In need of some personal statement help

[JulianCrane]

So, I started to brainstorm about what I am going to write about in my personal statement. I have a lot to say, but I know I can't fit everything I want to in such a small space. I decided that I would talk about how I decided to be a doctor as a child, how I was naive then, how I can to understand what medicine really is, then I would talk about a shadowing program I did last semester and a key experience. Is this good? I don't want to talk about all my activities. How have others written their personal statements?

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[manicmaven]

I've found that almost anything can work if you don't make it trite. I would start with your 'key experience' as a lead in. Make it gripping and then backtrack with a great transition in the second paragraph to your childhood, comparing your naivete to what you have learned.
Focus on explaining your shadowing experience in your third paragraph, developing the background of the lead in you provided in the opener. In the end you could rereference the learning experience that is so tied to the career of a doctor...blah blah. Make the last sentence powerful.

Just suggestions...

Get lots and lots of people to proof read. Both those who are great writers and know nothing about this process, and those who've been through it.

 

[UCLAMAN]

Having a lot to say but so little space is what makes personal statements so difficult to write. I'd say EVERY sentence has to be meaningful. If I were you I would not spend too much time talking about your childhood. It'd be fine for an intro but a waste of space IMO if you went more into your childhood than there is room for in an intro(unless of course your childhood reveals some important things that have influenced your decision to go into medicine like having cancer or a bro or sis having cancer, etc.)

I also worry that it may be a little cliched. A lot of kids want to be doctors when they grow up. Some eventually do and some don't. What does wanting to be a doctor as a kid having anything to do with your present situation? Why would you want to show naivete in your personal statement? To contrast how much you've changed and are much more informed these days? If thats the case, I'd say find some other intro and just write about how you understand how medicine really is and how you came to that understanding. No need to write about how you were a naive child before that. I would imagine that thats understood. Adcoms know that 5 yr olds don't know much about anything, let alone medicine. I say scrap the childhood idea and find another intro. One that is more meaningful and says more about you.

I talked about all my activities. But the key on a personal statement is not to describe the activities since thats already on your amcas. I'd say the key is to write about the experiences you've had and what the reveals about you as a person not a number or stat. This is your time to use names, make things personal, show the emotions you possessed, etc. etc. This is your opportunity to show the intangibles you would bring to medicine, like your heart, your passion, your determination. I think that is best conveeyed by writing about certain experiences you've had which will probably involve you writing about your volunteer activities. Just remember that its not a description of your activities. It is a personal account of experiences you have had while participating in those activities and what those experiences reveal about you as an individual and human.

just my 2 pennies. pm me if you want to read a couple of personal statements that i have form others.

good luck!!!

 

[shamthis]

I suggest you read two or three classic American greats before writing: Faulkner, Hemingway, Fitzgerald. Depending on how much you retain, this might enable you to craft clearer more concise statements subconsciously. You'll have gotten so used to crystal clear sentence structure that your own words will resemble those of the greats.

Another idea is to read lots of scientific text. Like the America's best literature, scientific text is the pinnacle of clear, curt writing. Concision is paramount to fitting the most ideas into the least amount fo space.

Have english majors/minors (I'll volunteer for a few of you) proofread your work.

 

[VienneseWaltz]

I think you would be treading dangerous ground to assert that you know what medicine really is--how could you? You could talk about how your understanding of medicine changed, which I think would be a solid theme, but I would not assert that you have any hard truths about medicine. You do not want to give them impression that you think you know anything that doctors know--believe me, this does not fly with physicians. (I took the evolving-understanding route, but I came from the other direction--I thought I didn't want to go into medicine because of several misconceptions, and as I shadowed and volunteered I realized that my view of medicine had been inaccurate and that it was the right path for me.)

 

[X]

Barrons has a book out with 40 essays in it, it's called something like "Essays to get you into Medical School." Buy it, it's worth it and will give you some ideas.

X

 

[Wednesday]

If I were you, I'd try to write your essay first before you look at any examples of "good essays" (like in a book). A friend of mine looked at my essay before he wrote his just to get an example of a completed and successful statement and when I read the first draft the first sentence was almost identical to mine! He wasn't copying, but he had internalized the tone of my essay without even realizing it. When we held them up together he couldn't believe it. I know that sometimes I get an idea of how something is supposed to sound and it's hard to get away from that once it's there in my head. Once you have something of your own written (because they do want to see what YOU have to say and how YOU see the world) those books might be helpful to show things that perhaps you left out, but probably aren't necessary. Just have lots of people read your essay and try to be open minded about their suggestions.

I would also caution against saying that you know what medicine is about. Once you get to medical school you will likely learn that you had no idea and the ad comms know that. Saying you have a better idea than you did as a child is probably the safer route. Have fun writing!

 

[heelshmeel]

another thing that you might want to try...

think about what makes you different from a lot of other applicants... have you started a sorority/frat at your undergrad? have you travelled extensively? have you lived abroad etc?

ask yourself what makes you different and be able to write about it...

if you get an interview at the schools you apply to, then you set yourself up for talking about something you'd be very comfortable about in an interview setting.

 

[doctor girl]

Originally posted by JulianCrane
So, I started to brainstorm about what I am going to write about in my personal statement. I have a lot to say, but I know I can't fit everything I want to in such a small space. I decided that I would talk about how I decided to be a doctor as a child, how I was naive then, how I can to understand what medicine really is, then I would talk about a shadowing program I did last semester and a key experience. Is this good? I don't want to talk about all my activities. How have others written their personal statements?

I think that sounds good. You're right in that you want to be able to focus on a few things instead of listing everything under the Sun. Good luck!

 

[Thundrstorm]

I'm not applying yet, but I do have some general advice about personal statements. I tutor in my college's writing center and I've helped students write better Law school, Fulbright scholarship, etc. personal statements. The key to any personal statement is for the school to see <i>you</i> in the writing. The reader should finish your statement knowing something about you that is different from the masses, even if that something different is a key aspect of your personality. Even if your ECs are very common, you haven't traveled, and you don't feel that you are very stand-out, your personal statement can help you to do that. Make sure that you write in your own distinct voice. If you want to integrate your activities, don't just list them. Use them to show a cohesive theme or type of interest. Also, if you want to show that you have certain traits, Show. Don't tell. I once wrote a personal statement and used the examples of my church activities, peer counseling, S.A.D.D., etc. to show that I was a compassionate and socially aware person. I also think it's a good idea to carefully proofread (read aloud to hear more mistakes) and get an English major or writing tutor to check your grammar and organization. Good luck!

 

[siempre595]

I would caution against writing about childhood dreams. No offense, but this is terribly typical and will not make very many applicant readers take notice of you. You've got something like 1500 words to get their attention and do it in a way that is about you and only you. Think of one or two experiences that have defined who you are and are somehow related to your desire to be a doctor. Maybe something you did volunteering somewhere, or an experience with illness (yours or a family member's), or something totally random. Random is good as long as you control it so it does not appear off the wall. I'd suggest writing it in a story-telling style. Set up the scene, put yourself in it, and tell the story of what happened to you and then say how this matters to you in relation to medicine. I did kind of a story set-up and have talked about in almost every interview. It's made for great conversation. You want information in there that makes people stand up and take notice of you as well as stuff you are comfortable and familiar enough with to talk about in interviews. I'd use the shadowing experience and expand it to be the majority of the statement. Absolutely do not list your activities. That's what the activity section on AMCAS is for; it'll backfire in the personal statement.
Good luck!