I really want to quit, how do I tell my family?

[folgersormh]

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I’m an intern in a 4 year residency and I don’t like medicine in hindsight. I guess in medical school I just drudged through it thinking it’ll get better when I had more autonomy (didn’t need my senior resident to sign every order for senna or Tylenol), got paid, and didn’t have to study all the time. But nope. I actually hate it all.

I don’t like being in the hospital or the ED, I don’t like clinic, I don’t like being primary on patients or being a “consultant.” I don’t like thinking through problems for my patients.

I don’t like the city my program is in. I hate the area and should’ve visited before ranking it. I don’t like my program’s crappy education. I don’t like that it’s basically a community program so no one is available to do crap overnight or on weekends. Our “teaching” attendings are awful, they don’t teach and mistakes are treated like you’re just inherently incompetent.

This one will upset people but I don’t care about patients anymore, at least not their diseases. I have stopped “thinking” and I just report it to my attending or senior, like “their head hurts, no neuro deficits. Maybe Tylenol?” and just let them tell me what to do because I don’t care enough to think more about it. I care about them as humans so I don’t wish to harm them but I know my lack of care will harm them. There are interns and seniors who are like “wow!! What a cool disease process!” but I feel like I’m in acrid gravy every day just getting through, and nothing seems interesting.

I don’t like the responsibility of being a doctor/provider. I don’t like being the person everyone turns to to have an answer or plan.

I want to quit medicine. I’m on a small break right now and I feel worse, not better. I have nothing else lined up but I’d literally rather do anything else. I never should’ve gone to medical school, and I should’ve quit when I realized I wasn’t loving the day-to-day of medicine but I deluded myself. I considered maybe it’s just my program I hate but it’s the actual job of being a doctor. I don’t like the ultimate responsibility and making decisions. I can’t even choose a restaurant to eat at, let alone what to do for my crashing patient. I don’t trust myself with patient care. I’ll be an awful attending.

My family will be so disappointed in me, which is the only thing holding me back. They’re so proud that I’m a doctor. Anytime I complain they shut it down and say “well you have to be a doctor” essentially.

 

[ThoracicGuy]

I’m an intern in a 4 year residency and I don’t like medicine in hindsight. I guess in medical school I just drudged through it thinking it’ll get better when I had more autonomy (didn’t need my senior resident to sign every order for senna or Tylenol), got paid, and didn’t have to study all the time. But nope. I actually hate it all.

I don’t like being in the hospital or the ED, I don’t like clinic, I don’t like being primary on patients or being a “consultant.” I don’t like thinking through problems for my patients.

I don’t like the city my program is in. I hate the area and should’ve visited before ranking it. I don’t like my program’s crappy education. I don’t like that it’s basically a community program so no one is available to do crap overnight or on weekends. Our “teaching” attendings are awful, they don’t teach and mistakes are treated like you’re just inherently incompetent.

This one will upset people but I don’t care about patients anymore, at least not their diseases. I have stopped “thinking” and I just report it to my attending or senior, like “their head hurts, no neuro deficits. Maybe Tylenol?” and just let them tell me what to do because I don’t care enough to think more about it. I care about them as humans so I don’t wish to harm them but I know my lack of care will harm them. There are interns and seniors who are like “wow!! What a cool disease process!” but I feel like I’m in acrid gravy every day just getting through, and nothing seems interesting.

I don’t like the responsibility of being a doctor/provider. I don’t like being the person everyone turns to to have an answer or plan.

I want to quit medicine. I’m on a small break right now and I feel worse, not better. I have nothing else lined up but I’d literally rather do anything else. I never should’ve gone to medical school, and I should’ve quit when I realized I wasn’t loving the day-to-day of medicine but I deluded myself. I considered maybe it’s just my program I hate but it’s the actual job of being a doctor. I don’t like the ultimate responsibility and making decisions. I can’t even choose a restaurant to eat at, let alone what to do for my crashing patient. I don’t trust myself with patient care. I’ll be an awful attending.

My family will be so disappointed in me, which is the only thing holding me back. They’re so proud that I’m a doctor. Anytime I complain they shut it down and say “well you have to be a doctor” essentially.

Sounds like you could benefit from talking with someone.

 

[DarkHorizon]

I personally would stick it out, but if you’re that miserable, you should quit. Your post makes you sound very unhappy.

 

[CopaceticOne]

Hard to distinguish burn-out apathy from true dislike on an anonymous forum. I agree with @ThoracicGuy that you probably should talk in person with someone.

Think back about what the motivating factors were for you to originally apply to med school. Did you have a particular reason / motivation? Were you just on the “med school or bust” train and didn’t really think about if you really wanted it towards the end of undergrad.

I recommend reaching out friends, talk to your PD, utilize the programs mental health services (for their impartial perspective on what you tell them).

The first step was identifying your shift from enjoying the medicine. Now it is time to make sure you understand “the why” so that you can try to identify a good path going forward in the event you do leave the field.

 

[comp1]

I think telling your family you want to quit is very different from telling your family that you are quitting. If your family has any physicians in it, they are going to be very understanding about wanting to quit, less so about quitting. I am not sure there is anyone who doesn't want to quit at some point during intern year. You didn't mention what specialty you are in, but intern year is pretty universally the worst. I definitely second and third you needing to talk someone. It might be family, it might be friends or someone professional. Fantasizing about quitting and focusing on a bunch of negative things is normal for short bursts particularly in intern year, but problematic if it keeps up and it seems like it might be for you. But practically, what are you going to do if you did quit? What would you do in terms of a job that could approach the options in medicine? And there ARE options (if you finish.) What you are doing now is not anything like what attending life is. I guess my biggest concern is that your current mood might be more intrinsic to you than your training program and quitting definitely can't fix that. Also, people expecting you to have answers gets a whole heck of a lot easier (and even fun) when you do actually have those answers. This is part of what makes intern year the worst.

 

[comp1]

I think telling your family you want to quit is very different from telling your family that you are quitting. If your family has any physicians in it, they are going to be very understanding about wanting to quit, less so about quitting. I am not sure there is anyone who doesn't want to quit at some point during intern year. You didn't mention what specialty you are in, but intern year is pretty universally the worst. I definitely second and third you needing to talk someone. It might be family, it might be friends or someone professional. Fantasizing about quitting and focusing on a bunch of negative things is normal for short bursts particularly in intern year, but problematic if it keeps up and it seems like it might be for you. But practically, what are you going to do if you did quit? What would you do in terms of a job that could approach the options in medicine? And there ARE options (if you finish.) What you are doing now is not anything like what attending life is. I guess my biggest concern is that your current mood might be more intrinsic to you than your training program and quitting definitely can't fix that. And people expecting you to have answers is a heck of a lot less troubling when you do have the answers. This is part of what makes intern year the worst.

 

[DrMetal]

I’m an intern in a 4 year residency and I don’t like medicine in hindsight. I guess in medical school I just drudged through it thinking it’ll get better when I had more autonomy (didn’t need my senior resident to sign every order for senna or Tylenol), got paid, and didn’t have to study all the time. But nope. I actually hate it all.

I don’t like being in the hospital or the ED, I don’t like clinic, I don’t like being primary on patients or being a “consultant.” I don’t like thinking through problems for my patients.

I don’t like the city my program is in. I hate the area and should’ve visited before ranking it. I don’t like my program’s crappy education. I don’t like that it’s basically a community program so no one is available to do crap overnight or on weekends. Our “teaching” attendings are awful, they don’t teach and mistakes are treated like you’re just inherently incompetent.

This one will upset people but I don’t care about patients anymore, at least not their diseases. I have stopped “thinking” and I just report it to my attending or senior, like “their head hurts, no neuro deficits. Maybe Tylenol?” and just let them tell me what to do because I don’t care enough to think more about it. I care about them as humans so I don’t wish to harm them but I know my lack of care will harm them. There are interns and seniors who are like “wow!! What a cool disease process!” but I feel like I’m in acrid gravy every day just getting through, and nothing seems interesting.

I don’t like the responsibility of being a doctor/provider. I don’t like being the person everyone turns to to have an answer or plan.

I want to quit medicine. I’m on a small break right now and I feel worse, not better. I have nothing else lined up but I’d literally rather do anything else. I never should’ve gone to medical school, and I should’ve quit when I realized I wasn’t loving the day-to-day of medicine but I deluded myself. I considered maybe it’s just my program I hate but it’s the actual job of being a doctor. I don’t like the ultimate responsibility and making decisions. I can’t even choose a restaurant to eat at, let alone what to do for my crashing patient. I don’t trust myself with patient care. I’ll be an awful attending.

My family will be so disappointed in me, which is the only thing holding me back. They’re so proud that I’m a doctor. Anytime I complain they shut it down and say “well you have to be a doctor” essentially.

How old are you? What's your undergraduate degree in? What would you rather be doing? Do you have a debt, how much?

 

[Smurfette]

It's sounds like you may have some depression issues (not giving medical advice).
Take advantage of whatever mental health services your program offers. Get yourself checked out. Make sure that the desire to quit is not just a mental health issue causing you to spin out a bit. Once you know you've addressed any underlying issues, then see if you still feel the same way about quitting.
Will also add that having a lot of doubt and frustration is normal at this point. You've had a lot of change (new location, new training program, no support system, etc.) in a short period of time. Some people take longer to adjust than others. If you do end up deciding to quit, make sure to do so in a way that doesn't prevent you from returning to medicine later---some people find clarity later on that they really do want to do medicine but weren't in the right place/right field/right mindset at the time. The less bridges you burn, the better.
Good luck.

 

[operaman]

Being an intern is very different from being a physician. Two radically different skill sets.

It will get easier each year. You may never love it, but you don’t have to. Most people don’t love their jobs, you just have to be able to tolerate it and for it to allow you the means to do things you enjoy.

Whatever you do, get board certified in something. You can always leave clinical medicine later, but if you do it too early then you don’t have many good options.