I panic over my wife ob/gyn exam

[mrphobiaman]

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hello,
i am new to this board so please bear with me. i have a bad problem with my wife having pelvic exam or breast exam from male doctor. i dont know why this bothers me so bad, as i realize they are doing their job, but i have been this way even from my first marriage.(when i was 18, now i am 37). I actually made her switch to a female ob/gyn! i am not really a jealous kind of man, it doesnt bother me even if i know someone is flirting with her. but we have had 3 children already, and due another one, and i have asked that she also change to a female ob/gyn, after she explained her last visit to me. evidently he examed her with no one in the room, took longer than normal for the bimanual portion(thats where the doctor sticks his fingers in her vj and rectum), was so pre-occupied he forgot to do the papsmear and had to redo that part, and it went clear through me, i became enraged so bad that i was depressed for several days afterwards. until finally my wife asked what was wrong, and i told her. she was understanding, she told me she would be willing to switch doctors since it botherd me that bad, but it is still bothering me, i cant concentrate on my job or anything because i am so obsessed with this. when we had our second child, the doctor used her to train a medical student, i had no idea, so when he showed up to deliver the baby in addition to the other guy, i was very uspset,i askedeave the room, but no one complied to my pleadings, and the guy wound up delivering our baby. i really felt betrayed after my wife explained that he had been present during examinations as well. that still bothers me. i dont know how to deal with this emotion, it is such a POWERFUL feeling of hate that i do not experience other wise. when we go to the hospital i have visions of men running around looking for any excuse to put the fingers you know where. i have even considered trying to get our consent forms modified to exclude all male staff from the delivery room. am i the only one that feels this way? i have searched the internet to try and find similar situations and came up with nothing. if anyone has any serious input i would like to hear it. i only have a few months to go. i have searched all the way to my childhood to find some event that might be triggering this emotion, but i cant remember anything on this scale.

i am editing this a little, so i see a few has veiwed this, please respond with some input, especially if you are a doctor yourself and have seen this before.
thank you all

 

[newguy]

I am responding since you asked for a response and seem so desperate to hear something. So since you asked, please don't be offended.

The thought of a male ob/gyn bothers soem men, but not to the degree that you are explaining. An "obsession" is a bit extreme and may warrant the use of an SSRI (medication) and or psychotherapy to explore why this bothers you so much and why you are not obsessing about your new child vs this DOCTOR who delivered your baby and is screening your wife for potentially deadly diseases. Generally doctors are not excited when examing patients. It is so routine. Just anatomy and medicine, not sex and porn. I agree that exams should not be done without someone present. There are plenty of female docs out there. I'm sure your wife can find someone that both of you are happy with.

Best of luck.

 

[drmom2007]

I have a male doctor myself and my husband and I are quite happy with him. We just had our first baby a 5 months ago. I believe you are taking this to a whole new level. I have never been turned on by one of my male patients. You don't see your patients in that light. You are there to do a job. However, I must add that your wife does seem to feel uncomfortable with her last encounter since she brought it up. I would advise her to change physicians if she doesn't not feel comfortable herself. The most important thing to me is to have a physician who is the competent. I could care less what sex they are. I just want the best care for myself and my baby.

 

[obbyjobby]

That is interesting. I agree that maybe speaking to a professional about this would not be a bad idea. FYI, the bimanual and the pap smear are done separately, did the first doctor really have to "redo" it? It's one thing to be uncomfortable leaving your wife with a male doctor; it's entirely another to be obsessive and hateful. Incidentally, if your wife has found someone who is providing excellent care and she is comfortable with, there's no reason to leave and it might be unfair to subject her to your strong feelings on this.

 

[mrphobiaman]

yes, i know what both of those are, the bimanual and papsmear, he had to re-insert the speculum afterwards, all with no one else present in the room, a my wife has had exams before and said this guy really took his time. yes it bothers me about that! i dont want to seem like i am personally offended at all ob/gyn, i am not, but i was hoping to hear if anyone had advice on how they delt with it, did you talk to the guy, what did you say to re-assure him, and so on. i told my wife that i probably need to see some psyciatrist or something, but she said she would switch. i am also not sure if i even need to be in the delivery room because she will have a c-section and be preped for that, is there a way to politely say to staff we dont want any males performing any intimate tasks, such as shaving her, inserting cathadors? that bothers me too, it almost feels like a panic attack to me.

thank you for your input

 

[Pin-Lag-Lock]

I agree with you and the other posters, you need professional help. All I can do is offer you a personal opinion. You are having irrational thoughts and offering solutions and making decisions based on fears that may not be in your wife's best interest. This is a personal issue that you had most of your life and may be just the tip of the iceberg. If you reverse the situation, for example, it was your wife that had an issue with a female urologist doing a genital exam on you. Your wife was having thoughts of the urologist giving you an erection or getting sexual enjoyment from the exam, what would you think? I agree that having a female present in the room while a male doctor exams a female patient protects both the patient and the doctor. Also there are a few bad apples in the medical profession that break the law. The truth is that your obsessions are running wild, my advise to you is to seek professional help before it gets worst and affects the relationships you have with your wife and possibly your children.

 

[DrMom]

SDN is not intended for medical advice. As people have already stated, you need to discuss this with your personal physician so that your anxiety can be properly addressed.

closing.

 

[Diane L. Evans]

To future SDN member remember the old adage If you have nothing nice to say don't say it all all. Just email me and I will redirect the post.

Thanks all,
Diane.

BTW I apoligize for offensive replies I do think you need to seek professional advice. I commend you on sharing your feelings.

Good luck