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Article From the Make-believe Journal of Eradication of *****s Masquerading as Idiots
Latest studies have shown that tail-gaters and road bullies have one of 3 conditions: atesticular syndrome, testicular atrophy or testicular hypoplasia. Road rage and tail-gating behavior were found to be extremely high in these people due to non-existing testosterone, and sudden burst of testosterone levels precipitated these attacks on the general public. Usually, these outbursts were caused by herd mentality and alcohol/drug intoxication.
Theories of evolution (non-Freudian related) have suggested that tail-gaters view the front part of their car as the male genitalia, whereas the back of the car which they tail-gate as the posterior end of another male. Thus, by tail-gating, they are actually fantasizing about their non-existent phallus as well as automobile copulation.
Eradication of these conditions is difficult, because remnants of testicular material called testicutriosis (almost similar to endometriosis) exists in other parts of the bodies of many of these patients. For example, testicular material in the aqueous humor of the eyes causes sufferers to stare at ample chested women, testicular material in the palmar fascia causes sufferers to grope women and testicular material in the tongue causes sufferers to have outbursts of profanity.
However, there is a well documented surgical procedure called testicular-pull-through which has shown great promise to treat/eradicate road bullies/tail-gaters.
a) Firstly, obtain consent by force
b) Secondly, administer a cocktail of analgesia/anesthesia intrarectally via metal trocar.
c) If patient goes into apnea, do not intubate, as the benefit of the procedure to public health outweighs that of the risk to the patient. Actually, some literature suggests that permanent apnea may be preferred in severe cases
d) Next, through the oral cavity, reach way down and pull up testicle/testicular material, crushing them along the way
e) Once this is done, suture oral cavity with 3.0 Vicryl as at times, some of these patients have big mouths.
Latest studies have shown that tail-gaters and road bullies have one of 3 conditions: atesticular syndrome, testicular atrophy or testicular hypoplasia. Road rage and tail-gating behavior were found to be extremely high in these people due to non-existing testosterone, and sudden burst of testosterone levels precipitated these attacks on the general public. Usually, these outbursts were caused by herd mentality and alcohol/drug intoxication.
Theories of evolution (non-Freudian related) have suggested that tail-gaters view the front part of their car as the male genitalia, whereas the back of the car which they tail-gate as the posterior end of another male. Thus, by tail-gating, they are actually fantasizing about their non-existent phallus as well as automobile copulation.
Eradication of these conditions is difficult, because remnants of testicular material called testicutriosis (almost similar to endometriosis) exists in other parts of the bodies of many of these patients. For example, testicular material in the aqueous humor of the eyes causes sufferers to stare at ample chested women, testicular material in the palmar fascia causes sufferers to grope women and testicular material in the tongue causes sufferers to have outbursts of profanity.
However, there is a well documented surgical procedure called testicular-pull-through which has shown great promise to treat/eradicate road bullies/tail-gaters.
a) Firstly, obtain consent by force
b) Secondly, administer a cocktail of analgesia/anesthesia intrarectally via metal trocar.
c) If patient goes into apnea, do not intubate, as the benefit of the procedure to public health outweighs that of the risk to the patient. Actually, some literature suggests that permanent apnea may be preferred in severe cases
d) Next, through the oral cavity, reach way down and pull up testicle/testicular material, crushing them along the way
e) Once this is done, suture oral cavity with 3.0 Vicryl as at times, some of these patients have big mouths.
