How do you encourage someone that thinks they don't have a chance at med school?

[Madds10]

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PLEASE help! This is for my husband. I'm really worried about him. He is Pre-Med, and ever since I met him, he has been passionate about medicine. He will graduate from Brigham Young University in Microbiology with a minor in molecular biology, and his GPA is around a 3.47- 3.5. He has over 1400 hours of research and will most likely be published by the time he graduates because of how much time he has put into his teams research project. He will have 200+ hours of volunteer work in the emergency room as well as a number of hours working with high crisis children at a family support center. He will have over 75 hours of shadowing experience and he plans on becoming an EMT before applying next cycle. He has done all this while working 20 hours a week because he is lead student for the universities maintenance department and couldn't take off a lot of work because he didn't want to take out any loans.
Anyways, there's more to his application but my point is, he takes the MCAT August 9th. He was supposed to take it in May but I had a baby 2 months premature and our baby passed away 4 days later due to a severe heart defect. After giving himself a week or so to mourn and take care of me while I healed, he went straight into the MCAT and has studied very hard every day besides a week or so we took off to go on vacation. He took a kaplan test and got a 26 and was very discouraged. Then he took an AAMC test and got a 32, and then a few days later took one again and got a 33. Today, he studied all day, but said it was a bad day and he felt like he was making small mistakes, and he took another practice test and got a 23. I have never seen him so discouraged. He talked about how much of a failure he is and how if he gets that on the real mcat he will seriously consider suicide because he doesn't want to accept failure etc. I know he is speaking out of emotion and he would never actually do that. He is seriously the most well rounded, amazing guy I know, and nothing I say seems to help. He is convinced he is doomed and his dreams of being a doctor are over. I have read up A LOT on what it takes to get into medical school, ways to study for the MCAT etc. and I still think he has a chance. I have told him countless times I would support him no matter what he chooses, but he keeps saying that he believes his self worth depends on if he gets in. I need advice from people who have been there, or just know what it takes to get in, so I can encourage him in a way that will help him. Thank you so much for any advice, it is much appreciated.

 

[Radon XP]

He sounds like he has many stories to tell, and would have a very strong PS and EC's.

GPA is not too shabby. Yes, it's low for MD standards, but not so low that he won't be considered if applies broadly and early (get the MSAR to get a good list of schools to consider).

As far as the MCAT goes, tell him to take the test only when ready. If he can get a 28+, he should be competitive at any DO program and if he can get 30+, he'll have a chance at MD.

He is far from going over the cliff. Tell him to hang in there!

 

[Madds10]

Thank you so much! I will tell him! I'm confident he can get a 30+, he just had a hard day today. Thanks for your help!

 

[gdfernan]

With a 28, he will be a shoo-in for DO. Even with a 26, he will have a chance. 33+ and he is competitive for MD. Tell him to hang in there and keep going. Deepest sympathies on your baby.

Post an update on what happens.

 

[basketcase0a0]

Personal experience here, but I had a very similar trend with my practice tests. Kept getting 34-35's until my last two practice tests which were 26 and 28. Of course I freaked out, but just relaxed and told myself that I can always retake. Managed a 37 on the real thing. Tell him not to be discouraged by one bad practice test, it would be weird if he DIDN'T have one frankly.

 

[Goro]

Very sorry to hear of your sad news.

Your husband is still grieving and he needs time to heal.


He should NOT take the MCAT until he is emotionally ready to take it.

In the mean time, get him to counseling right away.

PLEASE help! This is for my husband. I'm really worried about him. He is Pre-Med, and ever since I met him, he has been passionate about medicine. He will graduate from Brigham Young University in Microbiology with a minor in molecular biology, and his GPA is around a 3.47- 3.5. He has over 1400 hours of research and will most likely be published by the time he graduates because of how much time he has put into his teams research project. He will have 200+ hours of volunteer work in the emergency room as well as a number of hours working with high crisis children at a family support center. He will have over 75 hours of shadowing experience and he plans on becoming an EMT before applying next cycle. He has done all this while working 20 hours a week because he is lead student for the universities maintenance department and couldn't take off a lot of work because he didn't want to take out any loans.
Anyways, there's more to his application but my point is, he takes the MCAT August 9th. He was supposed to take it in May but I had a baby 2 months premature and our baby passed away 4 days later due to a severe heart defect. After giving himself a week or so to mourn and take care of me while I healed, he went straight into the MCAT and has studied very hard every day besides a week or so we took off to go on vacation. He took a kaplan test and got a 26 and was very discouraged. Then he took an AAMC test and got a 32, and then a few days later took one again and got a 33. Today, he studied all day, but said it was a bad day and he felt like he was making small mistakes, and he took another practice test and got a 23. I have never seen him so discouraged. He talked about how much of a failure he is and how if he gets that on the real mcat he will seriously consider suicide because he doesn't want to accept failure etc. I know he is speaking out of emotion and he would never actually do that. He is seriously the most well rounded, amazing guy I know, and nothing I say seems to help. He is convinced he is doomed and his dreams of being a doctor are over. I have read up A LOT on what it takes to get into medical school, ways to study for the MCAT etc. and I still think he has a chance. I have told him countless times I would support him no matter what he chooses, but he keeps saying that he believes his self worth depends on if he gets in. I need advice from people who have been there, or just know what it takes to get in, so I can encourage him in a way that will help him. Thank you so much for any advice, it is much appreciated.

 

[TeddyBoomBoom]

So I guess I'll be the guy who says it....

He talked about suicide bc he performed poorly on a practice test? Not in the funny haha way, but in expression of hopelessness?

I wish him the best (seriously) but you need to bi•ch slap him and remind him that pressure and self doubt will not end post-mcat. Plus, a single low score after a 32 and a 33 is an aberration. He can use it to identify previously unknown weaknesses, and improve them

 

[Radon XP]

He should NOT take the MCAT until he is emotionally ready to take it.

.

Best advice so far.

I've been on SDN long enough to know that forcing yourself to take the MCAT when you aren't at your peak is just a bad idea all around. Better to cancel than do poorly and regret.

 

[Jepstein30]

In addition to above (i.e. not taking the MCAT right now to give him time to grieve), you should also tell him that since any single MCAT exam only tests a slice of the overall content you need to be familiar with, you can simply just get lucky/unlucky with a bunch of your strengths/weaknesses all showing up at once. This means that you need to properly identify your weaknesses and eliminate them.. something practice exams (and especially the self-assessments) can really help with because he can directly see which topics got him off his game.

My condolences for your loss and my kudos for being there for your husband in this tough time. I'm sure he'll be fine with a little hard work, especially with the support system he has in place.

 

[UCI]

Might I second the suggestion on DO? I don't know his chances specifically, but DO are a lot easier to get into ( and I assume a lot less stress) and you are still Dr. Blah at the end of the day with the same practice rights as Dr. Blah, MD. If you need more information on what a DO is please advise.


Best of luck and thanks for supporting one of us stressful premeds.

 

[slopes23]

Remind him that turning to suicide is in itself accepting failure. Wish you the best.

 

[Kjbds1]

PM sent

 

[shopsteward]

It sounds to me as though the main problem is trying to do too much too soon. Becoming a doctor is a marathon, not a sprint, and your husband needs to pace himself. Your comment on "will likely be published by graduation" suggests to me that your husband is a junior, and will graduate spring 2014? If that is so, then I would suggest your husband not put in an application for med school this year, but instead -

1) Concentrate on his undergrad GPA. This is the one thing that will be most difficult to change after graduation, and an upward trend in his senior year will help his chances of admission more than anything else.

2) Limit his extracurriculars, He has 1400 hours research, 200 clinical hours in EM, 75 hours shadowing and the family centre volunteering. That's already more than many applicants. He can maintain them at a lower level of commitment and still come out ahead. An EMT certificate is not a priority at this point, unless he has a good chance of a paid job as an EMT after graduation and while applying to med school. Even then, he should do the training after graduation.

3) Dialling back on the 20 hours a week paid work, at the price of a small loan in his last undergrad year, could be a good payoff if it helps strengthen his GPA, his mental resilience and his family life/leisure time.

4) Consider not taking the MCAT this August. If he does take it this August, he should take some of the pressure off himself by telling himself that if it doesn't go as well as he hopes, he can retake next spring.

Condolences on the loss of your baby. I hope the next year, and the years after, go better for you.

 

[member1029]

Personal experience here, but I had a very similar trend with my practice tests. Kept getting 34-35's until my last two practice tests which were 26 and 28. Of course I freaked out, but just relaxed and told myself that I can always retake. Managed a 37 on the real thing. Tell him not to be discouraged by one bad practice test, it would be weird if he DIDN'T have one frankly.

Couldn't agree more.
To OP's husband:
Don't be discouraged by bad practice tests. Especially if they're non-AAMC. Part of the learning process is figuring out how to stay zen when you get confused on tests. Learn from your mistakes, focus on your weaknesses, and never give up.

Go on youtube and search "will smith shares his wisdom on life".

OP, you sound like a wonderful and supportive person.

 

[Dr.Forssmann]

He can always retake tell your husband to take a chillpilll

 

[jombojuice22]

Best advice so far.

I've been on SDN long enough to know that forcing yourself to take the MCAT when you aren't at your peak is just a bad idea all around. Better to cancel than do poorly and regret.

I've only been on SDN for a few days, and even I can tell that taking the MCAT now is probably a bad idea for him.

Yes, you can retake, but it seems much better to just crush it the first time around. August is on the late side anyways. GPA is not stellar, and couple that with a potentially mediocre MCAT and a late application and it seems like he might be setting himself up for failure. What's the harm in waiting a few months and applying next cycle? More time to study and get into a better mindset.

 

[Escape_Goat]

Like a few others have said, the best thing that he can do is talk to a professional about the loss of your child. The best thing that you can do is be supportive and encouraging, and help him with the grieving process. If he's apprehensive about therapy, maybe you can suggest that you both go together. But, don't make it exclusively about him, since he may feel uncomfortable. Instead, preface it with you also having some unresolved feelings due to the loss and would like if he joined you in speaking with someone about it.

My wife and I have lost two pregnancies, and we almost lost our son during a very complicated labor. It's taken a long time and it's been difficult to reconcile the losses, but if anything, those experiences have strengthened my resolve to continue this path to becoming a physician.

You're more than welcome to PM me if you like.

 

[Dr.Forssmann]

I've only been on SDN for a few days, and even I can tell that taking the MCAT now is probably a bad idea for him.

Yes, you can retake, but it seems much better to just crush it the first time around. August is on the late side anyways. GPA is not stellar, and couple that with a potentially mediocre MCAT and a late application and it seems like he might be setting himself up for failure. What's the harm in waiting a few months and applying next cycle? More time to study and get into a better mindset.

Smart. Sounds like he should take it slow and plan things out a little better. Seems like he's trying to do to much at once. Tell him he will be a doctor. It might not be the way he imagined it or at the time he imagined it, but he will become a doctor if, and only if, he is persistent and keeps going. never give up. Suicide wont get him into med school. Retaking the mcat will. Just keep reassuring him and help him to focus on the positives and his accomplishments.

Does he use a schedule? Ever since i started scheduling my time i've been doing wayyyy better in school. Like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAB+AAAA status. Also prioritize!

Ps if he seems depressed or at risk you should probably tell someone. I mean if your serious about what you said.