How to stand your ground without getting in trouble?

[Tome]

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So here's the issue, I think I am too nice. For the last couple of years I have been in the classroom so this hasn't been as big of an issue, but I'm about to enter the clinical years of training and am concerned about the upcoming social interactions. How to handle verbal aggressiveness without getting in trouble?

 

[lilnoelle]

avoid these individuals, or ignore their behavior. They obviously know it bothers you, otherwise it would have become boring and they would have stopped. I'm a little surprised this type of behavior persists beyond high school.

 

[slick27]

I think this kind of treatment is common in the medical environment. I worked in a business environment and a medical environment prior to going to medical school. The business environment was more laid back and treated each other as individuals. In the medical environment it was constant harrasment, especially if you were the low person on the food chain, or the newest memeber to the group. Just try to ignore these people and finish your time at that work environment as fast as you can.

I cannot tell you how to stand your ground without getting in trouble. But, at some point you will have enough of this behavior and when it reaches the tipping point, watch out. I hope you can slove this ordeal before it gets to this point.

 

[surrender903]

For many years now, some co-workers and co-students have been verbally aggressive towards me when I have done nothing wrong to them. For example, they will say offensive things, call me names, or make fun of me when others are around to make me look bad (or to make them look good). When I build up the courage to confront them or say something back, it almost inevitably turns into disaster, with the person hating me or talking behind my back about how mean I am and my “tone.” As a result I have played it safe and normally don’t confront the person, and just blow it off. But it does get frustrating and is really embarrassing when it happens in front of friends or co-students.

If people are calling you names or are saying something offensive to you on the wards in front of other people then just ask them to kindly stop. If they dont keep moving up the food chain until you get the results you want. Workload is one thing, verbal abuse is a different story. You are not a recruit in the military and they are not a DI (or whatever they call drill instructors now).

This is not Hell's Kitchen and they are not Gordon Ramsey.

 

[Emerald84]

I think I have the same type of issue.

Maybe your school offers free counseling? If you go to someone who does more cognitive behavior therapy, you can work on how you manage your relationship with these people in really healthy ways. I think a lot of it comes down to boundaries. There are way of setting boundaries peacefully and mindfully with people. Being too nice often translates to taking on too much responsibility or simply more things than you reasonably have time to do. Take stock before dealing with individuals and plainly and clearly assert what you can and cannot do and what you might need help with.

I have worked in both the academic world and the corporate world ( right now). Business is more laid back, but I have to be very clear what I can accomplish with in a given time period. Its ok to have an open dialogue with superiors and peers about what you NEED. Work on it everyday. in all of your relationships.


Best of luck

 

[QofQuimica]

Sorry you're having that experience, Tome.

Unless you're quick enough to come up with a witty retort, I'd suggest disarming them by not reacting how they expect. In other words, don't get upset, and don't try to insult them back. Instead, next time someone says something to you, treat them like they're giving you good advice or otherwise trying to be nice to you. Smile and thank them in front of the whole group for being so helpful, and tell them that you really appreciate their advice. Then change the subject or walk away. If the other person pushes the issue, they'll just make themselves look like a jerk. Oh, and no matter what, never badmouth that person to others, especially if s/he is your superior.

 

[viobio2]

I've had similar issues... so much so that even my close friends have sometimes called me a "pansy," because I usually see it as just too much trouble to stand up to the person. I agree: if you don't have the ability to make everybody laugh at the issue, then these are really tough situations. I find a sense of respectful sarcasm sometimes helps; thank them for their advice; tell them (in front of everyone) that you'll "take their advice into consideration."

And, like QofQuimica said, "...no matter what, never badmouth that person to others, especially if s/he is your superior." If you act responsibly and respectfully, others will soon see that you really are the better person. A good attitude will bear you out every time, even if it's torture waiting for that moment. Frankly, if they're treating you like this, they're probably treating others like this, too.

 

[Buckeye(OH)]

I don't take **** from people I don't know or I have no rapport with. If some random dick head decides to start picking on me, I usually have a witty retort.

You have to be careful about this though. A lot of people respect me for my ability to withstand and deal with being **** on, but engaging also brings you the label of "dick"

 

[worlddoctor23]

So here’s the issue, I think I am too nice. For the last couple of years I have been in the classroom so this hasn’t been as big of an issue, but I’m about to enter the clinical years of training and am concerned about the upcoming social interactions.

For many years now, some co-workers and co-students have been verbally aggressive towards me when I have done nothing wrong to them. For example, they will say offensive things, call me names, or make fun of me when others are around to make me look bad (or to make them look good). When I build up the courage to confront them or say something back, it almost inevitably turns into disaster, with the person hating me or talking behind my back about how mean I am and my “tone.” As a result I have played it safe and normally don’t confront the person, and just blow it off. But it does get frustrating and is really embarrassing when it happens in front of friends or co-students.

I guess you'd say I'm a normally appearing guy without any obvious disabilities or differences. I mentioned this to a psychologist who said the best way to handle this is to try to always make others smile, and to ask the offender to stop the action - but when I do this and they don’t respect me, it almost inevitably turns into disaster. If the person was cordial and had mutual respect, they probably wouldn’t have done it in the first place, so is there any point in confronting them and making it worse? Any advice?

Well Tome, I hate to break it to you, but that's a small representation of the real world. Throughout your life you will encounter people you can get along with and those who you'd rather avoid. The best way to handle it is to just be yourself. If you're a nice guy, stay that way. If they have something constructive to offer you, regardless of the manner in which they present it, then take it. If they just want to treat you badly, ignore them (to hell with them). And if they want to talk about you behind your back and call you names, well know that only you can define who you are. Most people are smart. They'll hear this talk about you, but when they encounter you, then they'll know the real you. Stop trying to react to this nonsense. Live your life and continue to define your character. Eventually these people will come around or die ignorant. Either way, you're still ahead.