As much as I kind of hate the idea of cliques I sometimes think they're the only way to make friends in med school. I'm not part of one and, while I'm cordial and friendly with classmates, I'm pretty sure I don't have any real friends. I sort of just drift in and out and say hi to people when I see them but there's really no there there. Anyone else in the same boat?
How is med school when you're not part of a clique?
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sounds like you need to make friends outside of school. Go volunteer if you like that, make some online video game friends if you do that, music friends, sports buddies, etc. Basically just find people who like to do the same hobbies as you
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Yup.
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Yep. But I've realized I prefer it this way bc I have plenty of friends outside of med school and don't feel like I need more than acquaintances at this point. I prefer to study alone and felt guilty always saying "no" to stuff that I didn't want/have time to do when I was part of a group. I also play video games online and have a really good group of people I talk to on there when I'm feeling lonely.
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Present and accounted for!! It definitely comes in clutch when you don't want too many people around you; you don't have to reject anything. I would say find what interests you outside the medical school and pursue groups there.
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Ehh, there are definitely cliques in med school, but there are also plenty of people who aren't a clique, they just each have their own individual network of friends. I have a solid core set of people that I hang out with on a regular basis...and I recently realized that almost none of them know each other very well at all. It's kind of nice, actually. Gives me a bit more space to be friends with each person on an individual basis, instead of dealing with group dynamics.
I know it can be daunting, and joining a group seems like the easiest path to lots of friends, but it's really worth it, imo, to just cultivate good friendships with good people, each on their own and at their own pace. I find that suggesting ice cream to catch up or hang out goes over pretty well with pretty much anyone!
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I would make a few friends to vent with. This process is tough and you don’t want to try to do it solo.
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Cliques aren't really a bad thing. There are people who just get burned out when they're with too many people, so it's preferable to just hang out with a smaller group of people that you're comfortable with and trust.
Of course be nice and polite to all your classmates, but why try too hard to force a connection with someone you just don't vibe with?
Of course be nice and polite to all your classmates, but why try too hard to force a connection with someone you just don't vibe with?
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Been asking myself this question since day uno.
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You can have friends outside of your clique as well.
But cliques naturally and organically develop because you share similarities with certain types of people and can connect with them and trust them on a higher level than other peers. I would like to say that I'm friends with everyone in my class, but that doesn't mean I'm going to trust them all to the same degree or hang out with all of them equally. I go to class-wide house and bar parties, but I also like to spend more time with the people I feel a strong connection with so that I can strengthen those relationships to a deeper level. Many others are the same as well.
Cliques get such a bad reputation because they have this stigma of exclusivity and are portrayed in the media as being superficial and often a tool to bully others. In reality, there are countless reasons cliques form and not all of them are made with bad intentions or to exclude people. Sometimes, it's really just a bunch of people who have similar interests or just "click" as a group. It's very natural for people at the start of medical school to talk to as many people as possible in order to find which people they feel comfortable with and which people will probably remain peers/colleagues/normal friends.
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My school has an SMP/post-bac and a BS-MD program, so a lot of relationships were formed way prior to orientation. Unfortunately, despite many efforts, I have been on the outside looking in. Cliques basically made things hard for me, but my life status is also way different from my classmates. (A bit older, married..)
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Right, but all I'm saying is that it isn't any less valuable or possible to have the same number of close friends, only all of you aren't all each others' best friends. The friendships develop the same way - I spend more time with the people I feel a strong connection with, and those relationships strengthen to a deeper level - but they're not all as tightly interconnected.
I'm not saying cliques are bad. I'm just saying they're not the only way to have multiple strong, meaningful friendships. If you aren't in a clique, but have a strong network of close friends, you're fine. This is harder when most of the social group is in a clique, because they do tend to leave a bit less room for outside friendships to truly develop...not because the members are exclusive bullies, but because you're already juggling a group of close friends and it's then harder/less likely to develop an individual one outside of that.
There are other advantages/disadvantages to each setup, but since in reality you rarely get to actively choose between the two - you kind of naturally end up in one or the other - it's not really worth hashing out.
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This is my experience too. I'm cordial with a bunch of my classmates and I'm pretty close with a very small few but I had and have a life outside of medschool so I don't really get too caught up with the groups.
But even while that may be true, it's still pretty important to get to know your colleagues - essentially building your network; you never what opportunities can open up in the future.
For those who don't have a strong support system outside of medschool, as mentioned before, join interest groups at school or if you have time, join fitness clubs (running, yoga, kickboxing, etc)/other hobby groups
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I can agree with this. There are definitely people in my class like you who have close friends, but are dispersed among different cliques or not part of any themselves.
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Fwiw, I was in one of the cliques for a while, but eventually it dissolved into a couple of close pairs of friends that don't associate as an overall group very much anymore.
I don't mind - in college I was a part of a very tight clique, and when 2 people in it had a falling out, the entire group just imploded, and then you basically lose all of your friends in one fell swoop and have to start over.
My med school seems to have a few tight cliques, a few loose, larger ones, and then a rather large number of us drifters, who tend to associate more with one or the other of the large cliques and a bunch of other drifters in a loose network. I like it that way...my eggs aren't all in one basket.
I wouldn't necessarily give up just yet if you don't have a good friend group. In my med school many people met their closest friends almost immediately, as in within the first few weeks. As for me, I got to know many different people but didn't really get close with and hang out with many of my current best friends there until late September/early October which was almost two months after school began. And I also agree with other posters that having friends does not always equate to being in a clique. Sure, we all hang out, but if anyone else decides to join us we are happy to welcome them! In fact, we have a GroupMe for all of us, and when anyone has came and sat with us in class we have tended to add them and incorporate them as well. So just talk to different people-I'm sure you will eventually find people you click with. And keep an open mind, I ended up meeting one of my friends because we were at the same exam table and another one because we happened to be assigned to visit the same nursing home this one day
@Pinkerpearl will vouch for what I'm saying here 🙂
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Yes, I definitely agree!
Also, it may seem like everyone else is in a clique, when reality is that many out there are feeling the same way as you are. We just don't talk about things like this.
I think there are also some people out there that thrive in cliques, and others that thrive by making diverse connections to many different types of people. For me, someone who prefers the latter, it helps to be overtly friendly to everyone in the class. The more approachable you seem, the more you will be included!
It also helps to get involved! Many friend circles form that way. Sometimes you have to go out of your comfort zone and take a risk by approaching a new person/group/activity. It's hard to be at school when you don't necessarily feel as comfortable as you would like, but spend more time there (studying, hanging out, etc.) if you can!
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Honestly dude just be yourself. No need to be in a clique or to wear a special color every wednesday to be accepted. You’ll find the people you enjoy spending time with the most when you are who you are.
/feelgoodvibes
/feelgoodvibes
I’m right there with you. Tried like crazy to make friends for the first month of med school, even tried to join the cliques. But story of my life, I’m simply not that well liked by people and no one accepted me. And it sucks that when I walk over to a group they all get quiet and/or turn their backs to me and ignore me, but it’s nothing new to me so ♀️..
On the other hand, I have some online groups I’m in that keep me entertained and feeling somewhat liked, and I have a dog, and although I would like to have friends and get invited to stuff, it’s not the end of the world for me if I don’t because frankly it gives me more time to study.
On the other hand, I have some online groups I’m in that keep me entertained and feeling somewhat liked, and I have a dog, and although I would like to have friends and get invited to stuff, it’s not the end of the world for me if I don’t because frankly it gives me more time to study.
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Don't confuse cliques (selective groups) with having a good group of friends. Cliques are obnoxious, but having a close-knit friend circle serves as a strong support system for medical school. You'll hear about all the latest information faster and will be more on top of stuff, you will have people to go to when you fail to meet your goals, you have people to hang out with after exams, and you'll have solid wing men to start relationships and to fall back on when they end.
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You basically defined what a clique is in the bolded though. Cliques are only "selective" because people are selective with who they consider "close-knit friends" or who they go to when they fail to meet goals/use for solid wing men/fall back on when relationships end. You wouldn't ask anyone in your class randomly. Don't buy into those silly high school movies where people don't allow others to sit with them at the lunch table as your idea of a clique.
On SDN, when people say that med school is "cliquey", they really mean there are several close friend groups instead of a large open circle of friends. I'd like to believe that medical students are grown up enough to not purposely exclude or bully others with cliques like angsty adolescent teens.
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Ehhh, I mostly disagree with you here. I think that the differences they point out (and that you are dismissing here) are exactly what differentiate 'cliques' from 'friend groups'. Thus why cliques are always referred to in a negative light.
The quickly Googlable definition is "a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them." Allow is a very active word.
Just because SDN uses the word wrong, doesn't change what the word means, just as someone who studies hard but also spends time helping others and collaborates with classmates isn't really a gunner even though they might be called one by some.
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I have a lot of hobbies and am usually dating, so it's been great and to be honest I get more work done when I am not hanging around friends. I also don't really jive with most of my colleagues as they are from wealthier families with about 5% real world experience. I will say that not being in a clique sucks for getting inside details on school stuff.
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We can agree to disagree then. There can be multiple definitions of a single word. The word "clique" used in the world of medical school does not mean that.
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Yup, just thought I'd clarify, since it seems to be confusing the point in this thread.
It is somewhat presumptuous that you're taking it upon yourself to define how the word is used 'in the world of medical school'. I also attend medical school, and we do not use the word that way.
Perhaps you meant, 'used in my medical school.'
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clique = bully groups
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Is it not the same level of presumptuousness in which you used to say that "just because SDN uses the word wrong"?
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That was in reference to the 'gunner' issue, which there have been multiple threads about on here. It's also a community we're both a part of and have equal access to, rather than my small subsample being valued over your small subsample...we've both got the same sample pool for SDN.
Admittedly, 'wrong' was judgemental phrasing. I ought to have stated 'uses the word inconsistently with the actual definition'. My bad there.
But no, it's not the same. One is "the definition of a word doesn't change just because [group we are both part of] uses it to mean something different," while the other is "you and I have different experiences, so clearly everyone but you does it my way."
And either way, it doesn't freaking matter at this point in the thread other than that people should be aware that not everyone uses the word 'clique' in the same way.
