How have your parents handled you wanting to become an MD?

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SpaceyWacey said:
Even when I do get ridiculously neurotic my parents still support me. At worst they roll their eyes. I'm really surprised at how some of these family dynamics are, I hope you all find the support you need from somewhere.
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Definitely this. it's important to have a support group in life.
 
CDI said:
She ends it with "I'm not one of the good strippers around here, I don't make very much."

Being the ahole I am - my response was, "Yeah, you did choose to talk to the one guy who's at the bar trying to watch SportsCenter."

She found new "company" after that.
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I hope you slipped her a nice crisp dove (20 dollar bill).
 
My parents are not supportive. They want me to graduate first with an engineering degree.

Plus, with several medical withdrawals, I am already in a difficult situation and I am against all odds.
 
My mother says, she does wish I can become a doctor, but she doubts I will make it that far. I have had a lot of setbacks with my education. My father thinks having a job is better than an education, sometimes (I know weird). He has told me I should probably just get a certification for fixing air conditioners. **** that! He grew up in Mexico in poverty he didn't really finished middle school. He comes from a big family, so he dropped out to help feed and clothe his brothers and sisters. 🙁 I use to live in Mexico as a kid and I have had my fair share of poverty and it sucks. But I don't care how long it takes me as long as I become a medical doctor, one day.
 
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My parents were surprised , but very supportive of my decision.
 
My parents were shocked, seeing as how I wasn't educational inclined during high school. Doing well in college is probably a blessing for them to begin with. My mom, an LPN, has supported me all the way from letting me go to SMDEP to taking extra classes during the summer. My dad on the otherhand thinks education is a joke because the economy is a wreak, the government is corrupt... the list goes on.
 
juliebethmarie said:
-My father, on the other hand, is not that parent. He is a physician who went to a state school, and we barely have a relationship anymore for a multitude of reasons, mostly that he wants nothing to do with me. He's never pushed me into the field at all--in fact, on more than one occasion he has said that I should go in to research. No matter how I've done in school (getting accepted at a gifted and talented high school, making Dean's List every semester while in college, getting a 14 on my Bio MCAT section) he always discourages me by saying that I won't get in or that he did better. I feel as though I can't have any successes without him knocking them down. It's really hard because I admired him greatly as a child and that is part of my reason I wanted to enter the field.

My mom says he's jealous of my success, although I don't see why. He came from an abusive/neglectful home, worked his way through college, got into med school and became a very well respected physician in the community. I could say it is just verbal put downs, but he doesn't do it to either of my non-med school bound sisters. The more I look at it, the more I'm starting to see it from my mom's point of view.
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Listen to your mom -- Sounds like your dad is trying to overcompensate for his own abusive and neglectful past, and that he's tearing you down in a misguided attempt to build himself up. Sadly, that's not so rare... Know that buried deeply underneath the perceived threat to his superiority, he's probably really, really proud of you.


bold text said:
He had just called me the most horrible names, said personal things you can’t take back, and dis-owned me. Did he genuinely realize he was being a jerk or did he realize people would find out about the things he said? He’s now apologized once but I can’t forget all the really personal things he said and really sounded like he meant (I gave him chances to take them back). My mom is so loyal to him that I’ll basically be cut off from the family if I sever ties with him. Have other parents done this, and could you guys move on from it and still talk to them? I want to so I can still have a family…but right now it still really stings and I don’t want to be around him. I waited so long to announce my career plans because my entire family is so blue collar. What should I do? Even after that, I’m scared of not having family.
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Ouch! Sounds like your father is feeling like your pursuit of medicine is a direct rejection of him and his whole blue-collar background. Like maybe he's perceiving your career choice as an insult to him and the rest of the family -- like you think you're too good for them now. A slight twist on the above, but what an ugly way to express things. I'm afraid you're going to have to keep him outside your emotional armor-plating.
 
My parents are immigrant (though non-Asian) parents. They've always pushed me to do well, but never too hard. I think I've greatly surpassed their expectations by doing so well academically in high school/college and getting into some solid MD schools. Also I'm the first person in my family who will have a doctorate level degree so that's pretty exciting. So yeah, I guess they've handled it pretty well.
 
DokterMom said:
Ouch! Sounds like your father is feeling like your pursuit of medicine is a direct rejection of him and his whole blue-collar background. Like maybe he's perceiving your career choice as an insult to him and the rest of the family -- like you think you're too good for them now. A slight twist on the above, but what an ugly way to express things. I'm afraid you're going to have to keep him outside your emotional armor-plating.
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Yeah I agree. It makes me sad that there are parents out there who can't put their pride aside and actually want the best thing for their kids (which, let's face it, is usually not a blue-collar lifestyle).
 
My parents are both very supportive of me being pre-med. In fact, it's basically my dad's dream that I become a doctor. The only frustrating thing is that he is way too confident in my abilities. He thinks that there is no way that I won't get into 10/19 MD schools I applied to, with a 32 MCAT. He just really doesn't understand this process and it's a little stressful at times to realize how disappointed he's going to be if I don't end up with any acceptances, which certainly could happen. But I love that he believes in me so much, and it's definitely been nice to have both of my parents' support. To you, OP, and all of the people who have unsupportive/jealous parents, I am so sorry, and I hope you know that even if they discourage you, there are people who are proud of you and what you've accomplished so far.
 
My parents were unsupportive, the first thing they said was "how are you paying for this? You'll be in debt forever, you didn't even like science in high school ", then proceeded to convince me to go into business or nursing because becoming a doctor will ruin your life. "We'll never see you, you'll lose all your friends, you'll be broke and turn out to be a self centered pompous dingus". Thanks mom and dad…..I'm pursuing it anyways, just weary of how they will react when I can actually call myself a doctor.

Sorry your dad isn't supportive, do what you want screw everyone else. It's your life, and if you want to have a career in medicine don't let anyone stop you.
 
My mom was scared for me because she knew she couldn't help me. She didn't know how I would be able to pay for it.

My dad....well he doesn't think I should be in school period. He tells me I'll never be smarter than him, my place is in the having kids and that I'm too stupid for med school. This was a few years ago when I was going to a post bac program.

Thanks Dad. Now I see why we never speak
 
RocknRhoLim said:
My mom is proud and tells all her friends even though I beg her not to 🙂 I was the first to graduate from college in my family and honestly it's a blessing to even have the opportunity to go to med school.
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Me too! I so feel you on this
 
They're happy with it as long as I don't go in to news broadcasting (both my parents worked as television reporters). Secretly I aspire to be the next Sanjay Gupta but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it 😛
 
bold text said:
He had just called me the most horrible names, said personal things you can’t take back, and dis-owned me. Did he genuinely realize he was being a jerk or did he realize people would find out about the things he said? He’s now apologized once but I can’t forget all the really personal things he said and really sounded like he meant (I gave him chances to take them back). My mom is so loyal to him that I’ll basically be cut off from the family if I sever ties with him. Have other parents done this, and could you guys move on from it and still talk to them? I want to so I can still have a family…but right now it still really stings and I don’t want to be around him. I waited so long to announce my career plans because my entire family is so blue collar. What should I do? Even after that, I’m scared of not having family.
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Is this not how fights with family usually go? That's an argument, people say things they regret, and at some point you either have to move on and forgive them or cut ties.

My family used to pull this ish with each other all the time. In high school it was damn near daily. It sucks, and sometimes it feels as if you can never move on, but you can (if you think it is still worth the effort). It sounds like it is still worthwhile to you, so give it a shot. I think you'd be surprised at how well things can work out sometimes. :shrug:
 
StephanieZ said:
My parents are supportive of me but they do. not. get it. I posted on facebook that my car was broken into while I was parked in the inner city while volunteering, and my dad blasted back that I needed to quit all the "extra crap" I was doing and focus on what was important. When I told my mom I wanted to train to work as a nurses aide, she acted like I was going to be a garbage collector or something. She said "Do you really think all doctors have had to do these things? (i.e. volunteer, work in unpleasant jobs for clinical experience, extracurriculars, etc.)" They just have no idea. She doesn't understand why medical school isn't as simple as taking the necessary pre-requisites, scoring well on the MCAT, and then being accepted. Neither of my parents have any higher education, so I can't blame them for being clueless. On the other hand, when I got my MCAT score back (35) my mom was ecstatic. She knew I'd put in alot of time and effort into studying and she tells every doctor she knows about it (she works in administration in a hospital).
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Ha, this is so true. I do a lot of volunteering and my parents think I am wasting my time after getting a degree. They constantly bring up the option of obtaining PhD and opening a company thereafter *laugh*. As if I am capable of becoming a company owner, let alone a professor at this day and age.
 
I'm 28 and changing careers (was a clinical pharmacist/professor spec. In neuro). My mom constantly asks "are you sure this is what you want to do? Etc. honestly, it's not that she doesn't believe that that I can't do it but- some one said this before and I almost died- that my eggs will basically dry up and she'll have no grand children! She even told me that I won't have any kids until I'm old (she turned 41 the month after she had me- she's 71 now!). I told her I could go get knocked up, you know that I could find many willing participants that are educated and could financially contribute, then YOU could raise him or her while I'm at school! Win-win! She spit out her tea! (She's a strict catholic haha). Now she doesn't ask about grandchildren so much. She just says she'll be dead when they're born. Thanks mom! I do love that woman though!
 
"Are you SURE you don't want to be an engineer??"

I must have the only parents in the world who are disappointed that their kid is going into medicine.
 
My parents are supportive, but sometimes I don't always know that they understand how hard it is (or was) to get into medical school. They always said things like "oh, you're smart, you'll get in..." and while I appreciate their belief in me, it was kinda aggravating. I did get in, but to them, that was always going to happen, when in reality, we all know getting into medical school is hardly ever assured.

Edit: After I graduated, they said: "So, you're probably going to be going to medical or graduage school." It was phrased as a statement...they clearly know their son!
 
Sorry he's not so supportive. Regardless of his reasons for this behavior, you shouldn't let it get to you. Discover your own passion for medicine and let that drive you. I don't think this will be a big issue in interviews; being able to articulate your own reasons for pursuing the field are more important, and you can include your father's influence to the extent to which you feel comfortable.

Personally, I come from a very conservative state, so my parents are supportive of my effort and of my enjoyment of medicine, but I've heard things about "government healthcare" and "being paid like a teacher." Everyone has their own reservations, I suppose.
 
I recently told my mom that I want to attend medical school, and she said that I wasted time, since that was my first choice of career going into college, and I'm now a senior. For my dad, whenever I tell him how much years in school I still have to do after college, he says why don't I just get a job already.

My mom doesn't realize what a commitment going to medical school is and that I needed to first really find my way to it while I was in college. Her attitude is very much that I became interested in so many things while in college, and I wanted to do a certain career for a certain time while in college, and I was all over the place. She doesn't get that it's fine to look around, it's hard to commit to something you'll later find out you don't want to do.

I know that my parents supports any of my decisions, and they're proud, but sometimes I think that they takes me being a high-achiever for granted. Whenever I tell my mom something "high-achieving" that I want to do (ex. applying for fulbright scholarship, applying for an honor society I got accepted in, study abroad, etc) she always says something negative first. She doesn't realize how prestigious and difficult the things I want to do/apply for. I don't want to seem like I'm fishing for recognition or anything, it's just upsetting at times. But I just disregard all of it, and just do what I want because I know it is a good choice.
 
After studying something totally unrelated to medicine, I called them out of the blue during my senior year and told them I wanted to be a doctor. I assume they were pretty surprised but they've been incredibly supportive ever since! I have the kind of parents who would be totally supportive no matter what I decided to pursue, with the possible exceptions of joining the military or running a cartel.
 
I'm a non traditional student and my mom would prefer that I not go to med school. She wants me to have 20 babies instead.

My dad is proud, that said, he would be proud of me if I was doing what I loved and was happy (no matter what career it was).
 
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I'm fortunate that both of my parents are extremely supportive of this decision. They're really well informed especially my mom because several of her brothers went into medicine.
 
TheRhymenocerous said:
After studying something totally unrelated to medicine, I called them out of the blue during my senior year and told them I wanted to be a doctor. I assume they were pretty surprised but they've been incredibly supportive ever since! I have the kind of parents who would be totally supportive no matter what I decided to pursue, with the possible exceptions of joining the military or running a cartel.
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My dad desperately wanted me to join the military. I'm not even kidding. I'm a 5'2" 110lb girl who is in no way physically fit, plus I have terrible eyesight.
 
I think they my parents would disown me if I did't get into medical school/pursue medicine.
 
It wasn't easy telling my parents about my med school aspirations. I walked into my father's study one frigid Winter evening.

"Father, I'm going to apply to medical school. I'm going to be an orthopedic surgeon" I said sternly as I planted myself securely in an armchair opposite my father's desk.

His eyes narrowed and his brow curled as he mustered his words. "Son," he said, "as a surgeon, you simply won't make the cut." He hit a key on his keyboard, and the floor gave way beneath my armchair. I fell for what felt like hours until I landed in the salty blue of the Atlantic Ocean.

But hey, you never know until you try, right?
 
Haters_protein.gif
 
There's an unfortunate gender bias here as well. One of my female friends will be starting medical school this summer, her brother is starting his M3 year at the same school. Although her parents were very supportive of her brother's aspirations, they were lukewarm to my friend's thoughts. They seemed to (perhaps passive-aggressively) steer her towards more "family friendly" professions including nursing. They didn't suggest her brother go into nursing. I guess I had hoped we (as a society) would have gotten beyond this by now, I guess not.
 
A little old for their opinions to really matter but anyway...they dreamt their whole lives that their little girl was going to be a violinist, and structured their whole lives and my life as well so that I would be. They hoped my desire to go into medicine was just a phase... a "rebellious phase (but really, who rebels at 23?!), and I think both of them are quite disappointed that I actually found something that I wanted to do all on my own. They tried to guilt trip me for the first year I began taking pre-reqs and going through my post-bac by saying how I broke their hearts, and that all the money they poured into my music was wasted.

They've finally come around though and have realized they just want me to be happy with my life and my decisions. Our relationship is actually better now vs when they were pushing me to follow their dreams for me, so my life has definitely turned around for the better. I think they finally respect me as an adult once I was brave enough to go my own way.
 
Upon learning that I was considering medical school, my mother asked if I would like to see a psychiatrist. I can't remember what Dad said or rather emailed.

Upon learning that I was accepted, my mother said "That's nice" and my father asked if it was in the country.

If any of them come to white coat I will be amazed.
 
familyaerospace said:
Upon learning that I was considering medical school, my mother asked if I would like to see a psychiatrist. I can't remember what Dad said or rather emailed.

Upon learning that I was accepted, my mother said "That's nice" and my father asked if it was in the country.

If any of them come to white coat I will be amazed.
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I like that your mom wanted you to see a shrink haha! I'm sure you've seen enough MH counselors and possibly psychiatrists throughout your transitioning that you know yourself well enough by this stage!
 
My dad was generally supportive, yet a bit skeptical. My mom however thinks it's a terrible idea. Something about the debt and apparently the job prospects for new physicians are unstable. I asked for a couple books about/by physicians for Christmas to try to educate myself on the profession a bit. When I opened them she said "Maybe one of these books will show her that it's a terrible idea." I currently have a pretty stable job and could go far in my field if I so desired, so maybe she just doesn't understand why I want to make the switch.
 
When I started college, my parents just told me to follow my dreams... as long as my dreams could provide job security and benefits. They are happy that I am going into medicine, but they would have been happy with any field where I could get a job and enjoy it. I'm very thankful to have parents that are supportive without being suffocating.
 
Grace184 said:
I like that your mom wanted you to see a shrink haha! I'm sure you've seen enough MH counselors and possibly psychiatrists throughout your transitioning that you know yourself well enough by this stage!
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Well it's not every day that your medically phobic son calls you to tell you that he wants to go into medicine! My family actually took bets against me on how long I would last in medical volunteering.
 
bold text said:
I’m 28 and a late bloomer. I only finally started telling friends within the last six months. This was a long time coming…finally I woke up one day and said “Who’s really walking around with a smile on their face saying I’m so glad she’s not going into medicine?” From that point on I realized I shouldn’t waste any more time worrying what family or friends would say because it wasn’t worth it anymore and I finally deserved to be happy. Because I was pretty sure I knew what my parent’s reaction was going to be, I decided to not tell family until I felt comfortable that this was me, and was ready to lose them if they chose to dis-own me.

I let it slip that I was studying for the MCAT and was ready for it to be over to one of my sisters during Christmas. I thought it was understood that it was between us but she told my parents (genuinely in the effort of trying to soften the blow). I’m really disappointed she did this but at the same time, she’s the only one that supports me and didn’t mean harm. I guess my parents refused to believe it and chose not tell me they knew. Instead, they kept asking me what was wrong with me, if I was bitter, and told me to talk to them about the problems I obviously had. This of course threw me for a loop, and finally my Dad started making horrible comments to me and called me crazy, psycho, and said my perception was warped. After that confrontation, I was hurt and confused as to why they were talking to me like this. My Dad said he wanted to make it up, so we met up to talk. After a couple of drinks together my Dad got irrationally mad at me for no apparent reason, and said the following words: F U, you’re just a bitch, you’re not fixable, get used to being alone because no one will want you now, and f off (I was officially out of the family). As he was driving me home I said,”You need to always remember I didn’t say one disrespectful word to you”. Once I said this…he suddenly said I needed to admit to him that I was a Pre-med (so I finally realized they knew and that’s why he was acting this way to me)…I did…and he told me my sister had told him. He then changed his tone completely and said it was fine, and I should just be the premed I want to be.

He had just called me the most horrible names, said personal things you can’t take back, and dis-owned me. Did he genuinely realize he was being a jerk or did he realize people would find out about the things he said? He’s now apologized once but I can’t forget all the really personal things he said and really sounded like he meant (I gave him chances to take them back). My mom is so loyal to him that I’ll basically be cut off from the family if I sever ties with him. Have other parents done this, and could you guys move on from it and still talk to them? I want to so I can still have a family…but right now it still really stings and I don’t want to be around him. I waited so long to announce my career plans because my entire family is so blue collar. What should I do? Even after that, I’m scared of not having family.
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I emphasize with you more than you realize 😢
 
My mother expected it. And my father said to just do whatever I want. I never really thought of any other option. It was just assumed I would go into medicine from back when I was ~13-14.
 
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