How AdComs view significant others

[strawberifields]

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So I need your advice 😛

This question really stuck out to me when my boyfriend told me after his recent job interview (which he got) that he talked about me in a few responses to his interviewer's questions. I was kind of surprised, because I would imagine doing such a thing in a med school interview would be looked at as a negative. I'm not sure if this impression is founded or not. What do you guys think? Other details - I've only been out of undergrad for 2 years, so we're young. We are not married, and do not plan to marry, so I can't even "legitimize" it by saying "husband" ... although I practically consider him so. We live together, we're family.

This is particularly important when I'm writing secondaries "why a certain school" that is located in the state where his entire family lives. Seems like a really large tie to the area to not mention, but I don't want it to work against me....

Isn't it sad we have to worry so much about such stupid things!!

 

[DrMidlife]

I saw this yesterday: http://pewresearch.org/pubs/2034/co...d-90s-only-more-educated-benefit-economically. Educated cohabiting singles make more money than anybody else.

People on med school admissions committees cohabit too. They're mostly not all 85 year old cranky priests and nuns. I don't see anything wrong with citing family ties, just leave the details vague.

Best of luck to you.

 

[LifeTake2]

I think you have to know your audience.

a school in Massachusetts or the west coast, no problem. Alabama, probably keep it to yourself.

likewise a state school is no issue, but a jesuit school doesn't want to know you are fornicating (even if half the adcoms are too).

 

[dmf2682]

To put a wrinkle on that question, what would you do, if anything, if your wife was applying for a position as an attending at the same place as your interview?

 

[SisterDisco08]

I know last cycle a school that doesn't ordinarily take OOS students accepted an OOSer because (I'm sure among other qualifications) her SO was already accepted by them

Some schools take the position that they want to invest in OOSers who would have the most reason to stick around.

 

[vc7777]

My wife's employer (aka "The Mothership") was (at the time) located in Indianapolis, and that was the only link (besides one summer I spent there for a summer nternship many moons ago) to IU. It turned out very well, considering they are a "xenophobic" school.

Also, as a thought, I think you have to remind yourself that most medical school are attached to large hospitals and academic universities. They pull people from across the country/world - many having spent a lot of time elsewhere. I don't think they tend to be representative of the local culture/population. There probably tends to be a regression to moderate/centrist beliefs or at least tolerance at these places.

I also think having an SO with ties to the location is a legitimate reason to consider a school. And if it is true, then why not say it?

Finally, most interviewers are not young. Many are married, and not shockingly have probably dealt with similar issues in their own lives. I think they tend to be more sympathetic to the issues of nontrads sometimes.

 

[Quizlet04]

Heh, be glad that you can at least use a socially-acceptable term for your SO. I'm a legally-married female who legally-married (redundant, I know) another female. She is, legally and emotionally, my wife. However, I am betting that if they ask what my husband does, I'll get to pretend that my wife is a man so as not to threaten or upset the precious little adcom.

A lot of people, regardless of their external political views or official policies on non-discrimination, still dislike that teh gayz can marry (see signature). And if they are okay, in theory, with a legal partnership, the words wife or husband are still off-limits. It's a catch 22: I risk bias by being honest, but expulsion if I "lie" and say I have a husband with male pronouns. And, before you ask, no one would mistake her for a man without being rather blind.

 

[LifeTake2]

Heh, be glad that you can at least use a socially-acceptable term for your SO. I'm a legally-married female who legally-married (redundant, I know) another female. She is, legally and emotionally, my wife. However, I am betting that if they ask what my husband does, I'll get to pretend that my wife is a man so as not to threaten or upset the precious little adcom.

A lot of people, regardless of their external political views or official policies on non-discrimination, still dislike that teh gayz can marry (see signature). And if they are okay, in theory, with a legal partnership, the words wife or husband are still off-limits. It's a catch 22: I risk bias by being honest, but expulsion if I "lie" and say I have a husband with male pronouns. And, before you ask, no one would mistake her for a man without being rather blind.

I wish this weren't true, but it is worse than just flat discrimination you don't know who might be just fine so you are forced to hide who you are.

Regardless, congrats on being happily married and just play the game for now until we can get people to accept you both. Good luck on your applications.

 

[NuttyEngDude]

My wife's employer (aka "The Mothership") was (at the time) located in Indianapolis, and that was the only link (besides one summer I spent there for a summer nternship many moons ago) to IU. It turned out very well, considering they are a "xenophobic" school.

Also, as a thought, I think you have to remind yourself that most medical school are attached to large hospitals and academic universities. They pull people from across the country/world - many having spent a lot of time elsewhere. I don't think they tend to be representative of the local culture/population. There probably tends to be a regression to moderate/centrist beliefs or at least tolerance at these places.

Hey vc7777, this is somewhat reassuring to read, some geographical parts of the country are more intolerant than others. There is something I have been wondering and maybe you can comment on this.

The idea of rotations in year 3 and 4 worry me somewhat in the sense that the attending can make or break you for that specialty. I've read blogs and heard stories of students getting really bad reviews due to over-capricious attendings and in all honesty, it seems a very tenuous way to pick your future specialists. Being human, intolerance can enter the picture in subtle ways, perhaps one person gets pimped more than others, etc. Do you have any comments or views on this? Should this be a factor in picking schools?

 

[isoquin]

At its heart, the interview process is a game. The stats and extracurriculars are like the starting roll to see who goes first and gets a slight advantage while playing the game, but the interview itself is a level playing field.

I agree that it is an absolute shame that mature adults should feel the need to hide details of their life for any reason, but in the interview game you need to play to win. I believe there are many situations where it would be completely reasonable to mention your living situation, and others where it should be kept back. It is perfectly reasonable to make mention of nearby family without specifying how they are related (even if they are your partner's family), and people generally won't ask for details. If you feel backed into a corner, you could always go with the non-committal use of "fiance."

Interview aside, life goes on in med school. While social life is decreased, that doesn't mean med students as a group give up relationships. Med students in my class include: homosexual in happy relationships, single and looking, married with kids, cohabitating, and sketchy weekend prowlers. Life goes on, and personal life should not influence your acceptance. However the interview is still a game that needs to be played. Once you get past that, everything can be aired a bit more safely.

Best of luck!

 

[vc7777]

Hey vc7777, this is somewhat reassuring to read, some geographical parts of the country are more intolerant than others. There is something I have been wondering and maybe you can comment on this.

The idea of rotations in year 3 and 4 worry me somewhat in the sense that the attending can make or break you for that specialty. I've read blogs and heard stories of students getting really bad reviews due to over-capricious attendings and in all honesty, it seems a very tenuous way to pick your future specialists. Being human, intolerance can enter the picture in subtle ways, perhaps one person gets pimped more than others, etc. Do you have any comments or views on this? Should this be a factor in picking schools?

First, if you want to start a new thread, I think the more "seasoned" (medically speaking) of the nontrads can comment. As for me, I have not hit the wards yet. I don't expect it to be different than anything else in med school. Most of the faculty so far have been baised towards me because I am not so young (at least this is the general impression I receive). As far as a factor in picking schools; three thoughts:
1) Like any job I have ever had, you can have a completely different experience than the guy sitting next to you with the same job function. This isn't possible to predict.
2) You will have a completely different rotation than any other classmate of yours. Even if you end up on the same rotation at the same hospital - you are almost guaranteed to be on a different team than another med student. So, you won't even have the same attendings, period.
3) You can't tell who your attendings will be. When you are selecting schools, you have no way of predicting who you will rotate with. Even if you knew all the attendings and their personalities at time of acceptance - you are nearly 3 years out from rotations!

I mean, you could make gross generalizations - but your actual experiences are what they are.

As far as intolerance of attendings according to experiences from others - I think some of this must be taken with a grain of salt. Many nontrads have more experience dealing with horrible personalities than many fresh-out-of-college types (generalization! 😛 ). So far, I have watched my classmates over-react to what I would (at most) call gruff behavior by professors. In their world-view these people are terrible human beings, which I disagreed with. 🙄

If you are interested in a particular specialty, and you have a bad experience / letter you can always do away rotations or electives. I am not sure that one letter will sink your chances for your choice of residency.

In general, I am not worried. I look at it like this: There are some delicate little flowers in medical school. But, I'm a weed. Yes, I don't look pretty - but I've been through a lot. I've grown (albeit slowly) under the most unlikely conditions. Now, come rotations the attendings are going to stomp on all of us. Don't worry about me. I'll be just fine. I'm more worried about the pansies.

 

[NuttyEngDude]

Thank you for the response. I'll file it away as something I can not predict nor hope to control (and something I don't know a lot about). It's an engineering thing you see, drilled into my head over the past XX years, if there is a potential problem which you can not absolutely control, you can just design around it and I tend to do that. It's a way to control an uncontrollable thing 🙂

Sorry for the thread hijack, strawberifields.

 

[vc7777]

Thank you for the response. I'll file it away as something I can not predict nor hope to control (and something I don't know a lot about). It's an engineering thing you see, drilled into my head over the past XX years, if there is a potential problem which you can not absolutely control, you can just design around it and I tend to do that. It's a way to control an uncontrollable thing 🙂

Sorry for the thread hijack, strawberifields.

Indeed, you want Level 1: Inherent Safety By Design, when I am telling you the best you can achieve is being informed of the danger (Level 3). 😉

/End of Hijack