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Sorry for the haphazardly thrown together vent in advance, but I really have nowhere else to put this. I'm at a low point in my life right now but I'm pulling myself together. It's time. If I don't do it sooner I'll just get even more behind.
The gist of it is I'm a 19 year old high school drop out. Left after junior year (2013) because of personal issues. (Tons of ****ty stuff happened, assault, bullying (I was the loser that would eat lunch in the bathroom stall and cry), depression, friend passed, dad was drinking really heavily at the time, parents lost their jobs for a couple years, mom has a severe chronic illness and we couldn't afford her medication for a while so I would often cut class to take care of her.) I'm holding myself accountable for it though and I take full responsibility for what happened, I just couldn't cope. I did well in my honors/AP classes (gifted program etc, you know that bull**** song and dance) when I would show up, but I didn't show up often or at all. Got in trouble a lot, disappointed and frustrated a lot of people who believed in me, and I don't blame them for it. Basically got told that I wouldn't graduate in time with how many classes I've missed and I would have to stay an extra year if I wanted to finish, so I just chose to finish by leaving since I was miserable.
It's funny how often you hear "these are the best 4 years of your life!" but it's obviously not in my case. And honestly, I don't really regret dropping out. I travelled to China for a over year and volunteered and interned and tutored. I basically came alive for the first time in a long while. I opened my eyes towards how privileged I was and how much I could do for the world, even if it was just on a small scale. I got back around October, received my GED in January, and I've been working and volunteering and just emotionally healing up. I have a great psychiatrist and psychologist that I'm working on. I'll admit that I have a long road ahead of me and I still have bad days, but I'm far better off than I was a few years ago and I still have some hope left in me. Sometimes I feel like Mulder going "I just want to believe"
I'm trying to really get my life together and go back to school. I'll be enrolling in a local CC next semester and I'm trying to figure out what to do so I'll be able to transfer. I already have a couple schools I want to transfer to already in mind. I'm looking at courses and transfer requirements but honestly I'm scared. I don't know if I'm good/smart/strong enough to do it. I don't have a good track record with math/science and I feel really behind when I try to review all the trig/algebra/geometry/bio/chemistry/physics that I've missed online (via Khan Academy). I'm still even trying to decide if I should take the ACT or if I should take the arguably harder placement test at my CC. I have a genuine interest in higher learning and a very real and raw desire to help people and I'm willing to put in as much energy and effort as I'm humanly able to for this, but I'm scared that it still won't be enough and then I'll be out on my ass in 4 years with a worthless degree and a lackluster GPA and CV and no other career goal really in mind. I'm not interested in PA/DO/RN work even if it means an easier road ahead.
I'll be 19.5 by the time I enroll, 20.5/21 by the time I transfer, and roughly 23.5/24 when I finally graduate from college (if all goes well), and maybe even 25 when I finally do enter school if I decide to take a year off to strengthen my application and get in. It makes me feel old just thinking about entering med school at 25 since it means I'll be 29 when I graduate and 33 (at the earliest) when I finish residency. Especially with all the 21 year old dual MD/PhD Dougie Howsers I see on here,
I'm just overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to do, it feels like I'm looking at some insurmountable uphill climb when I think about it and the choices I have to make that will affect my future. Pre-reqs, GPA requirements, MCAT, shadowing, clinicals, research, publishing, volunteer-work, extra curriculars, being a generally well rounded person.
Should I bother going as a bio major? It would allow me time to knock a few of the pre-requisites (I was thinking intro bio/chem along with my gen-eds) at my CC without much of an issue since I'd still be taking upper division courses by the time but it would allow me for research opportunities. The con of that would be that I may (with likelihood) struggle and my GPA might really take a hit on that which would significantly hurt my chances at med school. Maybe psychology instead? Easy enough as it's a soft science so it'd give me more time to focus on my harder science courses and I could hypothetically still get some research opportunities junior/senior year with it which I would be much harder for me to do if I picked a liberal arts major which I'm probably more interested in.
I was planning on doing most of my gen-eds in the 2ish semesters (Spring/Summer/Fall) so I can amass enough credits (30 something) to transfer without having most colleges look at my abysmal high school transcript (1.7 uw GPA) but it would mean I'd have to take bio/chem/physics/ochem/biochem/calc all at the university I matriculate to along with all the courses my major would require, which would mean I would have to take a year off to work/study for the MCAT.
My plan is (hinging on success):
Fall 2015: Brush up as much as I can on math/science/everything while I volunteer (work part time maybe?) so I can (hopefully) place out of remedial math and go to pre-calc and have an easier time adjusting.
Spring 2016: 12-15 credits of easier gen eds so I could ease my toes back into academia. How bad would it be if I took intro to bio/intro to chem? Maybe a part time job if I think I can manage. Should I bother joining school clubs if I know I'm going to leave before I get my AA?
Summer 2016: 6-9 gen eds that I can do while I volunteer/shadow and work part time.
Fall 2016: 15-18 gen eds, work, volunteer, brush up some more. Look at schools? Transfer for spring semester? That way I can get to know professors before the summer and maybe get a research position but then I most likely won't be eligible for any transfer scholarships (most of them require 30 credits at time of transfer)
(UIC: big school, lots of pre-meds, research opportunities, own medical school, but also feel like I might get lost with all the people/get screwed over with the weeder courses, lots of gunners, $)
(Loyola: smaller school, pre-med committee, own medical school, some research opportunities maybe (??), $$$)
(DePaul: smaller school, some research opportunities maybe (??), pre-med committee, tie in w/ Rush IIRC?, quarter system where things move a lot faster, $$$)
I know it doesn't really matter what undergrad you go to unless it's a T1 and although my parents are willing to pay for undergrad, I'd still feel bad saddling them with the bill
Spring 2016 Semester: (15-18 credits) Maybe apply to transfer now? But that means I'll be at a brand new school for fall semester and won't be able to make any connections w/ professors for research until fall 2017 (as a sophomore) and probably wouldn't be able to start research until spring 2018 but it also means I could be up for more scholarships/have an easier transition from CC to 4 year.
Summer 2016 Semester: Noooooo clue, depends on what my Fall/Spring 2016 plan is 🙁
Fall 2016 to ???? graduation date: Lots of really really hard work, ass kissing, clubs, volunteer work, getting to know professors so I may be able to land a summer research opportunity. Applying summer before junior year seems really risky so I'll most likely wait until senior year to sit and hopefully knock out the MCAT and take a year to do more research/study
I know, I know, I'm speculating way too much and way too early, but I figure I have to have a plan if I want to get my life together. I'm scared beyond belief but I want this more than I've ever wanted anything before. I know I have a lot of red flags against me, from my GED, my gap between high school and college, my future community college track record, to the lack of research experience I'll likely have. Hell, even my race/SES (ORM/cushy middle class life). It sucks that I've messed my life up so badly and I accept the fact that my dream school (Pritzker) is out of the question forever.
I have no clue what I'm doing and I've been getting more and more anxious every day because I need to know if I can do this, or if this door is closed for good and I should start looking at other career paths. Can anyone please give me some advice/motivation/success stories/anything?
But I thought adcoms really look down on any pre-reqs taken at CCs?I was hoping to avoid taking bio/chem until sophomore (even if that puts me at a disadvantage and I have to wait another year to apply)
I've always been interested in medicine but there's been a few pivotal points in my life that really made me start thinking about it. Watching my mom curl into the fetal position from pain because her body hurts so bad and the horrible helpless feeling I got from not being able to do anything. Working with disabled orphans and seeing how hard they struggle to do things that I have taken for granted. Watching my grandfather (a doctor himself) succumb to cancer lecturing across the country to confined to a wheelchair and cachetic. Not knowing how bad my best friend was suffering with her depression until it was too late. To quote Neil Degrasse Tyson, my motivation in life is to "two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others" and I couldn't see a path I'd rather take. I'm more than willing to work hard and study like it's my full time job, and honestly I don't consider myself too stupid, my main fear is that I may just be too behind.
This is really simple.
Focus your first year entirely to academics. Ace your intro classes, and any gen eds. DO NOT go as a psych major unless you're interested in psych. Go biology or some other science related field, unless you have a specific interest.
Test the waters first at CC. See how you do. Take it one step at a time. I STARTED med school at 33, so you can get over that right now, heh.
But I thought adcoms really look down on any pre-reqs taken at CCs?I was hoping to avoid taking bio/chem until sophomore (even if that puts me at a disadvantage and I have to wait another year to apply)
This is becoming less and less true every year. CC coursework will be fine.
There are plenty of med schools that reward reinvention.
My one criticism, why are you against DO?I'm not interested in PA/DO/RN work even if it means an easier road ahead
My one criticism, why are you against DO?
Ignorance. OP probably doesn't realize DO and MD are the same thing. PA and NP are mid-levels, but DOs are physicians just like MDs. Full legal equivalency, can and do enter the same residencies, etc.
I've gone on a ton of sites and a lot of them strictly emphasize that CC coursework is strictly looked down upon 🙁
Could you give me a list of schools that do? For future reference purposes
It's not that I'm "against" DO but I'd just rather be an MD than a DO. If DO was my only option, I would take it. Didn't mean to step on any toes, sorry.
🙁 Are the odds really that low for me? I didn't think it would be that bad.
Well I would either get an A/B or an F, depending on the class. I would do the work, then get too scared to show up. Don't show up to school for a week at a time isn't really favorable towards your GPA, especially if you have teachers who strictly don't accept late work/will let you test if you missed class that day. It's not an excuse, I know. I've literally been studying/reading 8 hours a day for the past few weeks. It's exhausting but I'm managing. On my off time I read SDN and freak out lol
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It's funny how often you hear "these are the best 4 years of your life!"