How to use evidence in PS: showing vs. telling revisited

[Prometheus123]

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I've written a first draft of my PS, and in it, I make several claims about qualities and experiences of mine that I think are relevant to answering the questions "Why medicine?" and "Why me?"

However, due to space constraints, I don't tell any detailed stories about any of the claims. We've all heard the old creative-writing adage "Show, don't tell." But how important is it to tell a detailed story to back up claims in the PS?

Instead of that, might it be possible to make claims in the PS with minimal supporting detail, and then provide specific examples and stories within the activities section and/or secondaries?

Here's an example: In the PS, I claim I have a certain characteristic, and I say I confirmed this about myself with several volunteering experiences and shadowing in pretty general terms. The only real detail I mention about this is a statement with this form: "When patients tell me X, it makes me feel Y." However, none of this is in the context of a story (e.g. I met an adorable elderly lady....).

Is it worth it to delete discussions of other key qualities in order to make space for detailed stories as evidence of each claim within the PS? Or could I just include a story or two in my activities and secondaries about times I demonstrated each claimed qualities and experiences?

Please feel free to say, "No."

In case you're interested, The Coalition Against Eye-Bleed-Inducing PSs: @Med Ed , @LizzyM , @gyngyn , @Catalystik , @Goro , @gonnif , @HomeSkool , @DokterMom , @Toutie . Sorry if I'm forgetting anyone! Everyone is of course welcome to join the discussion.

 

[LizzyM]

Keep it to the point. You think you have a caring attitude, you give me a few examples from your volunteerism including some feedback you've gotten from patiens who expressed satisfaction with the care they'd received from you. Sounds good.

It is always nice to have a few stories in your back pocket that are fresh (not already in your application) so you have something to say at interview.

 

[Catalystik]

As a slightly facetious sidenote: rather than the theoretical "adorable" elder (I think I developed dental caries from reading that), I will be more likely to think you are mankind's gift to those in need if they are tuberculous, foul-odored, and toothless. But don't describe them that way, either. Please.

This message brought to you by a member of The Coalition Against Eye-Bleed-Inducing PSs.

 

[Prometheus123]

As a slightly facetious sidenote: rather than the theoretical "adorable" elder (I think I developed dental caries from reading that), I will be more likely to think you are mankind's gift to those in need if they are tuberculous, foul-odored, and toothless. But don't describe them that way, either. Please.

This message brought to you by a member of The Coalition Against Eye-Bleed-Inducing PSs.

Thanks for pointing that out.

The room did smell like feces, and this woman seemed to have either ICU delirium or dementia, and she was so old ('90s) that it looked like every system in her body was crashing slowly right in front of my eyes, but there really was something about her that was just so cute! However, I will refrain from waxing poetic about the cuteness of little old ladies in my PS.

 

[Deleted member 737595]

...but there really was something about her that was just so cute! However, I will refrain from waxing poetic about the cuteness of little old ladies in my PS.

I am genuinely concerned for you this moment.

 

[CJhooper123]

As a slightly facetious sidenote: rather than the theoretical "adorable" elder (I think I developed dental caries from reading that), I will be more likely to think you are mankind's gift to those in need if they are tuberculous, foul-odored, and toothless. But don't describe them that way, either. Please.

This message brought to you by a member of The Coalition Against Eye-Bleed-Inducing PSs.

Dammit
Back to the drawing board

 

[Prometheus123]

I am genuinely concerned for you this moment.

Thanks for pointing out the ambiguity there. To clarify, there are two meanings for cute:
1) Sexually attractive.
2) A characteristic that triggers an evolved emotional response that motivates us to take care of those who can't take care of themselves, e.g. babies, domesticated animals, and the elderly.

I hope it will put your mind at ease to know that I meant it in the second sense.

By the way, I've been wanting to tell you that I like your TDR avatar. Did you see that Ken Burns documentary about TDR and FDR?

 

[Goro]

I am genuinely concerned for you this moment.

I see OP is reverting back into character. Pity.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Thanks for pointing out the ambiguity there. To clarify, there are two meanings for cute:
1) Sexually attractive.
2) A characteristic that triggers an evolved emotional response that motivates us to take care of those who can't take care of themselves, e.g. babies, domesticated animals, and the elderly.

I hope it will put your mind at ease to know that I meant it in the second sense.

By the way, I've been wanting to tell you that I like your TDR avatar. Did you see that Ken Burns documentary about TDR and FDR?

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he knew which definition of cute you were using.

 

[Prometheus123]

I am genuinely concerned for you this moment.

I see OP is reverting back into character. Pity.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he knew which definition of cute you were using.

Oh, OK. Sorry, @PreMedStudent! I think I must have misunderstood.

 

[Deleted member 737595]

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he knew which definition of cute you were using.

Yes, I thought it was the first. I thought he thought disease, senescence and death were sexually attractive.

(joke)

((can't believe I have to say joke))

(((stop with the parentheses already goddamit!)))

((((ok))))

(((((byeee)))))

 

[DokterMom]

I wouldn't use 'cute' to describe an elderly person if 'alert' or 'sharp' or 'piercing intelligence' would fit as it's pretty darned patronizing.

 

[Prometheus123]

Yes, I thought it was the first. I thought he thought disease, senescence and death were sexually attractive.

(joke)

((can't believe I have to say joke))

(((stop with the parentheses already goddamit!)))

((((ok))))

(((((byeee)))))

I'm really sorry, @premstudent! I misunderstood. Would you mind clarifying why you were concerned? (It's OK if you'd rather not or if you don't have the time right now).

P.S. Again, TDR is the man.

 

[Prometheus123]

I wouldn't use 'cute' to describe an elderly person if 'alert' or 'sharp' or 'piercing intelligence' would fit as it's pretty darned patronizing.

Thank you, that's a good point. I should have mentioned that this particular patient seemed like she might have dementia, so she wasn't really that kind of elder. I'll be more careful with the adjectives from now on. 🤔

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Thank you, that's a good point. I should have mentioned that this particular patient seemed like she might have dementia, so she wasn't really that kind of elder. I'll be more careful with the adjectives from now on. 🤔

I'm pretty sure you did mention it. But I still wouldn't use the word cute to describe them. As someone with a family member with dementia, it is not a cute disease. You wouldn't want to inadvertently offend someone.

 

[Prometheus123]

I'm pretty sure you did mention it. But I still wouldn't use the word cute to describe them. As someone with a family member with dementia, it is not a cute disease. You wouldn't want to inadvertently offend someone.

My uncle just died from dementia-related complications last summer, and my grandfather died due in part to Parkinson's, so I agree that dementia-causing diseases and other neurodegenerative disorders are not cute. The patients, on the other hand, can be pretty endearing in my experience.

However, I take your point. It's hard to predict how people will interpret those pesky adjectives, so I will be more careful in future. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[Deleted member 737595]

I'm really sorry, @premstudent! I misunderstood. Would you mind clarifying why you were concerned? (It's OK if you'd rather not or if you don't have the time right now).

P.S. Again, TDR is the man.

I was not concerned in the least. It was a complete joke about the whole cute thing. Just a joke, man.

Also, my initials are TR, not TDR. I have no middle name, my fifth cousin Franklin had one, it was Delano. Unfortunately he has passed.

I'm concerned about OP's sense of humor as well.

 

[Prometheus123]

I was not concerned in the least. It was a complete joke about the whole cute thing. Just a joke, man.

Also, my initials are TR, not TDR. I have no middle name, my fifth cousin Franklin had one, it was Delano. Unfortunately he has passed.

I'm concerned about OP's sense of humor as well.

Oh, I'm very sorry about that then. I didn't get the joke. Thanks for the info about TR, I did not know that about his initials.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I was not concerned in the least. It was a complete joke about the whole cute thing. Just a joke, man.

Also, my initials are TR, not TDR. I have no middle name, my fifth cousin Franklin had one, it was Delano. Unfortunately he has passed.

I'm concerned about OP's sense of humor as well.

You’re concerned about OP, but you just responded in character as Teddy Roosevelt.

 

[LizzyM]

Yes, I thought it was the first. I thought he thought disease, senescence and death were sexually attractive.

(joke)

((can't believe I have to say joke))

(((stop with the parentheses already goddamit!)))

((((ok))))

(((((byeee)))))

For a moment, I thought that this was the opening of your PS and you wanted some feedback.

 

[DokterMom]

My uncle just died from dementia-related complications last summer, and my grandfather died due in part to Parkinson's, so I agree that dementia-causing diseases and other neurodegenerative disorders are not cute. The patients, on the other hand, can be pretty endearing in my experience.

However, I take your point. It's hard to predict how people will interpret those pesky adjectives, so I will be more careful in future. Thanks for the feedback.

"Endearing" is a good word -- emotive without being patronizing or nauseating.

 

[Deleted member 737595]

You’re concerned about OP, but you just responded in character as Teddy Roosevelt.

For a moment, I thought that this was the opening of your PS and you wanted some feedback.

Ha! If so, what would have been the feedback to such a great beginning to a PS?

 

[Catalystik]

Ha! If so, what would have been the feedback to such a great beginning to a PS?