Help with AMCAS essay on Disadvantaged Status.

[addiekm07]

Here's what I wrote. I guess I just feel somewhat uncomfortable laying out my financial situation in writing. I dunno... Any thoughts?


I grew up in a small town of less than 400 people. We had no clinic in town; it was a half hour drive to the nearest hospital. Aside from getting required shots, I never went to check-ups. When I was sick, I stayed home. Unless bleeding or dying, you did not see a doctor. When I was 7, I woke during the night to find a neighbor in my house. While woodworking, my mother had severed her finger. There were no ambulances in town, so the neighbor drove her to the hospital and his wife stayed with me.
I also have had to overcome significant financial difficulties. When I was seventeen I became pregnant. I had no insurance to cover prenatal care. Luckily my mother and I had moved to a larger community two years prior. There was a clinic nearby where I received prenatal care on a sliding fee basis. I paid for my visits by working part time as a cashier. Once I turned eighteen I was able to apply for medical assistance to help with the birthing costs of my daughter. The first few years were the worst financially, but eventually things improved. My husband and I found better jobs and get off medical assistance. Then my company shutdown and our financial difficulties returned.

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[OwlPower22]

Here's what I wrote. I guess I just feel somewhat uncomfortable laying out my financial situation in writing. I dunno... Any thoughts?


I grew up in a small town of less than 400 people. We had no clinic in town; it was a half hour drive to the nearest hospital. Aside from getting required shots, I never went to check-ups. When I was sick, I stayed home. Unless bleeding or dying, you did not see a doctor. When I was 7, I woke during the night to find a neighbor in my house. While woodworking, my mother had severed her finger. There were no ambulances in town, so the neighbor drove her to the hospital and his wife stayed with me.
I also have had to overcome significant financial difficulties. When I was seventeen I became pregnant. I had no insurance to cover prenatal care. Luckily my mother and I had moved to a larger community two years prior. There was a clinic nearby where I received prenatal care on a sliding fee basis. I paid for my visits by working part time as a cashier. Once I turned eighteen I was able to apply for medical assistance to help with the birthing costs of my daughter. The first few years were the worst financially, but eventually things improved. My husband and I found better jobs and get off medical assistance. Then my company shutdown and our financial difficulties returned.

Wow that's quite a story. I think this story sets you apart from many applicants.

 

[411309]

I grew up in a small town of less than 400 people. We had no clinic in town; it was a half hour drive to the nearest hospital. Aside from getting required shots, I never went to check-ups. When I was sick, I stayed home. Unless bleeding or dying, you did not see a doctor. When I was 7, I woke during the night to find a neighbor in my house. While woodworking, my mother had severed her finger. There were no ambulances in town, so the neighbor drove her to the hospital and his wife stayed with me.
.

not going to lie, this part seems completely unimpressive to me. I grew up in a small town too, the hospital was 20-30 mins away and the only time i saw a doctor was for required shots. Honestly this sounds pretty normal to me from my area.

i dont think i ever did check ups either and im not disadvantaged or a minority.

 

[amaranth]

I wouldn't say that any part of this sounds unimpressive. Those are sort of harsh words to describe someone's life, but maybe you should go beyond the facts. State that you lived in a rural community with no local healthcare system and go further. Did you have financial difficulties growing up that contributed to this?

It sounds like you grew up in a single-parent home. That must be tough. Did you rely on state assistance? Were you in-charge of the household very often?

While many people might live in a rural area, not everyone lives in a rural area with the same situation as you. Make it just a little more personal. I shouldn't have to read between the lines.

 

[bad virus]

wow, touching story. I've read quite a few of these during adcom interviews. This one can really set you apart like someone else said. Just using touching words and try to play to the persons heart while you write. it already sounds like a tough situation.

Good luck.

 

[JiniInBottle]

I also need help with my Disadvantage status. If someone could please take a look at it. Thanks in advance.

As an immigrant, I have lived a financially difficult life. My parents initially worked for less than minimum wage, cleaning hotel rooms to provide food for the family. In middle school, my family was homeless and I lived with a relative for a semester until my parents managed to buy a small hotel business of their own with the help of bank loans. Although it is not a lucrative enterprise and my parents continue paying out-of-pocket to maintain it, I am thankful that I have a place to call home. My family is now naturalized, and despite earning less than $X a year, they resist accepting government financial assistance, believing that there are countless others in worse situations who could better utilize such money.
Nonetheless, I am fully satisfied with life and have learned to manage with however much I have. Coming to college, I was very grateful for assistance by way of Georgia's HOPE scholarship and federal grants and have worked hard to keep this educational support. If provided with assistance during medical school, I would certainly maintain a similarly diligent approach to my studies.

 

[kopssa]

Unfortunately it seems much harder then I expected to be able to write this disadvantaged essay! Please help with any suggestions on improving!

I was born the youngest of 3 children to a family that was already facing many challenges. By my second birthday my father disappeared and my brother passed away due to a brain disorder. My mother suffered from many medical problems and after this tough year my mother also started suffering from depression and social anxiety. This made it difficult for her to take care of my sister and me. Although my mom and her boyfriend tried to make ends meet, at about eight years me and my sister moved in with our grandparents until my parents could get more established. When we moved back with my mother we lived off of social security benefits. I also got a job as soon as I could to help with the finances. However, we still ended up losing our home my senior year of high school and I lived with friends that would take me in until I was able to leave for college and get an apartment on my own. I am proud of the hardships I have overcome and with the support of my friends and family I have been able to hold the title of being the first in my immediate family to attend a university. The challenges I have faced have only made me more motivated in achieving my goal of going into medicine and working with underserved populations.

 

[kopssa]

I also need help with my Disadvantage status. If someone could please take a look at it. Thanks in advance.

As an immigrant, I have lived a financially difficult life. My parents initially worked for less than minimum wage, cleaning hotel rooms to provide food for the family. In middle school, my family was homeless and I lived with a relative for a semester until my parents managed to buy a small hotel business of their own with the help of bank loans. Although it is not a lucrative enterprise and my parents continue paying out-of-pocket to maintain it, I am thankful that I have a place to call home. My family is now naturalized, and despite earning less than $X a year, they resist accepting government financial assistance, believing that there are countless others in worse situations who could better utilize such money.
Nonetheless, I am fully satisfied with life and have learned to manage with however much I have. Coming to college, I was very grateful for assistance by way of Georgia's HOPE scholarship and federal grants and have worked hard to keep this educational support. If provided with assistance during medical school, I would certainly maintain a similarly diligent approach to my studies.

JinilnBottle,

I really like your essay, especially the part where your parents did not receive help from the government. This really shows that they worked really hard rather then just receiving money from the government. My suggestion would be to add a little about any support that you have gotten (so it doesn't seem like you're portraying that you were able to do this all on your own).

 

[MedPR]

not going to lie, this part seems completely unimpressive to me. I grew up in a small town too, the hospital was 20-30 mins away and the only time i saw a doctor was for required shots. Honestly this sounds pretty normal to me from my area.

i dont think i ever did check ups either and im not disadvantaged or a minority.

Same here.

 

[Zahra Alburkat]

....

 

[charlie517]

nvm

 

[sympsonan]

Hello everyone,

I found the feedback about others disadvantaged status essay really helpful, and wondered if I could get some advice on mine:

My father was abusive and after 13 years my mother finally took my sister and I and left. It took 2 years to finalize the divorce and the legal costs drained our financial assets. I managed to graduate high school early as an honors student, but to cover the costs of college and contribute to the household I had to take a job working nights at the hospital as a full time lab assistant in addition to managing our working farm. I would sleep in the hallway outside of classes so that I could return to work that night. In my junior year of college my mother had a bad car accident which made it impossible for her to work I had to work more hours to keep our home, and finally my class attendance suffered so that I could maintain our livelihood. Over the next years I struggled to keep attending classes until we began to recover financially, and I was able to concentrate on my education. These experiences have motivated me to become a physician serving disadvantaged populations because of the financial struggles I've had to overcome. I am proud of my accomplishments and the obstacles that I've faced have only taught me how to be more successful in demanding circumstances.

 

[Tallon]

I have loved learning from all of you wonderful people, its rare that I ask for help, living the life I have had I am at a loss for how to express it professionally, especially being so open. I am not really sure how to go about talking about my past. I am open to any an all feedback.


I started life in California where my mom and dad believed in me and encouraged me to be anything I wanted. In school I won reading competitions, math contests, science fairs and pinewood derby competitions in boy scouts. My mom was my best friend and helped me study and focus, my dad was a loving man who always dreamed of the future and wanted the best for me.

At the age of 11 my mom developed a type of depression that began to shut down the production of many chemicals in her brain. This developed into a dark depression, shadowed in violent attempts of suicide and abuse from both parents, which has added significant contrast to who I am today. Often I would come home from school to find my mom face down and pale with wrists bleeding on the linoleum floor of the kitchen. I would come home from school every day wondering if today would be the day my mom would be dead, and if it was my fault. To make things worse, my dad couldn’t manage money and the stress on their marriage was so bad that they would lash out with malicious abuse inflicted on me and my siblings. I was told over and over that if I stressed out my mom, that I would kill her. Her sickness soon became all my fault in my father’s eyes.

My parents told me that if that if I told anyone what was going on at home, that men would come and take me away. I was locked in and couldn’t cry for help for fear of being taken. I had no chance to develop who I was and lost the chance for any advantages early on. I began to struggle in school, not knowing how to deal with what was going on at home. My dad looked over my report card and was furious, so much so that he began to call me stupid and worthless for the remainder of my childhood. I grew up believing that I was nothing, believing that I was the cause of my mother’s attempts to leave this earth, and that I was a financial burden to them.

My family truly did have nothing, we were being crushed under the weight of doctor bills and a family of 5 to feed. We couldn’t afford to go to the dentist, so I had to become very creative when extracting teeth. I started working at McDonalds at age 14 so I could buy shoes, school supply’s, lunch, and have an escape from home. I had a job all through Jr. High, and High School, I took pride in my work and was praised for my ability to take initiative and find creative solutions to problems. As I began to rebuild my self-esteem I became heavily involved in boy scouts, science, and art. I started winning art competitions at school and earning every merit badge possible. My favorites were; CPR, first aid, wood carving, and archery. The merit badges helped me realize that I truly could do anything. It was not long until I became an Eagle Scout. I began to excel at everything I put my mind to, and there is no subject that I didn’t want to learn. I involved myself in church which got me involved in serving others, this gave me the chance to share and use my new found talents. There is no better feeling then being in the service of someone who desperately needs it.

Early on I discovered the secret of hard work. At age 19 I decided to serve an LDS mission, I did so in underserved parts of Texas. I developed a deeper love for those around me a true understanding of what is meant to be a professional example. I returned home 2 years later, more mature and excited to start college. I had to leave college right in the middle of my first semester to help my struggling family. My mom was again in the psychiatric ward at the hospital, and my dad took up a job traveling state to state. My siblings were left home alone with no one to care for them, feed them, or help with their homework. I could not turn my back on my sisters and stay in school. I know that they needed me, because at their age I need someone like me. When I started college, a real start, I excelled in my course work. I still maintained a full time job, and have paid for my schooling out of pocket and remained debt free. I am the first in my family to peruse higher education. Dentistry is the perfect combination of art, science, and community service. I am someone who will better those around me and will excel in a professional challenging career. You can never escape the demons of your past, all you can do is rise above them.