I'm going to be a freshman in less than 3 weeks and was wondering how to ignore others. I feel like I'm always mentally battling all my competition. I just want to know how to not care what others are doing and just care about me? I'm always curious to what the next person is doing and things like that. Also I'm purposely very introvert. I'm very good at socializing but I don't like it. My past experiences with people have made me see no positive in socializing and having many friends. My mentality is more friends more issues, so I tend to be by myself. I know that my pre-med experience will be challenging but I know I can do it because I'm mentally strong. What do you do to ignore everyone and have inner peace with yourself physically and mentally. Thanks.
How do you not care?
- Thread starter Maali
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I'm sorry, but this sentence right here sounds depressing. College is a clean slate. It can be hard, but open yourself up to meeting new people. It doesn't have to be a lot, just a few. You can still be an introvert, and at the same time, interact with others. If past friends resulted in simply "more issues", you may have been looking in the wrong places.
Don't isolate yourself for the entire 4 years 🙁
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Headphones.
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Mmm...you need to grow up, and I don't mean that as an insult. You'll learn as you get older. Making friends is incredibly important, even more so if you want to be a doctor - most of it is learning how to interact with people, how to love them despite their flaws, how to care for them even though they're irrational, and how to appreciate them for who they are. You'll want people in your life who'll do the same for you. And you'll learn to rely on your friends for a lot of things. In school, you may not have to, but in the real world, you will - you'll need a friend to cover for you, or a colleague to help you out on a problem, or mentors who'll help you build connections and network. The fact is, friends will enrich your life so much more than you'll enrich theirs, and you're doing yourself a big disservice if you want to close yourself off.
You don't need to make a lot of friends, just make good ones who are loyal to you and to whom you are loyal.
People are not your competition. You shouldn't look at it that way. People have their own passions and dreams and are amazing in their own ways, and you shouldn't compare yourself with them. Find out what you love to do, and do it without caring about what everyone else is doing.
Final point: You're still very, very young. College is not high school. Expect things to be different. Don't think about it too much, and enjoy your life.
You don't need to make a lot of friends, just make good ones who are loyal to you and to whom you are loyal.
People are not your competition. You shouldn't look at it that way. People have their own passions and dreams and are amazing in their own ways, and you shouldn't compare yourself with them. Find out what you love to do, and do it without caring about what everyone else is doing.
Final point: You're still very, very young. College is not high school. Expect things to be different. Don't think about it too much, and enjoy your life.
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This for sure. Short-sighted doesn't begin to describe this - keep looking forward, not behind you.
As for not caring.. stop comparing yourself to others. In the grand scheme of things, nobody but you cares about your "competition". Do what you actually want to and spend the time and effort you waste "mentally battling" others towards better things. What do you even get if you win?
FWIW, I'm not convinced you are as mentally strong as you think you are if this is an issue. I do see that you are not even yet a freshman and trust me - better things are ahead.
D
deleted303591
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
I suggest you read this before you start the semester.
If you are concerned about your grades, consider reading the Guaranteed 4.0 book, although the program is a lot of work.
Be prepared to go to counseling if you get overwhelmed at university. Know their phone number and their policies.You seem prone to anxiety and you do not want this to be a major factor that impacts your grades as a pre-med.
I suggest you read this before you start the semester.
If you are concerned about your grades, consider reading the Guaranteed 4.0 book, although the program is a lot of work.
Be prepared to go to counseling if you get overwhelmed at university. Know their phone number and their policies.You seem prone to anxiety and you do not want this to be a major factor that impacts your grades as a pre-med.
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I took a brief glance at your post history, and I'm thinking you might benefit from talking to a psychologist about your anxiety and concerns about competition. We have a psychologist who is free for med students to see as often as necessary, and I believe around a third of the student body goes to see him at least once in their 4+ years. There's nothing wrong with seeking help. Sometimes it's beneficial to talk to someone you can trust who can counsel you and help you work through these concerns.
You'll find out soon that college is a different game than high school. In high school, everyone knew everyone's business and there's drama, so I can understand how one can be socially frustrated. (side note: med school is kinda like that all over again). Unless you're going to a super tiny college, you'll have a lot more variety in the people you interact with. Keep an open mind and meet new people. You don't need to be a social butterfly, and you don't need to try to be an extravert, but you can't completely avoid socializing. I don't have any specific tips on not thinking about competition, but just focus on you and realize that other peoples' performance and action should have no effect on how you personally perform.
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OP, take it from me, you will regret this kind of attitude. I didny really care about socializing in undergrad, just wanted to do my work and go home, never went to office hours or study groups etc. In my mind I felt (and still sometimes feel) that my success was dependent on me and I shouldnt need anyone else to help get me where I wanted to be. I was dead wrong and I regret it so much because my aversion to socialization kept me from doing some of the things I needed to do, like ECs, volunteering and making good connections with possible LOR writers. Ive always been an introvert and there is nothing wrong with that, but the truth is you need other people more than you know right now. I managed to turn my attitude around but I will never be able to make up for the time I wasted being so dead set against networking. My advice is fake it til you make it. You may not like to network and socialize right niw, but just suck it up and do it and eventually it will come more naturally. Good luck!
Thanks for your response. Yea I definitely feel exactly what you are saying. I feel as if to get where i need to be it's all dependent on me. I do understand that I need to to network and am pretty good at faking it. My problem honestly isn't 'I don't like to socialize' it's more of I don't want to get caught up in the sordid premed world. The majority try to bring each other down and I don't want to be near that. Once I get into med school I will definitely socialize and make connections with people because for the most part, all of us pretty much made it. Anyways, like you said I will fake it till I make it.
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A person once said that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.
Whatever happened in your past happened--let it not worry you.
Whatever happened in your past happened--let it not worry you.
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What is this, I don't...
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Zora Neale Hurston.
I always remember it whenever someone brings up the idea of friendship.
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Ahhh, okay. Admittedly I did not enjoy ZNH in high school, so I never bothered to read any more of her stuff, but...that is just a strange quote.
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Pretty much agree with everything.
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Hey, I'll keep it real with you. This is from someone who was neurotic and purposefully did not socialize the first two years of college. Our library would close at 8 pm on Fridays, but I would go to the cafeteria and study by myself while drunk college students would go by. I finished these two years with a 4.0, but I was pretty miserable. My health was bad (did not take care of myself) and I lost weight. I couldn't even sleep more than 5 hours on weekends, because I was so used to depriving myself of sleep.
I decided to change my junior year. Lucky for me, I was naturally outgoing and friendly (I had to suppress this side of me during my first two years). I started to make more friends, socialize... I started with going out once a week... then I made it a habit of hanging out with friends at least twice a week (Fridays and Saturdays usually). I was MUCH MUCH less miserable. I stopped studying insanely (we are talking down from 7-8 hours a day to 3-4 hours a day). And guess what, I still finished my junior year with a 4.0. I felt kind of foolish because here I was, working my butt off for two years and making myself miserable... but I could've always had a balanced lifestyle and maintained my grades.
I understand your perspective when you say that you want to ignore people and just focus on certain things. I'm not going to tell you to never do that, because sometimes you have to. But don't overdo it to the point where you compromise other aspects of your like health. Also realize, that you will eventually burn out if you don't have a balanced lifestyle. Think long-term, not short-term. If you are going into medicine, balance is important because you're going to be in school for a long time. Hope that helps!
I decided to change my junior year. Lucky for me, I was naturally outgoing and friendly (I had to suppress this side of me during my first two years). I started to make more friends, socialize... I started with going out once a week... then I made it a habit of hanging out with friends at least twice a week (Fridays and Saturdays usually). I was MUCH MUCH less miserable. I stopped studying insanely (we are talking down from 7-8 hours a day to 3-4 hours a day). And guess what, I still finished my junior year with a 4.0. I felt kind of foolish because here I was, working my butt off for two years and making myself miserable... but I could've always had a balanced lifestyle and maintained my grades.
I understand your perspective when you say that you want to ignore people and just focus on certain things. I'm not going to tell you to never do that, because sometimes you have to. But don't overdo it to the point where you compromise other aspects of your like health. Also realize, that you will eventually burn out if you don't have a balanced lifestyle. Think long-term, not short-term. If you are going into medicine, balance is important because you're going to be in school for a long time. Hope that helps!
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I'm a super introvert, too. I didn't socialize with many people beside my boyfriend and my one other male friend my freshman year. But so far I've been talking with several people in my class on Facebook and it looks like I'll have more socialization set up for me this coming year. Woo! I'm still working on it, and I have some social anxiety, for sure. But it feels better to have more than one or two people to enjoy the college experience with.
But onto the topic of how to "ignore" others. Anyone have advice on that? My friend and I claim to be on the same level. We're both A students. But last semester a few tests in a row I scored at least 3 points lower than him. I know that's practically nothing, but it did kick my self-esteem in the face a bit. So any ideas on how to cope with that sorta thing and not let it bother you would be great.
But onto the topic of how to "ignore" others. Anyone have advice on that? My friend and I claim to be on the same level. We're both A students. But last semester a few tests in a row I scored at least 3 points lower than him. I know that's practically nothing, but it did kick my self-esteem in the face a bit. So any ideas on how to cope with that sorta thing and not let it bother you would be great.
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^ Reconfirmed that I'm in Pre-Allo.
I....what? You just have to not care. You have to recognize that in the grand scheme of this beautiful, ****ed-up world 3 points on a test is nothing. It's less than nothing.
You have to rest your self-esteem on things that matter: friends, family, and good works. Not grades. Not tests. Think of your grades as a tool that allow you do go on and do meaningful things somewhere else. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
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3 points. What do you get if you score better than your friend?
It simply doesn't matter. Learn, get the grade and everything else falls by the wayside. Thinking you have to TRY and outdo somebody else is completely silly.
Consider this: did you care that you scored better in elementary/middle/high school than anybody else? And if you did, do you still care now? Now imagine yourself 10 years from now - do you still think you'll care? Time is better spent elsewhere.
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Don't let yourself be defined by school. Or your work. Or your academic performance. These things are all peripheral to the things that actually matter. They can all be ways that you express yourself, but they do not define who you really are. If you let these things be your identify, then yes - a few points lower on a test compared to your friend will shake you. But they shouldn't be that for you.
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Asking for directions on how to give no fuqs is the first mistake in giving no fuqs.
One thing to keep in mind in college, unless it's really small, is that you can't and won't know everybody, and that's okay. By the end of my first year of college, I would still routinely walk by people I had never seen before. It's not like high school where you can, at least, know everybody on a face or first name basis.
As far as seeing everybody as competition...well, they are competition, but at the end of the day, you can't make them fail. You can only make yourself succeed. So focus on what you have control over.
As far as seeing everybody as competition...well, they are competition, but at the end of the day, you can't make them fail. You can only make yourself succeed. So focus on what you have control over.
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Something to think about. A chair of surgery once described advancement in the medical world requiring three things in equal parts:
1. Being a good doctor
2. Thinking outside the box.
3. Being nice to people.
How you interact with those around you - those over you, those under you, and those "competing" with you- is just as integral a part of your future career as your skill and ideas. Use college as a launching board to practice your people skills. No one knows you and no one cares who you were in high school. What matters is who you become now.
I'm very involved, attend a school of less than 2000, and still don't know a lot of people.
1. Being a good doctor
2. Thinking outside the box.
3. Being nice to people.
How you interact with those around you - those over you, those under you, and those "competing" with you- is just as integral a part of your future career as your skill and ideas. Use college as a launching board to practice your people skills. No one knows you and no one cares who you were in high school. What matters is who you become now.
I'm very involved, attend a school of less than 2000, and still don't know a lot of people.
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You clearly don't understand the definition of "introvert". You can't be an introvert by choice. It's who you are.
Also, just because you are an introvert doesn't mean you can't socialize. Some of the most socially outgoing people I know are introverts.
It's the sort of thing that can really bother somebody who is used to "being friends with everybody", and yet doing that in college is must harder, if not impossible.
Seek counseling. They are experts at dealing with people and can advise you. You are young and have time to acquire unlimited skills and strengths. You can learn to manage people you dislike and who are truly unpleasant.
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What I want to know is what part of the country you all are attending uni in. I mean, you all have positive things to say about your schools and the people at your schools, yet I sympathize a little with Maali's state of mind. Most of the people I've made friends with at my uni have been horrible. I wonder if its just me....
I hope Maali isn't going to be attending my university...good luck.
I hope Maali isn't going to be attending my university...good luck.
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Thanks for your response. Yea I definitely feel exactly what you are saying. I feel as if to get where i need to be it's all dependent on me. I do understand that I need to to network and am pretty good at faking it. My problem honestly isn't 'I don't like to socialize' it's more of I don't want to get caught up in the sordid premed world. The majority try to bring each other down and I don't want to be near that. Once I get into med school I will definitely socialize and make connections with people because for the most part, all of us pretty much made it. Anyways, like you said I will fake it till I make it.
The bolded is absolutely not true. I'm a rising senior, and all of my premed friends are an incredible support network that I definitely would not have made it this far without.
I can almost guarantee you that if you go through 4 years of college without socializing and come out with no good memories to speak of, you'll regret it so much it will hurt. Your career is important and it might be the most important thing in your life now and in the future, but please acknowledge that there are other important things in life besides getting into med school.
Also, don't assume that you need to cut off all social contact in order to succeed. I'm sure many successful applicants on this forum would be willing to attest to this.
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Okay so maybe my example seemed a little too extreme with the 3 points. But the idea still remains. Because even if it's just a little bit, time after time it can make you feel inadequate. I appreciate this advice. It is hard for me to not let myself be defined by school because I feel like that's an integral part of who I am. I don't have interesting ECs because the things that make me an interesting person don't translate into them, or at least I've yet to find a way. I wear fancy Express clothing and heels all the time because I like them. I'm an avid listener of things ranging from metalcore to smooth jazz. I absolutely love WWE. I'm straight edge. Etc. A bunch of so-called contradictions that make me unique. I just feel like school is one of the only things I have to show for myself so far. I suppose research when the time comes, but I'm not sure if that can be considered EC if I'm looking towards the MD/PhD route.
But I digress. I know it seems silly to worry about something like that, but when school seems to be one of the only things that you have to show when it comes to defining yourself... It's easy to think that way.
Yeah, I go to a college where there are about 600 people in my class. My sister goes to a "small" private school as well and there's at least 1,000 people in her class if not more. Idk how small that is in the grand scheme of things. But it's only twice the size of my high school class if that says anything. I grew up in a house with a golden child/scapegoat family dynamic, so it's as though I was trained to always feel inadequate even when the situation is quite benign. I'm not looking for sympathy with that. Just ideas on how to counteract my apparent learned nature. 👍
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Make sure you do well in Physics/ G-chem / bio, and stay up to date on them. Tutor people in them if you can, it will make the MCAT easier. Also, the MCAT's changing. Look into it. Don't get caught with alcohol. College is a blast, be careful.
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Thanks for your response. Yea I definitely feel exactly what you are saying. I feel as if to get where i need to be it's all dependent on me. I do understand that I need to to network and am pretty good at faking it. My problem honestly isn't 'I don't like to socialize' it's more of I don't want to get caught up in the sordid premed world. The majority try to bring each other down and I don't want to be near that. Once I get into med school I will definitely socialize and make connections with people because for the most part, all of us pretty much made it. Anyways, like you said I will fake it till I make it.
I wasn't friends with any other pre-meds in college. I never had to compare myself to others, because I had no idea what they were doing. I went to class and left, then did all my socializing in other parts of campus, in other extra-curriculars not related to science, and in electives like dance, photography, and philosophy. I was and still am very happy it worked out for me that way. I ended up going to grad school with a class of 100 premed students and while it wasn't a very competitive class, people all wanted to know how everyone else was doing and compared themselves to one another - my college experience taught me to ignore this and I still remained happy and unconcerned with what they were doing. Yes, sometimes I get jealous, but I use it as motivation. College will be a clean slate for you - open up to people and try new things. If you know competition is an issue for you, seek friends and activities outside the premed bubble.
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+1 bazillion
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