Funny thing, last week I was in the market for a new fire alarm system. Normally, I'd visit my trusty local, private, independent fire alarm seller, but this year, I decided to throw caution to the wind, and go online to
www.ain'tnobodygonnaburndownmybuilding.com. It's a fantastic site, in that you can select up to 5 alarms, test them out in the comfort of your own building, choose the one you want, and they'll ship the other 4 back at on their dime. Being somewhat of a movie buff, I chose the "Cheesy 80s Movies" line of products, and I narrowed it down to 2 choices, before ordering.
Option 1) "Police Academy": This particular model features the pre-recorded voice of none other than Laverne Hooks (Marion Ramsey), the soft spoken, timid African American trainee from the film. When triggered, the alarm blurts out:
"Ummmm....excuse me, excuse me, sir, I hate to bother you, but there is a smaaaaaaaaall, very tiny, probably insignificant possibility that the building is, well may be, sort of....on fire. You might want to, maybe, and I not saying you have to, but you may want to consider vacating the premises. I'm not even sure if there is a fire, I'm just....ok, it looks like the back of your coat has some flames running up it, but I mean, that's not necessarily a problem. Aaaand, your hair is smoking. Ok, if you want, you could put down that copy of the Journal of the American Optometric Associ.....hey, wasn't that thing cancelled last ye?...you know what? Never mind, not important. Ok, I'm starting to melt, so I'm just gonna go ahead and leave, but you're welcome to stay. I hope this wasn't a bother to you."
Option 2) "Police Academy 2": This model features the pre-recorded voice of Zed (Bobcat Goldthwait), that carries on in a "never-ending rant," warning people of the impending doom they will likely suffer if they choose to stay in the building.
Now, east, which of those two models would you choose, the quiet, soft-spken one, which no one will hear, or the loud, annoying one, that everyone on the block can hear? I'm not here for you, my dear.
Also, you might benefit from dragging your claws, repeatedly, over some sort of carpeted wooden pole, and maybe stuff some catnip in your pillow. If that doesn't work, try this on for size....
....
.DON'T - READ - MY - POSTS.