Humping the Wall

[docB]

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So let me set this scene up for you. Like many EDs mine has sensors on the walls that you have to swipe your badge over to open the doors. So most of us have our badges hanging on spring retractor cords on our shirts, you pull and swipe your badge. This isn’t a problem unless you are, for example, returning from the cafeteria with your hands full. In that case you can wait for someone to come along and let you in or you can lean up against the wall and try to position your badge over the sensor. As you can imagine trying to press your badge against the sensor with your arms extended out holding your food is quite awkward. The overall effect for passers by is that you are attempting to romantically engage the wall.

So, there I am coming back from the caf with a full load and I’m trying to get back into the ED. I was in a hurry because I was single coverage and the ED was getting busy. I was attempting to activate the door in the manner described above, ahem, vigorously. Of course, right then, the COO of the hospital walks by leading a contingent of contractors who will be doing some renovations and sees me. Without missing a beat, in tour guide mode, she says, “Now over here is DocB, our Asst. Director of Emergency Medicine who’s doing God knows what to that wall.” I turned bright red and all the burly contractor types laughed at me. Oh well, at least she swiped her badge to let me back into the ED.

 

[southerndoc]

Great story. Soon to be published in your hospital newsletter!

 

[EM2BE]

hahahahaha...I didn't think about that til you mentioned it. Now I'm going to have to watch for people doing that.

 

[acrunchyfrog]

Thanks! That's the funniest thing I've read all day! I really needed that. 😀

 

[igcgnerd]

Next time you see that person call out "oh you naughty, naughty wall"

 

[hyperbaric]

docB the wall molester. Great story.

 

[Red Runner]

I too, have found myself with my hands full of food at 2am with a janitor looking at me strangely as I do the wall hump to get back in the ED. 😀

 

[docB]

I too, have found myself with my hands full of food at 2am with a janitor looking at me strangely as I do the wall hump to get back in the ED. 😀

I think there are a lot of us out there. I don't know if we need a support group or prosecution.

 

[trkd]

A new category of sexual predator. I love it! I would have never thought of it until now but you see it happen all the time. Thanks!

 

[Jeff698]

At least you hang your ID from your shirt.

I found that mine floped in my way when doing procedures. I now keep mine on my scrub pant waist and not in a very lateral position either (that's where my phone/PDA goes).

So, when I do the wall humping maneuver, I REALLY do it.

Of course, I typically look both ways first. 🙂

Take care,
Jeff

 

[Jeff698]

And, BTW, we have a new ED with brand new ED walls.

They're very attractive walls.

Take care,
Jeff

 

[Jeff698]

OK, I'm clearly sleep deprived.

I can't believe I just posted that.

Good night....

Take care,
Jeff

 

[roja]

mmmmm, walls

 

[froggiepremed]

I hated when my badge would flip over - then you are not only humping the wall, actually making contact, but yelling "turn over, you like the other side better." I don't think anyone important caught me though 😀

 

[gclax30]

Remember kids, if you hump that wall, you're humping every other person that wall has ever been with...

 

[kungfufishing]

docB, in light of the pending sexual harrassment suit filed by the wall I think it is in your best interest to avoid bragging about your 'conquests' on the internet...

 

[docB]

docB, in light of the pending sexual harrassment suit filed by the wall I think it is in your best interest to avoid bragging about your 'conquests' on the internet...

Hey! That wall came on to me!

 

[SoCuteMD]

I the EM forum!

 

[snrub]

Hey! That wall came on to me!

Ok....I totally read that perversely.

 

[acrunchyfrog]

Was there another way to read it?

 

[basementbeast]

the way that wall was wearing it's paint...it was just ASKING for it!!

 

[Febrifuge]

"Awww, yeah. New coat of paint on you, huh wall? And it's semi-gloss, just the way I like it. And you know that, don't you, wall? Oh yes you do..."

Great. Now when I badge myself in at school (my entire campus has card readers), the BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOWW noise will be playing in my head.

 

[kungfufishing]

I guess this fetish isnt as uncommon as you thought, docB, and isnt even limited to medicine - look at prince and his thing for the floor.

 

[igcgnerd]

U see somebody doing it for a while and ask them "having trouble swiping your card?"
They answer: "What card?"😱

 

[Miami_med]

I guess this fetish isnt as uncommon as you thought, docB, and isnt even limited to medicine - look at prince and his thing for the floor.

And those surgeons claim that opening the OR door with one's backside is for "sterile technique"

 

[DeLaughterDO]

I have only one word for this entire thread:

Hot!!

 

[beyond all hope]

That's right, time for war stories.

Temple ED, 3 am, Saturday. Guy gets hauled in screaming by cops with pants around his ankles. So, what's the story?

Cops walk the beat and see this guy vigorously violating an innocent wall. They stop to watch - not interrupt mind you because it's too entertaining - but watch. Idiot charges them, so now they have to arrest him.

He's flying on whatever and has cuts all over his head and I tell my attending I'm spinning his head. The attending says 'he's on drugs. get that guy outta here.' I do so gratefully. Then a nurse walks up and says 'shouldn't you do a genital exam?'

Heck no.

Unfortunately the wall did not press charges.