First of all, what you are experiencing is normal. Starting internship can be quite a shock, particularly if you are doing a difficult one (not all IM internships are created equally.) Many folks who will tell you to "suck it up" may have had much easier intern years, or perhaps they were fortunate to start on an easier rotation. Or perhaps they have already forgotten how bad it was for them, which happens after a few years of radiology residency. I recall a conversation I had with several other radiology residents when we were starting our orientation, comparing intern years and sharing horror stories. One hotshot mouthed off about how they didn't think intern year was all that hard. It later came to light that they had done one of the country's most infamously easy transitional years (something like 6 months outpatient electives.) Nothing at all like the big city county hospital grind we all experienced. So don't let anyone tell you that what you are feeling is not legitimate.
Second, please believe me that the year will go faster than you think. Time is relative, and when you finally get into a comfortable rhythm (it will happen) the time will start to fly. First you'll be wondering about how to organize a thanksgiving family visit between busy calls, then Christmas will come and go, and before you know it you'll be on your last few months. This will happen, trust me.
Finally, don't forget who you are. You have been found and tried worthy more times in your young life than most folks ever do. You have overcome challenges both formidable and numerous, and you WILL overcome this one. If you are struggling, then it is because you are faced with a difficult task, and you should not be expected to deal with that like some emotionless automaton. You are human- you get tired, you get nervous, you get stressed. If the people around you don't seem to feel this way (like your upper level residents) don't forget that they have had the time to adjust that you haven't, and that not everyone has the same experiences, and not everyone responds the same way to similar experiences. You'll have to find ways to deal with those side-effects of your demanding career, like protecting your time away from the hospital and maximizing those activities which bring you happiness and peace of mind.
Truthfully, there is a great deal of benefit to doing a tougher internship. You'll be much more deft at procedures, you'll be of greater value to your referring physicians, and perhaps most importantly you will really appreciate your new specialty (unlike many folks who have never had to experience the real grind that medicine/surgery have to deal with.) When spring comes around you'll start to feel your confidence growing, you'll be much less stressed by codes, middle of the night pages, procedures etc, and then it will be a downhill slope to your first day of radiology.
Let me end this rambling by writing one other important thing. Sometimes the stress that accompanies physician training is intensified by the feeling of being trapped- you've come all this way, and now you find the result unpleasant, maybe even downright awful. You are NOT trapped. You are smart, capable, and you live in the US. You make a choice everyday to continue your training, and no one can take that choice away from you. If you ever did come to the conclusion that you wanted out, you can make that choice, and you will still be successful and live an enjoyable life doing one of many, many other interesting and satisfying jobs. Once you realize this, that you are not a slave but instead a very valuable human being who chooses to undergo this rigorous training in order to learn to heal the sick, you may find that the day to day impossible tasks shrink back down to the annoyances that they really are, and the intern year which seems never ending is actually just a very challenging, but rather short, stumbling block on your way to success.
I hope you find some solace here, and hey, congrats on already almost being done with your first rotation.
