help im stuck

[shroomhead]

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Can someone help me with this sentence?
My brain is fried. The wording is wrong. I know what I want to say but I can't find the words.

I will be able to interact more with faculty members on a personal and educational level to aid in my learning process. Help????

 

[piyi]

Perhaps you want to say something like "This will improve my eductional experience by allowing me to to interact with faculty on a more personal level."

I'm not sure if that's quite what you're going for though. Other suggestions, anyone?

 

[Farmercyst]

Can someone help me with this sentence?
My brain is fried. The wording is wrong. I know what I want to say but I can't find the words.

I will be able to interact more with faculty members on a personal and educational level to aid in my learning process. Help????

Two questions. What context is the sentence in? There are a few things you could do with it depending on the context of the statement.

Also have you submitted this to our new Writing Mentors in the mentor forum?

 

[shroomhead]

huh?

 

[shroomhead]

ohhh. that sounds great..just what I was looking for.. You SDNers are a such awesome help. =)

thx a bunch Piyi

 

[omnione]

Two questions. What context is the sentence in? There are a few things you could do with it depending on the context of the statement.

Also have you submitted this to our new Writing Mentors in the mentor forum?

I reviewed shroomhead's first draft and that sentence is in the context of an introductory paragraph that uses a stream-of-consciousness style to illustrate the emotional growth from rejection last year to this year's attempt at admission.

shroom, you don't want to figuratively "beat around the bush" by using too many token figurative statements like..........."beat around the bush".🙂 Adcoms aren't going to spend that much time reading your PS where they examine all your literary devices. It's good that you want to show creativity, but don't do it at the expense of getting your points across to the adcoms.

 

[shroomhead]

Can you pls elaborate on your comment. What to you mean by context? and "stream of consciousness" now im really confused. am I dumb????=(
I did not know iwas "beating round the bush"

 

[No1 Pusher]

Can you pls elaborate on your comment. What to you mean by context? and "stream of consciousness" now im really confused. am I dumb????=(
I did not know iwas "beating round the bush"

Well Shroomhead, you must take an IQ test to determine your intelligence.

How many languages do you speak? I think there are only 2 possible ways to why you are confused.

1) English is your second language.
2) English is your first language & you never paid attention in class.

1 or 2?

I myself speak 3 languages, English being the last I learned. It is relatively easy to adopt the english language although the rules of grammar are somewhat complicated. As you can see, I am typing in english but I dont understand what "stream of conciousness" is either. lol 😳 So don't feel bad for yourself. 🙂

 

[omnione]

To make things simple, here is the description for stream of consciousness writing style from Wikipedia:

"Stream-of-consciousness writing is usually regarded as a special form of interior monologue and is characterized by associative (and at times dissociative) leaps in syntax and punctuation that can make the prose difficult to follow, tracing a character's fragmentary thoughts and sensory feelings. Stream of consciousness and interior monologue are distinguished from dramatic monologue, where the speaker is addressing an audience or a third person, and is used chiefly in poetrydrama. In stream of consciousness, the speaker's thought processes are more often depicted as overheard in the mind (or addressed to oneself) and is primarily a fictional device. The term was first introduced to the field of literary studies from that of psychology by philosopher and psychologist William James, brother of the influential writer Henry James."

Basically shroom, your first paragraph was based on random thoughts in your mind about applying that you depicted in your statement. Your first paragraph sounded like you were talking to yourself in your mind but we could "hear it" by reading your statement. It's a creative device that is great when not overused.

Here's a LINK to the Wiki article for future reference.🙂