I feel like I've had TERRIBLE luck over the years and WASTED years of my life.....

[Tennis Guy]

Hey everybody,
I just needed to get this off of my chest..... I feel like I've had some TERRIBLE luck from 2011-2016. At the end of 2010, I had recovered from a poor freshman year and Fall semester of sophomore year. Everything seemed to be falling into place and going well but from 2011 onwards things went downhill, I had both my grandparents pass away exactly a month apart from each other overseas (2011), my house caught on fire from a lightning bolt, which forced us to live away from our house for more than a year (2011), a girl was VERY unkind to me and played around with my emotions during the tumultuous times of 2011, my autistic brother was EXTREMELY challenging for all of us to deal with during 2011 and 2012, my maternal grandmother passed away in 2013 from complications from having a stroke from 2012, friends graduated/forgot about me and abandoned me/some didn't treat me well and were unkind/never seemed to want to hang out or spend time together much and I isolated myself socially, a few other incidents happened with girls not treating me well/being unkind/leading me on in 2013 and 2016, my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer (Stage II with no spread to lymph nodes doing well now with amazing prognosis) at the end of 2014, and my maternal uncle passed away unexpectedly from alcoholism, major depression, and other reasons in 2016. 🙁 I'm now FINALLY back on track, after all of these years..... to add to all of this, I suffered from self-doubt, depression, and anxiety during these years (and to an extent today.) My grades took a MAJOR hit from 2011-2013(to some extent) I doubted, if this is what I wanted to do with my life for a while because I have to do a Masters for a year for redemption/these occurences (that I am starting in a few days) and get the needed score on the MCAT.

I didn't know, if I REALLY wanted to do this, and I was thinking of going a totally different route entirely because of my self-doubt and wondering, if I would be making a mistake going into medicine and wouldn't be happy. My friends who had decided to pursue medicine and other physicians also "scared" me into thinking of not going into medicine from their experiences. I don't know what happened to me, but I had lost all my motivation and drive to pursue my goals. These struggles also made me have to graduate in five years and do a year of post-bacc to get my GPA to the minimum requirement to be considered for Masters/SMP programs. I know that I've had a lot of struggles and haven't been wasting time because I've needed the time to heal, but my mind keeps making me think that I have and that I should have started everything a bit sooner?

I'm not trying to make excuses but is it just me, or have I had TERRIBLE luck over the years? Also, when I thought I had recovered and things were getting better, then another event would happen that would set me back, over those times and it did make me feel powerless to do anything to change my predicaments, quite angry, and worthless to some extent. I am 28 years old, and I feel like I just woke up and realized I've wasted quite a few years of my life and had them stolen from me unfairly to an extent..... has anyone else ever felt this way and how have you dealt with it? Thank you all for your advice and insight..... it is greatly appreciated!!!!! 🙂

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[crazymedguy123]

You've had a lot happen, I really think you should go to counseling to help properly address the conflicts that have happened in your life. Life sometimes is unfair and unlucky. But hopefully you can learn from what happened and can better address challenges that arise in your future.

If you are considering medicine still, look up Goro's guide on reinvention. I'm not sure what your stats are exactly and how your app looks, but DO or/and MD schools don't necessarily have to be out of reach if you have the proper support/plan/motivation towards making something work.

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

Uh oh. You hit my trigger word and asked for insight. Here it comes....

I've never met a person with bad luck, I've only ever met people who make bad decisions and blame the Universe for it. Everyone else goes through the same stuff you have - often much worse. The fact that you're able to go to college at all means you've already "won the lottery" in terms of "luck". Are you able-bodied? Are you currently homeless? You should stop and thank your stars for how "lucky" you actually are.

Stop blaming your "luck" and take responsibility for your choices.

 

[RocuROMANium]

I have a VERY similar background to you. We share a lot of the same struggles and around the same timeline too. I sense that you still have a lot in your life you need to resolve. First things first, you need to fully heal from your emotional traumas and, when you do, that will provide clarity as to whether you want to pursue medical school or not. Remember, MS is not going anywhere and older age can be used as a STRENGTH. I didn't know who the hell I was or what the hell I was doing until I FULLY resolved my emotional problems. It erased the cloud in my mind and my decision making in all aspects of life have improved dramatically.

My friends pulled that crap too. I dropped them. I only have time for those who are willing to give mutual respect and friendship. I refuse to be in any one-sided relationship. That goes for my love life too.

Also, I used to think I had terrible luck but I have come to hate that word. I noticed the more I used it, the more powerless I felt. It's not luck, it's life. The difference between the two is that there is no lesson to be learned from bad luck but there are many lessons we can learn through life experience. Dealing with the struggles of having an autistic brother may provide you with amazing patience that could be used to breakthrough an unruly patient that just needed someone to listen to them with an empathetic mind. We ALL go through hardships, some of us earlier than others. You have been dealt a very difficult hand, but if you make it through, the feeling on the other side is incredible. Take these weights off of your shoulders and get better. When you do, I promise you will achieve things you never thought you could. I'm rooting for you! You got this!

 

[Reader88]

Uh oh. You hit my trigger word and asked for insight. Here it comes....

I've never met a person with bad luck, I've only ever met people who make bad decisions and blame the Universe for it. Everyone else goes through the same stuff you have - often much worse. The fact that you're able to go to college at all means you've already "won the lottery" in terms of "luck". Are you able-bodied? Are you currently homeless? You should stop and thank your stars for how "lucky" you actually are.

Stop blaming your "luck" and take responsibility for your choices.

You don’t think some people have bad luck? Isn’t it bad luck to lose the genetic lottery and have a terminal neurodegenerative disorder? Or bad luck to be in the rare minority of people who get fatal breast cancer before age 30? Or bad luck to be born to drug addicts?

I’m not going to comment on OP’s post and I think a victim mentality is very harmful but saying bad luck doesn’t exist is priveleged at best and honestly kind of cruel.

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

You don’t think some people have bad luck? Isn’t it bad luck to lose the genetic lottery and have a terminal neurodegenerative disorder? Or bad luck to be in the rare minority of people who get fatal breast cancer before age 30? Or bad luck to be born to drug addicts?.

You're right. I would consider those situations of actual misfortune.

F'ing around Freshman year instead of studying? Not exactly bad luck. Losing a grandparent? That will happen to literally everyone. OP had friends that were unkind and forgot about him/her - who hasn't?

Not trying to dump on you OP, but get some perspective.

 

[JeSuisUnDoc]

Losing grandparents is part of life and shouldn’t mess up your GPA. I lost my best friend and my uncle 2 days apart, had a SO who had a breakdown (the awful type) the nights before multiple of my exams. I had no friends and was an ocean and a sea away from my family/friends. I did get awful grades for my first two exams but came back hard when I decided that I can’t afford another semester and I’m here on a visa so I really couldn’t just « pause ». I changed things in my life and adapted new ways to study when my head was thinking too much (study mixes helped so much).

My SO now husband is doing amazing for years now.

I ended up with 4A and 1A- that semester

Life isn’t fair, **** happens, you can’t let them affect your work, you need to compartmentalize.




Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Angus Avagadro]

Thousands of examples of people are suffering adversity, genetics(low IQ, early cancer,poor family circumstances) who refuse to allow those circumstances to define them. Victims allow circumstances to define them and that affects their life path. What defines someone is how they respond to adversity and what they do with their life, no matter how brief that life is. Many people have had short lives and made great contributios. Life always presents adversity, and your character determines how you handle it. When knocked down, do you slink away and sit on the bench? Do you dust off and return to the game with even more determination? Situational depression is real and should be addressed, but should be part of the process of returning to the game. Introducing privilege to this conversation merely seeks to be devisive rather than adding a unifying message . OP, dust off, get some help,therapy and get back in the game!
Good luck and best wishes

 

[Drakozord X]

OP, I’m sorry to hear about all the things that you’ve gone through and your losses. Life is tough and all we can do is adapt and overcome the challenges that we have to face.

In agreement with the others, I don’t believe in luck. Results are dependent on the choices we make but sometimes things are outside of our control. The MOST important lesson is to learn how we should interpret the results/things that happen around us. I tell myself on a “bad” day to look out for the good things that happen to me too. It’s easy to tumble into the abyss when all you’re doing is identify bad things that happen to you to confirm you’re unlucky. In other words, confirmation bias and self fulfilling prophecies are real and do have influence on one’s life.

 

[863168]

@Tennis Guy I think you've had terrible luck with a lot of instances topping each other off making it hard for you to adapt as you got crapped on almost every single year leading up to 2018. I feel like you should pat yourself on the back for making it to 28 and still having a sane head on your shoulders. Also, don't take the patronizing comments in this thread too seriously. I feel like the userbase is so blindly anti-pity that it forgets to spare some sympathy for the guy whose house got hit by lightning. Come on guys.

 

[Drakozord X]

@Tennis Guy I think you've had terrible luck with a lot of instances topping each other off making it hard for you to adapt as you got crapped on almost every single year leading up to 2018. I feel like you should pat yourself on the back for making it to 28 and still having a sane head on your shoulders. Also, don't take the patronizing comments in this thread too seriously. I feel like the userbase is so blindly anti-pity that it forgets to spare some sympathy for the guy whose house got hit by lightning. Come on guys.

I don’t think anti-pity applies to the situation. If you read the whole post to the end, he isn’t asking for or about pity. He’s asking for insight and advice. Sometimes, it’s hard to be honest and compassionate at the same time if you want to give someone advice and truly help them.

 

[Phile98]

I don’t think anti-pity applies to the situation. If you read the whole post to the end, he isn’t asking for or about pity. He’s asking for insight and advice. Sometimes, it’s hard to be honest and compassionate at the same time if you want to give someone advice and truly help them.

Agreed. Tough love is important, but perhaps sympathy is of the essence right now.

 

[Drakozord X]

Agreed. Tough love is important, but perhaps sympathy is of the essence right now.

I agree with sympathy 😀 I just didn’t agree that everyone was being antipity.

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

Agreed. Tough love is important, but perhaps sympathy is of the essence right now.

I think the fact that OP listed "friends didn't want to hang out" as a hardship indicates they're all set on self-pity. It's probably not best to encourage more.

 

[atomi]

Uh oh. You hit my trigger word and asked for insight. Here it comes....

I've never met a person with bad luck, I've only ever met people who make bad decisions and blame the Universe for it. Everyone else goes through the same stuff you have - often much worse. The fact that you're able to go to college at all means you've already "won the lottery" in terms of "luck". Are you able-bodied? Are you currently homeless? You should stop and thank your stars for how "lucky" you actually are.

Stop blaming your "luck" and take responsibility for your choices.

Yep, I was in Vegas recently and lost my entire gambling budget at the craps table in a matter of minutes. I was so mad that I was chasing losses and then lost a field bet 7 times in a row before I was wiped out. How unlucky of me. Ruined the whole trip because I kept ruminating on it. There's only a 1.5% chance that the field would lose 7 times in a row! Bad luck, right?

Nope, bad choice. Gambling in the first place. At the very least bad choice to chase bets with even higher bets rather than bet low and spread out the losses for more entertainment and free drinks.

 

[Phile98]

I think the fact that OP listed "friends didn't want to hang out" as a hardship indicates they're all set on self-pity. It's probably not best to encourage more.

I get what you're saying. But it's always better to first meet situations like this with warmth before you show the tough love. Negative criticism isn't the best agent of change, at least in the beginning.
In summary OP,
Tough things have happened to you. Even if no one feels that you haven't experienced hardship, they are simply not you. You know how you feel. However, if you want to improve your life, you need to get yourself together and pull yourself up. Prioritize your mental health. Take control of your learning. Make better friends.

 

[Goro]

Hey everybody,
I just needed to get this off of my chest..... I feel like I've had some TERRIBLE luck from 2011-2016. At the end of 2010, I had recovered from a poor freshman year and Fall semester of sophomore year. Everything seemed to be falling into place and going well but from 2011 onwards things went downhill, I had both my grandparents pass away exactly a month apart from each other overseas (2011), my house caught on fire from a lightning bolt, which forced us to live away from our house for more than a year (2011), a girl was VERY unkind to me and played around with my emotions during the tumultuous times of 2011, my autistic brother was EXTREMELY challenging for all of us to deal with during 2011 and 2012, my maternal grandmother passed away in 2013 from complications from having a stroke from 2012, friends graduated/forgot about me and abandoned me/some didn't treat me well and were unkind/never seemed to want to hang out or spend time together much and I isolated myself socially, a few other incidents happened with girls not treating me well/being unkind/leading me on in 2013 and 2016, my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer (Stage II with no spread to lymph nodes doing well now with amazing prognosis) at the end of 2014, and my maternal uncle passed away unexpectedly from alcoholism, major depression, and other reasons in 2016. 🙁 I'm now FINALLY back on track, after all of these years..... to add to all of this, I suffered from self-doubt, depression, and anxiety during these years (and to an extent today.) My grades took a MAJOR hit from 2011-2013(to some extent) I doubted, if this is what I wanted to do with my life for a while because I have to do a Masters for a year for redemption/these occurences (that I am starting in a few days) and get the needed score on the MCAT.

I didn't know, if I REALLY wanted to do this, and I was thinking of going a totally different route entirely because of my self-doubt and wondering, if I would be making a mistake going into medicine and wouldn't be happy. My friends who had decided to pursue medicine and other physicians also "scared" me into thinking of not going into medicine from their experiences. I don't know what happened to me, but I had lost all my motivation and drive to pursue my goals. These struggles also made me have to graduate in five years and do a year of post-bacc to get my GPA to the minimum requirement to be considered for Masters/SMP programs. I know that I've had a lot of struggles and haven't been wasting time because I've needed the time to heal, but my mind keeps making me think that I have and that I should have started everything a bit sooner?

I'm not trying to make excuses but is it just me, or have I had TERRIBLE luck over the years? Also, when I thought I had recovered and things were getting better, then another event would happen that would set me back, over those times and it did make me feel powerless to do anything to change my predicaments, quite angry, and worthless to some extent. I am 28 years old, and I feel like I just woke up and realized I've wasted quite a few years of my life and had them stolen from me unfairly to an extent..... has anyone else ever felt this way and how have you dealt with it? Thank you all for your advice and insight..... it is greatly appreciated!!!!! 🙂

The real question you need to be asking yourself (and a therapist) is "what do I do now?"

 

[precisiongraphic]

You're right. I would consider those situations of actual misfortune.

F'ing around Freshman year instead of studying? Not exactly bad luck. Losing a grandparent? That will happen to literally everyone. OP had friends that were unkind and forgot about him/her - who hasn't?

Not trying to dump on you OP, but get some perspective.

I have to agree. As a professor, I had a student whose husband was in a car accident but the doctors missed something and he died four days later. Student earned an A- instead of an A because she didn’t complete an assignment and didn’t tell me about the death. When I asked her why she didn’t take an incomplete or ask for accommodations she said she wanted to get her accomplishments on her own regardless of her bad luck.

I agree with goro and others - take control of your destiny and if you want to get into med school, push through any and all obstacles. Addressing your mental health issues is your first task and the most important before you tackle grades or prerequisites or MCAT.

 

[863168]

I don’t think anti-pity applies to the situation. If you read the whole post to the end, he isn’t asking for or about pity. He’s asking for insight and advice. Sometimes, it’s hard to be honest and compassionate at the same time if you want to give someone advice and truly help them.

"Advice" and "true help" weren't occurring in a couple of posts. It was wrong to bring attention to them when those posts were in the minority. However, I didn't understand what the intention was behind them in the first place because they weren't giving constructive advice outside of assuming that the OP didn't have thick enough skin or carrying on with the notion that life isn't fair.

There's a big difference in "luck" between someone going through the "same stuff" in college and someone having their house hit by thunder. Implying that the OP wasn't homeless to underwrite that experience is absurd. I write this out of personal acumen knowing that someone who was homeless would never write that. And if they did, they clearly forgot what it was like to be homeless to use it as such a pathetic throwaway comparison for the sake of demonstrating a point on the internet.

I think that there's plenty of people seeking confirmation on bad decisions on this site, however the OP isn't looking at self-recognition or justification for bad decisions. They are just pointing out that they ran through a bad gamut of circumstances and wanted to see if people could relate and share their retrospective stories. God forbid there's a sentimental moment on SDN.

 

[puahate]

This why I am an antinatalist. Life itself is immoral

 

[Drakozord X]

"Advice" and "true help" weren't occurring in a couple of posts. It was wrong to bring attention to them when those posts were in the minority. However, I didn't understand what the intention was behind them in the first place because they weren't giving constructive advice outside of assuming that the OP didn't have thick enough skin or carrying on with the notion that life isn't fair.

There's a big difference in "luck" between someone going through the "same stuff" in college and someone having their house hit by thunder. Implying that the OP wasn't homeless to underwrite that experience is absurd. I write this out of personal acumen knowing that someone who was homeless would never write that. And if they did, they clearly forgot what it was like to be homeless to use it as such a pathetic throwaway comparison for the sake of demonstrating a point on the internet.

I think that there's plenty of people seeking confirmation on bad decisions on this site, however the OP isn't looking at self-recognition or justification for bad decisions. They are just pointing out that they ran through a bad gamut of circumstances and wanted to see if people could relate and share their retrospective stories. God forbid there's a sentimental moment on SDN.

1) I only mentioned help because you made a general statement in you which you stated that the “userbase is so blindly anti-pity” which basically just threw punches at majority of the people here.
2) I think people were trying to state that some of his situation about being unlucky is quite common and that others have worse happen to them. Someone I know got a bad MCAT score, lost her grandmother, almost got rejected for a committee letter, and got dumped by her boyfriend all within 2 months. Let me ask you, if I listed a bad thing that happened to me every single year for 5 years all in one post, that does seem bad no? Have you consider that within that 5 years span, there couldve been something good that happened? Is there possibly reporting bias? Could taking a look from a different angle start helping improve OPs mental state? Notice that OP was able to list year by year the things that happened. To me, it seems like OP is keeping score of the bad things.
3) Sorry but I had to say that it’s lightning, not thunder. Unless I’ve mistaken that thunder is the sound made by lightning.

 

[Drakozord X]

I can’t help it that mercury has been in retrograde and Whole Foods has been out of the all-curing eucalyptus oil for over two weeks now. How am I supposed to solve my problems without eucalyptus?

Retrograde mercury caused me to trip on the steps. Perhaps you can order the oil online somewhere else.

 

[atomi]

I can’t help it that mercury has been in retrograde and Whole Foods has been out of the all-curing eucalyptus oil for over two weeks now. How am I supposed to solve my problems without eucalyptus?

Energy healing magnets and alkaline water.
Oh, and of course medicinal marijuana.

 

[Osminog]

OP: Medical school is four years. Residency is a minimum of three years. That's a seven-year window for "bad luck" to strike you again, and it almost certainly will. You have to prove that you're resilient and committed enough to overcome the hurdles that naturally pop up during life. So far, you've failed to do so.

Here's an anecdote from my life: One of my grandparents passed away unexpectedly a few hours before my Physics II final several months ago. I made the conscious decision to delay my feelings of grief until after I took the final; I pretended that life was a video game and that this situation was an extreme "boss level" challenge that was meant to test my mental stamina and composure. I pushed the sadness aside and took the final, and then I went home and cried. I ended up getting a 98% on the final. When you have a dream, you sometimes have to close your eyes, hold your nose, and do what you have to do.

We all have "bad luck" once in a while, but we can't let unfortunate circumstances define our lives; indeed, our success is based on how much we can achieve despite our unfortunate circumstances.

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

...however the OP isn't looking at self-recognition or justification for bad decisions.

Indeed. That would imply that they acknowledged that their decisions were involved. (Again, not trying to dump on you OP.)

They are just pointing out that they ran through a bad gamut of circumstances and wanted to see if people could relate and share their retrospective stories.

Having their (probably parent's) house hit by lightning is bad luck. Everything else in that list is called "life".

I don't think OP is wanting to hear our stories. (Which is good because I know there are some people here that have overcome REAL adversity to be where they are.) I think OP wants an echo chamber about how bad they've had it - something very, very common for people that want to sulk in their "bad luck".

Not saying that's you OP, but that's what it sounds like:

I'm not trying to make excuses but is it just me, or have I had TERRIBLE luck over the years?

Here's why OP is getting no love: If you can't handle what life throws at you and still act like a responsible adult, how can you be expected to make life and death decisions about a patient's care when you get a curve ball? Should I come back with my cancer after you've squared things away with your ex? Is my life-threatening sepsis inconvenient for you since your dog died? If you can't handle this standard stuff, how are you going to handle a real emergency or even just the daily stress of long hours, tough patients, etc.?

How many people would cut off a limb to have the opportunities OP has had? I've had more "bad luck" than OP will ever see and I'm thankful that I'm not as bad off as literally millions of other people in the world. My pity is reserved for those people. Even with my arguably **** life, I won the f*cking lottery.

 

[Goro]

This why I am an antinatalist. Life itself is immoral

And it's so short too!

 

[dpmd]

Indeed. That would imply that they acknowledged that their decisions were involved. (Again, not trying to dump on you OP.)



Having their (probably parent's) house hit by lightning is bad luck. Everything else in that list is called "life".

I don't think OP is wanting to hear our stories. (Which is good because I know there are some people here that have overcome REAL adversity to be where they are.) I think OP wants an echo chamber about how bad they've had it - something very, very common for people that want to sulk in their "bad luck".

Not saying that's you OP, but that's what it sounds like:


Here's why OP is getting no love: If you can't handle what life throws at you and still act like a responsible adult, how can you be expected to make life and death decisions about a patient's care when you get a curve ball? Should I come back with my cancer after you've squared things away with your ex? Is my life-threatening sepsis inconvenient for you since your dog died? If you can't handle this standard stuff, how are you going to handle a real emergency or even just the daily stress of long hours, tough patients, etc.?

How many people would cut off a limb to have the opportunities OP has had? I've had more "bad luck" than OP will ever see and I'm thankful that I'm not as bad off as literally millions of other people in the world. My pity is reserved for those people. Even with my arguably **** life, I won the f*cking lottery.

Funny you mention dog dying. After a night of critical care my dog had to be euthanized and I was supposed to be on call that day. My colleague understood that sometimes sucking it up and doing the job isn't the right answer and covered for me so that I could have some time to grieve. Turns out it isn't an all or nothing thing in medicine and there is room for being human. But you are correct that you have to figure out how to deal with it appropriately. Calling a colleague to ask for help is ok. Just not showing up would not have been.

 

[Tennis Guy]

Thank you so much to the ones who have given constructive advice..... I really appreciate it!!! 🙂I'm not looking for pity per say but sympathy, empathy, and understanding, of course! Does anyone else feel, as if they wasted too much time, before applying and going the medical school route after college graduation? Did anymore of you have any unfortunate circumstances and a mental state that delayed you in your applying and medical school journey as well? If so, how did you deal with everything?

 

[LemonTreeAKALemon]

Uh oh. You hit my trigger word and asked for insight. Here it comes....

I've never met a person with bad luck, I've only ever met people who make bad decisions and blame the Universe for it. Everyone else goes through the same stuff you have - often much worse. The fact that you're able to go to college at all means you've already "won the lottery" in terms of "luck". Are you able-bodied? Are you currently homeless? You should stop and thank your stars for how "lucky" you actually are.

Stop blaming your "luck" and take responsibility for your choices.

Uhm. Okay. So other people going through worse things automatically negates the ****ty cards life decided to throw at this person? Nah. That doesn’t negate anything. The fact is that OP has in fact had the quite the rollercoaster of a life, and in fact, it really is due to bad luck. Some people go through life much less unscathed than others. Life is a game of probability and unfortunately there exists people out there who get a very short end of the stick. If you can’t accept this individuals reality, and instead choose to blame the person, I’m not sure I’d want you as my physician. That atittude is exactly what is wrong with medicine today.

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

If you can’t accept this individuals reality, and instead choose to blame the person, I’m not sure I’d want you as my physician. That atittude is exactly what is wrong with medicine today.

Yeah, no worries mate. Go to the physician that couldn't pay attention during the "whatever-disease-you-have" class because his/her friends didn't want to hang out. Best of luck to you.

 

[sinigang14]

Thank you so much to the ones who have given constructive advice..... I really appreciate it!!! 🙂I'm not looking for pity per say but sympathy, empathy, and understanding, of course! Does anyone else feel, as if they wasted too much time, before applying and going the medical school route after college graduation? Did anymore of you have any unfortunate circumstances and a mental state that delayed you in your applying and medical school journey as well? If so, how did you deal with everything?

Although I did not have as many adversities as you did, i did go through some struggles. I also wasted about 4 years of my life not pursuing my goals and in a wasted relationship. I also have a family member that is sick and needs care. My house was also caught on fire because my brother did not put out a cigarette in the trash can (no one was hurt thank god!). I also messed up my GPA my freshman year when I first started college (multiple Fs). I always had self-doubt as well but I applied this cycle and had some success.

To deal with my self-doubt, I put myself in a mindset to take it "one day at a time." I still planned for the future, but after I set my plan for the week or my plan for the semester, I took every day in stride. I focused on what I needed to do next and that was it. I felt that after I had made my plan, thinking about everything all at once really put too much stress on myself. Just take a deep breath and take it one day at a time.

Also, do whatever it takes to succeed (obviously don't cheat or steal etc.). If you have to give up some friendships because of it, that just means they weren't really supportive of you in the first place. The ones that stick around will be your friends for life.

I reminded myself of what my brother told me when I complained about how old I will be when I finished med school. He told me that regardless of whether I become a doctor or not, I will be in my thirties at some point in my life. I can either be thirty-something with a degree in medicine or thirty-something without a degree. You will be in your thirties regardless if youre a doctor or not, so you might as well just keep chugging along (basically, don't feel like you're too old either).

Lastly, during one of my interviews, the admissions coordinator was talking about their holistic review process. They were very understanding of people that had lower GPAs because of disadvantages and/or adversities in their lives (MD School). She told us how she truly believes that most people can get 3.8 or 4.0s if they had nothing else to worry about other than going to class. It is much different for people with adversities in their lives. Adcoms are humans too and they have empathy. Do the best you can and apply broadly when the time comes. Also, don't forget to tell your story of adversity so adcoms can see what you had to overcome.

TLDR; dont give up, do what it takes to succeed, tell your story and apply broadly

 

[ExcitatorySynapse]

OP, you seem to be asking whether your response to the struggles that you faced were appropriate or not.

This is a cynical take, but I don't think that people are particularly sympathetic to one another, rightfully or not. You are expected to be able to survive at all times. People don't really care about your circumstances (as evidenced in this thread) unless they have a personal connection to you. People want results, people want people who are useful to them, and if you can't be that person, then they can easily find someone else.
I am not passing judgement on the way you responded, and I personally choose to be more sympathetic to people and believe your challenges, but I think that you have to navigate the world with the aforementioned expectations.

To do this successfully, I think - and I know from experience, that it's sometimes hard to see this when you are depressed - that you need to see your best self as the norm that you won't abandon. You have to seek the best for yourself at all times. To do this, you have to believe that you can be something more, that you have potential, that you won't be beaten down by the things around you.
There is this quote allegedly by Marie Curie that I have always liked - "We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained."

I don't know if you watch sports, but Cristiano Ronaldo is someone I deeply respect for his self confidence. He is unhappy with errors because he think he can do more, when he faces a challenge (like needing to score the equalizer vs Spain, or the penalty vs Juventus in the CL QFs), he thinks that he can do it, and when he does it, he celebrates in style.

I suggest you find a good psychologist who can help you process your traumas (which are real) and enable you to develop a better sense of self. You can also consult a psychiatrist if you think medications could help you. Try to develop healthy habits so that you can be your best person - the person you deserve to be. Cut out the toxic people, make real friends, take care of your mental and physical health. Be in a good place, and then if you still feel like you want to do medicine, go for it! I'm not terribly experienced with admissions, but I don't think that it is materially impossible for you to become a doctor, but it is demanding and it would help you to be in your "best state." I am sure that you can find success. Applying broadly but appropriately, studying with determination for the MCAT etc. are all plausible if you have your mind set on something.

I write this with some personal experience. I experienced some very messed up things as a kid and probably had low grade depression/CPTSD for a long time that eventually became a major episode after certain other events. At my worst, the summer of my junior year, I would just lie in bed for hours, not getting up to eat or drink or do anything. But somewhere, I must have still had hope, because I made myself get therapy, and a PCP pushed me to see a psychiatrist after I failed a depression quiz. And while things really aren't perfect now, I've made strides and am now applying to MD/PhD programs. The future is not bleak!

 

[Turkishking]

Lol. Questioning someone’s “reality” is what’s wrong with medicine today? (Not the rising costs of care or health disparities or anything like that...) The OP hasn’t had anything happen to them that constitutes a “rollercoaster life” or “bad luck,” except maybe the lightning. Everything OP described has literally happened to millions of other people as a part of NORMAL life.

Look at what was written:
-“both my grandparents pass away exactly a month apart from each other overseas (2011)”: grandparents die. Everyone’s grandparents die. And not unusual for it to be close in time, it’s been shown that once a long term spouse passes away, the other person is much more likely to die within a year.

-“my house caught on fire from a lightning bolt”: okay this I will buy as the one instance of actual bad luck, lightning is pretty rare.

-“a girl was VERY unkind to me and played around with my emotions during the tumultuous times of 2011”: omg say it isn’t so! people have relationship problems?? Like every other person on the face of the planet??

-“my autistic brother was EXTREMELY challenging for all of us to deal with”: autism is not a rare disorder in the US and it sucks for the millions of family members who have to deal with it.

-“maternal grandmother passed away in 2013 from complications from having a stroke from 2012”: grandparent dies after a long illness. Again like with literally every other person on the planet

-“friends graduated/forgot about me and abandoned me/some didn't treat me well and were unkind/never seemed to want to hang out or spend time together”: everyone in the world, after high school. A real stretch to call this bad luck

-“a few other incidents happened with girls not treating me well/being unkind/leading me on in 2013 and 2016”: again, relationships, like everyone else, all the time. I want to find one person who hasn’t had relationship problems. In fact I’d say OP is lucky that it only happened in 2013 and 2016, rather than the daily basis most people get.

-“my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer (Stage II with no spread to lymph nodes doing well now with amazing prognosis) at the end of 2014” -again very common and amazing prognosis I would say is pretty good luck, not bad luck!

-“and my maternal uncle passed away unexpectedly from alcoholism, major depression, and other reasons in 2016”: most people have a relative who has depression. Some of them pass away.

“Bad luck” is getting lung cancer when you’re not a smoker. Or being hit by a drunk driver who jumps the curb. Bad luck is RARE by definition. It doesn’t constitute girls being mean to you or having elderly relatives die, which is what most of OPs post is. We are calling those things into question, not “blaming.”




Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

I agree with only a few of the justifications you have provided.

 

[xDNA]

WOW, there's a lot of unpack here, but I believe you need some brutal honesty my brother.

OP,
1. pretty much EVERYONE can look back at the past 7 years of their lives or from 2011-16 and come up with a list of unfortunate event that were difficult to deal with and really emotionally damaging. So what I am trying to say is...you aren't the only person who went through s*** trying to into med school. (To me your whole first paragraph felt as though you wanted pity)
2. With that being said, you sound like you need a therapist not SDN. You obviously have some emotional things going on, and are lacking motivation to even go through with it, therefore I CANT suggest you going through med school. I'm not in Med school yet myself but I'm sure having motivation, resilience, and good coping skills are all beneficial to completing med school.
3. You don't have "terrible" luck, its life. Do what you need to do to heal and then keep it moving, because life doesn't wait for anyone, and being on SDN drowning in your own sorrow isn't helping you reach your goal. The fact that you can even get on SDN and type this long essay about your life means you have WAY more going for you than you think. ADCOMs want applicants to do non-clinical volunteering with an Under-deserved population. You should definitely do that, because you think you have a lot going on, and you do I'm sure, but the point is no matter how bad you think things are going for you its always humbling to see how much worst others are, that'll probably do you some good.

Lastly, unless you want to get your head completely chewed off, don't suggest or ask if you're too old and then in the very next paragraph say you are 28 years old. If you looked in the non-traditional threads for like 10min you would see people well in to their 40s and 50s contemplating the decision to pursue medicine and receiving support on their decision. SO NO YOUR NOT TOO OLD.

 

[GenSurgONLY]

Hey everybody,
I just needed to get this off of my chest..... I feel like I've had some TERRIBLE luck from 2011-2016. At the end of 2010, I had recovered from a poor freshman year and Fall semester of sophomore year. Everything seemed to be falling into place and going well but from 2011 onwards things went downhill, I had both my grandparents pass away exactly a month apart from each other overseas (2011), my house caught on fire from a lightning bolt, which forced us to live away from our house for more than a year (2011), a girl was VERY unkind to me and played around with my emotions during the tumultuous times of 2011, my autistic brother was EXTREMELY challenging for all of us to deal with during 2011 and 2012, my maternal grandmother passed away in 2013 from complications from having a stroke from 2012, friends graduated/forgot about me and abandoned me/some didn't treat me well and were unkind/never seemed to want to hang out or spend time together much and I isolated myself socially, a few other incidents happened with girls not treating me well/being unkind/leading me on in 2013 and 2016, my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer (Stage II with no spread to lymph nodes doing well now with amazing prognosis) at the end of 2014, and my maternal uncle passed away unexpectedly from alcoholism, major depression, and other reasons in 2016. 🙁 I'm now FINALLY back on track, after all of these years..... to add to all of this, I suffered from self-doubt, depression, and anxiety during these years (and to an extent today.) My grades took a MAJOR hit from 2011-2013(to some extent) I doubted, if this is what I wanted to do with my life for a while because I have to do a Masters for a year for redemption/these occurences (that I am starting in a few days) and get the needed score on the MCAT.

I didn't know, if I REALLY wanted to do this, and I was thinking of going a totally different route entirely because of my self-doubt and wondering, if I would be making a mistake going into medicine and wouldn't be happy. My friends who had decided to pursue medicine and other physicians also "scared" me into thinking of not going into medicine from their experiences. I don't know what happened to me, but I had lost all my motivation and drive to pursue my goals. These struggles also made me have to graduate in five years and do a year of post-bacc to get my GPA to the minimum requirement to be considered for Masters/SMP programs. I know that I've had a lot of struggles and haven't been wasting time because I've needed the time to heal, but my mind keeps making me think that I have and that I should have started everything a bit sooner?

I'm not trying to make excuses but is it just me, or have I had TERRIBLE luck over the years? Also, when I thought I had recovered and things were getting better, then another event would happen that would set me back, over those times and it did make me feel powerless to do anything to change my predicaments, quite angry, and worthless to some extent. I am 28 years old, and I feel like I just woke up and realized I've wasted quite a few years of my life and had them stolen from me unfairly to an extent..... has anyone else ever felt this way and how have you dealt with it? Thank you all for your advice and insight..... it is greatly appreciated!!!!! 🙂

I am not a therapist or psychologist (obviously since I too am here to pursue MD); however, I would suggest seeing one even for just a few sessions. You have had a rough life and unfortunately circumstances in life may set you back, even years(I know because I have personally experienced some major ones, from years of sexual abuse). I used to be angry and felt like my years were stolen from me. I was of course in a negative place(definitely depressed and when you’re depressed everyone and everything seems to suck).

One day, I did some thinking and realized my setbacks have made me resilient. Things that many people think are hard, I just scoff and say,”this is it?! Pssh, this is nothing compared to what I’ve been through!” You gotta be your own hype man. Also, your setbacks can help others. I know my story helps others see if you have a passion, it can be done even in the worst of circumstances. You may be 28 but now you’re at an age where you more definitely know if you want to pursue MD or not. For me, being a 29 yo non trad makes feel happy! Unlike many of the trad students who are still figuring themselves out, I’m married with kids, a homeowner and at this age KNOW what I want that i didn’t know at 22.

Your years you think you lost weren’t lost. It’s just maybe before wasn’t the right time and maybe now it is IF Medicine is what you really want to do. Only you can decide that, not me or anyone else on or off this forum. Wish you the best and feel free to message me if you want.

 

[nimbus]

The first noble truth...life is suffering. You HAVE had some bad luck. You will have more bad luck going forward. That is normal life. Learn to accept that and make peace with it. Those of us who choose a demanding career need to learn to compartmentalize. Always keep your eyes on the prize.

 

[PeleHonuaMea]

Hey everybody,
I just needed to get this off of my chest..... I feel like I've had some TERRIBLE luck from 2011-2016. At the end of 2010, I had recovered from a poor freshman year and Fall semester of sophomore year. Everything seemed to be falling into place and going well but from 2011 onwards things went downhill, I had both my grandparents pass away exactly a month apart from each other overseas (2011), my house caught on fire from a lightning bolt, which forced us to live away from our house for more than a year (2011), a girl was VERY unkind to me and played around with my emotions during the tumultuous times of 2011, my autistic brother was EXTREMELY challenging for all of us to deal with during 2011 and 2012, my maternal grandmother passed away in 2013 from complications from having a stroke from 2012, friends graduated/forgot about me and abandoned me/some didn't treat me well and were unkind/never seemed to want to hang out or spend time together much and I isolated myself socially, a few other incidents happened with girls not treating me well/being unkind/leading me on in 2013 and 2016, my mother got diagnosed with breast cancer (Stage II with no spread to lymph nodes doing well now with amazing prognosis) at the end of 2014, and my maternal uncle passed away unexpectedly from alcoholism, major depression, and other reasons in 2016. 🙁 I'm now FINALLY back on track, after all of these years..... to add to all of this, I suffered from self-doubt, depression, and anxiety during these years (and to an extent today.) My grades took a MAJOR hit from 2011-2013(to some extent) I doubted, if this is what I wanted to do with my life for a while because I have to do a Masters for a year for redemption/these occurences (that I am starting in a few days) and get the needed score on the MCAT.

I didn't know, if I REALLY wanted to do this, and I was thinking of going a totally different route entirely because of my self-doubt and wondering, if I would be making a mistake going into medicine and wouldn't be happy. My friends who had decided to pursue medicine and other physicians also "scared" me into thinking of not going into medicine from their experiences. I don't know what happened to me, but I had lost all my motivation and drive to pursue my goals. These struggles also made me have to graduate in five years and do a year of post-bacc to get my GPA to the minimum requirement to be considered for Masters/SMP programs. I know that I've had a lot of struggles and haven't been wasting time because I've needed the time to heal, but my mind keeps making me think that I have and that I should have started everything a bit sooner?

I'm not trying to make excuses but is it just me, or have I had TERRIBLE luck over the years? Also, when I thought I had recovered and things were getting better, then another event would happen that would set me back, over those times and it did make me feel powerless to do anything to change my predicaments, quite angry, and worthless to some extent. I am 28 years old, and I feel like I just woke up and realized I've wasted quite a few years of my life and had them stolen from me unfairly to an extent..... has anyone else ever felt this way and how have you dealt with it? Thank you all for your advice and insight..... it is greatly appreciated!!!!! 🙂

I replied to your other thread before I read this one. I truly hope you seek professional help for your mental health issues. The loss of your grandparents and your friends being mean to you shouldn't disrupt so much of your life for so many years. This is a little bit concerning.

Other than school, what else have you been doing since 2011? Do you have a good support system in place now? Do you play sports? Have any hobbies? Do you work? Do you volunteer? They say the best way to get a new perspective on life is to serve those who are much less fortunate than you 🙂.