How often do you see your parent(s)?

[ers_lovesmed]

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I applied to 9 medical schools last year. I am the only child of a single mom, and my mom became sick last year. Due to stress and doubt, I withdrew my applications. My mom's health has not improved since, and it has caused me to see my future differently. Being there for her is the most important thing for me now. I can't imagine moving more than a few hours away from her at this time. My mother is 63 years old. She works a full-time retail job making minimum wage. I want the next 10, 15, 20 years to be great for her. She doesn't have time to socialize much. She has 2 friends and no family besides me.

Now I am a trying to decide between PA and MD/DO. My biggest reason to not choose medical school is residency. I know you can't always choose where you do your residency. I also understand that even if I was close to my mom's town, I would still be very busy. I also want to earn money sooner so I can take my mom on fun trips, as she hasn't left the country in 26 years, and she hasn't taken a vacation in 8 years.

I hope this doesn't come off as weak or that I'm making excuses. I just really want to be present with my mom for the next 20ish years.

So my question to residents is: How often do you see your parents, or how often could you see your parents if you wanted to?

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[Ladholyman]

The answer to your question depends on location. If you can snag a residency within 100 miles of where your Mom lives then you can probably see her every weekend you are off. If you are like me and your parents live over 2,300 miles away then the only time you will get to see your parents in person is probably during your vacation. And even so you have to plan out plane tickets and such.

 

[PTPoeny]

I had one co-resident who was a single mother so her father lived with her to provide child care. I had another co-resident whose parents lived in another country. There isn't going to be any one answer to this question and other people's answers may or may not be relevant to your situation. In addition to how close your mother is, every residency has a different schedule with a different number of golden weekends, different number of jeopardy weekends and such that will change your availability to drive to a nearby town to visit your mother.

 

[geripalgal]

Unfortunatley, if you pursue medical school and residency, and even if you are blessed enough to match nearby, you can anticipate that it will be at least 7 years before you have some control over your own schedule (and make money).

If your goals are to focus on family, then perhaps a different field would be more in keeping with what you really want. However, its a hard decision to make, because 10 years from now, you may regret whatever decision you take...

 

[DokterMom]

You're right to think in terms of a 20-year time frame -- But do you really want to make a major life decision (arguably, THE biggest life decision you have at this point) based on staying near your mother?

If you truly do, deep down in your heart, then medicine is not your answer. The commitment is too deep and too long, and you won't really have much control over your life for a minimum of seven years. If you live in an area most folks consider highly-desirable, you have even less control. If you're in a less popular area, then maybe geography won't be such a problem.

My suggestion is to examine your motivations carefully. If staying near Mom for the next ?? years is a bigger positive than not having your preferred career for the next 40-something years is a negative, then go for it. But if you'd regret the sacrifice, plan accordingly. (Would your Mom consider moving to stay near you?)

 

[rokshana]

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I applied to 9 medical schools last year. I am the only child of a single mom, and my mom became sick last year. Due to stress and doubt, I withdrew my applications. My mom's health has not improved since, and it has caused me to see my future differently. Being there for her is the most important thing for me now. I can't imagine moving more than a few hours away from her at this time. My mother is 63 years old. She works a full-time retail job making minimum wage. I want the next 10, 15, 20 years to be great for her. She doesn't have time to socialize much. She has 2 friends and no family besides me.

Now I am a trying to decide between PA and MD/DO. My biggest reason to not choose medical school is residency. I know you can't always choose where you do your residency. I also understand that even if I was close to my mom's town, I would still be very busy. I also want to earn money sooner so I can take my mom on fun trips, as she hasn't left the country in 26 years, and she hasn't taken a vacation in 8 years.

I hope this doesn't come off as weak or that I'm making excuses. I just really want to be present with my mom for the next 20ish years.

So my question to residents is: How often do you see your parents, or how often could you see your parents if you wanted to?

Not to be a hard ass but exactly how sick is your mom? I mean if you are looking at your mother being around for 20 years is this more of a chronic illness? If she doesn’t have a lot of ties to where you live now , can she move with you?

I say this as someone who took off time between residency and fellowship because of health issues in the family and worked locums to be able to be home more to help while my dad was ill and was able to be home when he died.

Putting family first is admirable but make sure it’s not costing you too much.

 

[gutonc]

To answer the actual question in the subject line:
For my mom with multiple myeloma and her head so far up my ex-wife's butt she can't hear her phone ring? Once or twice a year...way too often.
For my dad with O2 dependent COPD, Prostate cancer and severe depression? Once a month. Not often enough. But not enough that I would sacrifice my career for it. If I was thinking PA school vs MD school, he'd likely be dead before interviews were complete in either of them.

And I live <10 miles from both of them.

 

[ers_lovesmed]

You're right to think in terms of a 20-year time frame -- But do you really want to make a major life decision (arguably, THE biggest life decision you have at this point) based on staying near your mother?

If you truly do, deep down in your heart, then medicine is not your answer. The commitment is too deep and too long, and you won't really have much control over your life for a minimum of seven years. If you live in an area most folks consider highly-desirable, you have even less control. If you're in a less popular area, then maybe geography won't be such a problem.

My suggestion is to examine your motivations carefully. If staying near Mom for the next ?? years is a bigger positive than not having your preferred career for the next 40-something years is a negative, then go for it. But if you'd regret the sacrifice, plan accordingly. (Would your Mom consider moving to stay near you?)

Doktor Mom,

I'm afraid that I will be 33 in residency, broke, and far away. If my mother became more ill I would be unable to financially support her/get her help, and unable to see her enough. She doesn't have anyone else.

She just moved 3 years ago and loves where she is, but she has said she might consider moving. I don't want to take her away from the place she loves, though. That is a selfish thing to do.

Thank you for your response!

 

[ers_lovesmed]

Not to be a hard ass but exactly how sick i

s your mom? I mean if you are looking at your mother being around for 20 years is this more of a chronic illness? If she doesn’t have a lot of ties to where you live now , can she move with you?

I say this as someone who took off time between residency and fellowship because of health issues in the family and worked locums to be able to be home more to help while my dad was ill and was able to be home when he died.

Putting family first is admirable but make sure it’s not costing you too much.

Rokshana,

You're not being a hard ass, haha. It is a perfectly fair question.

Her health has declined fast in the last year. She needs at least 2, maybe 3, surgeries. The ones we know for sure are back surgery (unilateral kyphosis) and vascular surgery. The one surgery we aren't sure of (and neither are the docs) is her abdomen. They think her abdominal pain might be tired to the vascular issues. She has no feeling in her right hand and her right arm is very weak (she's a lefty). She can't break the seal on a new water bottle or clip her own finger nails.

As I mentioned, she has a couple friends and me. She is embarrassed about her recent health ailments, so she hasn't seen her 2 friends in months. I realize that she chose to live alone, alienate herself from her family members, avoid her friends, etc. But yeah... knowing she is alone makes things hard.

We've been to the ER twice in the last 2 months for real emergencies, one of which was life-threatening. That most definitely plays into my current worries. I need a therapist........

Thank you for the response.

 

[ers_lovesmed]

I had one co-resident who was a single mother so her father lived with her to provide child care. I had another co-resident whose parents lived in another country. There isn't going to be any one answer to this question and other people's answers may or may not be relevant to your situation. In addition to how close your mother is, every residency has a different schedule with a different number of golden weekends, different number of jeopardy weekends and such that will change your availability to drive to a nearby town to visit your mother.

PTPoeny,

Thanks for your response. I hear stories all the time of residents making it through hard times (single parents, children, etc.) but that doesn't always mean they are content with their choice, you know? I know there are so many variables, so my question is kind of pointless. I suppose I was just looking for some insight about how residency looks on paper vs. in reality.

I'm not sure the title "Dr." is worth the sacrifice of my mother's stability.

 

[ers_lovesmed]

To answer the actual question in the subject line:
For my mom with multiple myeloma and her head so far up my ex-wife's butt she can't hear her phone ring? Once or twice a year...way too often.
For my dad with O2 dependent COPD, Prostate cancer and severe depression? Once a month. Not often enough. But not enough that I would sacrifice my career for it. If I was thinking PA school vs MD school, he'd likely be dead before interviews were complete in either of them.

And I live <10 miles from both of them.

Gutonc,

Thanks for answering. I'm sorry to hear about your parents' illnesses. Glad you are apart of their lives.

Do your parents have other people, too, though? Like your siblings, or their siblings, friends, or caretakers? That's what tugs on me the most is that my mom literally has no one else. She is a very independent lady (which is why she is fine with having no one else) but now that she is older she is going to need someone, whether she likes it or not. She tells me I don't have to worry about her, but if I don't, who will?

 

[Goro]

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I applied to 9 medical schools last year. I am the only child of a single mom, and my mom became sick last year. Due to stress and doubt, I withdrew my applications. My mom's health has not improved since, and it has caused me to see my future differently. Being there for her is the most important thing for me now. I can't imagine moving more than a few hours away from her at this time. My mother is 63 years old. She works a full-time retail job making minimum wage. I want the next 10, 15, 20 years to be great for her. She doesn't have time to socialize much. She has 2 friends and no family besides me.

Now I am a trying to decide between PA and MD/DO. My biggest reason to not choose medical school is residency. I know you can't always choose where you do your residency. I also understand that even if I was close to my mom's town, I would still be very busy. I also want to earn money sooner so I can take my mom on fun trips, as she hasn't left the country in 26 years, and she hasn't taken a vacation in 8 years.

I hope this doesn't come off as weak or that I'm making excuses. I just really want to be present with my mom for the next 20ish years.

So my question to residents is: How often do you see your parents, or how often could you see your parents if you wanted to?

Being a medical student means having to be somewhat selfish. You simply can't drop everything and run home every time there's an crisis.

Your're a good child, so based upon your post, I suggest a career path different from medical school

 

[Crayola227]

Yeah, sorry, if you're a resident in a different state, I would forget it. You only get up to 4 weeks of vacation a year, often in 1-2 week increments. Golden weekends, where you get both days off, varies widely. I've known programs with a lot of golden weekends but it was except for a few rotations (which is why others on the rotation could have golden weekends). I've also known one where there were NONE for the whole year at some point in the residency, and the rest of the time quite rare.

As far as how early do you even get home off work, it varies so much and all of this is specialty dependent.

I know a lot of residents that would only get to see a relative in another state 4 times a year max, and that's if they were even allowed to take all vacation time at 1 week increments. Getting major holidays off like T day and Xmas is something you can pretty much forget about too.

 

[Crayola227]

I think if you go into medicine, you need to accept the idea that you will hardly see anyone you care about, including spouse and children, for the whole of your residency, so at least 3 years. And be willing to live anywhere including outside the lower 48. Some people it doesn't work out as dire as all this, but it certainly and easily can.

 

[Crayola227]

My parent died while I was in med school, and I didn't get to see them as much as I would like. I was lucky that I was able to do a rotation and live with them during it. I didn't get to follow through on my dream of being better off and taking good care of them in their later years.

I will say this, it's amazing how much talking on the phone can do. I had a LTR for all of med school. They had a good job so we could afford flights about every 6 weeks when it averaged out that I had a golden weekend or other time off.

For med school and residency I was able to talk to them every day, for up to an hour a day was doable. Bluetooth helps while you go about chores.

I'm all for the idea that you have to get time with loved ones in the here and now. But you also have to think of your future and the idea that you might have a lot of life to live without a parent. What kind of life do they want for you?

OTOH, I can see the argument that loved ones and time with them means more than any job, despite the fact that a job has a huge impact on our daily happiness, and represents almost 1/2 of all our waking hours during our working years (for most people), and that having a job we enjoy and makes good money can affect how we live the rest of those hours.

 

[Crayola227]

No offense, your mom could go at any time. Where does that leave you?

Is she not able to come live with you during med school and residency? Does she own a home you can rent out if you can't/won't sell? If she makes minimum wage, might she not be able to get another job closer to you? Maybe she would prefer to make these sacrifices rather than have you not go through med school? Won't she be retirement age by the time you would do residency?

My parent and I could live on around $15K per year for both us in a place with a low cost of living. On a resident's salary if you are frugal and don't live somewhere expensive, you could make that work without her having to work.

If you want to get married and not have your mom live with you, if the other person worked and you were frugal, depending on if your mom works full or part time, you could possibly afford to have her live on her own nearby. If you have a romantic partner that isn't willing to help support your mom, forget about them.

It's likely far easier to try to aim for a place that is cheap for your residency (if you don't apply to a specialty that is narrow in numbers) than to assume you can live where you want.

I never understand why some parents don't move to be closer to their children, and instead children feel they must give up on making a better future for everyone.

 

[Winged Scapula]

So...what does your mother want?

There are few parents that want to see you give up on your dreams and goals to help them. After all, once she is gone (whether its now, or 20 years from now), giving up your life for hers leaves you with nothing. Have you talked with her about your concerns?

As others have asked, if she is working a minimum wage job, why not have her move with you? From your description, it doesn't sound as if there are lots of reasons for stay where she is. She may enjoy helping you with day to day needs while you're in school, she can still work and you can help look after her.

 

[Perrotfish]

Doktor Mom,

I'm afraid that I will be 33 in residency, broke, and far away. If my mother became more ill I would be unable to financially support her/get her help, and unable to see her enough. She doesn't have anyone else.

If it changes your calculations, residents make over 50K/year. Not quite doctor money but you won't be broke.

 

[Crayola227]

As I said I've lived on $50K for 2 people. I didn't even think we were broke.

 

[Winged Scapula]

As I said I've lived on $50K for 2 people. I didn't even think we were broke.

Because you weren't (or shouldn't have been). The median US income for a family of 4 is around $56K. There are lots of residents with spouses who are SAHM (less but some who are SAHD), so theres no reason he couldn't support her (assuming they live together) as a resident, especially if she's still able to work.

 

[ers_lovesmed]

So...what does your mother want?

There are few parents that want to see you give up on your dreams and goals to help them. After all, once she is gone (whether its now, or 20 years from now), giving up your life for hers leaves you with nothing. Have you talked with her about your concerns?

As others have asked, if she is working a minimum wage job, why not have her move with you? From your description, it doesn't sound as if there are lots of reasons for stay where she is. She may enjoy helping you with day to day needs while you're in school, she can still work and you can help look after her.

Winged Scapula,

Giving up on medical school wouldn't leave me with nothing. I would probably be a PA. I have a hobby I have been very passionate about for 11 years (don't see that ever changing). I might have a relationship or children. I could even go back for my DHSc. Life is what you make it.

My mom just moved here. She chose to live here because she likes it here. I think that is a good enough reason to stay.

I think it's a stretch to say she might enjoy doing my household duties when she is 70-75 with health issues.

As I've mentioned, my mom is a very independent lady, almost to a flaw. She doesn't want anyone's help, and even now I can see she is upset that I need to clip her finger nails for her. She is ambitious and wants to leave her current retail job and work in the school systems, but she needs to get her recent health issues fixed first. I can't see her as choosing to follow me wherever and be my maid for the rest of her life, and I don't want that for her.

I want my future to allow her the independence she wants, but I need to be available if she needs me.

 

[ers_lovesmed]

If it changes your calculations, residents make over 50K/year. Not quite doctor money but you won't be broke.

Perrotfish,

We have lived frugally our entire lives. She works a retail job and I make $16/hr.

I feel like my mom deserves to have more at this point.

 

[Crayola227]

Winged Scapula,

Giving up on medical school wouldn't leave me with nothing. I would probably be a PA. I have a hobby I have been very passionate about for 11 years (don't see that ever changing). I might have a relationship or children. I could even go back for my DHSc. Life is what you make it.

My mom just moved here. She chose to live here because she likes it here. I think that is a good enough reason to stay.

I think it's a stretch to say she might enjoy doing my household duties when she is 70-75 with health issues.

As I've mentioned, my mom is a very independent lady, almost to a flaw. She doesn't want anyone's help, and even now I can see she is upset that I need to clip her finger nails for her. She is ambitious and wants to leave her current retail job and work in the school systems, but she needs to get her recent health issues fixed first. I can't see her as choosing to follow me wherever and be my maid for the rest of her life, and I don't want that for her.

I want my future to allow her the independence she wants, but I need to be available if she needs me.

Wow well for being such a proud and independent lady I'm surprised she would be OK for you settling for a less ambitious path on her account.

Not to be insensitive here, but I am worried that at her age, having health issues of any type, having to clip her fingernails, that there tends not to be an upward trajectory of health in anyone of that age.

I'm also surprised that liking the area takes precedence.

I'm surprised that you forgoing school so she can work a minimum wage job over helping her daughter become a doctor, fills her with more pride and is seen as a better use of her time.

It's clear that you and your family have priorities that doesn't put you in a position to prioritize a career in medicine.

All the best.

 

[ers_lovesmed]

Not to be insensitive here, but I am worried that at her age, having health issues of any type, having to clip her fingernails, that there tends not to be an upward trajectory of health in anyone of that age.

Yes. I realize that her health will slowly be declining. I will be her primary caregiver. That is why I am distraught over this.

I'm also surprised that liking the area takes precedence.

When someone is 60s+, it is important that they like where they live. That home is where they spend their last years before death.

I cannot expect her to uproot and give up that stability for me.

I'm surprised that you forgoing school so she can work a minimum wage job over helping her daughter become a doctor, fills her with more pride and is seen as a better use of her time.

Is my mom supposed to quit her job and not work? What would you advise?

It's clear that you and your family have priorities that doesn't put you in a position to prioritize a career in medicine.

As rude as your comment was, I will refrain from giving you that same disrespect.

 

[Crayola227]

Yes. I realize that her health will slowly be declining. I will be her primary caregiver. That is why I am distraught over this.

When someone is 60s+, it is important that they like where they live. That home is where they spend their last years before death.

I cannot expect her to uproot and give up that stability for me.

Is my mom supposed to quit her job and not work? What would you advise?

As rude as your comment was, I will refrain from giving you that same disrespect.

I'm sorry if you think the truth is rude, I don't think that it is. It is clear from what you have had to say in response to everyone here, that you and your mother are not in a position for you to attend medical school. Or do I have that wrong?

I suggested that you get into medical school and have your mother move in with you wherever you go, AND that she find work there. She could even pursue a career in teaching if that is what she wants, the two of you working together as students could actually be a nice arrangement. But I don't know the particulars except that you don't want to move her, and it sounds like she has career aspirations you want to support, that would not allow you to move and attend medical school and then move for a residency.

I question the wisdom of a young person giving up a career in medicine to support the career change of a person in their 60s working minimum wage retail. I can appreciate what you say about her moving. I know parents who refused to move when their children got into school away from home. Usually even if the parents aren't willing to uproot, they still urge their children to go to school. Maybe not always. Maybe you should just have your mom read this thread and give you her own opinion on ideas here.

I'll give you another dose of rude. People sacrifice for the things they really want. You are not willing to sacrifice these things for this career. That's OK. You are willing to sacrifice for what you think is best for your mom. That's laudable.

OTOH, when I think about what is best for parents, that is when I question if this has more to do with you hiding behind your mom. That possibly you have some fears of failure and fears of success. I partly think this, because what you are telling us in response to proposed solutions, just doesn't make sense. I think that is also why you find what I am saying rude. I think you are being irrational, and I am saying as much. That tends to make people being irrational even angrier.

So why bother? Because if my last paragraph is correct, maybe having said so, will help you to look at this from all angles. Maybe it doesn't change anything. But I would be remiss if I didn't urge you to think past what you have said already.

Good luck.

 

[Crayola227]

Winged Scapula,

Giving up on medical school wouldn't leave me with nothing. I would probably be a PA. I have a hobby I have been very passionate about for 11 years (don't see that ever changing). I might have a relationship or children. I could even go back for my DHSc. Life is what you make it.

My mom just moved here. She chose to live here because she likes it here. I think that is a good enough reason to stay.

I think it's a stretch to say she might enjoy doing my household duties when she is 70-75 with health issues.

As I've mentioned, my mom is a very independent lady, almost to a flaw. She doesn't want anyone's help, and even now I can see she is upset that I need to clip her finger nails for her. She is ambitious and wants to leave her current retail job and work in the school systems, but she needs to get her recent health issues fixed first. I can't see her as choosing to follow me wherever and be my maid for the rest of her life, and I don't want that for her.

I want my future to allow her the independence she wants, but I need to be available if she needs me.

Really confused now. If she won't enjoy doing your household duties at 70-75, what would she rather be doing?

Why would she rather work minimum wage than help you attain your education? As soon as you start residency you would be able to afford some help at home, and if she's so proud and planning to be working somehow at 70-75, then why would she be above running her own household? (ie grocery shopping, making dinner, cleaning house, etc)

If she's old, has poor health, then isn't it a job for her to stay home and help you? Why is this a job she would turn her nose up at? Why do you think this is such a bad job for her to do for you both?

My own mother is reading this thread right now. She is wondering why she wouldn't be willing to help you, and then in 7 years when you have big doctor money, you could both make the most of it together.

Your proposed plan and reasons make no sense.

 

[Crayola227]

Yes. I realize that her health will slowly be declining. I will be her primary caregiver. That is why I am distraught over this.




When someone is 60s+, it is important that they like where they live. That home is where they spend their last years before death.

I cannot expect her to uproot and give up that stability for me.




Is my mom supposed to quit her job and not work? What would you advise?



As rude as your comment was, I will refrain from giving you that same disrespect.

What stability? You said she has no friends and family. She is working minimum wage with poor health, and wants a career change.

Why can't you apply to medical school and residencies in locations she might like?

 

[Crayola227]

I think this has more to do with what you think you need to sacrifice for your mom. You do not paint the picture of someone who would rather you not pursue this career path. It happens often that parents tell their children they don't want to hold them back, yet refuse to come with. In which case, as you suggest here, something has to give. If you told her that if she wasn't willing to come with, that you would not attend medical school, than I wonder what would be the most palatable solution to her.

Consider your audience. You are talking to a group of people who have sacrificed a lot to be where they are. None of us didn't NOT apply because of our family issues. And I think most of us would never dream of having our health or ill-paying jobs be what stands in our own children's way. There is nowhere I would rather live than close to my family, as you say, but it is the job of children to leave the nest. It is up for parents to be willing to make themselves a part of their children's lives wherever their children are, not to hold them back. If my job and my house and my spouse mean I can't be near my children, so be it. It's that way for a lot of people. OTOH, usually by the time you've lost so much independence that your children don't feel they can leave you, is around the time you don't have the sort of ties that should be keeping you from following them and not holding them back.

Also keep in mind that a lot of us are parents. I'm not. My mum is reading over my shoulder. Most parents would find a thread like this positively horrifying.

Seriously, think of how your mom would feel. This could be one of not only your biggest regrets, but hers as well. It's unbelievably ****ing sad that you two might do this to each other. Not when you could live together and share so much. That's why the rant.

Seems like you wanted confirmation that the path you think is correct is correct. I think you'll find it hard for us to say anything besides you have to do what you think is right, but that's hardly the same thing.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Winged Scapula,

Giving up on medical school wouldn't leave me with nothing. I would probably be a PA. I have a hobby I have been very passionate about for 11 years (don't see that ever changing). I might have a relationship or children. I could even go back for my DHSc. Life is what you make it.

My mom just moved here. She chose to live here because she likes it here. I think that is a good enough reason to stay.

I think it's a stretch to say she might enjoy doing my household duties when she is 70-75 with health issues.

As I've mentioned, my mom is a very independent lady, almost to a flaw. She doesn't want anyone's help, and even now I can see she is upset that I need to clip her finger nails for her. She is ambitious and wants to leave her current retail job and work in the school systems, but she needs to get her recent health issues fixed first. I can't see her as choosing to follow me wherever and be my maid for the rest of her life, and I don't want that for her.

I want my future to allow her the independence she wants, but I need to be available if she needs me.

I think you have grossly over read my response.

I said nothing about her enjoying doing your “household duties” when she’s “70-75” or “being your maid”. Nor did I mean to imply that “nothing” meant NOTHING.

Being a PA is not the same as being a physician. So you are on giving up your dreams IN CASE your mother needs you? OTOH if that will make you happy and help your mom, then go for it.

My own 77 yo mother is fiercely independent as well and fortunately healthy, but like Crayolas mother, she is reading this and thinks you are making a lot of assumptions and thinks that your mother would not want you to give up your own goals and dreams.

You come here and asked for advice and we’re trying to be open-minded and suggest alternative options but you seem resistant to listening to. This doesn’t have to be adversarial but you’re making it so. As noted above we all sacrificed to get where we are so that will affect our answers; those that didn’t arent here

 

[geripalgal]

Seems like you wanted confirmation that the path you think is correct is correct. I think you'll find it hard for us to say anything besides you have to do what you think is right, but that's hardly the same thing.

Agree with the above completely. There are plenty of meaningful careers outside of medicine, and if being a PA satisfies your career goals and allows you to take care of your mom, then I think its the right thing to do.

 

[rokshana]

Winged Scapula,

Giving up on medical school wouldn't leave me with nothing. I would probably be a PA. I have a hobby I have been very passionate about for 11 years (don't see that ever changing). I might have a relationship or children. I could even go back for my DHSc. Life is what you make it.

My mom just moved here. She chose to live here because she likes it here. I think that is a good enough reason to stay.

I think it's a stretch to say she might enjoy doing my household duties when she is 70-75 with health issues.

As I've mentioned, my mom is a very independent lady, almost to a flaw. She doesn't want anyone's help, and even now I can see she is upset that I need to clip her finger nails for her. She is ambitious and wants to leave her current retail job and work in the school systems, but she needs to get her recent health issues fixed first. I can't see her as choosing to follow me wherever and be my maid for the rest of her life, and I don't want that for her.

I want my future to allow her the independence she wants, but I need to be available if she needs me.

because you are not a parent, especially a mother...

have you thought about how she will feel, knowing that you are throwing away all the sacrifices that SHE has made to get you to where you are?

as WS has said, you need to discuss this with your mother...trust me, you are more important to her than any job out there and your success and wish fulfilled is more important to her than anything...talk to her...

 

[DokterMom]

As a mother, it would break my heart if my adult child decided to forego her own dream to "stay home and take care of me" -- No parent wants to be that kind of burden.

You haven't said anything about where you live. Are you in a highly desirable and/or very expensive area?

Also, you seem to be trivializing the PA school admission process -- it's pretty competitive. Do you happen to have a friendly neighborhood PA school handy that has offered you a spot?

 

[hmockingbird]

I live about an hour from my parents and see them about every two weeks. It’s not a factor that played into my residency choice at all but it’s a nice bonus. I would not go so far as to say you will “never” see relatives/friends especially if they live close or are willing to visit you instead of the other way around, but if you’re going to geographically limit yourself it will limit your admissio chances/career opportunities.

 

[MBBS_124]

Yes

 

[BobBarker]

This is really silly. If you want to use this as an excuse not to be a physician then that is ok. As stated, every parent is horrified at the thought that their child would give up on their dream to “take care of mom/dad”. I would rather be took out behind the barn and be shot.