I'm a ridiculous failure

[reluctantoptimism]

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I just started the process of withdrawing from school for the whole semester- I already had 30+"W"s on my transcript ( I know it's an ABSURD number). I know, that at present, NO medical school would take me after graduation. Do you guys think I'd have any hope following an SMP (after I got some emotional/mental health counseling)? I have medicine I'm supposed to take but I never can afford it so I always get super depressed and cannot gather the energy/ drive to get out of bed. I'm volunteering at hospice and shadowing and I KNOW I want to be a doctor but I know at present I don't have what it takes and it is a devastating epiphany.

How will I ever explain this without being deemed a huge screw-up/ basket case?

I'm thinking I should continue volunteering for hospice/shadowing for a year, work on myself and go back to school when I'm emotionally more stable but I still feel like a huge loser.

 

[ready2go2]

I just started the process of withdrawing from school for the whole semester- I already had 35 "W"s on my transcript ( I know it's an ABSURD number). I know, that at present, NO medical school would take me after graduation. Do you guys think I'd have any hope following an SMP (after I got some emotional/mental health counseling)? I have medicine I'm supposed to take but I never can afford it so I always get super depressed and cannot gather the energy/ drive to get out of bed. I'm volunteering at hospice and shadowing and I KNOW I want to be a doctor but I know at present I don't have what it takes and it is a devastating epiphany.

How will I ever explain this without being deemed a huge screw-up/ basket case?

I'm thinking I should continue volunteering for hospice/shadowing for a year, work on myself and go back to school when I'm emotionally more stable but I still feel like a huge loser.

35 Ws? Over the span of how many semesters? What's the story?

 

[reluctantoptimism]

35 Ws? Over the span of how many semesters? What's the story?

I should have finished a while ago (i.e. 2015)- I started in 2011 and I'm now 25. I just don't know how I became this lackluster and complacent. I feel like I'll never get in even if I 4.0 an SMP or masters.

 

[JustAPhD]

I'm thinking I should continue volunteering for hospice/shadowing for a year, work on myself and go back to school when I'm emotionally more stable

Sounds like a good plan to me. Sort yourself out first and foremost. School is easier when you're able to be 100% mentally invested into it. Take your time, finish your prereqs and get your ECs in order along the way. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and nothing I'm reading makes me think you're a loser. Plenty of applicants have been where you are, and countless have overcome the adversities you're facing. So just breath, and take the time to sort out your mental health first; it's the most important thing.

 

[order66.exe]

I just started the process of withdrawing from school for the whole semester- I already had 35 "W"s on my transcript ( I know it's an ABSURD number). I know, that at present, NO medical school would take me after graduation. Do you guys think I'd have any hope following an SMP (after I got some emotional/mental health counseling)? I have medicine I'm supposed to take but I never can afford it so I always get super depressed and cannot gather the energy/ drive to get out of bed. I'm volunteering at hospice and shadowing and I KNOW I want to be a doctor but I know at present I don't have what it takes and it is a devastating epiphany.

How will I ever explain this without being deemed a huge screw-up/ basket case?

I'm thinking I should continue volunteering for hospice/shadowing for a year, work on myself and go back to school when I'm emotionally more stable but I still feel like a huge loser.

I'm not going to lie OP, This is a significant red flag for application as the adcom is going to wonder whether you will be able to stick through the rigors of a medical curriculum. 35Ws means 35 classes right? That 7 semesters worth of withdrawal. You may still have a shot but before you go back to school you NEED to have stable finances and stable health care and you need to take a challenging course load and kill the MCAT.

If you cant afford the medication talk to your doctor about getting onto a charity care program with the pharmaceutical.

 

[redsox93]

I'm thinking I should continue volunteering for hospice/shadowing for a year, work on myself and go back to school when I'm emotionally more stable.

This sounds like the best options. If you're able to find a job so that you are able to afford your medications and doctors visits that would be a good idea too. As far as the multiple Ws go I'm not sure how this would be viewed by admission committees. Perhaps if you were able to show a sustained record of good academic progress and were able to explain your story and reasons behind all the Ws then you might have a chance. But I imagine this would take a lot of time to show that you really have improved/recovered.

 

[Spoderman]

Did your school not have a withdrawal limit? Ours maxed out at 2 per semester, at which point they would suggest taking a leave of absence to figure your stuff out. 35 is rather high... but I would advise you to take some time to get settled mentally and emotionally before going with an SMP. The further you can distance yourself from the W's, the better.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

This sounds like the best options. If you're able to find a job so that you are able to afford your medications and doctors visits that would be a good idea too. As far as the multiple Ws go I'm not sure how this would be viewed by admission committees. Perhaps if you were able to show a sustained record of good academic progress and were able to explain your story and reasons behind all the Ws then you might have a chance. But I imagine this would take a lot of time to show that you really have improved/recovered.

I was thinking of doing a masters/smp in some biological field and getting as many "A"s as possible.

 

[HopefulSlav]

Let's hear some stats....

 

[ciestar]

You need to let academics go for the time being. Med school (undergrad for that matter) isn't going anywhere. You need to take care of yourself first. It may hit your depression harder to think you'll have to wait even longer, but you need to. Try feeling the way you do and being in med school. It isn't worth it. It just crushes you mentally and your academics suffer majorly for it.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

You need to let academics go for the time being. Med school (undergrad for that matter) isn't going anywhere. You need to take care of yourself first. It may hit your depression harder to think you'll have to wait even longer, but you need to. Try feeling the way you do and being in med school. It isn't worth it. It just crushes you mentally and your academics suffer majorly for it.

I'm willing to wait and try to improve myself.

My story does not just become sour:

I was in IB in high school and EVERYONE assumed I was going to do great things but I always knew I was not mentally well. I quit going to school in the 9th grade and just gave up on life. I know that I have the mental acuity to practice medicine but, at present, I do not have the stamina and wherewithal for this undertaking. What else should I do in my year off in addition to shadowing/ hospice/ MCAT?

 

[studentdocftw]

I know that I have the mental acuity to practice medicine but, at present, I do not have the stamina and wherewithal for this undertaking.

So, how can you assure this history of withdrawals in undergrad doesn't repeat itself in the more rigorous environment of medical school? Something to consider before you continue down this path. Med school pushes perfectly healthy people into depression, feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, etc.

 

[mistafab]

I think you'd be in a better headspace if you forgot about school, med school, and college for now. Get yourself a job, get yourself financial stability, make sure you can afford your treatment and take care of yourself. Once you have your life together, then you can think about these less important things. Right now, forget about your aspirations. Get your life together, your health is extremely important and you need to take care of yourself.

I'm willing to wait and try to improve myself.

My story does not just become sour:

I was in IB in high school and EVERYONE assumed I was going to do great things but I always knew I was not mentally well. I quit going to school in the 9th grade and just gave up on life. I know that I have the mental acuity to practice medicine but, at present, I do not have the stamina and wherewithal for this undertaking. What else should I do in my year off in addition to shadowing/ hospice/ MCAT?

 

[reluctantoptimism]

So, how can you assure this history of withdrawals in undergrad doesn't repeat itself in the more rigorous environment of medical school? Something to consider before you continue down this path. Med school pushes perfectly healthy people into depression, feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, etc.

At this point in time, I cannot; I came here to try to figure this out.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

I think you'd be in a better headspace if you forgot about school, med school, and college for now. Get yourself a job, get yourself financial stability, make sure you can afford your treatment and take care of yourself. Once you have your life together, then you can think about these less important things. Right now, forget about your aspirations. Get your life together, your health is extremely important and you need to take care of yourself.

Sounds like a plan but should I give up now ( I KNOW I do not want to give up)?

 

[ciestar]

I'm willing to wait and try to improve myself.

My story does not just become sour:

I was in IB in high school and EVERYONE assumed I was going to do great things but I always knew I was not mentally well. I quit going to school in the 9th grade and just gave up on life. I know that I have the mental acuity to practice medicine but, at present, I do not have the stamina and wherewithal for this undertaking. What else should I do in my year off in addition to shadowing/ hospice/ MCAT?

Don't even worry about the MCAT. Shadowing and hospice are great. Try and maybe find some nonclinical gig too. I found a great one that served underserved kids and it put a lot of stuff in perspective for me, like, a lot of people have it a lot worse than I do. I also worked 30 hours a week. Money is good to have.

Your story is similar to mine. I was in the top of my class in high school, but I didn't go to school. Depression hit me hard as a teenager and again some in undergrad. I didn't have to withdraw like you did, but I changed my major and career path multiple times. I took three gap years working it all out.

Even now, my butt is in the counselor's office at my med school weekly. Gotta fix it all or it can get even worse.

 

[Goro]

At this point in time, I cannot; I came here to try to figure this out.

Mental illness is poorly managed on anonymous Internet message biards.

Go get some professional help.

Then go visit your school's career center

 

[mistafab]

If I were in your shoes - withdrawing from everything, not able to have money to afford medications, and feeling like a failure. Then yes, I would give up right now. I would withdraw from school and find a job. I would work and get myself some money so I could afford my meds. I would work a few jobs or an entry-level career for a few years until I felt like my life was finally stable. Then, after a few years of feeling like a human again, I would do some serious reflection about life.

If med school is what you want, and still is what you want after a few years, then it is always there. Non-trads are welcome in medicine. But right now you have no shot. You are not even close to having a small chance at getting into a med school right now. Not even the slightest. You gotta get your life together. You gotta take care of yourself. If you were in med school right now you would be eaten alive.

Sounds like a plan but should I give up now ( I KNOW I do not want to give up)?

 

[reluctantoptimism]

Mental illness is poorly managed on anonymous Internet message biards.

Go get some professional help.

Then go visit your school's career center

What is that supposed to mean? I already know what career I'm perusing.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

If I were in your shoes - withdrawing from everything, not able to have money to afford medications, and feeling like a failure. Then yes, I would give up right now. I would withdraw from school and find a job. I would work and get myself some money so I could afford my meds. I would work a few jobs or an entry-level career for a few years until I felt like my life was finally stable. Then, after a few years of feeling like a human again, I would do some serious reflection about life.

If med school is what you want, and still is what you want after a few years, then it is always there. Non-trads are welcome in medicine. But right now you have no shot. You are not even close to having a small chance at getting into a med school right now. Not even the slightest. You gotta get your life together. You gotta take care of yourself. If you were in med school right now you would be eaten alive.

How many years are we talking? My plan was to take a year, go back to finish undergrad, attend an SMP and then, apply- is this to fast?

 

[Transistor]

Given how you've responded to feedback over at Reddit's premed subreddit regarding this same exact question, I think you need to focus on your own personal health first before you proceed to invest into a medical career.

 

[Medic741]

How many years are we talking? My plan was to take a year, go back to finish undergrad, attend an SMP and then, apply- is this to fast?

*YES.*

 

[chunkywombat]

Sounds like a good plan to me. Sort yourself out first and foremost. School is easier when you're able to be 100% mentally invested into it. Take your time, finish your prereqs and get your ECs in order along the way. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and nothing I'm reading makes me think you're a loser. Plenty of applicants have been where you are, and countless have overcome the adversities you're facing. So just breath, and take the time to sort out your mental health first; it's the most important thing.

Do you really feel that this is accurate? Although it's pretty common to have academic hiccups due to mental health issues, I personally doubt that many applicants have 30+ withdrawn courses. And even if there are applicants with that type of history, I'd strongly doubt there were many matriculants with the same.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

*YES.*

I really don't care what others think- I'm NOT taking a year off and I will finish this year and start an SMP next year and apply.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

Do you really feel that this is accurate? Although it's pretty common to have academic hiccups due to mental health issues, I personally doubt that many applicants have 30+ withdrawn courses. And even if there are applicants with that type of history, I'd strongly doubt there were many matriculants with the same.

How would YOU know?

 

[Toutie]

You come in here asking for advice and opinions on your situation. You get advice and opinions...and you don't like what people have said so you're going to just bull right ahead and do it your way. Why ask for advice if you only want to hear what you want to hear? Be sure to come back in a few years and let us know how it works out for you. Good luck.

 

[lexington251]

Mental illness is poorly managed on anonymous Internet message biards.

I think this is what Goro was referring to.

I really don't care what others think- I'm NOT taking a year off and I will finish this year and start an SMP next year and apply.

How would YOU know?

It's easy to snap at people/get the wrong message when you're hiding behind a computer screen. Conversely, it's easy for people to give bad advice or confuse you even more.

I agree with @Goro . You should focus on your mental wellbeing first.

Then go visit your school's career center

I think what Goro means is to get some counseling on next steps or where you stand, rather than looking for a change of career. You may be 100% set on becoming a physician, but it's wise to get help from others whenever. It's a long road ahead for everyone in the process.

 

[gonnif]

Do you really feel that this is accurate? Although it's pretty common to have academic hiccups due to mental health issues, I personally doubt that many applicants have 30+ withdrawn courses. And even if there are applicants with that type of history, I'd strongly doubt there were many matriculants with the same.

no not many, but some have seemingly failed academic backgrounds that they are able to overcome. However, for those extreme situations, I find they have stepped away for several years, become very successful at something, and then return. This poster needs to first and foremost, get the apparent help in just getting their own psychological and emotional issues dealt with before attempting any effort at SMP. They do not need additional stress by considering medicine at the same time. They additionally must go towards something that is stable and successful, whether it be employment, a different area in academics that they can succeed at, or other endeavors. When they have reached maturity in both areas, then and only then should they reconsider medicine. Step back now, fix it, then move forward without any self imposed time frame

 

[coffeeandcodeine]

This isn't about what others think. You came here to seek help and advice, and I promise we're all on your side, and we all want you to get into medical school if that remains your goal.

But I agree with the general sentiment expressed on this thread -- a year or two off could have a profoundly beneficial impact on not only your mental health, but your application as well. I know that you that you want to achieve your goal ASAP (thats how I felt in college too), but there's much more to life than rushing along to the next big achievement. If you slow down, spend some time working, destress, continue to volunteer at a relaxed pace, it could really help in the long term. Taking time off before medical school was not my original plan either, but I am incredibly grateful that I did. I feel that I will enter medical school in a much better place, emotionally, than if I had rushed straight through from undergrad.

No one is telling you what you have to do, we're all just trying to figure out what's right for you. But you should keep this advice in mind -- some of the commenters (like Goro and others) on here have lots of experience and wisdom to offer.

I really don't care what others think- I'm NOT taking a year off and I will finish this year and start an SMP next year and apply.

 

[Lawpy]

You come in here asking for advice and opinions on your situation. You get advice and opinions...and you don't like what people have said so you're going to just bull right ahead and do it your way. Why ask for advice if you only want to hear what you want to hear. Be sure to come back in a few years and let us know how it works out for you. Good luck.

sometimes people like OP may have to learn their lessons the hard way. unfortunate, but that's the way it is. hopefully, this thread serves as a useful resource for future readers and observers who are in similar position as OP.

 

[chunkywombat]

How would YOU know?

You are pulling this hysterically offended junk both here and on reddit right now to everyone that tells you something that you don't want to hear. You have a loooong way to go in more ways than one to get anywhere near where you'd like to go. I highly recommend a therapist.

 

[Medic741]

mods?

 

[gonnif]

You are pulling this hysterically offended junk both here and on reddit right now to everyone that tells you something that you don't want to hear. You have a loooong way to go in more ways than one to get anywhere near where you'd like to go. I highly recommend a therapist.

I would strongly concur. Having lived thru my own turbulent times and deep, dark holes, I fear the OP is not down in one yet but in a much more dangerous place. He/she is standing at the edge of cliff but is looking up to reach the sky and not looking down at the precipice and the fall. I say this not to stop you from getting into medical school but to keep you from falling in that deep dark hole, I have helped many non-trads and those with very poor academic backgrounds to get into medical school. But first the applicant must be at a place of emotionally maturity and understanding to heal themselves first before embarking on a career to heal others.

 

[ciestar]

Damn.
I just read that reddit thread.

OP, you know better than anyone that we can be our own worst enemies. Don't make things harder for yourself by rushing this. With your academic background, you have just so many W's your judgement WILL come into play. I know hindsight is 20/20, but it never should have gotten this far and time off years ago would have done so much for you. Be combative all you want, but you asked for opinions and nobody is here to sugar coat things and lie to make you feel better. You speak of finances being an issue. SMPs are expensive, the MCAT can be expensive (prep materials, multiple exams if it comes to it..), applying is expensive, medical school is really expensive.

Passion and drive are great, but you must look in the mirror and be realistic.

You need to get your affairs in order before you take on more schooling. SMP would be your final chance and if you cannot handle courses now... Just take some time and get things together and then move forward.

 

[WheezyBaby]

I really don't care what others think- I'm NOT taking a year off and I will finish this year and start an SMP next year and apply.

It really looks like you're continuing down the same path that led to all those W's. You need to get your life better sorted before continuing down this path and putting yourself further until the same pit you've already dug quite deep. Stay connected to your passion however you want, volunteering, whatever, but pushing forward with academics seems foolhardy and uninsightful. You don't seem to be particularly interested in others opinions though, and I'm not here to argue. My 2c, take it or leave it

 

[ScottTenorman54]

I would strongly concur. Having lived thru my own turbulent times and deep, dark holes, I fear the OP in not down in one yet but in a much more dangerous place. He/she is standing at the edge of cliff but is looking up to reach the sky and not looking down at the precipice and the fall.

Been there too. Not a fun place. Best wishes OP, hope you find your way soon.

 

[Mad Jack]

I just started the process of withdrawing from school for the whole semester- I already had 30+"W"s on my transcript ( I know it's an ABSURD number). I know, that at present, NO medical school would take me after graduation. Do you guys think I'd have any hope following an SMP (after I got some emotional/mental health counseling)? I have medicine I'm supposed to take but I never can afford it so I always get super depressed and cannot gather the energy/ drive to get out of bed. I'm volunteering at hospice and shadowing and I KNOW I want to be a doctor but I know at present I don't have what it takes and it is a devastating epiphany.

How will I ever explain this without being deemed a huge screw-up/ basket case?

I'm thinking I should continue volunteering for hospice/shadowing for a year, work on myself and go back to school when I'm emotionally more stable but I still feel like a huge loser.

30+ Ws? That's literally an entire education in running away. I wouldn't touch that if I were an adcom.

 

[Gurkhali]

30+ Ws? That's literally an entire education in running away. I wouldn't touch that if I were an adcom.

He majored in Evasion. Top of the class, I bet.

 

[Astra]

He majored in Evasion. Top of the class, I bet.

he is clearly French

 

[Doctor Strange]

There's no way. Even if there is a way, you're going to need to put in SEVERAL YEARS before you can even hope to apply again. You not only need academic rehab but also mental health rehab.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using SDN mobile

 

[Meowgical]

I don't really have too much advice. Your posts are frighteningly close to what I've been going through. URM, gaps in academic career. I am in a similar boat when it comes to Ws (a few semesters worth) and an IA (noise violation), so I will see how this application cycle goes. The biggest differences between us is I addressed my health and family problems around 4 years ago, and since then I have demonstrated I can handle school and work without hiccups. Though I graduated a little over a year ago, I made sure to finish off with a 4.0 semester and overall I managed to keep my GPA up.

I worry about you rushing into an SMP because you can't afford to bomb it or to give up. Find the therapy and/or medications that work for you. If your medication is too expensive, ask if there is a generic or if you can be switched to something similar but maybe more affordable. Don't give up until you find that! See a professional if you aren't already. Have a support system. Slowly add things onto your plate and then build up to a point that demonstrates you can handle the pressures and demands of medical school.

Also, as tough as it is to hear, you have to learn to not let other factors in life push you off course. Compartmentalize. Know when to ask for help. Have skills for coping and otherwise staying healthy physically and mentally. You will be better off for it and so will your future patients. Turn these obstacles into an opportunity, once you are well.

Wishing you the best!

 

[Turkishking]

I've been listening to a lot of non-trad podcasts lately. I think you should finish this year. Potentially complete a second degree to prove to ADCOMS your maturity. 35W's is a lot of W's. I myself have 3 W's. You're going to need heavy course loads, and consistently 3.9+ each one for a couple of years to prove that you can handle medical school curriculum. As of now, you are a liability.

But you should take care of your health first, then return.

 

[jb94mg]

I feel like you're letting your ego get in the way of your self-betterment and healing. What does it matter if you take a year off? It seems like you think it's something that impugns your success or something. Stop worrying about how you compare to others, or about how it looks to be in an unusual situation academically. Think about what's going to help you succeed and become the best version of yourself.

 

[Turkishking]

I just started the process of withdrawing from school for the whole semester- I already had 30+"W"s on my transcript ( I know it's an ABSURD number). I know, that at present, NO medical school would take me after graduation. Do you guys think I'd have any hope following an SMP (after I got some emotional/mental health counseling)? I have medicine I'm supposed to take but I never can afford it so I always get super depressed and cannot gather the energy/ drive to get out of bed. I'm volunteering at hospice and shadowing and I KNOW I want to be a doctor but I know at present I don't have what it takes and it is a devastating epiphany.

How will I ever explain this without being deemed a huge screw-up/ basket case?

I'm thinking I should continue volunteering for hospice/shadowing for a year, work on myself and go back to school when I'm emotionally more stable but I still feel like a huge loser.

What does your pre-med adviser have to say about your 35W's?

 

[McDreamy123]

I agree with everyone that you should straighten out your mental health first OP. Only then can you give it your all in your academics. Not to be harsh--but 35 W's is the equivalent of dropping out of 7 semesters with a full course load---only 8 semesters for a four year degree. So you've dropped out of almost a four year degree's worth of classes. How many credits do you have now? GPA?

I know a friend who had mental breakdown during second year of UG--this required hospitalization. They got medical exemption and received 5 W's. Person got on meds, goes to therapy, killed it his next 5 semesters and will be matriculating at med school this fall. He said in several of his interviews the 5 W's were brought up--and this was with him murdering the rest of UG and medical exemption. He explained he was in a bad place, got meds, goes to therapy, and has been doing well since. I think it would have been better for your case if you got help sooner--as opposed to repeating the same cycle over and over. I feel like you need a fresh bachelors (120 credits) of nearly perfect grades, and even then this will be tough. I have never heard of 35 W's in my life. Sorry if I seem harsh. I do wish you the best!! Take care of yourself first. School will always be there. You need to make sure when you go back you're ready to take it on and are in a good place.

 

[On_The_Way_Up]

35 Ws is.....crazy to say the least. Med school? You would have a hard time even getting into a masters program. There is no way. Some people like to sugar coat or are in a delusion that anyone can get in. Truth is this isn't for everyone. If it was everyone would matriculate. Get help and find something else.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

35 Ws is.....crazy to say the least. Med school? You would have a hard time even getting into a masters program. There is no way. Some people like to sugar coat or are in a delusion that anyone can get in. Truth is this isn't for everyone. If it was everyone would matriculate. Get help and find something else.

I don't care about your opinion.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

What does your pre-med adviser have to say about your 35W's?

My crappy school doesn't have premed advisor and the one I have knows nothing about the sciences.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

He majored in Evasion. Top of the class, I bet.

It's not a good idea to make fun of people down on their luck; karma is real.

 

[reluctantoptimism]

he is clearly French

Not a good idea to make fun of people down on their luck; karma is real.