How to Thank Your Recommendation Letter-Writers

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Rewindtheyes

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How should you thank a rec-letter writer? I considered taking them all out to dinner but that is beyond my budget. I'd prefer not to get them something hokey or something they don't need.

Whether you are in grad school or just applied, I would love your input.

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I hand wrote a nice card and got each of the a small box of nice chocolates. Easy, simple, cheap.
 
I'd also like advice on this front. I am going to write a nice card and let them know the schools to which I was admitted with their support. But I would like to get them some kind of gift as well... I'd prefer to stay away from food stuff in case any of them have allergies I'm not aware of!
 
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Honestly I think a hand written card is sufficient.

But the good thing about food gifts is that "it's the thought that counts." If the letter-writer has a partner and/or kids, they can gobble up anything the intended recipient doesn't want. If the letter writer lives alone, they just bring the food into the department and use it to win over support staff.

What else could you buy them besides food? An engraved snowglobe? Bunny slippers? Leather chaps?
 
I wrote something like "thanks I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee," and added a $5 Starbucks gift card. I figured this was both casual and thoughtful.
 
I plan to give them a starbucks gift card too with a letter, hopefully they will like. I need to hurry though since one is in Spain and I need to send her that abroad :L 🙂.
 
jxmagik said:
I wrote something like "thanks I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee," and added a $5 Starbucks gift card. I figured this was both casual and thoughtful.
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I did pretty much the exact same thing. I tried to think of things my professors liked, and most of them drank starbucks on a regular basis, so I went with this approach. If you notice that your professor shops at a certain store or buys food from the same place regularly, it would be really thoughtful to buy them a gift card to those places.
 
I did thank -you notes (or emails for out of town) for all my recs. I also did written thank-you notes for all my interviews. Both worked well.
 
I did cards, a nice bottle of wine for one, and beer glassware for the other. These people didn't just write recs but mentored me throughout the process, so I decided to give a little more, but I didn't go overboard on the $$ (poor RA). I've heard gift certificates are popular as well, and a lot of people just do cards.
 
I did a card and a candle from bath and body lol it was wintertime when I thanked them so the candles were all holiday scents 🙂 Actually, I had to send one out of town because one of my letters of rec prof. went on sabbatical!
 
The whole gift-giving thing is a little confusing to me. I mean, thank you's seem appropriate for sure. I suppose something small is nice as well. But it really has to depend on your relationship.

I remember a student once got me a bottle of wine and chocolates for writing a letter, and it was extremely uncomfortable. I would have much preferred nothing over the awkwardness.

I did handwritten thank you's for my most recent round of letters. I have gotten some good "above-and-beyond" mentorship from one of them, who I plan to send a small gift (maybe a gift card for them to go out to eat with their spouse) to after the process is over. But that would be the first time I have ever done something like that.

My primary mentor likely would be uncomfortable with me sending them a gift. They'd probably rather I publish another paper 😎
 
Pragma said:
The whole gift-giving thing is a little confusing to me. I mean, thank you's seem appropriate for sure. I suppose something small is nice as well. But it really has to depend on your relationship.

I remember a student once got me a bottle of wine and chocolates for writing a letter, and it was extremely uncomfortable. I would have much preferred nothing over the awkwardness.

I did handwritten thank you's for my most recent round of letters. I have gotten some good "above-and-beyond" mentorship from one of them, who I plan to send a small gift (maybe a gift card for them to go out to eat with their spouse) to after the process is over. But that would be the first time I have ever done something like that.

My primary mentor likely would be uncomfortable with me sending them a gift. They'd probably rather I publish another paper 😎
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I'm with Pragma. Card = enough. Get them a really nice card--something unusual, maybe a letter press card you buy through the Internet (if you don't live where you can buy them in a store).

The other thing you can do is let them know where you got in, what your future plans are.

Most of the people I write letters for do neither (no card, no update about acceptance or future plans, not even a thank you via email). 🙄
 
We really don't need or expect gifts - a card is delightful and, if you must, a gift card in a very small denomination is nice. I gave my letter writers hand-written cards and coffee mugs (very simple, non-gaudy design with just the name of the school) from the institution where I accepted the offer.

I love it when my students update me as they get interviews and offers, and then when they let me know where they're going. A quick email from a student who is excitedly letting me know he/she was invited to interview somewhere has really brightened my day on more than one occasion.

I also like it when students let me know the end result of the application process even if they don't get an offer that year. This gives me another opportunity to encourage them and help them strategize for their next steps.

A thank you email or hand-written card after the whole thing is over is really nice. Faculty actually often keep these for tenure and promotion files as additional evidence of mentoring activity.
 
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Whoever finds chocolate and wine awkward needs to relinquish their delinquent, gift-giving mentees to me.

But I agree, it depends on your relationship.
 
It puts the lotion on its skin....

Sorry, just had to say that.
 
FemmeFeline said:
I'd also like advice on this front. I am going to write a nice card and let them know the schools to which I was admitted with their support. But I would like to get them some kind of gift as well... I'd prefer to stay away from food stuff in case any of them have allergies I'm not aware of!
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I wrote a card and added a Starbucks gift card!
 
I’ve always been fine with a “thank you” email. It’s part of the job oo someone supervising students/trainees- no more- and arguably less- important than a lot of the other stuff we do. Heck, imho, I deserve a shoebox full of large denomination bills for things like review trainee reports! By the time it gets to writing letters of rec, the hard part has been done.
 
I would say that a thank you card is sufficient. As others said, I think gifts can be too much, and I certainly would never expect a dinner. I have even heard a few faculty members also say that they think gifts are inappropriate for various reasons, so personally, I would just go with a card!
 
If I’m writing a letter of rec it means you’ve done an enormous amount of work, often underpaid or completely unpaid. Then giving me a gift because I wrote down all the stuff you did for me seems weird.

Every day you came in to work ready to learn and give it your all is the best thank you. Go spend the money on yourself.
 
The best gift I could grt nowadays is just an organized request for letters with sufficient lead time (at least 2 weeks). Lately it seems like good request etiquette has been lacking from some of my clinical students. I don't mind helping in a pinch, but some people seem to be in a perpetual pinch. This makes me write less enthusiastically.
 
wigflip said:
Honestly I think a hand written card is sufficient.

But the good thing about food gifts is that "it's the thought that counts." If the letter-writer has a partner and/or kids, they can gobble up anything the intended recipient doesn't want. If the letter writer lives alone, they just bring the food into the department and use it to win over support staff.

What else could you buy them besides food? An engraved snowglobe? Bunny slippers? Leather chaps?
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leather chaps all the way!
 
In seriousness though, a letter alone is plenty I think, especially if it is thoughtful and you specifically include a couple of ways they have helped you along they way that might have gone above and beyond. In some cases, letters and such can be included in portfolios when people go up for promotion as evidence they're actually good teachers/supervisors etc. So that's actually a really great gift. Plus just the fact that you even write a thank you note is setting you apart. I've written many a rec letter (mostly for undergrads and master's level) and not rec'd any follow up to let me know the outcome, and it makes me pretty frustrated.
 
Differing opinion:

1) Buy yourself some very nice, personalized stationary. Write them a note saying something like “thank you very much. I look forward to working with you as a peer someday. Let me buy you a coffee at the next conference”. This type of note on real paper makes you look serious, and maintains the relationship without making more hassles. The stationary, which creates a lasting impression, will be useful again and again. And coffee at conferences is free.

2) you give the booze Before you get the letter, so they owe you a favor, and you can blame a bad letter on them being drunk. (This is a joke, do not do this).

3) Scotch is disgusting. We are in America, drink bourbon or rye. (This is not a joke, do this).
 
PSYDR said:
Differing opinion:
3) Scotch is disgusting. We are in America, drink bourbon or rye. (This is not a joke, do this).
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You shut your ***** mouth! Although peaty scotch is disgusting, and the right bourbon can be quite tasty.

Edit: why is the same sounding other word of hoar banned?
 
A hand written card is completely sufficient. I keep my student cards on their own shelf in my office.

Ms. Manners says not to give food unless you have seen the person eat that kind of food (e.g., I don't eat chocolates and I'd regift that), and never to give alcohol unless you have seen the person drink it (which you ideally should not have for a faculty member who wrote you a letter! Never know who is a religion that forbids alcohol/is in recovery/etc.).
 
I'm always amazed at how much concern people have over this issue and how many posts we end up getting about it. A simple "thank you" email is fine and I love getting updates on the eventual outcome. I'd prefer either (or none) of those things over a coffee mug I don't have room in my cabinet for or something random.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I really don't think gifts our expected or even desired most of the time. This was especially true when I was teaching larger classes, part of a large research group and had 5-10 letters to write per semester. Happy to write the letter. Less happy to have to figure out how to regift a bunch of stuff I don't want, which arguably took me more time than the letters.
 
MCParent said:
A hand written card is completely sufficient. I keep my student cards on their own shelf in my office.

Ms. Manners says not to give food unless you have seen the person eat that kind of food (e.g., I don't eat chocolates and I'd regift that), and never to give alcohol unless you have seen the person drink it (which you ideally should not have for a faculty member who wrote you a letter! Never know who is a religion that forbids alcohol/is in recovery/etc.).
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You never went out for a lab happy hour in grad school?
 
MCParent said:
Not with the lab PI, no. I don’t like that kind of culture. 95% of people are going to be normal human beings but the 5% of weirdos can take down departments.
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We had a pretty formal milestone thing for cohorts where the mentor always bought a drink or two for mentees. It wasn’t weird at all and was sanctioned/funded by the department. Everyone participated, but you could order whatever you wanted. No department crash. It also wasn’t uncommon for us to have wine/cheese during some dissertation seminars, or even a department party at a faculty member’s home. It was such a small part of the culture and helped reinforce transitioning from a student to a professional/colleague.

I’ve taken my own students out to dinner as a group as a thank you. It wasn’t weird.

What about conferences? People have a beer or wine during poster sessions all the time. No biggy. Pretty sure I’ve seen you at one of those conference events, MC!
 
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Pragma said:
We had a pretty formal milestone thing for cohorts where the mentor always bought a drink or two for mentees. It wasn’t weird at all and was sanctioned/funded by the department. Everyone participated, but you could order whatever you wanted. No department crash. It also wasn’t uncommon for us to have wine/cheese during some dissertation seminars, or even a department party at a faculty member’s home. It was such a small part of the culture and helped reinforce transitioning from a student to a professional/colleague.

I’ve taken my own students out to dinner as a group as a thank you. It wasn’t weird.

What about conferences? People have a beer or wine during poster sessions all the time. No biggy. Pretty sure I’ve seen you at one of those conference events, MC!
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Well, you said lab happy at first and I was envisioning going out to a bar together. Bigger gatherings/dinners/social hours are pretty different and don't really easily allow for someone to get someone else alone and be a creep. I've taken my students out for food too, and I sometimes grudgingly pay the $28 dollars or whatever for a beer at a hotel social hour.
The post was about undergrads though--I would not be in a circumstance where an undergrad is drinking much alcohol around me. Just one of those things where the 5% of people have ruined it for everyone else. It's probably my own fault for looking like this 😉
 
MCParent said:
Well, you said lab happy at first and I was envisioning going out to a bar together. Bigger gatherings/dinners/social hours are pretty different and don't really easily allow for someone to get someone else alone and be a creep. I've taken my students out for food too, and I sometimes grudgingly pay the $28 dollars or whatever for a beer at a hotel social hour.
The post was about undergrads though--I would not be in a circumstance where an undergrad is drinking much alcohol around me. Just one of those things where the 5% of people have ruined it for everyone else. It's probably my own fault for looking like this 😉
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So I can’t take an undergrad out alone? OMG!

😉
 
MCParent said:
Not with the lab PI, no. I don’t like that kind of culture. 95% of people are going to be normal human beings but the 5% of weirdos can take down departments.
Click to expand...

We had a lab party like twice a year. Like bowling, or something else. No big deal. Undergrads, grads, and PI. I think it's fine to have a drink with a PI. If the PI or other people were getting trashed or something, that's a different story.
 
Alcohol or specialty food, usually. And I know ahead of time they will appreciate it.
 
WisNeuro said:
We had a lab party like twice a year. Like bowling, or something else. No big deal. Undergrads, grads, and PI. I think it's fine to have a drink with a PI. If the PI or other people were getting trashed or something, that's a different story.
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Whoa whoa whoa ..... Wait... stop.. let me punch the brakes for a hot minute...


Are you saying DON'T get trashed at professional functions, as a PI or otherwise?


Why didn't someone tell me this earlier....
 
Justanothergrad said:
Whoa whoa whoa ..... Wait... stop.. let me punch the brakes for a hot minute...


Are you saying DON'T get trashed at professional functions, as a PI or otherwise?


Why didn't someone tell me this earlier....
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You would be surprised how many doc applicants/internship applicants/job candidates/grad students/PIs for whom the idea of not getting trashed would be news. Honey, I have stories honey. Hooooonnn-ey.
 
Honestly, the way I most want to be thanked is through an email... years later.

If I've written you a letter, it's because I want to see you do well. Finding out where you are and how things turned out is what I want the most.
 
Agree with most of what's been said above--a thank you gift, while appreciated, isn't necessary or (I would say in nearly all cases) expected. A hand-written "thank you" card would be more than sufficient, but even just an email would be great.

And bonus points if you follow PSYDR's suggestion for some snazzy personalized stationery. Can you still get it scented, or did that stop sometime in the 1800's?
 
AcronymAllergy said:
Agree with most of what's been said above--a thank you gift, while appreciated, isn't necessary or (I would say in nearly all cases) expected. A hand-written "thank you" card would be more than sufficient, but even just an email would be great.

And bonus points if you follow PSYDR's suggestion for some snazzy personalized stationery. Can you still get it scented, or did that stop sometime in the 1800's?
Click to expand...
Pretty sure it didn't stop in the 1800s. I remember those nifty valentines from 7th grade.
 
Well, you can use your imagination to come up with so many other ways to thank them. You can send them a thank you letter with a small gift within your budget. For example, what if the person who recommended you is fond of a particular brand of pens. You could send that brand of pen and make them feel special.
 
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