I’m so sick of LGBTQ being “unprofessional”…

[cryhavoc]

I feel like whenever I talk how I normally talk and express my opinions around attendings, I get a lot of backlash despite believing my opinion is well in the realm of both mature and realistic. I often wonder if this is how women felt giving a feminine perspective however long ago when medicine was more male-dominated.

I feel like whenever I act like myself as a queer person, I’m dismissed at best and told not to say that at worst. I’m so sick of being judged by a cis-white male standard. I’m a caring person who always makes decisions based on what I feel to be my patient’s best interest and the current research. And my own perspective.

But I constantly feel dismissed unless I act masculine and give the most generic opinions. And I feel like my bosses tolerate queer nurses and patient but not residents.

I know I’m just a resident and a part of me wants to put my head down and just survive but another part of me says that being a “healer” as I think of as my profession has nothing to do with what current “professional” standards and that queer people can and should still be themselves without fear.

What should I do? Do I risk everything to try to make a change or wait until I’m out of residency and all the boomer-conservatives pass away?

I feel so alienated but I refuse to give up my career or my dream based on standards and beliefs that I think should have nothing to do with being a doctor.

Thanks,
A queer resident in the conservative Deep South

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[deleted1100659]

I feel like whenever I talk how I normally talk and express my opinions around attendings, I get a lot of backlash despite believing my opinion is well in the realm of both mature and realistic. I often wonder if this is how women felt giving a feminine perspective however long ago when medicine was more male-dominated.

Is it possible that how you express your opinion may come off in a negative way? What kind of opinions are we talking about? If one attending has an issue with your opinion, it may be the attending who is the issue, but if its multiple people around you, perhaps you should evaluate how you may come to others at times.

 

[Dr Meow]

I'm only OMS1 but Before I started med school, my boss gave me 3 tips for rotations and beyond to not get in trouble.
#1 Stay on topic
#2 Be Professional
#3 Be empathetic
Seems obvious.

"I feel like whenever I talk how I normally talk and express my opinions around attendings"

-What sort of opinions are you talking about?
-Rather, why are you expressing opinions at all because that seems to violate rule #1
I would probably just go in, do the work, and leave.

Though For sure, I sense that many old physicians have less tolerance to certain demographics of people for sure! Lots of racism in the work place too!
But stick to the 3 rules, and you can stay safe.

 

[wholeheartedly]

OP, it really isn’t clear what you mean here. Can you give an example without risking your anonymity? we might be able to give you better advice with a more concrete picture of what’s happening, but also understand if you can’t give specifics.

When you say give opinions, do you mean medical opinion like the attending asks you what you think should be done next with the patient and you give your opinion or are you giving opinions about non medical topics?

when you say the way you talk, do you mean the words you use or the way your voice sounds etc?

 

[Goro]

Agree that some examples can help us here, OP.

I've met a gazzillion people in my life who had no idea how they came across. I don't know if this was a spectrum thing, or simple self-awareness. So it might not have anything to do with your being LBGT.

 

[flapjack3d]

People in power in medicine, like in every field, but ESPECIALLY in medicine, are very conservative, and i suspect they get their jobs partially for that reason. Honestly i'm giving trying to cozy up to those types. life's too short to try to be in their club while also being yourself. i have found community as a trans doc on social media, particularly twitter, and i'm planning to move to the west coast after graduation. conservatives are just getting more and more stuck in their opinions, can't put it on yourself to change them.

 

[DeadCactus]

I'm only OMS1 but Before I started med school, my boss gave me 3 tips for rotations and beyond to not get in trouble.
#1 Stay on topic
#2 Be Professional
#3 Be empathetic
Seems obvious.

"I feel like whenever I talk how I normally talk and express my opinions around attendings"

-What sort of opinions are you talking about?
-Rather, why are you expressing opinions at all because that seems to violate rule #1
I would probably just go in, do the work, and leave.

Though For sure, I sense that many old physicians have less tolerance to certain demographics of people for sure! Lots of racism in the work place too!
But stick to the 3 rules, and you can stay safe.

People at all levels of training can have valid ideas but I think you lack the context to appreciate just how ridiculous this reads. Professional is a non-specific adjective that conveniently morphs to describe what fits in with the dominant population's cultural norms. I don't see a lack of empathy being the original poster's issue here. So what do we have left? Don't share your opinion? That's the magic advice to staying out of trouble? Spend 80+ hours a week with other people while sleep deprived and dealing with the intimate medical and social needs of strangers while at no point express anything about who you are or what you believe so you don't avoid offending someone by implying you have a right to openly exist?

Why is the baseline assumption here that something is wrong with the original poster's behavior?

 

[Dr Meow]

Why is the baseline assumption here that something is wrong with the original poster's behavior?

You're assuming too much about my post. I only conveyed some tips paraphrased from my former boss and protective work behaviors from experience.

Spend 80+ hours a week with other people while sleep deprived and dealing with the intimate medical and social needs of strangers while at no point express anything about who you are or what you believe so you don't avoid offending someone by implying you have a right to openly exist?

Being unhappy and tired at work and expecting others to pity you and be nice to you especially when they disagree with you isn't realistic.
Side note: This is also why you should take vacations when you feel burnt out to the point of lashing out. Because when you do eventually lash out, claiming "ohh I'm soooo tirred from working 90+ hour weeks.", that won't save you. You need to understand that you are judged by your behavior and appearance only and not by the circumstances which result in your behavior. I've worked 100+ hour weeks in manufacturing and been tired, fed up, and got pissed at times and complained. That didn't save me from punishment and scoldings as unfair as it is. And speaking opinions regardless of work conditions won't absolve you from criticism either. You simply have to understand the balance of power in the work place and where you fit in the power hierarchy. If you don't like the people you work with and you can't work it out, you either have to quit, suppress yourself, or report them to a higher power in the hierarchy (assuming the higher ups care about you).

And Yes. If you don't want to risk geting in trouble, don't say any opinions. Is that a difficult concept to grasp?
Unless your coworker eventually becomes a trusted friend outside of work.

 

[mvenus929]

This is also why you should take vacations when you feel burnt out to the point of lashing out. Because when you do eventually lash out, claiming "ohh I'm soooo tirred from working 90+ hour weeks.", that won't save you.

Our system is not designed to allow this. My intern year, I requested which months I wanted vacation (1st, 2nd, 3rd choices for each of the three weeks we were given off), but got them in July, August, and January. From February through August of my second year, I had no vacation, and not by my choice. As a student, I went from February to Thanksgiving without a vacation because that's how my school arranged clerkships. As a trainee, you don't get much say in when you get to take your vacations, so some people do get burnt out to the point of lashing out because they haven't had vacations. It's not like I could've been like 'oh, sorry, I'm feeling really tired and burnt out--I'm taking next week off'.

 

[DeadCactus]

You're assuming too much about my post. I only conveyed some tips paraphrased from my former boss and protective work behaviors from experience.


Being unhappy and tired at work and expecting others to pity you and be nice to you especially when they disagree with you isn't realistic.
Side note: This is also why you should take vacations when you feel burnt out to the point of lashing out. Because when you do eventually lash out, claiming "ohh I'm soooo tirred from working 90+ hour weeks.", that won't save you. You need to understand that you are judged by your behavior and appearance only and not by the circumstances which result in your behavior. I've worked 100+ hour weeks in manufacturing and been tired, fed up, and got pissed at times and complained. That didn't save me from punishment and scoldings as unfair as it is. And speaking opinions regardless of work conditions won't absolve you from criticism either. You simply have to understand the balance of power in the work place and where you fit in the power hierarchy. If you don't like the people you work with and you can't work it out, you either have to quit, suppress yourself, or report them to a higher power in the hierarchy (assuming the higher ups care about you).

And Yes. If you don't want to risk geting in trouble, don't say any opinions. Is that a difficult concept to grasp?
Unless your coworker eventually becomes a trusted friend outside of work.

You tips are nothing but empty platitudes that ignore the reality of how closely you work with supervisors in medicine and how often substance use, abortion, sexuality, gender identity, race, and other "controversial" topics are part of day-to-day work. Blanket advise to "keep your opinion to yourself" is not only impractical but also means letting people be poorly treated or mistreated because of the prejudices of your coworkers. Your tips also serve to continue the idea that it's every minority population's job to tip-toe around the fragile comfort of majority groups. It's as useful as "Be safe" is a good travel tip.

The responses here immediately asked for examples under the assumption that the original posters must clearly be doing something to upset people which is a ridiculous assumption in a profession that will look the other way as educated, grown adults berate other adults and throw objects at people.

 

[wholeheartedly]

Folks, the OP hasn’t clarified what they meant so we’re all,just giving advice on problems we are essentially imagining at this point.

 

[KiGnome]

I feel like whenever I talk how I normally talk and express my opinions around attendings, I get a lot of backlash despite believing my opinion is well in the realm of both mature and realistic. I often wonder if this is how women felt giving a feminine perspective however long ago when medicine was more male-dominated.

I feel like whenever I act like myself as a queer person, I’m dismissed at best and told not to say that at worst. I’m so sick of being judged by a cis-white male standard. I’m a caring person who always makes decisions based on what I feel to be my patient’s best interest and the current research. And my own perspective.

But I constantly feel dismissed unless I act masculine and give the most generic opinions. And I feel like my bosses tolerate queer nurses and patient but not residents.

I know I’m just a resident and a part of me wants to put my head down and just survive but another part of me says that being a “healer” as I think of as my profession has nothing to do with what current “professional” standards and that queer people can and should still be themselves without fear.

What should I do? Do I risk everything to try to make a change or wait until I’m out of residency and all the boomer-conservatives pass away?

I feel so alienated but I refuse to give up my career or my dream based on standards and beliefs that I think should have nothing to do with being a doctor.

Thanks,
A queer resident in the conservative Deep South

Hello,

I hope all is well, but I come for different reason than to contribute to the ongoing discussion,

I find this post very inspiring for a “need of change” and I believe journeys through medicine as yours deserves more recognition and awareness. With that, I am politely asking permission to repost this message on media as LinkedIn and Instagram with your user in anonymity; hence, just the message itself.

If it is worth mentioning, I run a gene page on Instagram and then my personal LinkedIn. I am a cis, heterosexual, Latino male in his undergraduate years of premed.

With Gratitude,

OFH

 

[tailedparallel]

I agree with you...