I can't believe I feel this way, but...I'm currently an OMS I non-trad student. I repeated first year and have failed a course in repeat year so I'm on my last chance. I've always been that person who is resilient and doesn't give up-- I did 3 extra years of college to get the sGPA I needed and did everything I could think of to get into medical school but I feel like I can't do this anymore. Failure after failure is killing me and I know my odds of matching in anything are now greatly reduced. If I quit though I'll be a late 20's y/o with literally nothing to show for my life except an insane amount of school. Yes I am getting treatment for depression,etc but I never thought I'd ever have 2nd thoughts about med school. I just feel like if I don't do everything I can to succeed I'm the ultimate failure but when do you know when it's time to walk away? I could see myself doing something in psychology but really I can't afford anymore school if I leave med school. I feel so alone and ashamed for what I've done with the incredible opportunity I was given.
I have been in your exact shoes. I got in as a non-trad. Failed a course in MS-II, failed the repeated course, and failed again. I transferred all my credits to an offshore school and sat for step 1 and failed. It's been about 10 years since all of this and I have a few insights from hindsight.
1. It's not the end of the world. If you decide to leave school, look into jobs as a Medical Science Liaison (salary >100k). Clinical Research Associate (Salary </= 100k) or Clinical Trial Manager (Salary >100k).
2. If you like the knowledge but are worried you won't match. It is far better to have a medical degree and not practice than to have years of education with no degree. With a degree, you can get a job in Pharma research or device sales as a Clinical Director. You can teach at a university, or work remotely as a Senior Medical Writer. The degree is valuable regardless of licensure to practice medicine. I wish I had a degree rather than having to explain 4 years of education/job gap to every potential employer.
2b. With the above in mind, drop the "is it worth it" mindset because you're subconsciously sabotaging your study efforts. If you decide to finish your degree, it IS worth it because you will have a degree! If you don't match, you will still have a degree and can get a much better job than without one. Rather than focusing on matching, focus on doing your best one day at a time. Because at the end of the road, you'll have a degree and that's far more valuable than not having one.
3. Be honest with yourself about depression/anxiety management. Are you really feeling your best? Medical school is really hard emotionally. It's isolating. The intense competition and constant fear for future residency match is anxiety provoking. Get your depression under control before making a decision to leave. Looking back, It was my severe depression and anxiety that crippled my ability to study effectively and pass that one class. When I was in school I was convinced my depression/anxiety wasn't that bad, but now I see how bad it was.
4. If your school will allow it, take a leave of absence before repeating again. Use the time to reset, get fresh air, change your scenery, get a short term job in an unrelated field, take your mind off school, tend to your mental health. Go back to that repeated coursework after a year with fresh eyes and a renewed purpose.
I wish you all the best. Remember it will be ok, no matter what happens.
