that the personal stories of people who have been through the process are most helpful.

 

[CanHasNaps]

Quick question:

What's the deal with licensing and these "mental diagnoses"? Can they go through your medical record or are they restricted by confidentiality?

I only know what we were told in class, but when you get your license in Florida, there is a part of the form that you have to disclose any previous psychiatric illnesses/hospitalizations. Supposedly there is a movement to have that part of the form removed, but someone who is a resident or attending may have better information (esp. because I believe that the amount of disclosure depends on the state that you are getting licensed in.)

 

[HottestGirlEver]

MEDICAL SCHOOL SUCKS!!! wah wah 🙁

 

[muireinin]

Ana82, is that you?

 

[kevster2001]

Step 1: Get some counseling
Step 2: Take a yr break
Step 3: Quit


If you succeed in not being depressed, do not proceed to the next step.

 

[slacker0429]

Maybe posting on SDN is not the best place. It seems like most people who are responding are a bunch of dicks anyways. They are the gunners and *******s of ur class. Who even if they failed a class or feel depress, refuse to admit it.

Feeling this way is NATURAL. I know plenty of students, including myself, who have felt/feel that way you do now. Med school is a depressing lifestyle if you can even call it a "lifestyle" . Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling this way, and that there are others out there feeling just the way you do, who are going through everything you are. You are not crazy, or need medication, or "sick".

I thnk there should be a support group thread set up for all the medstudents out there who need to know that you are not alone in your struggles, that you're not the only one in your class feeeling this way.

 

[Orthodoc40]

(^^^ adorable avatar!!)

Anyway, along the lines of gujuDoc's suggestions, try this on for some reality 😱 :
(Warning - this has some language that may be offensive to some...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA1Oe_akC_0

 

[michaelrack]

Quick question:

What's the deal with licensing and these "mental diagnoses"? Can they go through your medical record or are they restricted by confidentiality?

There is no confidentiality when it comes to medical licensing.

 

[Diablo2fan]

Dude I'm soooo with you.
After winter break I kind of skipped every other class except for quiz and test days. I'm just so sick of being confined in a hot classroom, and the little things piss me off more too. Anyways, we have to suck it up - speaking of which, I've been procrastinating for the past 5 hours surfing the web and eating food when I should be studying for my 2x tests next week. It never freaking ends...

 

[Isykitty]

How are you doing now OP? (what the heck does OP even mean lol)

I'm a med student too (2nd year) and I felt the same exact way you did. I even showed my brother (a pre-med) this thread and he said it sounded just like me. In addition to your woes I also have some sleep-onset insomnia. I absolutely hate staying awake for hours knowing that those precious hours are being "wasted." I should either be sleeping or studying and NOT lying in my bed sad and awake.

I know what you are going through. It sucks!!!! Just gotta look at the big picture like everyone else is saying. If you're worried about this upcoming test...then just think well I just need to do good on boards and this one test is not going to kill me. If you're worried about boards...then just think well I just need to do good on my rotations etc. Think in whatever way that will get you over the current hump. 😛

Also, St. John's Wort can really help you out. (of course the standard talk to your physician first blahblahblah). It helps your anxiety out, your depression, and even helps with insomnia 😴 supposedly. Try it out. The side effects don't seem to be as scary as some of the anti-depressants out there. It's real cheap like 6 bucks for a huge jar. 👍

Yikes...I didn't know about the permanent record thing for mental illnesses. That's so unfair. 1/4 med students are depressed and I think most of it is due to the situation we are in. This situation is NOT humane. 🙁 But EVERYONE tells me that it is so worth it in the end. Take this as a challenge for you to overcome. Just think how great that reward will be in the end. You EARNED IT with your blood sweat and tears!

 

[Mr hawkings]

I highly doubt by permanent record for mental illnesses, they are talking about things like depression.

My impression is that it is situations more like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, esp. cuz if people go off meds for these sorta things and relapse, someone else's life is in danger.

The usual things like depression and all that are common things all med students go through at one point or aother is something I highly doubt they'll count against you. See what I mean?

You wait till some malpratice lawyer tries to argue that because you've seen a professional for depression in the past, you may not have been mentally competent to to administer the treatment that killed his client's husband.
Once this argument is made, your malpractice insurance company may start to push for an out of court settlement.
Guess whos screwed then?

 

[CanHasNaps]

I think that there needs to be a clarification made between begin depressed about a situation or for a short period of time, and actually being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder or some other DSM-IV characterized illness. Everyone goes through the first at some point, but I believe that it is the second that may cause problems as far as licensing and malpractice situations.

 

[kell]

I would second the advice to get a counsellor that you can talk to regularly. In my experience, the first two years were the crappiest. After that, you get a chance to see if you'll really like medicine. And your clinical preceptors will never fail you unless you're a total idiot, or a total jerk. Not all medical schools are as intense as yours. You might want to look into the possibility of a transfer to a less "old-school" institution where you wouldn't have to worry yourself sick. But, like another poster said, don't make any decisions in the middle of a crisis.
Kell

 

[saveourpens]

op, just reading your post, Id bet "your" problem has more to do with the effect your family has on you than any inner depression you may have. Id see a respected social worker.

 

[Mr hawkings]

Has this happened or are you just trying to present an extreme situation? If lawyers did that they'd have to take away the license of almost every physician because every physician has been depressed at one point in their life or another whether or not they've been on medication for it.

It Has happened and its not about taking your license away. Its about getting money out of your insurance company for a "victim".
Maybe its because i live in the most letigious state in the union but i'm guessing its not that different elswhere.

 

[Slack3r]

And what if you want a competitive specialty? I imagine you'd have to kill yourself for HP's then, eh?

I'm kinda feeling the same way now, and I haven't even graduated yet. 🙁

 

[vin5cent0]

I'm not in med school yet (knock on wood), so what I have to say is all second-hand info I've gotten from various physicians I've shadowed.

M1 and M2 should be "easy" as far as med school goes. There are some lectures you should go to, there are some you can easily blow off. When you blow one off, take that time to study. I've had quite a few physicians tell me they routinely skipped lectures and spent the day studying, and then had the entire night to themself. May I be lucky enough to get into medical school, I'll probably do the same thing - realize which classes are skippable, and skip them. You have to have a little time for yourself. It's hard to succeed in life if you're miserable.

 

[bcat85]

i think you might need to seek some professional help from a therapist or psychiatrist about this issue. i dont know what school that you and people like you goto, but so far my experience has been nothing like that. in fact, sometimes i just dont have enough material to study and wind up studying the same things again which is unnecessary or more often just not studying. i hang out with my friends every night for at least an hour before calling it a night because it helps me relax. eveyrone at my school can relate.
but in terms of stress, if i was you, id talk to someone. it cant hurt. you need a social life for your own mental health. med school shouldnt be that overwhelming that you cant go out. i go out and hang out with friends every weekend and am done studying by 3-4 oclock the latest. i go home somtimes on weekends which is an hour away and allow myself to get so distracted i wind up barely studying. and im still doing really well in classes. mayb you need to change your study habits as well. med school shouldnt ruin your relationships with anyone.

This is almost exactly what I thought. I'm sorry that this happened to you OP. i agree with everyone else that you need to go talk to someone about it. Maybe go to the dean of student affairs and see what he/she has to say about it. I don't know what schools have this kind of schedule, but mine definitely doesn't. I spend a lot of time studying of course... maybe until 8-9 every night, but I don't study straight through. I play bball and hang out with my friends a little during the day too. Try to take a step back and relax for a day once a week. You'll pass... really... almost everyone does. Just relax.

 

[gbu730]

seek medical treatments abroad.